RUMOR MILLS: JULY 25TH EDITION

• • An inauspicious start for the new acting head trainer of the Gates of Avalon Wrestling School, as “Lunch Lawyer” Lord Gavin Yum, Esq. was sent to the hospital the other day due to “owl-related injuries.” Lord Yum attempted to hide in a bathroom from Athena the Owl, who was delivering a cease and desist letter to him, only for her to fly through the window and maul him.

Lord Yum was released from the hospital after several stitches.

 

• • One of the top stories coming out of one of PRIME’s sister promotions (cousin promotion?) (relative you see at holidays promotion?), DEFIANCE Wrestling: Lindsay Troy’s long time “Bestie” and co-consul of Vae Victis, “The Kraken” Henry Keyes, retained the DEFIANCE Southern Heritage Championship over former PRIME Universal Champion Rezin at their recent MAXIMUM DEFIANCE pay-per-view.

Fan backlash is said to be MASSIVE, as it appeared for months that DEFIANCE’s plans centered around the fan-favorite Rezin conquering his frienemy after Keyes’s record-setting reign with the belt; circumstances are said to have changed very last minute and Keyes finds himself in the unfamiliar position of becoming, perhaps, DEFIANCE’s most hated wrestler by a country mile.

How does this affect PRIME? Rumor has it that part of the decision to keep the belt on Keyes was to prevent him from forcing a buyout of his contract to join forces with Lindsay Troy in her Vegas-based promotion. Backstage speculation has long run rampant that there is a significant push in line for Keyes at PRIME if he ever decided to jump (air)ship.

Those with the power to confirm or deny these rumors remain tight-lipped about the situation, though they did note that Rezin had a serious injury during the match.

 

• • I’m told contract negotiations between Ria Lockhart and PRIME were rather… lengthy, considering the concessions made for her in the past. Some of the rumored things Lockhart asked for in the contract included:
    • • • A private locker room/changing area. The area was to be stocked with a bowl full of pink Starburst, a mini-fridge packed with bottles of Coke Zero, a Sleep Number twin sized bed with adjustable base, a PS5 AND XBox series X, and a smart TV with built-in Netflix.
        • A private bus to travel to the different cities in with her face on the side, driver included.
        • Renaming ReVival to RiaVival.
        • A per letter bonus on Jabber.
        • The right to bleep any roster member using words with R I A in them if she’s unhappy with the word choice or context.

From what I’ve heard, she received very little to none of the requested perks.

 

• • More on the fallout of DEFIANCE’s latest supershow, this time concerning the Boss herself.

At Maximum DEFIANCE, Lindsay Troy suffered a rib injury en route to losing the FIST of DEFIANCE to “The Biggest Boy” Dex Joy following a Dex Drive Dos (sit-out piledriver) and a top-rope moonsault. Early reports indicate she’ll be out of competition for 6-8 weeks, however the Queen is hoping for a faster recovery.

How all this relates to PRIME is where the Alias Title is concerned. As part of his title defense stipulations, newly-crowned champion Abe Lipschitz has named Troy as the referee for all his title defenses. At the time of this writing, there has been no word on whether the Boss has been medically cleared to act in a refereeing capacity or if other arrangements will have to be made for Lipschitz’s defense against Tony Gamble.

Guess you’ll have to tune in this Friday night, live from the Baltimore Arena, to find out.

 

• • Rumor is there’s a big announcement scheduled for later this week about ReVival 32! Some believe it may be linked to a secret, surprise signing as hinted at on ReVival 31! Stay tuned!

 

• • Rumor has it Rocky de Leon failed his most recent PRIME random drug test for being off the charts with psilocybin. Supposedly, Dr. Fihlguud and staff didn’t buy his story that it was, “the goddamned cinnamon buns,” but as magic mushrooms can hardly be called performance enhancing, it seems the punishment, if any, will be slight.

 

• • Despite information being highly protected going in and out of Russia, we’ve received word that The Red Army’s rendition of “For He’s a Jolly Good Comrade,” sung by Alexei Ruslan with backup vocals by Kenny Freeman and Randall Schwartz, is being played on the hour, every hour on certain Russian State radio stations.

 

• • The participants in this year’s Milo Flynn Cup will be announced in less than a week, but the teams that have applied have already generated a lot of excitement. In fact, one submission caused Charles Beckett to run through the office yelling “O-M-G” repeatedly.

We need to point out here that he wasn’t running through *his* building, but ours. Nobody saw him enter the building, either; he just randomly burst through a door leading to an otherwise empty room.

When we pointed this out to him, he was apologetic. “Oh dang, I’m sorry. It’s just…I mean, this is huge. The hugest huge. I am so super pumped for this you don’t even know AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH.” He ran away after that, eventually finding his way to a supply closet…but when security followed him, he was not there.

Reality Control are currently investigating the event; unsanctioned use of a Plot Hole is strongly suspected.

 

• • It appears the Permascar Superstar has been on a side quest to earn Lindsay Troy’s Love and Admiration, as he was seen at a Vegas coffee shop ordering a case of GOOP, a package of Hebrew National franks, a loaf of bread, and a bottle of Heinz ketchup off of Amazon.

After failing to get the ball rolling on the Handicap Match of the Century between Phil Atken and Jon Rhine, Tony put his focus on pleasing the Queen of the Ring with what Dusk told him was her favorite late night snack.

 

• • Representatives of Mega Job have inquired to PRIME officials over paying the cartoon trio in waffles, and were apparently aghast when a counter-offer of pancakes was given. There was a full-blown temper tantrum and everything. Beef actually threw some water at his assistant, it was pretty embarrassing. Because he missed. He should’ve thrown coffee instead, it’s more aerodynamic.

 

• • It seems like we are going to get some new faces backstage at ReV 32. Rumor has it that Foster Nackedy is bringing interested students from Gray’s Wrestling Academy to the show so they can meet wrestlers and see what the business is like at an actual show. We have heard that Quinn Fleetwood is expected to be there, and he is looking forward to getting Arthur Pleasant’s autograph.

 

• • In anticipation for her first match in PRIME, there have been rumblings on Reddit that Kennade Starr will be auctioning her used ring gear in a Twitch live stream. Neither Kennade nor her management team could be reached for comment.

 

• • In the midst of preparing for the Universal Championship match and watching his back from Paxton Ray, sources say The Anglo Luchador also has at least one other pressing matter at hand. Miranda DC currently is embroiled in a breakup, both personally and professionally, with Felix Mullen in SHOOT Project. Those backstage with TAL at ReV 31 and with knowledge of his personal life have gleaned that he’s not only been on the phone with Shweta Kallemullah or his wife or brother lately. Could we see a PWA crossover? Details are hazy, but where there is smoke, there could be fire.

 

• • I tried to get more info about The Anglo Luchador’s involvement with Nora and Melissa Ray, but when I asked his kids, they said, and I quote, “Gary has a smelly butt.” I had to run this story as punishment for not stopping asking his kids for scoops.

 

• • Rumor has it Randall Schwartz has something with Ria Lockhart. Something to do with lists and the act of stubbing one’s toe on a dresser.

Rumor also has it Randall and Kenny cheated and took a bus somewhere between Paraguay and Baltimore. Or was it Uruguay…Parakeet? One of those middle America nations, you know how that goes.

We shall confer with the trained monkeys that send these things for clarification.