Posted on 05/02/23 by Hutch
Think Red #6- Spotlight: Eddie Cross! ReVival Predictions! Sinister Forces at Work!?
Workers of PRIME, Unite!
Sometimes I feel it is necessary to start one of my glorious editions of Think Red with a classic communist call to arms, for we all know that if we rest on our laurels, the imperialists and capitalists will attempt to take everything from us. Never give in and never let your guard down!
We have a very special wrestlers spotlight in this edition, as well as my predictions for the upcoming matches at ReVival 27. I will save you the trouble of fact checking me. My predictions, thus far, have been virtually perfect. It’s true!
But before we make the predictions for Revival 27, there is something that I must, unfortunately, address.
THE SINISTER FORCES WITHIN PRIME
As we all know, I am not one to sit idly by while I believe certain injustices are being done. No! I am the type of person, like Ivan Stanislav, to face the enemies of all that is good and positive head on. As I am sure you are all aware, there are indeed sinister forces working within PRIME. While I am sure you know what I am talking about, please allow me to elaborate.
It does seem so coincidental, does it not, when we think about the Universal Title situation. After all, we all watched in horror as it was stolen from the people by Hayes Hanlon. While we prefer not to dabble in counter-factual history, it is important to at least consider our present had Ivan Stanislav not been robbed.
Yes, Universal Champion Ivan Stanislav would have mustered in a golden age for PRIME, but also judging by the current card at ReVival, Ivan Stanislav might have had to defend his title from Brandon Youngblood. Yes, you know, the Brandon Youngblood who has this cushy lifetime contract in PRIME. The same Brandon Youngblood who failed to suplex Ivan Stanislav at the Culture Shock Battle Royal. This is the same Youngblood who needed nine other people to eliminate The Russian Bear. This is also the same Youngblood who, had he wrestled Ivan Stanislav for the title, he would have been broken into pieces and that huge contract would have been wasted on a man who would spend the rest of his days in traction.
PRIME fails to take the correct action and give Ivan Stanislav the belt, and also refuses to punish Hayes Hanlon for his cowardly ways, because their huge capitalist contract to Brandon Youngblood would be in jeopardy!
I know you all know this, comrades, but it’s important to write it! Now then, on to the predictions!
REVIVAL 27 PREDICTIONS
CHANDLER TSONDA VS. KOHIME MORI VS. GREGER SUNDELL VS. TERRY WOODS
This is rather simple: I do not know much about Sundell or Woods and Chandler Tsonda had the gall to actually enter the Culture Shock Battle Royal after Ivan Stanislav. You know, the Ivan Stanislav who was supposed to be the last entrant in the Battle Royal? So there is no way I will advocate for him. He clearly does not respect the rules. I am also waiting for the Culture Shock Battle Royal to be done over, to remedy this injustice. So I go with Kohime. Besides, she is an international wrestler of great ability.
ALIAS TITLE MATCH: C. MORTGOMERY BYRNES (C) VS. EDDIE CROSS
I go with Eddie Cross in this match. I think that Mortimer is still struggling to recover from the absolute annihilation at the hands of Ivan Stanislav at Colossus. Also, Cross is young and hungry, and he also has fantastic taste in interviewers. Was there not supposed to be a stipulation for Alias matches? Does anyone know what it is?
CANCER JILES VS. JONATHAN-CHRISTOPHER HALL
You know, even though Ivan Stanislav shelved Mr. Jiles for months after his match in January, we think it is time to move on. Cancer might not exactly be a communist, but he does buck the system that we too are aligned against. And as for Mr. Hall, I do not know about all this Love stuff. I mean, I know what love is, but I think it’s too distracting for him. I go with Jiles.
REZIN VS. PAXTON RAY
I will give Paxton Ray credit: in the Culture Shock Battle Royal he stood toe to toe with Ivan Stanislav and did not bat an eye. That might be attributed to a lack of intellect and yet also knowledge that Ivan was tired after night 1 of the pay per view, but I give credit where credit is due. As for Rezin, I believe he lacks the drive and courage to go up against the personification of a buzzsaw like Paxton Ray. I give Ray the win here.
TYLER ADRIAN BEST VS. KENNY FREEMAN
It truly is amazing how raw talent can usurp trained ability. I say this because Tyler Best certainly is on a roll and yet it has nothing to do with Lindsay Troy training him, because Lenin knows she could not wrestle her way out of a garbage bag. Still, Kenny Freeman is turning over a new leaf, and it’s looking a little red on the underside, no? Far be it for me to not support his newfound curiosity about all things proletariat related. I give it to Kenny.
ARTHUR PLEASANT VS. JARED SYKES
Jared Sykes is a moron. Pleasant wins.
FIVE STAR TITLE MATCH:
NATE COLTON (C) VS. CORAL AVALON
Goodness I don’t know. Sometimes I feel that there’s always a match where I just wish the ring would explode and obliterate everyone involved. This is that match. I would suggest going to the bathroom during this match. Nothing to see here.
UNIVERSAL TITLE MATCH:
HAYES HANLON (C) VS. BRANDON YOUNGBLOOD
What really does it matter? Both of these “competitors” are so far in Lindsay Troy’s pocket that any outcome is going to be doctored or robbed from the people. Either Youngblood breaks a hip trying to do a suplex or Hayes Hanlon will just do something underhanded to keep his title. It doesn’t really matter. It’s not like the Universal Title means much of anything while in the hands of anyone other than Praporshchik Stanislav. I encourage everyone to boycott this match. It’s not even a defense from a legitimate champion. Besides, we know we’re all here for the main event.
THE MAIN EVENT- NOVA VS. IVAN STANISLAV
I feel for the more special readers of this article, it bears repeating what I’ve said before: historically the Main Event occurs earlier in the program, when everyone can watch and the good, hardworking people of the world aren’t getting their much needed rest before the workday. Thai is why the main event is typically NOT the last match on the card. People work on Saturdays, right? So it is logical that the match towards the center of the card would be the main event.
And here it is.
You know, I have a personal interest in this match, because when Ivan Stanislav was beating the stuffing out of Hayes Hanlon at ReVival 25, Nova decided to be a hero. He ran down to the ring, cold cocked me with a baseball bat, and then suplexed me and proceeded to bludgeon Ivan with said baseball bat. I need to remind everyone that I’m a manager, not a full time wrestler.
Nova didn’t have to do that, but he so desperately wanted to be relevant. Well you’re relevant now, you has-been. Ivan Stanislav is going to destroy you in the ring. You know, I understand Nova is special to Hayes Hanlon, and also to all the people in PRIME in general. And so, I actually want to thank Lindsay Troy.
Lindsay Troy- Thank you so much for putting Nova in the ring with Ivan Stanislav. He is going to beat the daylights out of this over-the-hill never-was. And as Ivan does, I want you, and Hayes Hanlon, and all those counter-revolutionary PRIME fans to know that it was your doing. You could have intervened and allowed Ivan to be the rightful Universal Champion, but you didn’t. Your fragile pride refused to allow you any personal growth. So when Nova is eating jello for the rest of his life after this glorious main event, we have no one else to thank but you.
And I thank you, wholeheartedly, my dear Lindsay Troy. Perhaps, just perhaps, The Scarlet Sickle is emerging? It’s not too late, Lindsay.
But now that my predictions are out of the way, let us move on to the wrestler spotlight!
WRESTLER SPOTLIGHT: EDDIE CROSS
Eddie. Allow me to be the first of many to thank you for participating in this week’s Wrestler Spotlight. I want to remind you that the last spotlight was of The Anglo Luchador, so you can rest assured you have nowhere to go but up! Let me begin with the questions:
Q. I want to first start with the question that is on everyone’s mind: You have an Alias Title match shortly, so you have the chance to represent PRIME with dignity and honor, but Hayes Hanlon did nothing but steal the Universal Title from Ivan Stanislav. How demoralizing is it to have a complete cheat as the Universal Champion? Can the damage done to the prestige of that title ever be restored?
A: I mean, it’s not really that demoralizing for me. I don’t concern myself with the problems of people I don’t deal with and Hayes is a little quirky but seems like a good guy. As for the allegations of cheating, bruh someone is always pushing loopholes and angles for advantages. That aint anything new. Give the guy a chance, he might do great things.
Q: On a scale of 9 to 10, with 10 being the highest: How outraged are you about the outcome of the match we just discussed?
A: At least 10. I wish there was something extra to go to like eleven or something. Then maybe I could adequately display my very real and not at all sarcastic outrage. Until then I guess I have to answer that your system of ratings is broken and only a revolution will fix it.
Q: It is clear that you have a strained relationship with your father. How does wrestling in PRIME help or hinder that relationship?
A: I have to admit I wasn’t expecting you to ask me a real hard hitting question, but that’s a good one.
My Dad is eccentric. It is very charming on the surface and he can be a million smiles and brilliant positivity, but he also has a dark side that most people don’t know about. He put his cause above all else and no matter what anybody said, he never listened.
I don’t really talk to him much, if I’m being honest. I have a mentor and I am focused on my career. I think he understands because he doesn’t initiate with me either.
Q: I am sure you think Ivan Stanislav would have the capacity to be a fantastic father and mentor. Why do you think that is?
A: Oh this is an easy one. People think Ivan is some sort of terrible person, but he is really a big teddy bear. He loves little kids and despite the fact that he terrifies them regularly, he never stops trying to make them smile. His dedication to causes would be transfixed to his kids and if he would put all of the energy being wasted in Communism ideology into being a father? He would be unstoppable.
Q: We both know that Ivan Stanislav is the pinnacle of wrestlers in PRIME. But who would you say is second best? Who on the roster do you look up to and admire, and why? If you wish to also talk about Ivan, that is fine.
A: I do love watching Ivan, especially the classic tapes against Boda. Anyone who can make that jagoff eat his own words is good in my book.
Uhh, I think Coral Avalon is a great wrestler and I respect him quite a bit. I think if I had to pick someone it is probably Nate Colton though. His Dad has always been kind to me even when I’ve been a prick and he seems like a real good dude.
Q: I can remember when Timo brought you backstage at PCW so long ago. You were barely more than a fetus! It is surreal to see you here in PRIME. What does it mean to wrestle in PRIME?
A: It means everything to me. Less because I am “following in my fathers footsteps” or any of that sentimental shit. More because I want to be the best and I know to do that I need to be here. PRIME is the standard and has been since I was a kid. You can keep HOW and the others, this is where I belong making my mark.
Q: To follow up: How special is it to have a match against Mortimer for the Alias Title?
A: I don’t really care who it is against, but I do like the idea of putting a knife in that bastard Tony Gamble’s side. If I have to go through his lackey to do it, that’s fine by me.
As a side note, as far as the Alias title itself goes, I know people think it is not as prestigious as the others. I would tell those people to shut up and get in the ring and face someone for it. There is no match in PRIME that is a cakewalk, and no title that means less. As far as I am concerned any title in PRIME is worth more than a title anywhere else.
Plus, like, who doesn’t want to make up their own rules for a title? That’s totally badass.
Q: A follow up to my follow up: Ivan Stanislav softened Mortimer up for you back in December 2022. If you wish to offer him your gratitude, now is a fine time to do it.
A: Hard pass.
But I will say, as a consolation, that I sincerely hope to follow in his footsteps with a victory over Mortimer.
I would like to personally thank Eddie Cross for taking the time out for this spotlight. It is exciting to have the opportunity to mold and influence a young mind, don’t you think? I may not agree with all of his answers, but I have always been a big proponent of free speech.
And so we charge ahead, dear comrades, towards the next ReVival. This has been a roller coaster of an article, has it not? Despite some moments of doom and gloom, I am so looking forward to seeing Ivan Stanislav at the next ReVival, doling out retribution to those who have wronged not just myself and him, but hard working people across the globe. Take note PRIME. What Ivan does to Nova could happen to any of you!
Think, my friends, about the selfless sacrifice Ivan Stanislav makes each and every day! Think, my comrades, about the dogged tenacity that we must all possess to fight against our oppressors! And of course, people of the world, always, always, Think Red!