- Nate Colton was fined an undisclosed amount for destruction of arena property.
The incident in question occurred roughly the same time as the beginning the Adam Ellis/Bobby Dean match. A visibly upset Colton stormed into an unoccupied room and threw whatever he could find against the wall for several minutes. Casualties included three folding chairs, a chafing tray, a monitor that was already broken, and a Spider-Man lunch box that arena staff hid there because SOMEONE keeps stealing their food out of the break room (TERRY.)
An anonymous source from the locker room said that Colton had been half-watching the show backstage before the incident. “He wasn’t really paying attention until Vickie Hall started talking about him, and something she said made him fly off the handle. Guess he’s upset about not getting to join the Love Convoy.”
Nate Colton has apologized for the lunch box.
- This news is more like a rumor:
Rumor has it that Abe and Tony are wasting their time fighting for LT’s affections. Two men with low dick energy are trying to convince Mama LT that her true affections are misplaced.
It’s a bunch of beta males thinking they deserve Mama LT’s affections.
Lindsay will always looooooooove the Love Convoy. She’s on that 2B1 energy. No need to waste your time on forgetting about the Alias Title’s existence over some petty squabble.
LT’s heart belongs to the Convoy. And we promise you this message isn’t brought to you by someone whose namne rhymes with Marin Jion…
- In a totally unrelated piece of news…
Darin Zion is tired of all the beta male, low dick energy coming from the Alias Title match this week. He thinks it takes away the value of the Alias Title.
As the 4EVA Alias Champion, Zion wants to petition for his opportunity at the PRIME Alias Title, vowing to make it the A-List belt it truly deserves. When asked about losing to Arthur Pleasant this week, Zion had the following to say:
“I didn’t lose to Jared Lego. Rewatch the footage. I won! I made an A-List move! Something no one with the naked eye could see. The A-List, REAL LOVIN’ Darin Zion is here to take back what Morty stole from him: the chance to be the rightful PRIME A-List Champion.”
We have yet to hear what former member of the A-List, Chandler Tsonda, thinks of this development.
- The Glueminati will be at half-strength heading into ReVival 32, as the Glue Man Group of Joe Fontaine and Sid Phillips will be heading back to Japan to compete in Bang! Pro Wrestling’s annual Celestial Dragon Tag League and will not be back until after the August 8th “Infinite Anniversary” show.
Fontaine and Phillips are the current Bang! With Your Partner champions, and are either expected to defend the titles against the winner of the tag league at Infinite Anniversary or will hand-select their opponents should they win the league themselves.
“We’re the strongest and most powerful and unfuckwithable team in our block,” Joe Fontaine told Japanese reporters after winning their first match against the Ironhearts. “Ain’t nobody gonna stop this glue train we’re on.”
No word yet on if Fontaine realizes that a train made out of glue is unlikely to move at all.
- A press release submitted by Lord Gavin Yum, Esq. has indicated that he will be taking over head trainer duties at the Gates of Avalon Wrestling School for the foreseeable future.
The gregarious twenty-eight year old veteran has made a name for himself in the past year as a member of the Crownless Kingdom and for his assorted cameo appearances in PRIME. The choice is a curious one considering Lord Yum’s reputation as an “absolute bastard” when he actually gets in the ring, and there are already concerns that the annual Belmont Classic will be sent a bunch of rookie bastards because of this choice.
Franco Marchesi, the usual head trainer for the school, is expected to resume his duties once he’s recovered from his knee injury. The school is expected to resume operations in early August.
- The internet is abuzz over the Bobby Dean versus Adam Ellis match — not only for Ellis’s big victory, but for the emergence of PRIME staff member Doug — the man who affixed a shock collar on Richard Parker at Nick Stuart’s suggestion and shocked Parker every time he made a joke about Bobby’s weight. PRIME HR sent us this brief statement about Doug: “Doug has been a vital member of our traveling staff since we returned in 2022. He is known for his can-do attitude, his earnestness, and his refusal to say any bad words.” We asked for his last name but didn’t get a response.
We reached out to Richard Parker as well but only received the following two-word statement: “Fuck Doug.”
- The Anglo Luchador’s meeting with Foster Nackedy, caught on camera at ReVival 31, shed light on the crux of why Nackedy and Paxton Ray are so incensed. We caught up with The Luchador, who is currently preparing for the biggest match in his career, and asked him about that meeting.
“To be blunt, I find the whole victim act from Foster and Paxton to be tiresome. I am not going to apologize for stepping in when asked to take care of innocent people. As for all this possessiveness on their part, they seem to forget that there are two other people whose thoughts and feelings matter in all of this. It’s like a lethal cocktail of ego and id, and they think everything revolves around them.”
We asked him about the Universal Championship match as well, but he declined comment because he didn’t feel it was appropriate to mix the two subjects, although he said he would have enough to say about and to Brandon Youngblood on his terms. TAL and Youngblood will headline ReVival 32 in Baltimore, MD.
- Selection Day for the 2023 Milo Flynn Cup is less than two weeks away, and while the lineup is nowhere near set, there have been several interesting developments involving tournament regulars.
-As always, don’t expect many returning teams. Charles Beckett, Flynn Cup organizer and former tag team wrestler, says this is by design. “Yeah, we try not to have a lot of that. There’s a ton of awesome tag teams out there, right? We want to show off as many as possible. I know we’ve got a couple regulars, but those are special cases. Or pirates.”
-Speaking of special cases, the Crownless Kingdom will have a different look thanks for Franco Marchesi’s injury earlier this year. Coral Avalon will be teaming with “The Lunch Lawyer” Lord Gavin Yum, Esq., provided they get chosen for the tournament. Considering the Kingdom’s previous level of involvement, their inclusion is almost certain.
-Speaking of pirates, another familiar face hopes to return–although not at the level we’re used to. “Salty” Pete Yardley, the only man to appear in every Flynn Cup, has signed on with a new captain…but this one has a full crew already! The Scurvy Knaves, a promising tag team out of California, has added Yardley to serve in a support role. He is currently with the Knaves in Japan for Bang! Pro Wrestling’s Celestial Dragon Tag League.
-Speculation is running wild as to who else the field could include, but a major bombshell was dropped on Jabber earlier, when Lindsay Troy threatened Lord Gavin Yum with a comment that she and Henry Keyes would “see you at the Flynn Cup.” If Vae Victis are part of the event, the bookmakers will be scrambling to adjust their odds.
- Following Ginny Van Lear’s pre-show shenanigans when she attempted to buck bomb Vickie Hall’s dressing room, PRIME management gave her a thorough talking-to afterward and that was all.
- To celebrate FLAMBERGE’s successful defense of the Intense Championship and his continued climb to the top of PRIME’s rankings, Hank arranged for a special surprise gift for the Frenchman: front row tickets for an upcoming Major League Cricket match in Grand Prairie, TX.
When presented photos of the size of Grand Prairie Stadium (the site of the match), Hank was said to have expressed some confusion, but ultimately decided that this was a good thing, figuring that FLAMBO should bring his appetite what with how many crickets could be there.
When told the proper phrasing is “how much cricket” instead of “how many crickets,” the consensus was that this must be a Britishism and a barrier to entry for American fans of bug-related sports.
- We wish that we could report good news coming out of Uruguay regarding the Masters of the Moscowverse, but as the saying goes…no news is good news.
So we have no news to report as of the time of this writing.
Aside from the fact that Kenny Freeman does now have his eye on that there Alias Championship, and coming out of ReVival 31 he DOES have a pair of wins under his belt. Hmm…