RUMOR MILLS: APRIL 17TH EDITION

Hello again everyone, Matt Mills here, with all the hot PRIME goss you’ve been waiting all weekend for!

• • An independent filmmaker based in Las Vegas has approached PRIME about the possibility of roster members appearing in his next project. At first PRIME management seemed lukewarm on the idea, but they became much more amenable after learning the title of the picture. They provided a list of parties who might be interested, and even stated they would help negotiate with former Universal Champion Rezin, regardless of his contract status with the company.

Shooting for “Wrestlers vs. Klansmen” is expected to begin late next month.

 

• • There is a rumor that Dave Gibson bought a healthy supply of clam chowder and beans on his recent trip to Boston and has been smoking Eddie Cross out of the room ever since.

 

• • Coral Avalon is rumored to have altered all of his morning jogs to avoid bicycle paths.

 

• • No truth to the rumor that The Anglo Luchador was arrested upon return from LUCHA ESPECIAL 2 trying to smuggle poblano peppers from Mexico without filling out the proper paperwork.

He got away with it.

 

• • Word has been circulating that some literary agents have started kicking the tires based on a recent Jabber exchange that has leaked to the public. Rumor has it that the concept art posted for something called “Big Boi Made A Whoopsie and Fell Off A Cage” has been optioned by Simon & Schuster. When asked for comment, representatives from the publisher said that while they were not able to confirm the rumor, if the book were to see print there would need to be sizable edits made to both the content and character designs to keep the material suitable for children.

“We can’t allocate that much paper to one character,” said a representative who chose to remain anonymous. “The human backside is not simply not built that way.”

 

• • Joe Fontaine was said to have ruefully returned his tricorn hat to the hobby shop after the Winds of Change’s narrow loss to Eminence at Culture Shock: Night One. Rumors swirl that he almost didn’t have one at all, or that he didn’t realize which part of Texas he actually bought the hat from, though these remain unfounded.

 

• • A lot of rumblings over the past few days, and all from a surprising source…Kenny Freeman.

Overheard ranting and raving at the AT&T Stadium about his PRIME contract being done after Night Two of Culture Shock, where he got yeeted from the Battle Royal by one Ivan Stanislav, Freeman stormed off before further clarification could be made.

Complicating the contractual status somewhat is the fact that the Masters of the Multiverse…B-Team signed PWA contracts last August, allowing them to compete in promotions that have that working agreement.

All this raises the most important question going into ReVival 26…what’s next for the lovable los–oh, we probably shouldn’t call them that.

What’s next for the perennial underdogs of PRIME?

 

• • Sid Phillips may have powerbombed the entire town of Red Oak, Texas. All at once. At the same time.

 

• • Wild wolf sightings in PRIME have increased 97% since Culture Shock: Night Two. All PRIME fans should be wary of lone wolves, wolf boys, wolf men, wolf women, werewolves, wolfweres, and Arthur Pleasant.

 

• • Although silent since the Jiles and Bathory affair, utterings and mutterings backstage indicate that the family of Phil Atken has had zero contact with Cecilworth Farthington over the Glue Factory take over. They seemed equally taken off guard by Farthington’s appearance at Culture Shock and are already indicating concern about Farthington’s management style and its potential impact on Atken’s legacy.

 

• • With the recent opening in human resources with the firing of Mike McGee, the hot office goss’ is that Dr. Zeke D. Badguy, Esq. has tried to submit his application to fill the role. Multiple PRIME employees have been fielding excited calls from professional wrestling’s preeminent lawyer-doctor all week, though word is that not all of the calls are business related.

A representative from PRIME told us that, “He kept asking me about someone called The Drizzle Ninja, and whether ‘Lizzie Horse’ got all his katanas in the divorce. He was very adamant about asking who got custody of those slippers that make it look like you only have two toes, but I keep having to tell him I have no idea how many ‘Kill Bills’ the Drizzle Ninja did, nor do I have any idea what that even means.”

We reached out to Dr. Badguy for confirmation, but he refused to answer our questions on account of “needing to drug the skunks.”

 

• • Rumor has it an eagle-eyed source spotted Wade Elliott at Tiffany & Co at Las Vegas’ Fashion Mall over the weekend. Are there more PRIME wedding bells in the future and, if so, when will the Bad Dog be popping the question to the Queen of the Ring???

 

• • Rumor has it that with Chandler Tsonda’s return to PRIME, Cancer Jiles can no longer claim to have the best hair in the company. Of course, he was the only person who thought that to begin with, but still.

 

• • First David Fox, now the other half of the former Dangerous Mix, Mushigihara? The former sumo wrestler has been pulled off the PRIME active roster for the time being, but the reasoning as to why is unclear. Reasons for his deactivation vary from injuries sustained in the lead up to Culture Shock, to disciplinary action from PRIME management, to the orders from a new advocate in his corner. While it is unclear whether his hiatus will be temporary or more permanent, the loudest murmurs are that he will return after Tropical Turmoil. Stay tuned for more updates on the Kaiju.

 

• • A disheveled Daniel Darby was apparently spotted leaving Choctaw Casino just north of the Red River in Oklahoma. Much like the state of his current relationship with FLAMBERGE, Darby seemed to have run out of chips.

His vehicle was sighted heading “vaguely north” as he left the casino, though we can provide the rumor killer now that he has not been granted employee access to Paycorn Arena.

 

• • Ivan Stanislav was spotted entering Moscow Central Clinical Hospital recently with Alexei Ruslan and several of his staff members. He spent approximately one hour in the hospital before exiting.

One of his assistants, Arina Timofeyevna, told state media that Praporshchik Stanislav was paying a visit to injured Russian wrestler Stefan Kulikov. Kulikov, a prolific young wrestler who once nearly made it to the Russian Olympic Team, was in a serious car accident at the beginning of the month and suffered severe trauma to his face and right arm.

Was Stanislav paying a visit to raise the morale of an injured Russian? Was he checking himself in post Culture Shock for an evaluation? Or was it some other reason? One can only speculate.

 

• • As a follow-up to the prior Anglo Luchador rumor, our sources have called Gary “a nut-ass oldhead narc.”

 

• • With the death of tag team wrestling in PRIME, there have been talks of Frank Pastore and Domingo Cruz traveling abroad to compete for BANG! for one of their upcoming tours. The tag team known as No Laughing Matter was last seen in the ring representing PRIME at PWA-1, where they picked up a win against Blood Money. When questioned outside of a Whataburger, Tony Gamble said he had no comment on the situation. When asked if he felt he would even survive a week without his goons, he explained how Frank and Doom were henchmen and he would not allow them to be insulted in such a way. Then he stormed off, strawberry milkshake in hand.

 

• • According to sources within the company, negotiations between “The Escape Artist” Rezin and the PRIME front office have led to the former Universal Champion’s contract to be extended through the remainder of the year.

Details of the contract are being kept under wraps, but some say the revised contract would put the Goat Bastard in the upper percentile of the current PRIME roster.

There are rumors that this came as a compromise to multiple concessions requested by the ACE Network, who have not had a good working relationship with the PUNK ROCK superstar.

 

• • Ivan Stanislav and Alexei Ruslan were seen leaving a local grocery store recently with multiple bags of adult diapers and Kleenex. A store employee, speaking on the condition of anonymity, said, “well it makes total sense, doesn’t it? All they do is cry and complain about every little thing. I’m honestly surprised that they haven’t been made spokesmen along with that Sykes guy…”

Is PRIME about to have a turf war over the rights to facial tissue sponsorship? We’ll have more on this story as it develops…

 

• • Rumor has it that Mattel has sent a cease and desist letter to Vickie and Jonathan-Christopher Hall regarding their campaign to be added as late additions to the upcoming Barbie movie starring Margot Robbie and Ryan Gosling.

“Holy shit, they’re insane,” a movie spokeswoman said. “Absolutely batshit. Well, Vickie is. Jonathan-Christopher just huddled in a corner shaking like an abused dog. She showed up at a pre-screening screeching about wanting to be included in an extra scene and how it was discriminatory against ‘Pretty Pink’ for her to not be involved. She doesn’t own the color pink! Someone needs to do a psych eval on her and get her some help.”

Vickie and JCH were escorted away by security. No charges were filed.

 

• • We here at Rumor Mills would like to offer a retraction to a previous rumor regarding Wade Elliott. It turns out Wade was simply cutting through Tiffany & Co on his way toward the exit.

(Seriously, Gary, do you have a death wish?!?!)