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ReVival 28 News And Notes

Posted on 05/23/23 by brock

ReVival 28 News And Notes

News Story

 
  • Following the events of ReVival 28, Coral Avalon’s representation received an area code from Chandler Tsonda’s representation. However, since it’s not the full phone number, no text messages have been exchanged between the Hall of Famer and the 5-Star Champion. We have received no word on whether or not Avalon will receive the rest of Chandler Tsonda’s phone number.

 

  • Cameras showed that, shortly after his eGGsecution match at ReVival 28, ‘The Draw’ Terry Woods not only picked up an errant KFC hat that was thrown in the ring, but also preceeded to don the cap. Locker room reports are that ‘The Manhunter’ did not shower, instead leaving the Ball Arena via elephant dressed in a black pole and cook pants with a red embroidered smock with the face of Humble Propertior Colonel Sanders. An interviewer on scene states that he made mention of needing to get an early start so he would not be late for his first day of onboarding and training with a KFC franchise location. He is said to be extremely excited, despite suffering a brutal beating by Cancer Jiles, to be working with former PRIME star Julian ‘Boo Boo Face’ Bathory and former High Octane Wrestling icon Noah Hanson. 

 

  • The infamous “Banksy” is no more. During the attack on The Asylum, the saboteurs seemed especially miffed with the artwork and destroyed the mural. Of especial note, they spray painted male genitalia on Jon Rhine’s face where his nose and ears should have been. We’ll leave it to your imagination there, folks. Never one to let a setback stand, Timo painted the wall bare and enlisted the help of local neighborhood children to come in and draw pictures of their favorite wrestlers on the wall in place of the maligned art. Jon Rhine’s ears still look like testicles, but at least this time they are “cute”.

 

  • Sources within the Denver, CO Federal Bureau of Investigations office have confirmed that the feds are targeting one C. Mortgomery Byrnes for international poaching and drug trafficking. It is believed that the continued use of various aliases has been part of an attempt by Byrnes (referred to internally by agents solely as “Mort,” the one consistent syllable across his myriad pseudonyms) to evade capture. As for Byrnes drug of choice, it appears he has aided poachers and smugglers in importing mass quantities of rhino horn. It is believed that in addition to taking a cut of the profits, Byrnes receives a cut of the product for personal use. The precise manner of Byrnes’ private use is unclear, but our source says he has also been importing mass quantities of maca, yohimbe, gingko biloba, and horny goat weed. “I haven’t seen it myself,” says our source, “But based upon what he’s buying, it looks like the dude is trying to make his own penis enlarging pills. I guess if he’s still trying it must not be working, or maybe he began from a really small starting point…” Byrnes faces off against one Rocky de Leon for the Alias Title in upcoming ReVival 29. Perhaps the materials are meant to give a confidence boost when facing a pterodactyl alleged to be, as we understand it, most fully dicked.

 

  • In recognition of Rocky’s win over The Anglo Luchador, Donald “Donny” Walker has announced that for the month of June, any aspiring wrestler that fills out their application to join the gym while wearing FDP merch will get 50% off their first month. Walker denied rumors that the gym name would be changing to “Jurassic HQ,” but did acknowledge that he recently agreed to allow the gym to be used at no charge by the local chapter of the Lucha League on Tuesday evenings after closing. “It’s just good business sense,” Walker said. “Keeping Rocky well rested means he keeps winning, means he stays pop’lar, means more people wanna train here. That boy’s a cash cow, and if Ah can save him a 3 hour commute to that freakin’ lucha carnival in exchange fer lettin’ ’em host their little Lucha’s Anonymous er whatever meetin’, I’m all fer it.”

 

  • After his time in the ring at ReVival 28, Ivan Stanislav was positively livid backstage. The Russian Bear let everyone know his abject frustration for not having an interviewer present during his in-ring interview. “This is just another sorry example of absolutely poor work ethic on the part of PRIME employees.” Stanislav demanded that there be an investigation into who was supposed to be present, why they weren’t present, and what measures would be taken in the future to prevent this “severe dereliction of duty.”

 

  • Following ReVival 28 Kenny Freeman walked, and Randall Schwartz wheeled, themselves out of the Ball Arena fully expecting to take their Uber to the Denver International Airport. Instead, they were greeted by Ivan Stanislav, Alexei Ruslan, and his own personal private bus. Stanislav ushered the Masters of the Moscowverse into the vehicle and drove away as a unit. At the airport, Stanislav led the Masters to a private airstrip, where they boarded a plane to Russia. The next day, Russian State News released a full page spread of the Masters of the Moscowverse’s “triumphant homecoming to the Motherland.” This included pictures of Freeman and Schwartz being ushered into the State Immigration Office, the Kremlin, and finally to the Lenin Mausoleum. By the end of the trip, Freeman and Schwartz sported armbands bearing both The Russian Flag and the flag of the Former Soviet Union, and together with Stanislav and Ruslan, they attended a flag raising ceremony in Red Square. When asked about how he felt about it all, Kenny Freeman asked Stanislav, “Do you guys still have McDonald’s here? I’m starving?” The Russian Bear, who seemed exhausted by the end of the day, responded in Russian and used many words. But we believe it roughly translated to “nyet.”

 

  • It seems that the vast majority of PRIME was shocked by the result of the Intense title match at ReVival 28. But perhaps the person who is the most shocked out of all of us is Anna Daniels herself. Reporters had witnessed the NEW Intense Champ sitting at her merch stand, staring at the prize and occasionally poking at the face plate like the entire championship was a wounded animal in the middle of the road. Once snapped out of her trance, someone asked if she felt she did what she set out to accomplish. “Fuck no, we wanted Paxton’s soul! What? You think we just said that to be all cool sounding Billy Badass? Damn.” She sighed. “But alas, what’s left of it belongs to the mosquitos. Which is fair enough. We’ll gladly take our shiny prize and ruin more people’s days. Though we must say, we need to get back to our boxing shit again because either our body shots are getting weak or Bayou boi’s made of stone.” Indeed, it seems the next day this Time Lord is scheduled to ruin is Flamberge’s. When asked for comment, the Muse snarked “why in the hell would we use up ammunition for a News and Notes post?” before shooting an owl that was hooting menacingly. The champion then proceeded to wave us off, mumbling about “having an old man and a young Samoan child to check up on”.

 

  • The Winds of Change are set to appear in Albuquerque for ReVival 29 to speak about the PWA Tag Title match at PWA-02 against Surf Express Bro and the team of Dan Ryan and Jatt Starr. Ahead of this appearance, Joe Fontaine fielded several questions from Ring Dispatch’s Tanner Quest. However, when Quest inevitably asked if he felt that the PWA Tag Titles would be a “consolation prize” after the Winds’ consistent failures to take the PRIME Tag Titles from Eminence, Joe repeated a vulgar two word phrase in increasing levels of volume before he promptly hung up the phone. PRIME fined Fontaine a hundred dollars for each utterance of the words “fuck you” for conduct unbecoming of a PRIME employee. And since he said it a bunch of times, it added up! It’s definitely not a good start for the newly resigned tag team star.

 

  • In an update, Coral Avalon’s representation has received a digit from Chandler Tsonda’s representation! No word yet if they will receive more. When asked if it would be easier if Coral sent Chandler his number, Avalon’s representation had this to say, “Yeah, uh… that *would* be easier. But we’re already entrenched here, so… might as well see where this goes.”

 

  • Off the back of a major victory over former 5 Star and Universal Champion Rezin at ReVival 28, Cecilworth Farthington gathered a gaggle of backstage reporters to deliver a few remarks: “Did you see that? Did you see FLAMBERGE? We’re not here to fuck around. Half the roster is already trying to call their shots against us, maybe they should reconsider that excitable hubris. Get a tape of the show, sit down and behold your future. Colton, Hanlon, Youngblood… me and my friends aren’t a bunch of cackling stereotypes, we’re here to hurt people. We’re here to burn this town to the ground” On his match with Rezin: “I said from minute one that Rezin is a threat. It’s pathetic that so many top tier talents in PRIME just don’t have the savvy to see the man behind the beard. It’s no wonder he keeps catching people out. God knows he almost caught me and I was ready for it… anyone who snorts derisively at Rezin deserve national humiliation.” On Conor Fuse being allowed on PRIME television: “Hey, look, if the new Teddy Palmer wants to make a big song and dance about being in PRIME ring, perhaps he’d be happy to sign on the dotted line for a sporting contest at a future ReVival. I’ll tell you where that match isn’t fucking happening though, not HOW, not PWA. That’s for true.” On PWA-02: “Oh, no thank you.”
 
  • Reportedly, nobody involved in the eight-person tag team exhibition contest scheduled for the first night of PWA-2 can remember agreeing to the match. This includes “the Escape Artist” Rezin, the person whose signature inexplicably appears on the official application. When asked for comment, the Goat Bastard had the following to say: “Look… I ain’t got any memory of that week! Suffice it to say, I was on a pretty lengthy glue bender, for reasons that I’ll just say relate to ‘competitive research’. So I’m not sayin’ that I definitely I hooked up with a ‘worker’ named something like ‘Punch Buttjobs’ who also had a beef with one of those damb Colton kids, nor am I sayin’ that in a moment of jealousy-fueld passion that I unwittingly signed the lot of ‘em up to a throwdown along with those annoyin’ Russians cause I needed to round the numbers, HOWEVER… wait, I mean, well, uhh… I guess it does sounds like something I’d definitely do, now that I plot it out like that.” In other news, the International Space Station are anticipating the arrival of the former Universal Champion after his inevitable yeeting from the Earth’s orbit.
 
  • Dave Gibson is said to be recovering but will be out of action for a while after the brutal attack from GAS. He is nursing broken ribs and a bruised kidney that will be monitored through the next couple weeks. When we reached out for a comment from Eddie Cross, he simply said “The respect is over. My turn.”
 
  • The ACE Network is set to reopen negotiations with Nate Colton soon, though perhaps on a more limited scale than before. Alexa Van Horn, ACE’s Vice Director of Marketing and Public Relations, admitted that Colton’s recent loss of the Five Star Title has dulled interest slightly, but many sponsors “are still very high on him.” While Alexa hopes to have another meeting with the young star soon, that may be easier said than done. For the past few months, Nate Colton has reportedly been arriving late to his engagements, or cancelling at the last minute. This has occurred for photo shoots, interviews, and one autograph signing, and nearly happened with ReV28. We have reached out to Colton for a comment on this trend, and have received no response.
 
  • After Paxton Ray lost the Intense Title in the main event of ReV 28, our reporters tried to catch up with him but he was already out of the arena. Instead we found Foster Nackedy, who swore to us that the loss was a minor setback and that Paxton would bounce back better than ever. When informed that Paxton’s next match is at ReV 29 against Chandler Tsonda, Nackedy only grinned. When we said that only grinning was a weird way to respond, he yelled at us to get out of there, so we did.
 
  • Angelica Brooks recently conducted a phone interview with Jake Colton, with the conversation centering around the upcoming match involving his family at PWA-02. On the mystery of how the match got signed: “No idea. Sounds like this whole thing came together in the dumbest way possible, so I assume Benny was involved somehow. That said, I know the kids are gonna make the family proud.” On their opponents: “I got even less idea about that. I guess Rezin and Stanislav hate my kids more than they hate each other. What I really don’t understand is what Peach is doing there. Real weird that she’d consider keeping that kind of company.” On what it means to see the next generation teaming together: “It’s amazing. All four of those kids have put their heart and soul into the sport, and I love the idea that more and more people get to see them shine.” On how they are preparing for the match: “It’s tricky with Nate living in Vegas now, but he’ll be fine–he just started working out at Lindsay Troy’s gym*; they’ll keep him in top form. I can work closer with the other three, especially with MVW being on a break right now.” Speaking of the others, how are their careers progressing? “Really good. Jennifer’s been on a tear through MVW, and she gets another crack at Daryn Thompson next month. We’ve been working really hard toward that one–I’ve known her family for years, and Daryn is straight out of that mold. But Jen’s learned a lot in their first two fights; we’re hoping she can make a break through and claim the Women’s Title in this next shot. “Benny and Denny are doing really well out in SHOOT, too. They’ve been through some absolute wars out there, and keep coming out on top; even made it to the Masters of the Mat finals next week. Don’t be surprised at all if you see them carrying the SHOOT tag titles or holding up the Flynn Cup pretty soon.” Do you wish you could be taking part in the match at PWA-02? “I mean…I try not to hang onto regrets, y’know? Everything that’s happened, good and bad, got me where I am today, and I’m pretty happy with that. But I would have loved the chance to fight alongside any of those kids. If there’s anything I could change about my career, it’d be that. But you can’t change the past. Guess I’ll just have to happy with watching how the future plays out.” *-This was in reference to the recent break-in at the Asylum, the Las Vegas facility owned and operated by PRIME senior official Timo Bolamba.
 
  • More information has come to light regarding Ivan Stanislav’s in-ring segment on ReVival 28, where the Russian Bear reportedly requested an interviewer but none made themselves present. In a closed-door meeting hours before ReVival went on the air, Angelica Brooks, Matt Mills, and Simon Tillier reportedly told both Lindsay Troy and Killean Sirrajin that they would no longer be interviewing Ivan or Alexei. Their decision was based on the Russians’ escalating hostilities and actions towards members of the PRIME roster, and the interviewers felt their personal safety could no longer be guaranteed while in Stanislav’s and Ruslan’s presence. While the discussion between the parties was said to have been open and honest, it was also met with backlash. Ivan and Alexei are said to be furious with the boycott. A source in the PRIME Newsroom, speaking on the condition of anonymity, said, “Angie and Matt have been around the industry and have seen it all, so for them to put their foot down like this is big. Simon’s on board in solidarity. And Angie was particularly angry at Ivan’s treatment of Justine, so that was the last straw for her.” When asked for comment, Lindsay Troy had this to say, “This is a personnel matter, so I’m not able to comment further except to say that discussions were had and we are evaluating next steps.” When asked what those next steps were, and who might interview Ivan in the future, the Queen rolled her eyes. “Who says Ivan even needs an interviewer? He can find a wall to stand in front of and a camera to talk into. It’s not rocket science.” We’re sure that will go over well.