In years past, like a long time ago, there used to be a structure known simply by those in the know as the DUAL HALO.
It would show up once a year, a sight for sore eyes (and bodies), looking to place a crown (get it… halo?) upon the skull of whatever worthy competitor managed to outlast everyone else. This would take place at Culture Shock every year, like clockwork.
Until PRIME closed its doors and sold the thing for scrap metal.
Now, we could’ve had LT buy some more metal and have the thing rebuilt, but the Halo’s rules and mechanics were so convoluted back then that we can’t be bothered now. So out with the old and in with the new.
At this year’s Culture Shock, we’ll be unveiling the Dual Halo’s successor. Up to 40 competitors from our current roster, alumni, and potentially PWA will all come together in this chaos to see who’ll emerge as the victor.
With that said, here are the details you’ve groveled for:
WHAT IS IT: Two rings. Battle Royal style. Participation cap is 40. Eliminations will take place over-the-top rope. Two competitors will start the match and every ninety seconds a new individual will join the fray. This will continue until every single competitor is in the ring. NO ELIMINATIONS WILL TAKE PLACE UNTIL EVERY COMPETITOR ENTERS THE RING.
WAIT, THAT IS A LOT OF PEOPLE IN THE RING AT THE SAME TIME: Yes, we know. But that makes it more fun.
WHO IS ELIGIBLE: Every wrestler in PRIME is eligible. Except for you. Well, that’s not true. Unless the ‘you’ in this situation is the Universal Champion. The winner of the Uni title match at Culture Shock will not be in the battle royal.
WHY IS THAT: Because the winner of the battle royal will earn a shot at the Universal Title at TROPICAL TURMOIL.
WHAT IF WE ARE IN A TAG TEAM: Only one person per tag team will be allowed to join. For example, our reigning PRIME Tag Team champs, Kings of Popsicles (name change forthcoming), will only be allowed one competitor in the match. Will that be Jared Sykes or Justine Calvin? Only time will tell.
WHAT IF WE DON’T WIN THE MATCH?: Then you lose. Sucks to be you.
THAT’S MEAN!: Craig’s in a mood tonight, I dunno.
WAIT, DIDN’T WE USED TO HAVE BOUNTIES OR SOME WEIRD SHIT?: Yes we did. AND THEY SUCKED. j/k. Here’s what we’re gonna do this go-around: if you eliminate the holder of the Alias, Intense, or Five-Star Title, you will earn a shot at said title during the lead-up to TROPICAL TURMOIL.
DOPE: We know.
ANYTHING ELSE?: Yes. The final two will compete in a wrestling match. Whoever is pinned or submitted will lose and the person who did the pinning or submitting will find themselves with a shot at the Universal Title at TROPICAL TURMOIL.
COOL! WHAT ELSE?: What do you mean, what else? What more do you want?
WHAT ARE WE CALLING THIS?: Um… the Duckles Dipshittery of Doom?
CATCHY! I LIKE IT!: Lindz didn’t.
There you have it! All the details you need (and didn’t need) to get ready for the… DUCKLES DIPSHITTERY OF DOOM? Yeah, that name isn’t going to last very long. That sounds like something Craiggles came up with. Also, staff will be accepting bookings for Night One on an opt-in basis unless you already hold a title; then you’ll be automatically booked. If you have a match on Night One, you don’t get to use that RP for the battle royal. You have to submit a second one.
OH, ONE LAST THING…
The last spot(s) in the Battle Royal is reserved for whoever loses the Universal Title match on Night One.