RUMOR MILLS: MARCH 7TH EDITION

• • In a stunning turn of events, it looks as though the founder of the “Rock Me for Rocky” club at Green As it Gets Acres is none other than… his former nanny?

“Esmeralda” admitted that she used to care for Rocky when he was a boy at Regina’s schoolhouse, waiting for Mama de Leon to pick him up after work.

She has, it seems, known Rocky since near infancy. When asked what unique insight she had to share about Rocky, Esmeralda volunteered, “…let’s just say the FDP has always been… naturally gifted.”

 

• • It’s believed that Coral Avalon asked permission from Lindsay Troy to allow him to accept an invitation for Bang! Pro Wrestling’s annual “Sekai Saikyou” tournament so long as he was able to still make his PRIME appearances. Avalon’s ties with Bang! are well-known as the Japanese promotion was his home for the past ten years, and while he performed a farewell tour last May, he already made a special appearance last January.

Apparently, a condition of his invitation was “no more bicycles.” It is currently unclear if “please God no” was also a part of the condition.

 

• • Joe Fontaine’s sponsor, Dr. David Lemonade lemon drink, does not exist and we don’t know how he managed to get sponsored by something that doesn’t even exist. Most of the Rumor Mills staff (especially Gary) are horrified by the implication that Joe is conjuring sponsors from the ether, because what else could he conjure besides that?

 

• • Sometimes, there are days when Sid Phillips doesn’t think about powerbombs.

 

• • In news that’s at least somewhat wrestling-adjacent, the showrunners for children’s webtoon Mega Job and the Ten True Fruits have renewed negotiations with PWA regarding a proper television deal, citing the wrestling successes of one of its still-active stars.

The cartoon recently wrapped up its fourth season, where the titular trio were tasked with sneaking into the Exploding Arena of the “fine Wrestling organization” [sic] and retrieving the Pineapple of Power right from under the nose of the season’s main villain, “K. Vin Creep.” It’s believed the fourth season’s strong emphasis on professional wrestling did much to convince PWA executives that the cartoon is worth considering again.

Should a deal even go through, though, it’s not expected that Coral Avalon will take up his Baron von Blackberry mask in a PRIME ring due to many long-standing issues he’s had with performing under the mask.

 

• • There is a rumor that this has been the best couple weeks of Dave Gibson’s life. He has been listening to LP’s of Led Zeppelin whenever he wants without being told “it’s for old people” (and he almost hit the high notes in the beginning of The Immigrant Song), breakin’ wind when he wants to and not saying “excuse me,” eating takeout without being reminded of the MSG content and how it will affect his blood pressure, and walking around the house in his underwear when he damn well pleases.

 

• • Eddie Cross has been diligently seen arriving before sun-up and leaving after sundown at TCS in Boston. One eagle-eyed source stated that they think he is working on learning a submission from Vivica J. Valentine herself, though it cannot be confirmed and neither EC or Viv would ever let that cat out of the bag.

 

• • The camera crew that filmed The Anglo Luchador simply flip a bird as a promo allegedly gave him stunningly positive feedback. While they were angry they had to fly up just for a middle finger, sources say they gave positive feedback because the former Intense Champion bought them all cheesesteaks from Woodrow’s Sandwich Shop on South Street. It’s all about the cherry pepper aioli!

 

• • The previous rumor was a bald-faced lie perpetrated by non-Garys. Sid *never* stops thinking about powerbombs.

 

• • There is a rumor that after a down year, Timo Bolamba is no longer “Michael Jordan Rich.”

An eagle-eyed accounting aficionado that chose to remain anonymous stated: Let’s face it, he put a lot of capital into a new gym in Las Vegas, a lavish wedding in Cancun, paying for Tomadore’s liquor bill on a couple occasions, and there is plane theft to think about.

The source went on to state “At best he is probably Tiger Woods rich. Or maybe Bono rich. Definitely more than Tyler Perry rich, but then again, he didn’t bring us Madea. POSSIBLY Puff Daddy rich. Probably not Michael Jordan rich though.”

Is Timo still able to dip his toes into a vault of gold coins? Is Michael Jordan better than Lebron James? Does anyone even care? The answer to these questions and more is a resounding NO.

 

• • According to sources certainly not affiliated with the Gamble Adoration Syndicate, the #standing4Jon shirts that went on sale in the PRIMEporium at ReVival 23 completely sold out. Whether it was support for Jon Rhine in his hometown or just support in general will be apparent when the PRIMEporium opens for business Friday night at the Toyota Center in Houston, Texas.

 

• • It was reported recently that Foster Nackedy was fined an undisclosed amount for touching Lindsay Troy, as only Wade Elliott gets to do that for free. Well, we have learned the amount of the fine: a whopping fifty dollars.

But despite the low amount, Foster will not be paying the fine. His new sponsor, Fosters beer, has volunteered to pay the entirety of the fee and the next one (provided it is also $50). Fosters and Foster has plans for a beer commercial to be released the night of Culture Shock featuring Foster, Chet Fleetwood, and a kangaroo, but it’s anyone’s guess if Lindsay Troy allows the commercial on her programming.

 

• • Wild speculation alert: it’s possible that FLAMBERGE has neither seen nor heard from Phil Atken even one time since they watched Hank attempt to swim gracefully after the Humble Proprietor won the Universal Title. Not even a returned text, according to an anonymous mail carrier with apparent access to certain phone records and who claims, “the dark web is a misnomer intended to make THE TRUTH sound EVIL, maaaaan.” A more-provable rumor coming from this report: most people’s phone records are apparently boring as all hell.

 

• • With the recent news in regards to the tag team division going public, Tony Gamble has been discussing options for which promotion will be honored to have the tag team No Laughing Matter join their roster. Nothing is definite, but after their debut match at PWA 01 resulted in a win over established sVo tag team Blood Money, they are considered to be quite sought after. Rumor has it no decision will be made until after the Flynn cup, where it is speculated the team will be on display to showcase their skills.

 

• • Ahead of the one-night reunion of the Masters of the Multiverse…B-Team, there have been many questions about just who exactly Kenny Freeman is actually teaming with to face the Winds of Change. The strongest betting odds on the PRIME Octave Gambling (POG) website suggest this might be a more “Classic” Randall Schwartz, but Kenny has said on social media not to count any options out.

“Except Darin Zion, that is. F**k Darin Zion, all my homies hate Darin Zion.”

(For context, this is in reference to Zion’s membership in the original Masters of the Multiverse team elsewhere in early 2022. We think.)

 

• • Officials in both the PRIME offices and at the ACE Network have been agitated as of late, as there has been heavy speculation over the past week that PRIME’s Universal Champion, “The Escape Artist” Rezin, is allegedly planning to no-show the ReVival 24 event.

A multitude of reasons have been presented, although none have been formally verified.

Some say he is still traumatized from the events that took place at ReVival 23, and he subsequently refuses to attend a PRIME event until the Enemigos can assure him proper “thrown-from-the-balcony-by-giant-ass-Russian-muthafuggas” protection.

Others suggest an apparent effort to leverage his newfound status as PRIME’s premier champion in order to enact a series of bizarre demands, including a merchandise line that was apparently in conflict with existing public decency laws.

Another angle suggests the move as a deliberate slight toward his partner Nate Colton, who he would effectively be abandoning in their scheduled tag team main event against Brandon Youngblood and Jared Sykes.

Although, if we’re being real here, there is also the very real possibility that he just forgot he was the Universal Champion of a major wrestling promotion, and hasn’t checked his phone in a while.

Whatever the case, many are waiting with bated breath to see what the ever-unpredictable Goat Bastard’s next move will be. Since his winning the Universal Title at ReVival 22, some on the corporate side have been said to be struggling with the cloud of uncertainty that PRIME is heading into with the apocalyptic aerial arsonist leading the pack.

• • Since the Dangerous Mix’s hard-fought loss to the reigning PRIME Tag Team Champions, David Fox has not been seen on any PRIME or PRIME-adjacent social media. Rumor has it his decision to vanish from the PRIME landscape was not a result of the loss, but of PRIME management’s decision to shelf the tag titles and division after Culture Shock. While Fox has openly been contemplating retirement from pro wrestling, he has made no statement about his future in PRIME. There is a rumor he discussed PRIME business with Lindsay Troy backstage at a promotion where they are both employed, but there has been no confirmation or denial of that encounter. As of this moment, Fox is not booked or expected to be booked on PRIME programming.

 

• • With Culture Shock fast approaching, Tony Gamble was seen visiting the advertising department. It is unclear what his intentions were and nothing has been confirmed at this time, but there was apparently a bit of confusion as Tony’s suggestion was that he be a focus of promoting Culture Shock. Possibly being on the poster wearing two crooked halos.