APRIL 1st, 2023: SEKAI SAIKYOU CUP, ROUND OF 16 IN SHIZOUKA
- The Crownless Kingdom (Claire Merci, “The Crownless King” Coral Avalon & Ignacio El Jaguar) def. “Don of the Deathmatch” Rory Hayes, Hiro Taguchi, & the Crimson Miracle Bloody Blood Death Homicycle @ 11:02 by pinfall after the Sacramento Necktie (headlock driver) from Jaguar to Taguchi
- The Kazuyagumi (Pom Shinjoku, “Ace of Hearts” Kazuya Fukumaru, Victor “the Constrictor” Jimenez, & “Queen of Maniacs” Fujiko Natori) def. “Thick Walls” Wally Wallace, “Stunning” Sam Smart, and the Fabulous Hentai Brothers (Michael & Matthew) @ 12:52 by pinfall after the Beautiful Golden Murder (spinning powerbomb) from Natori to Michael
- Saikyō Cup, Third Round: “Lunch Lawyer” Lord Gavin Yum, Esq. def. BULLETPROOF Kitaro @ 19:17 by pinfall after the Lord’s Lunchtime (Fujiwara armbar)
- Saikyō Cup, Third Round: “Hawkeye” Taka Sakaragi def. “Hot-Buttered” Leroy Scrumptious @ 23:00 by pinfall after the Iron Sight (Kamigoye)
- Saikyō Cup, Third Round: “The Godslayer” Akira Hanazawa def. Powerslam Anubis @ 15:09 by disqualification
- Saikyō Cup, Third Round: Anna Daniels def. Ria Lockhart @ 26:53 by pinfall after the Oncoming Storm (Michinoku Driver I)
The Crownless Kingdom’s two leaders – Claire Merci in the East and Coral Avalon in the West – teamed up with Ignacio el Jaguar to take on the unusual trio of Rory Hayes, Hiro Taguchi, and… sigh… the Crimson Miracle Bloody Blood Death Homicycle. The Homicycle never actually tagged into the match – for good reason, mind you – and it was more or less a handicap with the unstable Hayes and the overwhelmed young lion. Hayes even threw the Homicycle at Avalon, still covered in bandages from his encounter with Sin Cordura just a few nights ago. In the end, though, Avalon and Merci got Hayes out of the ring and beat him down on the outside, allowing Jaguar to stop Taguchi’s valiant effort and put him down with the Sacramento Necktie.
After the match, Avalon lamented that he keeps catching the wrong end of the Homicycle… all while Claire Merci shook her head about the stupidity of that whole thing.
I don’t blame her. Because it was stupid! Welcome to Bang!
The full force of the Kazuyagumi was brought down on Wally Wallace, Sam Smart, and the Fabulous Hentai Brothers. The latter four were more or less teaming against their will, and halfway into the match, Wallace and Smart completely abandoned the Hentais to their fate of getting stomped into the dirt by the Kazuyagumi. Smart, who is challenging Pom Shinjoku tomorrow in Nagoya, may be in over his head with this one. But if he knows that, you couldn’t tell from all of the crotch chops he delivered in her direction.
Shinjoku declared to reporters, in no simple terms, that she’s gonna kill Sam Smart.
The round of 16 began with the Lunch Lawyer, Lord Gavin Yum, Esq., taking on BULLETPROOF Kitaro in one-on-one action! Yum found himself at a severe disadvantage due to the size difference, with Kitaro chucking him around the ring at will. Yum eventually took the advantage by running away and then ambushing a chasing Kitaro, and then later by hitting him with his very classy cane when the referee was distracted. He attempted to pin Kitaro with his feet on the ropes and got caught, but when Kitaro flattened him and attempted to land the Direct Hit, Yum got out of the way, kicked his arm into next week, and then locked in the Lord’s Lunchtime to secure the submission victory!
The second match was between Belmont Classic winner “Hot Buttered” Leroy Scrumptious and the “Hawkeye”, Taka Sakaragi. Sakaragi continued the savage way he’d been conducting himself since breaking away from the Ironhearts, hitting Scrumptious with numerous kicks and elbows and trying to put the big, jolly man on the mat. Unfortunately for Sakaragi, Leroy is made of much thicker stuff than Sakaragi’s last two opponents in the tournament, and was able to fight back. Once Leroy took control, he tossed around Sakaragi with huge hip tosses coupled with feats of extraordinary agility for a man his size. Sakaragi managed to avoid the Moonsault N’ Pepa twice, however. The first time, Leroy managed to land on his feet and take Sakaragi’s head off with a lariat. But the second time was his demise, when Sakaragi nailed him with the buzzsaw kick and followed it up with the Iron Sight to pick up the victory!
In a rematch of their encounter at the end of January, the Godslayer met the God of Judgment (well, Funeral Rites, if you want to be technical about it…) in the round of 16! It was another hard-hitting, brutal affair between these two monsters, with the usually dominant Hanazawa actually on the back foot for much of the match! Anubis impressed with his surprising feats of agility as he busted out a tope con hilo and even a moonsault against Hanazawa, only for Hanazawa to show his power by effortlessly suplexing the titanic god. Just when Hanazawa was looking to take home the victory by getting Anubis up on his shoulders for the Ragnarok Driver, Anubis got out of it and accidentally bulldozed the referee with a big boot. That’s when Ignacio el Jaguar and Lord Gavin Yum, Esq. attempted to intervene, and when Hanazawa fought the pair off, Anubis rocked him with a steel chair across the head to bust him open! Unfortunately for him, the barely conscious referee saw this and called for the disqualification! Hanazawa advances in the tournament, but his issues with the Crownless Kingdom are certainly far from over!
And finally, it was sister versus sister – at least in the adoptive, best friend sense – when Anna Daniels met Ria Lockhart to close out tonight’s round of 16 matches! The match started out relatively slow, with both ladies doing their best to figure out what the other wants to do. Things picked up when the match went to the floor, where Daniels found herself in trouble against the experienced hardcore fighter as she pulled out some unexpected stunts against the time traveling warrior.
Back in, Lockhart pressed her advantage, but Daniels used her many experiences in fighting time wars (is this a thing?) to battle back. The match came to a head when Daniels nailed Lockhart with a dive on the floor, only to slide back in and take the Lock Cutter for an extremely narrow two count – Daniels was only saved with a foot on the ropes! A second Lock Cutter was blocked when Daniels held on to the top rope, and the Interrobang could have finished things… only for Lockhart to stumble and fall to the outside of the ring!
Once Lockhart got back in, the two exchanged heavy blows with each other, both trying to land the killshot to put the other away. An Interrobang was blocked. A Lock Cutter attempt was avoided. They fought over Daniels’ Oncoming Storm for almost a minute. In the end, though, Lockhart’s attempt to put the match away with a Lock Cutter from the top rope was blocked and she was thrown from the top rope, leaving her prime to take the Oncoming Storm for the narrow loss!
After the match, they shook hands and hugged it out. I love the sportsmanship!
Sportswomanship. You know what I mean.