Cracking News

For immediate release:

 

The Cracking News Network has AGREED to terms with a new lead anchor. 

His name, Christopher Chickentenders.

Chris had this to say about the partnership, “Cracking News is often imitated, but NEVER duplicated. It’s a real honor to be here. I do get direct access to KING COOL, right?”

As a network WE pride ourselves on only delivering unbiased, factual content, so the choice to go with Chris was an easy one. In his first act as LEAD ANCHOR, Christopher will sit down for a candid interview with former UNIVERSAL CHAMPION, Cancer Jiles, AND former UNIVERSAL and 5-STAR CHAMPION, Resin, before the two jerk the curtain against each other for the first time ever at ReVival 30. 

The interview is set to air the night before on the ACE Network.

Fireworks, bong rips, eggs, and food stamps are expected.

 

Other notes:

-Originally there was hope that defamed cartel boss, Lee Chapo, would be in attendance for PWA 2. However, he will remain incarcerated and only able to post news about it in the first person.

-Abe Lipschitz is anticipating the beating of his life when he faces Cancer Jiles at ReVival 31. The two, as is customary in PRIME, will then shake hands at the end of the match and exchange marinara recipes.

-A baby orca whale got caught up in Bobby Dean’s belly button when the Bandit decided to take a skinny dip in the Gulf of Mexico. No one was hurt in the accident, and once the orca was freed he followed the USS Octane for the rest of the day thinking his mother was on board.

-Conor Fuse, of High Octane Wrestling shame, recently said at the Mexico premier for The Flash, “This could be the best DC Universe movie yet.” He added, “While I’m more of a Joker guy I can understand why Teddy Palmer wanted to be Batman so much.”

-It’s been determined that from now on Coral Avalon’s forehead will be measured in yards instead of feet.

-Bubba King has joined High Octane Wrestling’s human resources department. 

-On HOW the HOW invasion is going, Cecilworth Farthington had this to say, “Great.”

-In an effort to get out in front of a fable making the rounds, High Octane Superstar Mike Best has forbidden other High Octane Superstar Brian Hollywood from being friends with Cecilworth Farthington.

-Henry Keyes will be holding a seminar during the weekend of PWA 2 on how to correctly pronounce his last name. Lindsay Troy, Eddie Cross, and Darin Zion have already RSVP’d.

-Ivan Stanislav recently declined an opportunity to work aboard the USS Octane. He had this to say on the matter, “I’m more of a submarine man.”