Think Red #3
I hope this week finds you all well and that you are all working hard and diligently and doing what you can to subvert global capitalist corruption. It is not an easy task, but we cannot stray from the good fight!
With the upcoming ReVival comes yet another stellar installment of Think Red! I have a great many things to discuss. Please, read below!
ReVival 22 Predictions- Virtually Perfect
I will not bother you with comparing my predictions for the matches at ReVival 22 with the actual results. You can do that if you wish. But the fact remains that I was almost perfect in my predictions. Why, virtually every contest that I called was accurate. As you all know, I have the pulse of wrestling, there is no doubt!
The only glaring error on my part was the outcome of the Hayes Hanlon / Rezin match. I had called that both competitors would forfeit the match. That, of course, did not occur. Still, something perhaps even better happened: Ivan Stanislav will now defeat both men at Culture Shock. How fitting! I am sure both “men” have buyers remorse, choosing to go their own way instead of stepping to the side. Alas!
ReVival 23 Predictions
I know that you all are anxious to see my predictions for the upcoming show. Far be it for me to deny you my wisdom. So please, see below!
Rocky de Leon defeats Mike McGee- I see Rocky getting the win here. McGee is on the verge of complete mental collapse. Still, pterodactyl man might not get out of this match unscathed dealing with such a dangerous individual.
Alias Title Tournament- Kohime Mori defeats Violet Samuelsson- I am going to go with the foreigner in this bout. Samuelsson might have a name with Scandinavian roots, but I do not see anything giving me hope she might care about foreign affairs. Then again, Mori seems to be making friends with village idiot Mortimer Whateverhislastnameis, so she clearly has suspect decision-making skills…
Eddie Cross defeats Coral Avalon- To be quite honest, both of these competitors are fine representatives of strong wrestling. But I have under good authority that Avalon is still at about 45% after being absolutely demolished by Ivan Stanislav in November. I can’t see him picking up a win while nursing such grievous, lingering injuries. Rumor has it he might even retire!
Adam Ellis defeats Tony Gamble- It’s simple. Tony Gamble tried to wrestle Ivan Stanislav twenty years ago. He is a moron. Ellis wins.
FLAMBERGE defeats Jonathan-Christopher Hall- Again, I will put my rubles on the Frenchman. I just wish that FLAMBERGE had listened to us when we joined PRIME months ago. He could have been part of The Red Army. I wonder if he sees where Ivan is, and where he is, and wishes he had made a better decision? The offer still stands, FLAMBERGE.
Tristan-Crispin Gladhappy humiliates The Anglo Luchador- I want to apologize to everyone for the last wrestler spotlight. I have heard feedback that it was one of the most boring, self-centered spotlights I have ever done. I cannot control what The Luchador writes, nor would I ever censor him. Luchador is in a downward spiral. Gladhappy is an idiot too, but at least he’s not neck-deep in debilitating depression.
Intense Title- Paxton Ray defeats Sage Pontiff- Pontiff is all about some sort of strange metaphysical stuff. Paxton Ray is all about physical stuff. You tell me what wins matches?
Tag Team Title Match- Jared Sykes & Justine Calvin defeats Dangerous Mix- I would love to see Dangerous Mix win, I really would. But hearing all the “good luck to you” talk by David Fox tells me he knows he’s going to lose. We don’t need any yellow bellies holding titles.
My Road to Recovery
You know, this is not the first time, but the second time that Hayes Hanlon has attacked me, and I know and feel your outrage. Why, I am not an active competitor and he had no right to lay a hand on me, but he cannot help himself. He is a failure when it comes to real competition, so he picks on “the little guy.” Nonetheless, despite how painful the punch appeared, in reality it was a limp-wrist blow that would hardly make an infant cry.
So, my friends, rest assured that I am fully recovered after such a vicious and premeditated assault. Tell me- is this the sort of person you wish to be Universal Champion?
ReVival 22 Main Event Fallout
It was, in many ways, a mercy killing for Ivan Stanislav to come down to the Main Event at ReVival 22. The truth is Hayes Hanlon gave every indication that Ivan should interfere on his behalf. Unfortunately it was all for naught, and in many ways an even worse outcome came about. Yes, dear readers, an abject loser like Rezin is now representing PRIME as the Universal Title holder.
I know that this period of PRIME’s history will be known as a certain degree of “Dark Age.” You have to look at all the previous champions, and the current one. Rezin. Hanlon. Jiles. Atken. Youngblood. I do not believe I missed anyone? The truth is it is almost too shameful to try to look through the sordid recent history of title holders.
But yes, that will soon come to an end. Finally, at Culture Shock, we will have a champion worthy of praise. A man who, in case you forgot, defeated Christopher America at PWA-1 and made all of PRIME proud. A man who fights for the people. A man who does not give in to vices such as drugs in the case of Rezin, nor does he bask in adoration of fans for his own ego such as Hanlon.
How beautiful of an image it was, seeing Ivan standing in the middle of the ring while those two ruffians clung to consciousness on the mat! I know it was, finally, a proud moment for so many of us all.
Rest assured that Ivan will be present at ReVival 23. If for no other reason but to have the opportunity to show some integrity in this sea of indecency.
Well, my friends, I feel it is time I end this. There is much work to do! If you have any friends who you think would enjoy reading this publication, please be sure to send me their information. This can include any and all personal information. Why, if you even need to sneak out documents like drivers licenses’ or anything like that, they will not mind. Just make a copy of them and send them to the Russian Embassy in your home country! If you gain access to their phones, also be sure to download the app “TikTok” immediately.
Always think about how, in the not too far future, we will have a true Champion to finally make us proud! Think about how a bright, red sun will shine when this day comes! And of course, my dear comrades, always, always Think Red!
-Alexei Gregorovich Ruslan