RUMOR MILLS: MAY 15TH EDITION

Hello everyone, Matt Mills here, with the post-Mother’s Day edition of Rumor Mills. Let’s get to it!

• • It is believed four anonymous people broke into the T-Mobile Arena during ReVival 27 and somehow found their way to the roof of the building, throwing comic book pages overboard. However, there are some PRIME agents who believe these individuals were actually invited into the arena and, therefore, given permission to use the catwalks above. Otherwise, how did they get into the arena to begin with and why did a COMICON commercial air afterwards? It’s rumored this group may appear over the next few ReVival shows and make their true debut at Tropical Turmoil.

 

• • A powerbomb advisory has been sent out for the island of Hokkaido ahead of the end of the Hell’s Blazing Garden tour, set to culminate in Sapporo. Residents are advised to just go about their business but accept the fact that Sid Phillips might be on the island, which can only mean one thing.

 

• • The Anglo Luchador, also known as Tom Rayliotta, is rumored to be allergic to horseradish. The breadth and depth of the importance of this rumor will no doubt shake PRIME to its foundation.

 

• • Coral Avalon is rumored to be heading to Japan to attend the final show of the Hell’s Blazing Garden tour for Bang! Pro Wrestling, headlined by two of his brightest protégés in Openweight champion “Big Iron” Gorou Ichikawa and Hardweight champion and Crownless Kingdom leader Claire Merci.

Those close to Avalon have said that Bang! remains a very important part of his wrestling legacy and that it meant a lot for both him and the company for him to be there for the huge main event in Sapporo. Many of Bang! Pro Wrestling’s top stars credit Avalon’s presence with helping them throughout their careers, including Ichikawa and Merci.

He is still expected to be in Denver for ReVival 28.

 

• • Powerbomb insurance plans have gone up 252% since it was announced that Sid Phillips has resigned with PRIME. They don’t actually work, but they work well as placebo.

 

• • Here at Rumor Mills, we have reason to believe that Robert De Niro is not the only octagenarian new parent.

Mildred Frumpf, an 83 years young woman at Green As It Gets Acres Retirement Home, has miraculously given birth to a baby boy. When asked who the father is, Mildred was coy but her rival in adoration, Betty Lynn Besser, claims that her baby’s cry sounds a LOT like a SKREEE.

 

• • Late last week, Paxton Ray was reportedly seen sneaking into Ms. Heidi’s dance studio. The source then took their own life into their hands by sneaking to the window to attempt a picture of the notoriously cantankerous man from Louisiana showing off his twinkle toes.

Ultimately the source chickened out because discretion is the better part of valor. But that doesnt answer the question: was this Paxton Ray and, if so, what is his preferred dance style? Our money is on “punchdancing.”

 

• • Sources say that The Anglo Luchador really enjoys The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom.

 

• • There isn’t going to be a Crownless Kingdom invasion of PRIME. We still can’t figure out Lord Gavin Yum’s sleep schedule and Powerslam Anubis isn’t allowed at any more PRIME pressers after the Culture Shock one.

 

• • We’ve been hearing word ahead of ReVival 28 that the contract situation with both Jared Sykes and Justine Calvin may be in flux. Reports are that while Sykes was the first of the two to sign with PRIME, his deal was reworked ahead of the 2022 installment of Great American Nightmare as part of Calvin’s signing. The talent relations office has been very tight-lipped about the situation, but if the scuttlebutt is to be believed then both deals would expire the day after Tropical Turmoil.

We reached out to Sykes’ longtime agent Larry Podehl for comment, but he was equally reserved when discussing the situation, only offering the following:

“I’ve never made a habit of discussing my clients’ contract status in public. My clients are committed to honoring the terms of the arrangement we have with PRIME, and I’m glad to have both Jared and Justine on board. There has always been an open line of communication between our camp and the PRIME offices, and I see no reason that would change.”

When asked if the timing of these rumors was suspect given recent interactions with Ivan Stanislav, Mr. Podehl said, “I can’t control what anyone in the larger sports landscape says. If I could, it would make my job a hell of a lot easier, that’s for damn sure.”

Mr. Podehl is expected to be in Denver ahead of ReVival 28, though he assured us here at the news desk that it was for an unrelated matter.

 

• • Sources at Target tell us that shelves will soon contain a new Paxton Ray branded pot and pan set. The employee, who works in the buying department and agreed to speak on condition of anonymity, said it appears that Ray’s marketing team is looking to capitalize off of potential confusion by being placed directly next to the Rachael Ray pot and pan set.

 

• • We heard that The Anglo Luchador’s younger son was grounded for crucifying a Korok… Gary what the hell do any of those words even mean? How many times do I have to tell you, Angie has to tell you, LT has to tell you, The Anglo Luchador has to tell you, stop using TAL’s kids as sources!

 

• • Anonymous sources with ties to Jurassic HQ have informed us that Rocky de Leon’s plan for this upcoming match with The Anglo Luchador has something to do with Power Rangers. When pressed for more details, our source merely replied “Rawr!”

Stay tuned for more updates as our story unfolds.

 

• • The news desk has received word that Justine Calvin is not expected to be present as PRIME rolls into Denver for ReVival 28. There is speculation that this may have something to do with an incident at our previous offering involving Ms. Calvin, Ivan Stanislav, and Alexei Ruslan, but we have not been able to confirm this. The incident in question has been a hot topic of conversation on the company’s internal messaging platform Jabber, however to date Calvin has remained silent on the issue.

 

• • Rumor has it Tony Gamble is starring in a live action recreation of David The Gnome due out next summer.

The movie is penned by Zach Snyder and will feature the talents of Dolph Lundgren as the voice of the Fox.

 

• • The High Octane sponsored invasion of PRIME being led by Glue Factory frontman, Cecilworth Farthington, is rumored to be going well. Word is Cecil is getting his marching orders directly from Lee Best himself.

 

• • Offering a retraction for that last TAL rumor: Vinny was not grounded. In fact, TAL found it funny. Also, Gary has been given Melvin Beauregard Personal Bathroom Duty for the week for his insolence.

 

• • After the recent launch and subsequent bombing of Cracking Knees, Tabby Best has had his propaganda privileges suspended. In order for them to be reinstated, Tabby must clean his bedroom and eat all his vegetables at dinner.

 

• • Comicon will be coming to Denver.

 

• • Ivan Stanislav in Street Fighter 6? Rumors are swirling that Ivan Stanislav had a hand in the creative process of Street Fighter 6, the upcoming newest installment to the long-running fighting game franchise. Certain gamers have been given advanced versions of the game, and one gamer (username uh, n-one-ghtcraw-one-r) has reportedly discovered an unused file, named “DYAAHAAHAA.wav”, which sounds just like the PRIME superstar’s signature laugh.

Furthermore, Zangief, one of the most well-known members of the Street Fighter roster, makes a return to the game and some of his moves appear eerily similar to the moves that Stanislav performs in the ring. Rumors abound that Stanislav may have helped with the motion capture or, at the very least, served as the inspiration for the Russian grappler.

 

• • According to our sources inside PRIME, Nate Colton has not yet confirmed his travel plans for ReV28. This raises the question of whether he will attend the show at all.

Is he perhaps taking the loss of the Five Star Title harder than he’s letting on?