It’s still Osaka, and it’s still a great place to Bang!
Two weeks after the Clash of Aces, and we already have a huge show lined up in Osaka! Three of Bang! Pro Wrestling’s championships are on the line. Fatherhood will be decided once and for all in a pro wrestling match, which is apparently better than DNA in determining who truly is one’s son. And a god will go one-on-one with a slayer of gods.
Both exclamation marks are required in this huge show in Osaka!
JANUARY 18th, 2023: BANG! EXPLOSION!! IN OSAKA
- Bang! With Your Friends Championship: The Kazuyagumi (“Ace of Hearts” Kazuya Fukumaru, Victor “the Constrictor” Jimenez & “The Queen of Maniacs” Fujiko Natori) def. The Ironhearts (“Hawkeye” Taka Sakaragi, “Iron Idol” Riko Tsukino & Kensuke BLACK) © @ 18:19 by ref stoppage after Tsukino passes out in Jimenez’s Constriction Coil (choke sleeper)
- Infinite Paternity Gauntlet! Finale!!: Garry “Ray-Ray” Nelson def. the Fabulous Hentai Brothers (Michael & Matthew) @ 12:41 by pinfall with the Blood on the Plow (Rolling elbow) to Matthew
- Coral Avalon def. Lord Kurosame-sama @ 14:44 with Camelot’s Turntable (Pumphandle snap Angle slam) and Carnwennan (Top rope double stomp)
- Bang! With Your Partner Championship: The New World Trash (Bex Savage & Angel Quinley) def. The Beasts of Tokyo (Seiko Serizawa & HAMAYUMI) ©, The Winds of Change (Joe Fontaine & Sid Phillips), and Jared Sykes & Justine Calvin @ 17:06 by pinfall with the Bakebrainer (heavy elbow strike) from Savage to HAMAYUMI to win the titles!
- Amy Campbell def. “Ace of Spades” Yoshida Izou @ 15:09 by pinfall with the Bitch Killer (Running punt kick)
- Powerslam Anubis def. “The Godslayer” Akira Hanazawa @ 11:20 by pinfall after a lot of outside interference and the Scales of Dominion (Fireman’s carry powerslam)
- Bang! Hardweight Championship: Claire Merci © def. Pom Shinjoku @ 20:01 by pinfall with the Royal Butterfly Suplex (dragon suplex) to retain the title!
THE TITLE PICTURE
In an astonishing turn of events, we have two new champions on this show!
The first is that the Kazuyagumi have ended the Ironhearts’ reign as Bang! With Your Friends champions after just one day! This came at the lethal hands of Victor “the Constrictor” Jimenez, who once again put the Iron Idol to sleep for the second time in two weeks! Jimenez’s admission into the Kazuyagumi has paid huge dividends for the struggling Kazuyagumi, and now they once again hold the coveted trios championships of Bang! Pro Wrestling, last held by the stable of Kazuya’s cheating bastard children some three years ago.
In addition, this marked the debut of another new member in the ever-dangerous menagerie of psychopaths and blood knights of the Kazuyagumi, as the self-proclaimed “Queen of Maniacs”, Fujiko Natori, was the surprise third member of the team. Natori was dangerously unpredictable throughout the match, attacking just about everyone that crossed her path. Unfortunately for the Ironhearts, that was all of them.
Tensions still remained between Tsukino and Sakaragi all throughout the match, despite being champions. In the post-match interview, Sakaragi placed the blame of losing the belts squarely on Tsukino, despite the fact that Sakaragi had ample opportunity to break up the Constrictor Coil and instead wasted time going to the top rope to break it up spectacularly. This effort only led him to be thrown off the top rope violently by Natori.
Nevertheless, the Ironhearts swore a lot of revenge after this match. Like, an absurd amount of revenge. More revenge than could possibly be contained within the confines of a single Bang! Pro Wrestling show.
The second is the result of the chaotic mess that was the four corners Bang! With Your Partner Championship match. The Beasts of Tokyo finally fell, but it was the New World Trash who came out on top to finally give the Beasts their first real loss in Bang! Pro Wrestling since winning the Celestial Dragon Tag League last year! Naturally, this happened after Fontaine and Phillips had already taken HAMAYUMI down with the Twisted Tower after Sykes, Calvin, Serizawa, and Quinley had taken each other out on the floor. Savage managed to break up the pin, somehow get rid of the Winds, and then brought down an already weakened HAMAYUMI with the Bakebrainer to win the titles!
Jared Sykes was fairly limited in the match as he had been for most of the tour, and Justine Calvin did the lion’s share of the work for her team. Sid once again teased a new move in his arsenal, but his ripcord was once again turned into a powerbomb at the last second.
The Beasts of Tokyo were irate at this turn of events, but their only words after the match were a series of growls and shrieks before departing.
In the main event, the other newest member of the Kazuyagumi, Pom Shinjoku, came within narrow inches of winning the Bang! Hardweight Championship off of Claire Merci, nearly pinning her after a Great Wave off Kanagawa into a pile of thumbtacks. However, by a small miracle, Claire got her foot on the ropes to keep the match going. Soon thereafter, Merci responded in kind by dropping Shinjoku into the tacks with her Royal Butterfly Suplex for a close two count. A second one closer to the center of the ring put her away.
The leader of the Crownless Kingdom looked rough following the match, and needed Powerslam Anubis’s help to get to the back following the win. Shinjoku received a well-deserved ovation from the crowd after the match.
The final name of the Conception Tournament was announced to be a surprise to be named at the start of February’s King’s Winter tour!
Don’t worry, guys. We found Zenjiro Ikari! He was, indeed, found hanging upside down in a locker room earlier today with absolutely no knowledge of how he got there. He definitely complained about a headache, though.
What goes around comes around! After an entire tour of exchanges back and forth, Garry “Ray-Ray” Nelson has once again assumed the role as Timo Bolamba’s son, which he won in a ridiculous romp as he smashed through the Fabuluous Hentai Brothers as though this is how paternity works! He is now a two-time son! That is a sentence that makes no sense!
The slap-fighting champion from Nelson County, Kentucky put down Michael “Hentai” with a rolling elbow after a tough contest, and was so happy that he could kiss his wife! In a cornfield! He’s getting on a plane right now to do it!
The Hentais did their best to cheat this one, though, trying to use some of the same tricks that won them being Timo’s collective sons to keep Nelson from reclaiming his birthright as the original son (insofar as he was the first one to enter Bang! Pro Wrestling). Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough.
Wait a damn second! If it’s an “Infinite Paternity Gauntlet”, shouldn’t it keep going?
Izou Yoshida’s latest bid to try and get back into the winning column hit another snag when he challenged, but lost to, former SCCW World Champion Amy Campbell in a one-on-one match. Campbell was as impressive as ever, while Yoshida seemed sluggish throughout the whole thing. He never seemed to be able to even threaten Campbell with his Highlighter or his Director’s Cut, and he was taken down unceremoniously with the Bitch Killer after he missed with the former.
After the match, Campbell laid down a challenge for Gorou Ichikawa at King’s Winter for the Openweight Championship. Ever the fighting champion, Ichikawa agreed.
Yoshida once again refused to talk to reporters after his match, and he also refused to talk to Kazano who tried to comfort him after the loss.
It feels like a tradition for Coral Avalon and Lord Kurosame-sama to have a match on every tour, and this tour was no exception! It was the usual array of antics and tricks from the shark against his nemesis, including an increased focus on Avalon’s injured left arm. However, Avalon eventually slipped out of the Shark Cage and turned it into the Camelot’s Turntable, and then brought the dagger of Carnwennan down on the shark to pick up the win.
In perhaps the most shocking turn of events on the show, Powerslam Anubis picked up a huge win over the Godslayer, Akira Hanazawa. It’s only Hanazawa’s fourth loss in singles action in the three years he’s been with the company, but there might be several asterisks for this one thanks to the frequent interference of Anubis’s fellow in the Kingdom, Ignacio el Jaguar. After IEJ pulled Anubis out of an attempt at the Ragnarok Driver without the referee seeing it, Hanazawa had enough and dropped Jaguar with the maneuver instead. That distraction was enough for Anubis to scoop him up into the Scales of Dominion to give him the rare singles loss.
Hanazawa pushed aside reporters after the match, not wanting to talk to any of them.