REVIVAL 09 NEWS AND NOTES

Big developments coming out of ReVival 9 this week; let’s not waste any time, shall we?

• • Following the show, PRIME management was informed that Cecilia Ryan tested positive for the masking agent Probenecid. In accordance with PRIME protocol, an immediate investigation was launched, complete with secondary testing of a back-up sample on Saturday, the result of which was also positive. Cecilia also came clean when questioned and PRIME President and CEO, Lindsay Troy, immediately released her from her contract. Additionally, the Nevada State Athletic Commission suspended Ryan for 36 months and instituted a fine.

 

• • Kenny Freeman sent a post on social media thanking fans for sticking by him and his comrade Randall Schwartz despite being absent from the usual buzz after ReVival 8, as well as expressing his excitement to get back in the ring for ReVival 10 as the Masters of the Multiverse B-Team take on Solid Gold Rock and Roll.

This was met with reactions along the lines of, “we liked it better when you didn’t say anything” and “who the hell are you, again?” and a single solitary “OSU,” presumably from an ecstatic fan of the Buckeyes college football team.

 

• • Both Tapioca and Muriel Puddings will be off PRIME television indefinitely following the former’s match against Impulse. Tapioca suffered a broken jaw thanks to a brass knuckles-assisted punch from Muriel, and MUSSY herself suffered a concussion after laying her brother out.

 

• • Following his match, a defeated Rezin lingered at the production monitor in the staging area and watched the entirety of the triple threat main event for the Five Star Championship. Upon watching reigning champion Hayes Hanlon successfully defend the title, he became visibly irate and immediately went for the exit, grumbling incoherently.

 

• • The Anglo Luchador has not been seen or heard from since the end of ReVival 9. Both his brother Mikey and friend Timo Bolamba are reportedly concerned for his well-being.

 

• • News has been leaked that there is a major press conference scheduled for June 15 concerning the status of suspended star Teddy Palmer and PRIME. Attempts to confirm the intent of this gathering have gone unanswered by PRIME’s head office, leading to speculation that this could be anything from reinstatement to retirement.

However, a source within PRIME HQ, who has asked to speak on the condition of anonymity, says that the testing of Palmer’s second drug sample weeks ago came back positive and the reason he has not yet formally been released is because he is contesting the results.

More on the situation will be reported as we get updates.

 

• • Following the bizarre happenings of the Survivor contest, a search party came through and found an unconscious Joe Fontaine within the maze roughly an hour after the show concluded. Despite reports of technical difficulties, an evil murder vampire El Hijo del Super Cool Guy, and the sighting of a literal minotaur out of Greek mythology, the search party turned up nothing else. Fontaine was said to be physically fine after he came to, but screamed in hysterical panic upon noticing how many people were around him, and accused each and every one of them of being “faceless NPC mannequins.”

When asked about the Winds’ elimination from Survivor, Sid Phillips could only put his hands on his hips and growl loudly. Reporters took that as a cue to flee the scene, fearing that Phillips might solve the problem of being asked uncomfortable questions with the only solution he knows.

 

• • After suffering defeat at the hands of the Dangerous Mix, the Hollywood Bruvs were released from their PRIME contracts. Rumor has it that Mikey Unlikely is already set to star in a new Starbucks ad for Pup Cups and Jesse Fredericks Kendrix will be one of the new spokesmen for the Velvet Rabbit.

 

• • Jared Sykes, known in PRIME for performing as the masked King Blueberry, was seen exiting Lindsay Troy’s office following the close of ReVival 9 this past Friday.

“Mannequins. Think it’s almost time to retire mine,” he said, when pressed about the nature of his meeting. “Let me be the one to break the news to him, okay? Survivor was a little rough on him, and I don’t know how well he’s going to take this.”

When asked about the events of the night’s Survivor challenge, he shrugged and offered, “Made it through so I’m not complaining, but I hear it got a little weird. Did Joe get destroyed again?”

At the time of writing we have not yet been able to verify the status of Joe Fontaine, but can confirm that he did suffer the effects of a Canadian Destroyer for the fifth consecutive show.

No member of the editorial staff has yet approached El Hijo del Super Cool Guy, as every member in turn had something else come up when asked to check-in. The son of Super Cool Guy was last seen during Survivor as a blood-soaked nightmare spawn, having evidently developed the ability to manipulate electronic equipment and move on its own.

We are told that adjustments have been made to the PRIME laundry budget on account of the number of soiled pants the event produced.

 

• • It’s also the end of the line for the Saturday Night Specials. With DEFIANCE now heading out on the road, and with business steadily increasing at Ballyhoo Brew in New Orleans, the popular duo requested their release prior to ReVival 9 but agreed to still work the show as booked.

 

• • It’s been reported that both Anna Daniels and Rezin saw strong merch sales last ReVival, with both seeing their stock of t-shirts sell out. Rumor is an unidentified figure showed up at the merch stand just prior to closing and purchased any remaining shirts of both. It’s unclear who this was or why they purchased multiple shirts in multiple sizes.

 

• • Higher ups within PRIME are reportedly very happy with the signing of GREAT SCOTT, despite initial skepticism over how he might perform amongst the other talent within the company. After pinning possible future opponent Pete Whealdon on ReVival, however, sources indicate that there may be no potential matchup for GREAT SCOTT at the upcoming supershow, Great American Nightmare. SCOTT himself is said to be distraught at the news, as this would have been the first supershow match of his career, but with an already stacked show on the horizon, chances remain slim.