Victorious Members of The Red Army Absolutely Dominate the Dysfunctional Colton Family

In a bout which many have already heralded as one of the greatest feel-good moments in recent memory, members of The Red Army, Ivan Stanislav and Alexei Ruslan, led their team to victory against the dastardly family known as “The Colton’s” at PWA-02.

The team, which included Stanislav, Ruslan, Peach Backshots, and Rezin, brought the Arena Mexico crowd to their feet with scintillating moves that both dazzled the viewers and decimated their opponents. Chants of “Stanley!! Stanley” erupted from the crowd, which was the closest approximation to “Stanislav” in Spanish while the Colton’s struggled to find any purchase against what can only be described as an absolutely overwhelming assault on some of the most vile competitors in the sport today.

It was a true team effort, led by Praporshchik Stanislav, who so ably directed traffic at points on the apron but in many other instances from within the squared circle himself. Ruslan, a former co-PCW World Champion with Stanislav, showed no sign of ring rust as he locked in painful submission hold after submission hold in truly artistic fashion. Ruslan was not only amazing on offense. Many times, as the Colton’s tried to catch or hold the squirrely Russian, he so ably dodged and reversed holds with ease.

Here’s a snippet of what some viewers afterwards had to say:

“I cannot put into words how wonderful it was to watch do-gooders Stanislav and Ruslan take those dirty American’s to task.”

“I am already starting to learn Russian. Right now. I just downloaded Duolingo.”

“I think I am going to start up a borscht restaurant!”

The match itself came to be in the most random of circumstances. Overcome with the injustices brought by the Colton’s on a regular basis, it was PRIME wrestler Rezin who practically begged Stanislav and Ruslan to take the helm and lead the team, to which the two heroic Russian’s were but more than willing to oblige. It was a stroke of pure genius. Backshots and Rezin had their moments, but the tandem of Russians were simply unstoppable.

Within the first two minutes? Colton’s were bleeding.

At one point, Stanislav hoisted Jennifer Colton up effortlessly into a bearhug, and would not release her until she apologized profusely for even stepping into the ring with him.

But it was Benjamin Colton who felt the complete wrath of Stanislav and was unable to continue. The other Coltons could only watch in horror as Stanislav chucked their sibling across the ring with one hand, and effortlessly pinned him.

Stanislav is now undefeated in PWA matches, having defeated Christopher America back in January, and now steamrolling the Colton’s (who are spread across several PWA federations) this evening.

It seems everyone wants to get on The Red Army bandwagon. Tomorrow night, Lindsay Troy will defend Russia’s honor against ne’er do well Steve Solex. Rumor has it that when Stanislav needed a representative, Troy was first in line to offer her services.

As another viewer said, with tears in her eyes, “It simply is a great day to be alive.”

Indeed it is, completely credible viewer.

Indeed it is.