Think Red 10.1- Guest Writer Ivan Stanislav- Tropical Turmoil Night 1 In-Depth Analysis and Predictions

Dear Comrades,

I write to you in lieu of your typical author, our fine comrade Alexei Ruslan. Alexei is out on vacation, and so I, Praporshchik Stanislav, have taken it upon myself to write in his stead.

Yet I still wish to extend my finest wishes to Comrade Ruslan, my dearest and most cherished friend. Enjoy your rest, dear friend.

This will be a two-part edition of Think Red. For all I know, Alexei may wish to write the second portion. We shall see. But there is much going on in PRIME, and Tropical Turmoil is upon us.

I have some fairly in-depth analysis and predictions for night one. Due to the length of said predictions and analysis, we should just get right to it.

TROPICAL TURMOIL NIGHT 1 PREDICTIONS
Note: Is San Diego considered tropical? I would have expected a more exotic location, but PRIME management is inept at best, so can we expect anything else?

ALIAS TITLE MATCH: C. MORTGOMERY BYRNES VS. ABE LIPSCHITZ
No contest.

Two morons. Who cares?

EDDIE CROSS VS. TONY GAMBLE
No contest.

One is a petulant child and the other has difficulty winning matches. Can you guess which is which? Me neither. Moving on.

REZIN VS. SAGE PONTIFF
No contest.

I am fairly certain the smell of illicit drugs and psychedelics will render this entire contest unwatchable. Moving on.

ADAM ELLIS VS. TRISTAN-CRISPIN GLADHAPPY
No contest.

I know neither of these men. Probably for the best. Next.

CRUCIFIXION MATCH: HOYT WILLIAMS VS. NOVA
No contest.

I will be boycotting this match because of my atheist views. I recommend you do as well. I am sure the next match will be better.

FIVE STAR TITLE MATCH: CORAL AVALON (C) VS. CECILWORTH FARTHINGTON

This may be the only match worth watching on the card. I say let Farthington win. Just don’t kick Avalon in the thigh or everyone will think that you miraculously kicked him in his miniscule testicles.

CLOSING

I appreciate the time you have all taken to read this and my in-depth analysis of Night One of Tropical Turmoil.

I would recommend you not watch Night One and instead register with your local communist organization and think about what you can do to make your community better, through hard work and revolutionary readings.

Also, we are still looking for an unbiased interviewer. If anyone is interested, feel free to contact Alexei at your nearest Russian embassy.

That is all.

Praporshchik Stanislav.