Teenager Tired of Watching His Dads Fight

Pacing anxiously in the lobby of a Starbucks, former HOW War Games winner and current PRIME Culture Shock Battle Royal winner Tyler Adrian Best provided the following statement regarding the plethora of news items being lobbed between his mentor Cecilworth Farthington and his father Michael Lee Best:

“This sucks. If my two dads get divorced, everyone at school is going to make fun of me.”

After receiving his Pink Drink, TAB added the following after profusely rolling his eyes:

“This whole thing is pretty fucking stupid. Tribalism is stupid. Those guys are supposed to be best friends, right? And they’re arguing over Coke versus Pepsi? HOW is a dope ass wrestling company for people who love extreme violence, lack of censorship, and wrestling the same seven people until everyone is dead. PRIME is a dope ass wrestling company for people who love tradition, an inclusive place to play, and getting lost on a giant roster of people so soft that if you moonsault onto them, you bounce and they cry. Honestly, fuck all this shit, I’m about to go to DEFIANCE and win the FIST… if Scott Stevens, the new owner of PRIME, can do it, I sure as fuck can.”

No news yet on whether or not Tyler’s PRIME contract has been terminated.