Comrades far and wide! Welcome to another edition of Think Red, the official communist column of PRIME! I hope each and every one of you have been having a fine week leading up to ReVival 31! Together, we ride the red wave of progress and it shows no sign of stopping! But we have a jam-packed edition for you today. We must address the concept of willful ignorance! We have predictions for the upcoming show! And of course, we have a wrestler spotlight… or do we?
On Willful Ignorance
I admit, dear readers, that I write this more for those who are -not- part of our special group. I know, it may seem like a fool’s errand, but I feel it is important to always work to bolster and expand our ranks with open minds and hearts. And thus, I wish to speak about willful ignorance.
Willful ignorance is to consciously make a decision in bad faith so that one does not learn an undesirable truth. And, my dear friends, PRIME is rife with it.
The willfully ignorant infest the ranks of PRIME, from the top to the bottom, and none can be more evident than the treatment of myself and the grand leader of The Red Army: Ivan Stanislav.
I have to ask those who hold onto this willful ignorance: how long can you continue to make decisions in bad faith when the truth is so obvious? There is nothing you can do to stop Ivan Stanislav and The Red Army. You can try, and you will fail, and you know it. How many times will you subject yourselves to crushing defeat?
Tropical Turmoil was, if anything, an absolute statement of our dominance. The willfully ignorant thought the numbers game would work against us. They believed Ivan Stanislav was grieviously injured (he was barely scratched by that weak American-made forklift!). That the ignorant’s perception of “good” would triumph over their projection of “evil.”
But let’s dispel the ignorance and state the truth. Tropical Turmoil was the single most clear pronouncement of Red Army dominance in PRIME.
So please, those who are willfully ignorant, grant yourselves some shred of dignity and accept the truth, even if it is painful to admit.
ReVival 31 Predictions
Coming hot off the heels of a truly fantastic Tropical Turmoil, the wrestling world is abuzz with the inevitable acquisition of the Universal Title by Ivan Stanislav. But still, despite Praporshchik Stanislav not competing in the upcoming event, it should have a few high points.
DARIN ZION VS. ARTHUR PLEASANT
Winner: Arthur Pleasant by not being a complete and absolute moron
I don’t mean to detract from Arthur’s ability, because it is quite good, but let’s face the facts: anyone who has to listen to Vickie Hall for an extended period of time will have their brain turned to mush. Anyone who willingly chooses to keep company with her already has their brain turned to mush. I’m pretty sure Arthur Pleasant is capable of defeating a vegetable. He gets the win.
KENNY FREEMAN VS. KOHIME MORI
Winner: Comrade Kenny Freeman via The Freeman Special
Comrade Kenny has been on a roll since joining The Red Army, and I don’t foresee this changing at all. He has great skills, but the refining presence of Ivan Stanislav at ringside, as well as a new diet and focus on many power moves, seems to have changed his tempo for the better. I fully expect Comrade Freeman to gorilla press Kohime Mori out of the ring!
SAGE PONTIFF VS. EDDIE CROSS
Winner: A completely drug free Eddie Cross
Eddie Cross has been on a bit of a skid recently, but I believe he is the more clear-headed of the two. Yes, I know, that sounds ridiculous, but I do believe it to be true. We don’t pay much attention to Sage Pontiff, but our understanding is that he is a rampant user of hallucinogenic drugs. Needless to say, anyone who relies on such a crutch to function is a loser in our book. This should be a walk in the park.
ADAM ELLIS VS. BOBBY DEAN
Winner: Adam Ellis by not being an obese waste of roster space
Please, Adam, don’t lose to this corpulent failure of a human being. You’re so young and you have so much potential. We have seen so many young stars in this federation turn out to be failures. Don’t be one of them. Defeat Bobby Dean. It can’t be that hard.
Also Bobby Dean is only beautiful if beautiful is an image of an industrial-sized tub of lard.
PAXTON RAY VS. ROCKY DE LEON
Winner: Paxton Ray and Rocky’s insurance company
I’m not going to say this won’t be a close match. Rocky has shown tremendous promise. I don’t quite understand the whole pterosaur type of thing he has going on, but trust me, I’ve seen far stranger in my career. That being said, Paxton Ray is a smart guy, even if no one will give him credit. At Tropical Turmoil, he was the only one smart enough to stay out of Comrade Stanislav’s way. He’s also a dangerous sort. What fire burns in such a man to hospitalize just about anyone who gets in his way, and yet be smart enough to stay away from those who could squash him?
I can’t say. But I can say this: Rocky is extinct.
NATE COLTON VS. CANCER JILES
Winner: Cancer Jiles, because Nate Colton is a coward and a fool
Why is Nate Colton a coward and a fool? I’ll get to that later. The fact is this match could go either way. Both men were solidly trounced at Tropical Turmoil, and I certain both will be nursing injuries and concussions. Jiles took a direct Iron Curtain and Colton was beaten and pinned by Praporshchik Stanislav. I almost thought about protesting this match out of their own safety when I saw the booking, but ah, it’s not my business.
But yes, Ivan Iron Curtain’d Jiles, and then what happened? Nate Colton pulled a trick out of the Hayes Hanlon “I-can’t-pin-someone-on-my-own-merit” playbook and stole the pin, because Jared Sykes distracted our dear Praporshchik. So be it. But Nate, you gutless coward, Ivan Stanislav won’t be there to put Jiles away again, and I sincerely doubt you can win on your own merit. You seem to be so well accustomed to losing nowadays.
INTENSE TITLE MATCH: FLAMBERGE (C) VS. C. MORTGOMERY BYRNES
Winner: FLAMBERGE because I don’t like Montgomery Byrnes and he’s still nursing injuries from Colossus 2022, when Ivan Stanislav annihilated him in spectacular fashion
Seriously, what is up with the name change? Monty, or Montgomery, or whatever his name is just needs to go away. Did I ever mention that Ivan absolutely destroyed him at Colossus 2022? He’s still injured from it. FLAMBERGE, I give you a hint: just hit him anywhere on his body or head, and he’ll crumple. Some people are said to have a glass jaw. After he tried to wrestle Ivan, his entire body is now made of glass!
The Wrestler Spotlight That Wasn’t
If there’s one thing that I dislike, it is being unable to fulfill my obligations. I had hoped, following Tropical Turmoil, that I would have a wrestler spotlight with Nate Colton. Alas, my repeated attempts to make contact with Mr. Colton had been met with deafening silence.
As a matter of fact, it was Nate’s daddy, Jake, who responded in his stead. This only proves that Nate is nothing more than a child and unable to handle the big leagues of professional wrestling.
So, in lieu of a spotlight, I have to instead consider something else to write about, for I will not ever consider leaving my dear comrades wanting! So:
Why Jared Sykes is a Snake and Nate Colton is a Moron
I seek to synthesize an earlier portion of this article with a concept here: willful ignorance. My discussion of willful ignorance does not simply relate to the PRIME roster’s foolishness in the wake of The Red Army. It also applies to interpersonal relationships outside of our influence.
Case in point: Jared Sykes and Nate Colton.
They will try to minimize this fact. They will try to claim that I am trying to “stir the pot.” They will say that what I state shouldn’t be believed. But I encourage you, dear readers, to take a clear look at the facts and come to your own conclusions.
Jared Sykes ambushed Nate Colton and knocked him out of the Tropical Turmoil match.
It is that simple.
It is that obvious.
I mentioned it publicly elsewhere, but are we to believe that Jared Sykes “missed” Ivan Stanislav and hit Nate Colton accidentally? That Jared Sykes, who so many proclaim to be such a gifted and talented athlete, would make such an avoidable mistake? I don’t know if everyone is aware, but Ivan Stanislav is the biggest member in all of the PWA and, though he is deceptively fast when he needs to be, “dodging” is not part of Praporshchik Stanislav’s battle plan. You only dodge if you fear the blow.
So let us all just see it for what it is: Jared Sykes capitalized on Nate Colton’s good nature and stupidity and tried to eliminate him from the match. Simple as that. They can have their feel-good get-togethers, they can slap each other on the back and say they’re fighting for PRIME, they can be buddy-buddy all they want, but peel away the veneer of all these falsehoods and the rotting, festering core reveals itself. Betrayal.
So Nate, you’ve been on a losing streak as of late. I know, it’s hard. The bloom is off the rose, as it was. Some competitors go through rough patches (I wouldn’t know anything about this, being connected to perennial winner Ivan Stanislav), but don’t sacrifice your dignity for an abusive friendship.
Jared Sykes is a snake in the grass. His forked tongue will whisper excuses in your ear and he will try to masquerade as a silly idiot. He’ll poison you, Nate, and he’ll strangle you when you aren’t looking. It cannot be more obvious.
Don’t make the same mistake again and if you do, I’ll try hard not to say I told you so.
What more can I say, comrades? As they say, you can lead a horse to water but you cannot get him to drink, right?
A bright horizon shines across the landscape of PRIME. Ivan Stanislav has won the chance to challenge the Universal Title Champion at UltraViolence. Kenny Freeman and The Red Army cannot be stopped! The Hanlon’s, Sykes’, and Colton’s of the federation are battered and on the back foot. And who knows, perhaps I’ll have a special surprise in store for someone at ReVival 31? Hmmmmm.
Think about how Ivan Stanislav and The Red Army fights for YOU! Think about how much better PRIME is with our shining presence at each show! Think about how the Universal Title will soon be in our hands!! But as always, dear comrades, Think Red!