Cracking News: Great American Giveaway

PRIMEates showed up and showed out this past Sunday night for a special event involving a few of PRIME’s superstars. Dubbed the Great American Giveaway, fans competed in a multitude of games for the chance to win tickets to PRIME’s upcoming Pay Per View, Great American Nightmare. The event took place in the Grand Ballroom of the MGM Grand, and all proceeds went to the Fighting For Nora Foundation.

Some of the featured games were:

Guess Bobby’s Dean’s Weight, Where’s Doozer, Impulsive Karaoke, Name that EDM Song, Who Can Stay in the Hot Tub Time Machine the Longest, Which Garbage Bag Belongs to Johnny, Pin the Tail on the Cult Leader, Try to Take Balaam’s Mask Off, Tell Anglo Luchador to Keep his Mask On, Pull on Phil’s Finger, and many more.

[PICTURES FROM THE EVENT.] 

[The Anglo Luchador poses with some contestants.] [A blank photo.] [Nova relaxes in a hot tub.] [Lindsey Troy laughs with her hair stylist.] [A surprised Bobby Dean wipes icing from his mouth.] [Melvin addresses the audience.] [The lucky winners.]

Melvin Beuxphillips was on hand to host the Great American Giveaway, and had this to say of the proceedings,

“We love our fans. We love saying Thank You to our fans. Whenever we get a chance to interact with them in fun and engaging ways like this we do not hesitate to do so.”

He later added,

“It’s not often we get some of these guys to show up to these things. Sure, the lower level guys are here to catch some free publicity, but take for instance the eGG Bandits. We had to leave a trail of cupcakes to lure Bobby Dean down here. Someone even said they saw Jiles getting into a scrum with some of Julian Bathory’s people. WAIT, what did they say?”

When pressed about the altercation Melvin declined to further comment. However, a MESSIAH spokesperson who wished to remain unnamed had this to say of the dust up,

“I thought they were going to fight right there in the Ballroom. Director Bathory was hot. Like, eyes out hot. That idiot Jiles was badgering him. Well, he kind of was. That guy is so dumb. To be clear, you’re not going to print my name, right? It’s just that the organization has some odd rules and all.”

A PRIME Event Organizer who was also at the scene had this to say, 

“Everything was going well. Julian was out and about fishing for followers. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, Jiles showed up and threw an egg at him. Thing is, Jiles missed and hit Bruce Shanahan instead.”

The PEO added, 

“Jiles, who must have been high or something, kept asking Bruce if bath toy rubber ducks enjoy riding other people’s coattails. He was being adamant with Bruce, and acting extremely disrespectful. Once Julian noticed the egg on Bruce’s face though he immediately stepped forward to shut Jiles up. Before you knew it Doozer appeared out of thin air and Bobby rolled up with cupcakes. Security quickly funneled in and got between all parties before it really had a chance to escalate.”

We attempted to follow up on this new tidbit by returning to the MESSIAH spokesman. Instead we only encountered Bruce Shanahan, a bit of yolk still imprinted on his cheek. The look in his eye caused abrupt reconsideration for more comment. We then reached out to Camp Bandit for any word regarding the incident and they had this to say, 

“Yes, of course Cancer Jiles knows who Julian Bathory is.”

More on this as it develops.