LUCHA ESPECIAL 3: Lawless Lands – Results and Recap

LUCHA ESPECIAL THREE! Live from The Junkyard in Tijuana, Mexico! The luck of the gods of the sun did not shine on this event the way it did for LUCHA ESPECIAL 2, and bell time for the opening match was 20 minutes behind schedule. Obviously, The Anglo Luchador was not present due to real life, ahem, difficulties, but his right hands were in constant contact with him from wherever he was. Anyway, the recap starts now!

Match 1: El Hijo del Dr. Raptor, Jr. vs. MAGUS, referee Miguel Zocopico

The match started out hot! The dinosaur and the wizard traded counters and dodges until they both ended up going for a dropkick at the same time. However, as Raptor paused for the crowd recognition, MAGUS showed that a member of Devil Gate cannot be trusted! FIREBALL! Getting the underhanded tactics out hot and heavy early on in the show! MAGUS worked over the good Doctor until the Raptor out of desperation hit the Mystic Wizard with a dropkick, sending him staggering out of the ring. Following up with a big tope con hilo, it looked like the Raptor had the match in hand. He grabbed a muffler and went to swing it at MAGUS, but the import from Japan slid back into the ring. Raptor gave chase, but as soon as he lifted up the muffler to strike, MAGUS threw his hand up. Choking Spell Delta! Raptor dropped the muffler and had no choice but to submit!

Winner: MAGUS (Submission, Choking Spell Delta, 7:25)

Match 2: El Monolito vs. Organ Donor, Masked Bob Dole, and El Hueso, referee Timo Bolamba

Well, this match didn’t last long at all. El Hueso was the first one to run up on the granite made man, but he met a palm, stopping his momentum violently. He rolled out of the ring and in a daze asked “I win?” Masked Bob Dole was the second one in, but no sooner did he say “BOB DOLE AM NOT SCARED OF YOU” did Monolito toss him clear over the top rope.

Now, there were fans in attendance. The live fans were seated behind mountains of cars and parts so the wrestlers could have easy access to plunder, but more because of exactly what happened next in this match. Organ Donor entered. Even though the fans were far from the ring? Yeah, the first few rows still had ponchos. Organ Donor approached, walked right into Monolito’s goozle, and then.

Well.

Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.

Timo was covered. Monolito was covered. The ponchos in the front rows had spatter on them, although the fans were thankfully saved from having any of it stain their clothes, unlike in Veracruz on New Year’s Day. Needless to say, no one wanted to continue the match after, and Bolamba called for the bell, not for a no contest, because even the Silencer knew not to enrage Monolito more than he already was.

Winner: El Monolito (Referee stoppage after explosion of blood from Organ Donor upon impact with AVALANCHA~!, 1:49)

After the match, before the cleanup crew could come to the ring to clean up all the blood, Monolito grabbed a microphone and taunted MAGNUS DESTRUCTO, telling him he couldn’t nearly be as dominant in his handicap match. He threw the microphone down and trampled to the back, splashing even more blood around.

Match 3: Goldbeard, Bosun, and Mozo de Camarote vs. Miranda DC, Dela Relampago, and El Gran Azul, referee, Guillermo Reyes, referee intern

The pirates came swinging into the ring on chains from a rusted out trailer and landed right in the ring in front of their opponents. As far as entrances went, this might have been the most impressive in LUCHA ESPECIAL’s short history. Goldbeard started off the match against Miranda. The pirate captain’s veteran wile confounded the prodigious young luchadora despite her innate knack for the game. Dela Relampago had better luck with Mozo de Camarote, basically dog-walking him around the ring until the big men, Bosun and Azul, entered the ring and began CLUBBERIN! Their trading of shots devolved into a messy brawl that lured the other wrestlers into the ring.

As a referee intern, Reyes did not have a handle on controlling the match, so it might as well have been a tornado match. The wrestlers spilled out of the ring, into the wreckage. Goldbeard at one point caught the Lightning Lady with a seated hip press off the flamed-out shell of a 1985 Mitsubishi Galant. The big men could not keep away from each other, wanting to prove themselves as the bigger man, literally. But this left the poor Cabin Boy to be targeted by an opportunistic Miranda DC. She scoped him in the ring and snared him with the alligator clutch, a move she’s been using in more and more of her non-SHOOT Project dates, to score the win for her team.

Winner: Miranda/Dela/Azul (Pinfall, alligator clutch by Miranda on Mozo, 12:12)

After the match, Goldbeard yelled at his cabin boy for the lapse in concentration that allowed his team to fall in defeat. However, this did not last long as Blackbeard Gutierrez leaped into the arena from atop a rusted out U-Haul truck. He challenged Goldbeard’s claim to lucha libre supremacy on the high seas. He appeared outnumbered until Mozo de Camarote surprisingly attacked Goldbeard! The four men brawled until security and the other referees poured out to stop the match.

Match 4: Pelea de Autopartes, referees, Timo Bolamba, Guillermo Reyes, Miguel Zocopico

This one was a doozy. The competitors were all confused whether to attack or play defense on their auto parts at first, but somewhat unsurprisingly, La Momia de Hunter S. Thompson was the first one to attack, trying to burn Rudo King with the cigarette lighter. The thing he didn’t realize was that the lighter had to be connected to the port to heat up. RK easily wrested the lighter away from Momia and threw him like a lawn dart into a pile of tires. 

This action disturbed El Hobo Aposteso, who was sleeping among the pile of tires with his own that was earmarked for the match. Although LMHST had his fill of the match by that point, it did not mean that no one else noticed the fracas. Flying in from over the top rope was the car battery Murder Madam had started with. The form was flawless, which can only indicate that she had plenty of practice throwing them, presumably into the ocean. It’s a safe and legal activity, after all. The battery landed planted right in Hobo’s gut, causing him to throw the tire he was clutching into the air. It bounced off his head and right through the driveshaft that Brontosaurio RN was holding. Given that Brontosaurio was the biggest competitor in the match by far, the other three competitors left interested in the match converged on him.

From there, the match was a four-way brawl that segmented and reformed several times. No one wanted to give any ground or their collected autoparts, but late in the match, El Dragon II found an opening. If you thought the heat between the Dragons and Jurassic Hospital died at LUCHA ESPECIAL I, you’d be mistaken. Dragon leaped onto the back of Brontosaurio and held the massive sauropod nurse in a chokehold. Reaching his head around, he revealed his endgame. DRAGON FIRE! Brontosaurio dropped the driveshaft with the tire around it, but before he could claim the spoils.

WHAM

Rudo King, waiting in the shadows, chokeslammed him onto the roof of a Volvo. If you know anything about cars, Volvos hurt the most. The meanest monarch of all the bad guys had all of the autoparts except one. Murder Madam stood defiantly with her battery. She reached into the back of her gear top and pulled out jumper cables. The intent was clear, but she made the mistake of having an elaborate setup with someone with as quick a draw as Rudo King. He seized the wires and started choking out Murder Madam with them until she fell to the ground. After collecting all the parts, he lugged them up to the Mechanic to win the match.

Winner: Rudo King (Collected all the autoparts, 31:26)

After the match, Rudo King attempted to steal the rest of the car, but The Mechanic removed his outer mask to reveal that he was none other than El Ciclon Morado. The two started brawling until Rudo King got the upper hand, throwing the Purple Tornado through the windshield… ouch! Afterwards, Rudo King got on the microphone and said that the Justicio clan would pay for their tactics.

Match 5: Los Cangrejos vs. Los Rebeldes vs. Dangerous Mix vs. Psycho Peahen and Sin Cordura, referee Timo Bolamba

This match was lightning fast despite the sheer number of people in it. There were lightning quick tags, big dives, and lots of power moves. It was hard to describe everything in recap form, but involved Rey Cangrejo pinching David Fox in the neck, Persona Non Grata hitting Asombroso with a Magma Drive, Sin Cordura nailing a Code Red on Pedro Gonzalez on a crushed Dodge minivan, and Peahen trying a big tope con hilo on everyone else on the outside, only to have Mushigihara catch her and powerbomb her on the apron. It was breakneck.

The match ended with Los Rebeldes and Dangerous Mix getting heated with each other, brawling concentrating on each other and not on the other two teams in the ring. Cangrejo Asombroso had Peahen dead to rights, setting her up for the Crab Rave. However, she rolled out of the ring at the last second, causing Asombroso to eat canvas. Sin Cordura popped into the ring, ran over, dropkicked Rey Cangrejo off the apron, and then sized up a recovering Asombroso for El Verdugo and the win.

Winners: Psycho Peahen and Sin Cordura (Pinfall, Sin Cordura on El Cangrejo Asombroso after El Verdugo, 11:59)

After the match, Sin Cordura got back on the mic and again challenged the New World Trash to come to Mexico and answer their challenge.

Match 6: MAGNUS DESTRUCTO vs. Quinn Fleetwood and the Fabulous Hentai Brothers, referee Guillermo Reyes, referee intern

The match started with Quinn Fleetwood in the ring, who when he got a good look at MAGNUS, backed off and turned around to his partners, who were both staring at him with the energy of the McPoyle Brothers on It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Between a rock and a hard place, Fleetwood decided he would get the fuck outta there, except the Hentai Brothers weren’t about to face down the massive hunk of black metal and sinew by themselves. With a gulp, Fleetwood turned around to face MAGNUS, saw him lunge towards him, and did the only thing he knew to to do.

Hit the deck and crawl between the giant’s legs to disappear through the junkyard.

MAGNUS violently jerked up the top rope and flipped both the disgusting brothers into the ring. He grabbed them both by their heads to their feet and, BOOM, double chokeslam. He grabbed Michael, delivered unto him his Destructo Bomb, and got the academic 1-2-3.

Winner: MAGNUS DESTRUCTO (Pinfall, Magnus on Michael Hentai after a Destructo Bomb, 2:09)

Match 7: Coral Avalon and Gavin Yum vs. Kaz Troy and Gabriel “Baconator” Martinez, referee Miguel Zocopico

The match started off with Yum and Baconator in the ring. The Lunch Lawyer extended his hand. Despite Troy, the fans, and even Avalon yelling at him not to take it, Martinez shook his hand and ended up with a poked eye and an inside cradle. Kaz groaned as his partner fell victim to Yum’s expert English grappling. The tags were made, and Avalon and Troy began to trade grappling. Still somewhat in shock from facing off against Cecilworth Farthington at PRIME Tropical Turmoil, the Prince of the Ring’s heavy BJJ-influenced mat game confounded the Crownless King early.

Tags took place again, and Baconator had his wits about him this time, throttling dear Gavin, causing him to wince in pain. As Martinez backed off, Yum stomped on his foot and poked him in the eyes AGAIN. Avalon and Yum had control over the match, working in tandem smoothly except for one spot where Yum applied an abdominal stretch and used the rope for leverage. Troy tried to enter the ring, but Zocopico kept him. Yum signaled for Avalon to come in for a sneaky double team, but the former Five Star Champion just looked at the Lunch Lawyer as if he had two heads, and shook his own refusing to engage in underhanded tactics.

Baconator was able to fight back, hitting Yum with a headbutt and making a hot tag to Kaz, who came with eyes wider than saucers getting his revenge on the Lunch Lawyer. However, Gavin tagged out IMMEDIATELY as he came to, and again, Avalon and Troy were locked in contretemps. Avalon got the advantage this time, working over his boss’ son. Again, seamless tag work from Yum and Avalon put Kaz close to defeat several times. In fact, Avalon hit Kaz with Rhongomyniad and climbed to the top rope to attempt Carnwennan, but Kaz rolled out of the way to tag in Baconator. As soon as Martinez hit the ring, Yum charged in, and it was full pandemonium!

As the action settled down, Troy finally got Yum where he wanted him. He worked over his nemesis and had him set up for the Heretic’s Fork. However, just before he put his Koji Clutch on the Lawyer, Baconator blind-tagged himself in. Yum tapped to the clutch, but Zocopico waved it off because Kaz was not the legal man. In the confusion, Baconator hit his trademark Bacon Bomb and got the pin, with Kaz keeping Avalon from making the save.

Winners: Troy/Baconator (Pinfall, Baconator on Yum after the Bacon Bomb, 21:12)

After the match, Baconator and Troy got HEATED over the blind tag. The commotion and the open air made it hard to hear, but it seemed like Troy wanted to get his pound of flesh on the Lunch Lawyer, but Martinez was just paying him back for stealing the decision at LUCHA ESPECIAL 2. The referees were able to get in between them before they came to blows, but this odd couple team was not in good straits after this match.

Main Event: Bang! Openweight Championship Match: Claire Merci (c) vs. Justicio IV, referee Timo Bolamba

The tension in the Junkyard was palpable as the two circled each other to start the match. The beginning contained a feeling-out process, but Claire got the upper hand convincingly. She worked over the arch-tecnico of LUCHA ESPECIAL, both in and out of the ring. They ended up next to the pile of tires. She charged at Justicio only for him to grab the tire that poor El Hobo Aposteso was using as a pillow, by total accident a tecnico does not interrupt sleep intentionally, and corral her in it. Unable to use her arms, she flailed around until Justicio hit her with a tire-assisted straitjacket suplex, again unfortunately onto poor El Hobo Aposteso.

Because he’s a tecnico, he took the tire off the Champion and rolled her back into the ring. Majistral cradle only got two, but when he tried to follow up with a powerslam, she muscled out with desperation elbows to his neck. Back in control, she worked over Justicio and ground him down with her impressive submission arsenal. She lined Justicio up for her running knee finish, but he moved out of the way at the last minute, causing her to run into the ropes. He used the momentum to roll her up, getting a painfully close nearfall. After working her over a little, he found the opportunity to attempt his finisher, the Justicia Final, however, the Champion used her own momentum to flip up over Justicio. Before he could turn around, she kicked him in the back, got his arm wrangled, and BOOM! Durandal. The pinfall was academic.

Winner: Claire Merci (Pinfall, Durandal, 14:10)

Merci raised her title after the win and scuttled off. The cheers of the crowd for a vanquished but honorable Justicio turned to horrified gasps as Rudo King emerged from the back carrying a rusty muffler. Before Justicio could get his guard up, Rudo King smashed the muffler over his head, which brought Dela Relampago and Ciclon Morado from the back. However, Rudo King was ready as Venganza and El Volcan surprise-attacked them before they could hit the ring. As the Rudo Army beat down the Justicio Clan, Rudo King got on the mic and barked at the fallen Justicio.

Rudo King: ¡LUCHA ESPECIAL 4! ¡Terminaremos esto! ¡TORNEO CIBERNETICO!

The crowd gasped as the referees and young boys and security all flooded the ring to break up the assault and the screen faded to the ACE Network logo.

LUCHA ESPECIAL 4: Dia De Los Muertos will take place at the famed Arena Mexico on October 28.