Posted on 12/23/22 by Staff
COLOSSUS NEWS AND NOTES
- Some of the more surprising news to come out of Colossus weekend is that Ria Lockhart’s contract will not be renewed going forward. While details are still scarce at the moment, it’s being said that a contract was indeed offered, but turned down.
“That’s really nobody else’s business but mine.” Lockhart said of declining the offer, shockingly willing to speak after weeks of silence. “I have some things I need to work on. That’s all you need to know.”
From what I understand, talks were very professional and Lockhart would be welcomed back in the future, if there was interest on her part. Regardless, the PRIME office wishes her the best and has made it very clear the door will be open anytime she wants to return.
- PRIME has also signed a new bit of talent in the form of Kohime Mori. The 20 year old Okayama, Japan native is the first student of SHOOT Project stalwart RAIKO. It’s said the office is very excited to have her join the roster, as she’s brimming with potential. Look to see Mori make her debut after PRIME returns from break.
- As Eddie Cross and Dave Gibson were leaving the first night of Colossus, a local reporter caught up with them to ask about Mike McGee and if we would continue to see the two clashing into 2023.
Eddie responded “No, I am done with him and it is time to find some competition that can actually challenge me in PRIME.”
Dave Gibson added “This was a good warm up and The Belmont taught Eddie a lot about underestimating who he faces, but the reality is steel hones steel and McGee is a one note wrestler that isn’t on Eddie’s level.”
So it seems that Eddie Cross will be looking for a new challenge to face in 2023. Who will that be? Nobody knows just yet, but whoever it is should be a step up in competition.
- The funeral of El Hijo del Super Cool Guy, carried out by the Winds of Change alongside Mega Job, the Jimmy Bonafide Dancers, former PRIME alumnus Soren “Captain Justice” Knox, and Simon Tillier has raised quite a few heckles among the PRIME roster and staff for its brazen and ridiculous antics.
“We could’ve fit in an entire Eddie Cross match if they hadn’t taken so damn long,” said one PRIME staff member speaking under condition of anonymity. “You know, in case everyone in MSG needed a bathroom break.”
Many concerns were raised about environmental damage, the numerous noise complaints in [REDACTED], the morality of giving a funeral to a mannequin, giving firearms to Mega Job, where Steve even hid that minigun, where they found a minigun to begin with, and the fact that something dark and terrible may have awakened deep within Lake [REDACTED] as a result of the funeral.
When asked for comment, Coral Avalon shook his head and said, “Oh Jesus God, why.”
- With all the contract news flying around, we came across some interesting details about The Anglo Luchador’s contract. He originally signed a one-year deal at launch, but he renegotiated somewhere after Great American Nightmare to be “on retainer.” He does not have a finite length on his contract. Instead, he has agreed to stay with PRIME as long as it is mutually agreeable between he and the front office. As for salary… that portion was redacted.
- The Anglo Luchador donated an unprecedented amount of oranges to the New York Food Bank in advance of Colossus.
“I have no idea where they keep coming from! I checked into my hotel for Colossus, and there were fifteen bushels of oranges, in the bathtub, in the closet, even under the bed! I can’t go anywhere without encountering oranges! What the fuck!”
The Food Bank was thankful, as an unprecedented run of scurvy has been running through homeless shelters in New York the last few months.
- Coral Avalon and an entire cadre of people associated with him – including Joe Fontaine, Sid Phillips, Mega Job, Soren “Captain Justice” Knox, Allen “Codemaster” Brown, his wife, and others – were spotted crowding around a shawarma restaurant in Brooklyn on the night after Colossus to celebrate Avalon’s victory over GREAT SCOTT at the event. Also, the Jimmy Bonafide Dancers. For some reason.
Despite the immense potential for everything to go wrong with such a large and volatile crew of ne’er-do-wells, there were no incidents, reports of shenanigannery, or anything set on fire. And, as an aside, this might be among the most surprising news we’ve had to report out of post-Colossus, an event that included a new Universal champion, the final match of Dusk’s career, and the return of PRIME legend Tchu. I mean, no fires? No shenanigans? Really?
- Plans for a follow-up interview between Simon Tillier and Rezin have reportedly been scrapped due to budgetary constraints.
Said interview would have taken place on a rickety riverboat sailing down an Amazon River tributary in Peru and would have involved coaxing the native peoples of the surrounding jungle to assist in pulling said boat over the mountain and into another river tributary close to an unclaimed patch of precious rubber trees.
Some have pointed out that the basis of the interview is similar to the plot to Werner Herzog’s Fitzcarraldo.
Lindsay Troy allegedly crumbled the proposal into a ball and trashed it the moment it touched her desk, citing, “Literally nobody’s seen that shit.”
- Ivan Stanislav now has high speed internet in his Kaliningrad office.
- Reports have emerged that the ACE Network has already put a copyright claim on the term ‘Rezinball’, and many executives are pitching the idea of an inaugural season sometime by early 2024.
Rules and regulations have yet to be drafted, but speculation would suggest that this new competitive sport would involve the yeeting of a one Goat Bastard for the purpose of scoring points.
- Tragedy struck the Masters of the Multiverse…B-Team, mere moments after they left Madison Square Garden and the disappointing loss and Bobby Dean absorption at Colossus Night One.
Word from the staff of the Chelsea Cabins is that Kenny Freeman and Randall Schwartz returned to their room to find that their entire stock of Food-O-Matic 3000 food processors had been pilfered, left behind by a card on one of the beds.
The message on the card?
“Your precious Food-O-Matic 3000s have now been repossessed from the multiverse…and if you don’t clean up the mess you’ve made, you’re next. You are expected to comply, or else be summoned to the audit hearing fortwith.
Multiversal Auditor, Esq.”
- Cancer Jiles was pronounced dead early Sunday morning from the numerous traumatic injuries he sustained during the Night Two Main Event.
Dead tired that is.
Sorry for any confusion.
It’s even being reported that the fallen Champion fell asleep during his post show Colossus scrum.
- If the PRIME subreddit is to be believed, there’s a large vocal minority unhappy with who was left off of Colossus. Among the more prominent names mentioned were Anna Daniels and Dr. Ned Reform.
From user ‘TimeLordOwnsU’: “Nice to see PRIME would rather have Anna hocking merch instead of in the ring. Jared Blueberry wrestles twice and no Anna? Bet if she were a man, that’d be different.”
From user ‘DrNosBest’: “Everyone wants to treat Dr. Ned like he’s whiny and wrong with the stuff he says about management. But look! Look at that! Biggest show and the Good Doctor is nowhere to be found! Maybe now some of you will listen!”
The Colossus discussion post was locked only hours after the PPV ended, having devolved into some rather ugly back and forth that really had no solid point to begin with.
- In merchandise news, it’s been a banner year for Anna Daniels as she once again remains on top of the PRIMEporium sales list due in part to the DANIELS-CEMBER BLOWOUT EVENT (and also in part because nobody else seems to be selling much besides her at this point). In fact, her absolute domination in this particular arena has lead other wrestlers to reach out to the Muse to help sell their products as well.
“We don’t mind having conversations with people about it.”, the merch lord said in a brief statement. “And if we can come to a deal that helps them, why not? If anybody wants their stuff shilled along with ours, all they gotta do is meet us at the stand once PRIME starts up again.”
In related news, the bids for the NEW ERA shirt decorated with the dried blood of Dusk (and Larry Tact, but let’s be honest, Dusk was the main draw here) skyrocketed drastically once it was confirmed that the PRIME Hall of Famer did, in fact, autograph the garment. An anonymous bidder won the “slice of history” with a cool $859,067 donated as promised to The LGBTQIA+ Community Center of Southern Nevada.
“PRIME is approaching another New Era and this was our way of giving our final bow to this Vegas era.”, Anna said. ” And now we move onward.”
- One of the many events and organizations that paid for air time on Colossus was something called The Madhouse, which announced a one-time opening scheduled for the end of April. While the invitation to the PRIME roster and viewership was clear, what isn’t clear is…everything else.
After a bit of digging, we can confirm that the Madhouse is an invitational wrestling event, much like the Milo Flynn Cup or the Belmont Classic. However, thus far we have not discovered anything about the nature of the event, or its organizers.
- Fresh off a major victory at Night One of PRIME’s big annual event Colossus, the Dangerous Mix of David Fox and Mushigihara are focusing on the holiday break and coming back stronger than ever.
“Well, first thing is, we’re gonna go to our families and have us a nice Christmas,” David Fox said, “then we have talks to renew our PRIME contracts, and I’m sure once we’re back on the air, Mushi and I will be making a run for those tag team titles.”
When asked about the challenge that the reigning champions The Kings of Popsicle would pose, Fox replied “well yeah. But you gotta understand I’ve made my living out of being the underdog and surprising people. That, with the raw power Mushi brings to the ring, would make that match anyone’s game. Facing us, being the favorite is actually NOT a good position to be in.”
- Gray’s Wrestling Academy has announced a 16 person tournament called The Pat Gray Memorial Cup to run in February. The tournament is meant to exhibit the best wrestling school talent in the country. So far only five names have confirmed, all students of Gray’s — Connor Nackedy, Quinn Fleetwood, El Cocodrilo, Roosevelt Black, and Paxton Ray. The final name is the reason that the entrants list has, as of now, not been filled. It appears that after his runner-up run in the Belmont, trainers are wary to send their students to a tournament that Ray is competing in. In addition, Foster Nackedy’s reputation has taken a hit since aligning himself with Ray, especially in light of former head trainer Jonathan Rhine’s injury at Ray’s hands.
In other Gray’s news, the wrestling school has a new part owner. Lindsay Troy and Foster Nackedy have come to an agreement to split ownership of the academy together. When asked for a statement, Ms. Troy said, ““NOLA holds a special place in my heart, as I’ve spent many years there competing for DEFIANCE, so it makes sense that I’d have a school in the Crescent City. Rather than continue expanding Troy Combat Systems, I decided to take a new approach this time…by bringing the TCS mindset to an existing institution. I believe both the Gray’s management and their students will benefit from what me and my team bring to the table, and I look forward to having a hand in developing some of the brightest talent the South has to offer.”
We asked Foster for statement as well, and this is what he said: “I agreed to her terms because I wanted to sleep with her, but now she’s with Wade Elliott so I guess we’re just stuck owning this school together.”
- We found new Universal Champion, Hayes Hanlon, backstage at Madison Square Garden. He fielded questions about the wild success of his rookie year, including his Five Star Title victory way back at Culture Shock, his now multiple victories over Cancer Jiles and the eGG Bandits, and obviously and most notably, becoming Universal Champion on PRIME’s biggest stage.
He responded to all of them with a blank stare before vomiting into a nearby trash can.
- The Main Event before the Colossus Night Two Main Event? The kiss, of course! We found Wade Elliott backstage after airing to get ALL the details!
And we received none. All questions about his apparent relationship with Lindsay Troy were answered with “none of yer fuckin’ business” or “go fuck yerself.”
- In the aftermath of a brutal weekend, the PRIME news desk has learned the extent of the damage done to Jared Sykes over two violent matches. Though this has not been officially confirmed, we have it on good authority that Sykes was treated for no less than forty-one puncture wounds on his back thanks to Paxton Ray’s assault with a rope of gator teeth. One member of the medical team, who spoke to us under the condition of anonymity, described Sykes’ back as, “looking like he’d been put in front of a firing squad.”
There were some initial concerns about lasting damage done to Sykes’ hands, given that one was stabbed with an alligator tooth and the other was bitten by Paxton Ray, but fortunately these wounds were treatable, and the early prognosis is that no lasting nerve damage was done.
“There is no way he should have ever been cleared for that second match,” our source is on record as saying. “It’s a miracle that no one involved is critically injured as a result.”
Both Sykes and his partner, Justine Calvin, are scheduled to take part in Bang! Pro Wrestling’s ‘Clash of Aces’ tour next month, though there has been no word to date on whether Sykes’ injuries will force him out of competition.
- FLAMBERGE was caught on a hot microphone on his way to the post-COLOSSUS presser asking “Where the fuck was Phil?!”. No reports or speculation have surfaced about the return of the Humble Proprietor, but it seems clear the Frenchman was expecting something in New York.
Inquiries have been submitted to Nate Colton’s hog to determine if he too received “post-nut clarity” following the Hoosier native’s 5 Star Championship win. Oinkers McGoo remains tight-lipped.
- Faced with more calls to resign from his position, Belmont Foundation President Carter Laughlin has finally issued a statement defending the decisions made for the 2022 event.
“In my time on the board of the Belmont Foundation, the Classic has grown into one of the premiere events in wrestling. Attendance has more than doubled, television and online viewership has skyrocketed, and the money raised has kept dozens of trainers and wrestling schools in business. That didn’t happen because we played it safe.”
“While the injuries suffered by Broadway and Wheelwright were tragic–and the Belmont Foundation will be contributing to their fundraising efforts–they are also common in our industry, even if they’ve been rare at our event. Given the success of the 2022 tournament, I’d like to think I’ve earned some leeway for my decisions. I assure you, every choice I make is done in the best interests of the organization and our event.”
In light of this statement, other schools are starting to distance themselves from the Belmont Foundation. The Wallenquist School, Suplex University, and Johnny Slather’s House of BBQ & Headlocks have already done so, and others–such as Gates of Avalon, Silver Linings Academy, and Joe Bergman’s Barn–are rumored to follow suit. When asked about this, Laughlin’s reply was dismissive. “No partnership lasts forever. Obviously we want those relationships to continue, but their loss will be the gain of countless other trainers and facilities.”
- The mood at the ACE Network was described as “jubilant” after Nate Colton’s victory in the Five Star Title match at Colossus. Alexa Van Horne, Vice Director of Marketing & Public Relations, was especially pleased.
“We put a lot of time and energy into the production values for his entrance. We did that for all the participants, of course, but especially for Nate. We felt it was important to raise his public profile, and really present him as a superstar. Between that and his performance in the match itself, Nate Colton has cemented himself as one of the biggest stars in the company.”
Alexa went on to say that they expect to make Colton a cornerstone of PRIME’s advertising campaign heading into Culture Shock.