Bang! Pro Wrestling Presents: The Celestial Dragon Tag League 2023!

It’s at the very top of everyone’s Bang! List… this year’s Celestial Dragon Tag League is the biggest on record in terms of star power! Legendary teams are competing for the right to take home the big trophy and maybe even a shot at the Bang! With Your Partner championships! The only question is… which one of these legends will take home the trophy?

THE CELESTIAL DRAGON TAG LEAGUE (JULY 17^th – AUGUST 5^th)
Summary of Events – A Block
DESTROY IT ALL (“Grim Face” Ichiro Kuwayama & EIJI): 13 points, wins A Block
The Glue Man Group (Joe Fontaine & Sid Phillips): 11
The Crownless Kingdom (Powerslam Anubis & Ignacio el Jaguar): 8
The Kazuyagumi (“Ace of Hearts” Kazuya Fukumaru & Pom Shinjoku): 6
The Ironhearts (“GIANT TEKKAI” Bando Ichikawa & “Iron Idol” Riko Tsukino): 6
Roosevelt Black & Tani Albright: 6
Intelligent Design (“Stunning” Sam Smart & “Thick Walls” Wally Wallace): 4
The Monster Menagerie (Lord Kurosame-sama & a mysterious birdman): 2

A Block became a two-team race very quickly, as DESTROY IT ALL went on a tremendous hot streak throughout the league, while the Glue Man Group constantly found ways to cheat their way through the block. When the two teams met on 7/28, their fifth matches in the league, they proved to be too equally matched to decide a winner and the match ended in a time-limit draw! All the way until the very last night of blocks, there was a very real possibility that the A Block winner could’ve been two teams!

The DESTROY IT ALL team had proven over the course of this league to be a dangerous combination, between EIJI’s ferocious power and Kuwayama’s cunning skill. Going undefeated in the block save for the draw against the Glues, D.I.A. were clearly one of the teams to watch in the entire tag league, and their victory in A Block has cemented Kuwayama and EIJI as one of the biggest threats in Bang!’s deep tag division.

The Glue Man Group, reigning Bang! With Your Partner Champions, saw the rise of Joe Fontaine as a serious threat for possibly the first time in his career. This is thanks in part to his new and increasingly dangerous “Chocolate Fontaine” triangle choke, which took out such dangerous competitors such as Tani Albright, Lord Kurosame-sama, and especially Pom Shinjoku. However, the Glues could not defeat DESTROY IT ALL and they experienced a frustrating defeat to the Crownless Kingdom they were nearly a part of on the last night of A Block. On the bright side for the team, Joe Fontaine did win the Bang! All Day Championship with his victory over Pom Shinjoku, and did not lose the title in the Glues’ only actual loss in the blocks. So for now, pending the results of the Infinite Anniversary show in a couple of days, he has two titles. That’s great for him. I think.

The Monster Menagerie barely competed, only managing one win in the entire tag league when Lord Kurosame-sama’s brand of trickery caught the Black and Albright team unawares in rapid succession. The shark and the bird did not prove to be spectacular tag team partners, which is unfortunate considering Lord Kurosame-sama’s previous success in winning the second-ever CDTL with Typhoon Timothy back in 2015.

It had to have been a disappointing CDTL for Intelligent Design, who came into the event with high expectations given their rapid improvement. Unfortunately, the pair of Smart and Wallace only managed four points in the entire event with victories over the weak Monster Menagerie team and another upset for the Kazuyagumi.

Speaking of the Kazuyagumi, while they achieved wins over the Crownless Kingdom and the Ironhearts, they underachieved greatly in the face of other teams. The veteran pair of Fukumaru and Shinjoku had difficulties throughout the tournament trying to keep up with the younger teams, and this was no more apparent than the tough losses to the young Glue Man Group and Black & Albright teams. The Kazuyagumi has genuinely struggled to pick up wins despite their sheer menace, but you still never wanted to be in a fight with them!

And speaking of disappointing runs, the Ironhearts were hoping to resume their run of dominance as a team that was cut short by Bando Ichikawa’s knee injury at last year’s Infinite Anniversary. Unfortunately, the big man’s knee was clearly not 100% for this tournament and their teamwork suffered due to almost a year of not teaming with one another.

Perhaps the biggest surprises in the A Block were the upset victories achieved by the team of “President” Roosevelt Black and “More Than Alright” Tani Albright (nicknames pending), who managed to catch the Kazuyagumi sleeping and even managed an early upset of the Crownless Kingdom! While the team struggled at times due to their inexperience – including falling prey to Lord Kurosame-sama’s shenanigans in the only win for the Monster Menagerie in the tag league – they managed to impress the entire way through the tag league and are definitely a team to watch!

The Crownless Kingdom pair of Powerslam Anubis and Ignacio el Jaguar were a consistent threat throughout their block, but a few key losses – notably against the Gray’s Academy pair of Black and Albright and the Kazuyagumi – prevented them from being in contention by the time of the final night of A Block. However, they took advantage of their spoiler status and took a victory that prevented the Glue Man Group from turning the finals into a triple threat, leaving DESTROY IT ALL to take the A Block!

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Summary of Events – B Block
No Laughing Matter (Frank Pastore & Domingo Cruz): 10, wins B Block
The New World Trash (Bex Savage & Angel Quinley): 10
The Sound and the Fury (Ian Nackedy & Gildenstern): 8
Los Cangrejos (Rey Cangrejo & El Cangrejo Asombroso): 8
“The Godslayer” Akira Hanazawa & MAGNUS DESTRUCTO: 7
No Quarter (Bracken Kreuger & Daryn Thompson): 7
The Beasts of Tokyo (Seiko Serizawa & HAMAYUMI): 4
The Scurvy Knaves (“Cap’n” Brianna Kincaid & “Fancy” Dan Winthorpe): 2

B Block was a bloodbath from beginning to end, which I guess is what happens when you let such bruiser teams like No Quarter, the New World Trash, No Laughing Matter, and the highly combustible team of “the Godslayer” Akira Hanazawa and MAGNUS DESTRUCTO into the tag league!

After spending much of their time in Bang! Pro Wrestling undefeated, No Laughing Matter experienced several tough losses to the Sound and the Fury and the Hanazawa/DESTRUCTO pair. Most teams would falter, especially when the threat of the Sound and the Fury possibly winning B Block outright became a running story on its last night and especially considering the amount of jet lag they must’ve suffered to make a surprise appearance at ReVival 32! However, Pastore and Cruz persevered and remained relevant in the block up until the Sound and the Fury took a surprising loss on the last night when they controlled their own destiny, and took B Block with a convincing win over the previous Bang! With Your Partner champions!

The New World Trash were their usual dominant selves in the tournament, taking home wins in unexpected places, like using the frequent self-destruction of the Hanazawa/DESTRUCTO pair against them. This is despite the fact that they ran into a very rocky start when they dropped their first match against the ever-reliable Sound and the Fury. After that, they tore through the rest of the league, putting themselves one win away from facing DESTROY IT ALL in the finals. Unfortunately, that was the end of their run, as No Laughing Matter stole the block from them in the very final match of B Block.

Few teams have the pedigree of the Sound and the Fury. Former PRIME tag team champions and NWC stalwarts, not to mention former Bang! With Your Partner champions in their own right! Yet despite their pedigree, the one accomplishment they never achieved in Bang! was the CDTL! The Sound and the Fury quickly rattled off three straight wins, and on the last night of B Block, had a very real shot at winning the block and their chance at history. But an upset victory by the struggling Beasts of Tokyo prevented them from controlling their own destiny before the final night, and then Los Cangrejos caught them in another upset on the final night, paving the way for No Laughing Matter to take B Block on the tiebreaker against the New World Trash!

The only luchador team in the entire CDTL, Los Cangrejos, jumped out to an early start accumulating six points early in the blocks. However, their fortunes changed after they ran across No Laughing Matter, and the crabs struggled to put any more points on the board all the way until the finals, when they upset the Sound and the Fury to prevent them from taking B Block! El Cangrejo Asombroso impressed throughout the blocks, but it was the wily Rey Cangrejo that kept the team on track. Even if he sometimes had to bend the rules to do it.

A lot of people collectively filled their pants when they learned that “the Godslayer” Akira Hanazawa was teaming with MAGNUS DESTRUCTO for the CDTL. Hanazawa had long been one of the most feared men in Bang! Pro Wrestling, while DESTRUCTO had quickly established himself as just as feared. It’s all of the almost-decapitations, I think. As it turned out, though, this pairing was doomed from the start. Miscommunication and borderline adversarial teamwork would cost the two giants time and again in the tournament, leading to some frustrating losses for the pair. This culminated in an extended argument that got the team counted out against the New World Trash, and then ultimately Hanazawa turning on DESTRUCTO in the middle of a wild double disqualification brawl against No Quarter. No doubt, these two are going to continue to be at each other’s throats well after this tag league is over!

No Quarter had an uneven showing at this year’s CDTL. They defeated the eventual B Block winners and were the first team to defeat the Sound and the Fury, paving the way for Nackedy and Gildenstern narrowly missing the finals. However, most of the field managed to take victories over the bruisers, and they were mathematically eliminated before ending their tag league appearance with a wild brawl ending in double disqualification against the terrifying Hanazawa/DESTRUCTO pair. They left plenty of lasting impressions with their hard-hitting style, however, and I reckon that if they came back to Bang! Pro Wrestling, they would absolutely be forces to be reckoned with!

What a difference a year makes for the Beasts of Tokyo? Last year’s CDTL winners looked unstoppable when they first appeared on the scene, dominating their way to the Bang! With Your Partner championships with only a single blemish on their record. But no team in the entire CDTL disappointed more than the Beasts, who could only secure one victory in the entire tag league. The joshi tag team had been in a funk for months since losing the Bang! With Your Partner championships to the New World Trash, and it’s become apparent that they’ve hit a glass ceiling when it comes to facing off against the newer teams in Bang! Pro Wrestling. Their biggest win against the Sound and the Fury came too late to put them anywhere near contention and took the help of multiple members of the Monster Menagerie to pull off, and a ref stoppage ensured that they only tied with the other snake-bit team in the block, the Scurvy Knaves. Their absolute lowest point came when Bex Savage knocked HAMAYUMI out cold with a Bakebrainer within seconds of the match with the New World Trash while Serizawa was busy taunting the crowd, taking the fastest loss in the history of the Celestial Dragon Tag League! A very steep fall from grace for the Beasts after the heights they achieved last year!

The Scurvy Knaves tried very hard in this tag league and had plenty of impressive moments, but it became apparent that “Salty” Pete Yardley’s pirate-themed tag team was completely snake-bit for all of B Block. Bad luck caused them to lose their opening round against No Quarter when Kincaid couldn’t make it in time to land her end of the Dead Man’s Chest because referee “Soft Hands” Tsukuji was accidentally in her way. From then on, the Knaves piled on loss after loss despite turning heads with their skills and their outlandish pirate gimmick, only taking home victory once in the entire league against Los Cangrejos. The worst thing happened to the team on the final night, when Kincaid injured her shoulder on a dive to the outside, which caused the match to be stopped and ruled a no contest. This injury may prove very costly for the Knaves, indeed, as the team was selected to compete in this year’s Flynn Cup in less than a month from now!

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Results

Night 1, A Block (7/16)

• The Glue Man Group (Joe Fontaine & Sid Phillips) [2] def. The Ironhearts (“Giant Tekkai” Bando Ichikawa & “Iron Idol” Riko Tsukino) [0] @ 12:08 by pinfall after the Fontaine of Youth (Shining wizard) from Fontaine to Tsukino
• DESTROY IT ALL (“Grim Face” Ichiro Kuwayama & EIJI) [2] def. Intelligent Design (“Stunning” Sam Smart & “Thick Walls” Wally Wallace) [0] by pinfall @ 16:12 by pinfall after the Oblivion Sickle (Rainmaker lariat) from EIJI to Smart
• The Kazuyagumi (“Ace of Hearts” Kazuya Fukumaru & Pom Shinjoku) [2] def. The Monster Menagerie (Lord Kurosame-sama & a mysterious birdman) [0] by pinfall @ 11:53 by pinfall after the Kanabo (discus elbow) from Fukumaru to a birdman
• Roosevelt Black & Tani Albright [2] def. The Crownless Kingdom (Powerslam Anubis & Ignacio el Jaguar) [0] by pinfall @ 15:08 by pinfall after a crucifix pin from Black to Jaguar

 

Night 2, B Block (7/17)

• Los Cangrejos (Rey Cangrejo & El Cangrejo Asombroso) [2] def. “The Godslayer” Akira Hanazawa & MAGNUS DESTRUCTO [0] @ 8:09 by pinfall after a low blow and rollup from Rey Cangrejo to DESTRUCTO
• No Quarter (Bracken Krueger & Daryn Thompson) [2] def. The Scurvy Knaves (“Cap’n” Brianna Kincaid & “Fancy” Dan Winthorpe) [0] @ 14:55 by pinfall after the DNR (Shatter Machine) from Krueger/Thompson to Kincaid
• No Laughing Matter (Frank Pastore & Domingo Cruz) [2] def. The Beasts of Tokyo (Seiko Serizawa & HAMAYUMI) [0] @ 12:09 by pinfall after the Deuce Dime (package piledriver) from Cruz to HAMAYUMI
• The Sound and the Fury (Ian Nackedy & Gildenstern) [2] def. The New World Trash (Bex Savage & Angel Quinley) [0] @ 16:01 by pinfall after an inside cradle from Nackedy to Savage

 

Night 3, A Block (7/19)

• The Glue Man Group (Joe Fontaine & Sid Phillips) [4] def. Intelligent Design (“Stunning” Sam Smart & “Thick Walls” Wally Wallace) [0] @ 12:08 by pinfall after a powerbomb from Phillips to Smart
• The Ironhearts (“Giant Tekkai” Bando Ichikawa & “Iron Idol” Riko Tsukino) [2] def. Roosevelt Black & Tani Albright [2] @ 15:12 by pinfall after the choke bomb from Bando Ichikawa to Black
• The Crownless Kingdom (Powerslam Anubis & Ignacio el Jaguar) [2] def. The Monster Menagerie (Lord Kurosame-sama & a mysterious birdman) [0] @ 15:09 by pinfall after the Scales of Dominion (fireman’s carry powerslam) from Anubis to a birdman
• DESTROY IT ALL (“Grim Face” Ichiro Kuwayama & EIJI) [4] def. The Kazuyagumi (“Ace of Hearts” Kazuya Fukumaru & Pom Shinjoku) [2] @ 16:41 by pinfall after the Oblivion Sickle (Rainmaker lariat) from EIJI to Fukumaru

 

Night 4, B Block (7/20)

• “The Godslayer” Akira Hanazawa & MAGNUS DESTRUCTO [2] def. The Beasts of Tokyo (Seiko Serizawa & HAMAYUMI) [0] @ 4:09 by pinfall after the Ragnarok Driver (argentine backbreaker rack to piledriver) from Hanazawa to Serizawa
• Los Cangrejos (Rey Cangrejo & El Cangrejo Asombroso) [4] def. No Quarter (Bracken Krueger & Daryn Thompson) [2] @ 18:01 by pinfall after the Crab Rave (second rope elbow drop with crab theatrics) from Asombroso to Thompson
• The New World Trash (Bex Savage & Angel Quinley) [2] def. The Scurvy Knaves (“Cap’n” Brianna Kincaid & “Fancy” Dan Winthorpe) [0] @ 14:36 by pinfall after the Bakebrainer (heavy elbow smash) from Savage to Winthorpe
• The Sound and the Fury (Ian Nackedy & Gildenstern) [4] def. No Laughing Matter (Frank Pastore & Domingo Cruz) [2] @ 18:51 by submission after the Basketweaver from Gildenstern to Domingo Cruz

 

Night 5, A Block (7/22)

• The Monster Menagerie (Lord Kurosame-sama & a mysterious birdman) [2] def. Roosevelt Black & Tani Albright [2] @ 2:51 by pinfall after the Shark Cage (Gedo clutch) from Kurosame-sama to Albright
• The Crownless Kingdom (Powerslam Anubis & Ignacio el Jaguar) [4] def. Intelligent Design (“Stunning” Sam Smart & “Thick Walls” Wally Wallace) [0] @ 11:09 by pinfall after the Scales of Dominion (fireman’s carry powerslam) from Anubis to Wallace
• The Glue Man Group (Joe Fontaine & Sid Phillips) [6] def. The Kazuyagumi (“Ace of Hearts” Kazuya Fukumaru & Pom Shinjoku) [2] @ 15:11 by ref stoppage after the Chocolate Fontaine (triangle choke) from Fontaine to Shinjoku; Fontaine wins the Bang! All Day Championship!
• DESTROY IT ALL (“Grim Face” Ichiro Kuwayama & EIJI) [6] def. The Ironhearts (“Giant Tekkai” Bando Ichikawa & “Iron Idol” Riko Tsukino) [2] @ 19:09 by pinfall after the Grim Dawn (GTS) followed into the Oblivion Sickle (rainmaker lariat) from Kuwayama/EIJI to Ichikawa

 

Night 6, B Block (7/23)

• Los Cangrejos (Rey Cangrejo & El Cangrejo Asombroso) [6] def. Beasts of Tokyo [0] @ 12:57 by pinfall after a Crab Pretzel (figure four prawn hold) from Asombroso to HAMAYUMI
• No Laughing Matter (Frank Pastore & Domingo Cruz) [4] def. The Scurvy Knaves (“Cap’n” Brianna Kincaid & “Fancy” Dan Winthorpe) [0] @ 11:06 by pinfall after the Harsh Intent (burning hammer) from Pastore to Kincaid
• The Sound and the Fury (Ian Nackedy & Gildenstern) [6] def. “The Godslayer” Akira Hanazawa & MAGNUS DESTRUCTO [2] @ 18:01 by pinfall after a schoolboy rollup from Gildenstern to Hanazawa
• The New World Trash (Bex Savage & Angel Quinley) [4] def. No Quarter (Bracken Krueger & Daryn Thompson) [2] @ 21:12 by pinfall after the Eternal Sunrise (shooting star double stomp) from Quinley to Thompson

 

Night 7, A Block (7/26)

• DESTROY IT ALL (“Grim Face” Ichiro Kuwayama & EIJI) [8] def. The Monster Menagerie (Lord Kurosame-sama & a mysterious birdman) [2] @ 16:09 by pinfall after the Grim Dawn (GTS) followed into the Oblivion Sickle (rainmaker lariat) from Kuwayama/EIJI to Kurosame-sama
• The Ironhearts (“Giant Tekkai” Bando Ichikawa & “Iron Idol” Riko Tsukino) [4] def. Intelligent Design (“Stunning” Sam Smart & “Thick Walls” Wally Wallace) [0] @ 14:08 by pinfall after the choke bomb from Bando Ichikawa to Smart
• The Kazuyagumi (“Ace of Hearts” Kazuya Fukumaru & Pom Shinjoku) [4] def. Crownless Kingdom [4] @ 16:56 by pinfall after the Great Wave Off Of Kanagawa (rolling front Russian legsweep) from Shinjoku to Jaguar
• The Glue Man Group (Joe Fontaine & Sid Phillips) [8] def. Roosevelt Black & Tani Albright [2] @ 24:14 by ref stoppage after the Chocolate Fontaine (triangle choke) from Fontaine to Albright

 

Night 8, B Block (7/27)

• New World Trash [6] def. The Beasts of Tokyo (Seiko Serizawa & HAMAYUMI) [0] @ 0:16 by pinfall after the Bakebrainer (heavy elbow smash) from Savage to HAMAYUMI
• “The Godslayer” Akira Hanazawa & MAGNUS DESTRUCTO [4] def. The Scurvy Knaves (“Cap’n” Brianna Kincaid & “Fancy” Dan Winthorpe) [0] @ 12:16 by pinfall after the Destructo Bomb (inverted crucifix piledriver) from DESTRUCTO to Winthorpe
• No Laughing Matter (Frank Pastore & Domingo Cruz) [6] def. Los Cangrejos (Rey Cangrejo & El Cangrejo Asombroso) [6] @ 20:11 by pinfall after the Deuce Dime (package piledriver) from Cruz to Asombroso
• No Quarter (Bracken Krueger & Daryn Thompson) [4] def. The Sound and the Fury (Ian Nackedy & Gildenstern) [6] @ 19:55 by pinfall after DNR (Shatter Machine) from Krueger/Thompson to Guildenstern

 

Night 9, A Block (7/29)

• Intelligent Design (“Stunning” Sam Smart & “Thick Walls” Wally Wallace) [2] def. The Monster Menagerie (Lord Kurosame-sama & a mysterious birdman) [2] @ 14:52 by pinfall after the Smart Bomb (throwing crucifix powerbomb) from Smart to Kurosame-sama
• Roosevelt Black & Tani Albright [4] def. The Kazuyagumi (“Ace of Hearts” Kazuya Fukumaru & Pom Shinjoku) [4] @ 15:51 by pinfall after a triple jump moonsault from Black to Fukumaru
• The Crownless Kingdom (Powerslam Anubis & Ignacio el Jaguar) [6] def. The Ironhearts (“Giant Tekkai” Bando Ichikawa & “Iron Idol” Riko Tsukino) [4] @ 17:19 by pinfall after the Scales of Dominion (fireman’s carry powerslam) from Anubis to Bando Ichikawa
• DESTROY IT ALL (“Grim Face” Ichiro Kuwayama & EIJI) [9] and The Glue Man Group (Joe Fontaine & Sid Phillips) [9] goes to a time limit draw @ 30:00

 

Night 10, B Block (7/30)

• The Sound and the Fury (Ian Nackedy & Gildenstern) [8] def. The Scurvy Knaves (“Cap’n” Brianna Kincaid & “Fancy” Dan Winthorpe) [0] @ 16:09 by pinfall after the Dont You Dare Make Fun of My Funny Sounding Last Name or I Will Jump Over You and Drive You Into the Mat Like I Just Did from Nackedy to Winthorpe
• “The Godslayer” Akira Hanazawa & MAGNUS DESTRUCTO [6] def. No Laughing Matter (Frank Pastore & Domingo Cruz) [6] @ 19:01 by pinfall after the Destructo-Bomb (inverted crucifix piledriver) from DESTRUCTO to Cruz
• No Quarter (Bracken Krueger & Daryn Thompson) [6] def. The Beasts of Tokyo (Seiko Serizawa & HAMAYUMI) [0] @ 9:04 by pinfall after the DNR (Shatter Machine) from Krueger/Thompson to Serizawa
• New World Trash [8] def. Los Cangrejos (Rey Cangrejo & El Cangrejo Asombroso) [6] @ 24:11 by pinfall after the Eternal Sunrise from Quinley to Asombroso

 

Night 11, A Block (7/31)

• Roosevelt Black & Tani Albright [6] def. Intelligent Design (“Stunning” Sam Smart & “Thick Walls” Wally Wallace) [2] @ 14:53 by pinfall after a crucifix pin from Black to Wallace
• DESTROY IT ALL (“Grim Face” Ichiro Kuwayama & EIJI) [11] def. The Crownless Kingdom (Powerslam Anubis & Ignacio el Jaguar) [6] @ 6:51 by countout after EIJI ties Anubis’s leg to the guardrail
• The Glue Man Group (Joe Fontaine & Sid Phillips) [11] def. The Monster Menagerie (Lord Kurosame-sama & a mysterious birdman) [2] @ 15:08 by submission after the Chocolate Fontaine (triangle choke) from Fontaine to Lord Kurosame-sama
• The Kazuyagumi (“Ace of Hearts” Kazuya Fukumaru & Pom Shinjoku) [6] def. The Ironhearts (“Giant Tekkai” Bando Ichikawa & “Iron Idol” Riko Tsukino) [4] @ 16:44 by pinfall after a Demon Driver (storm cradle driver) from Fukumaru to Tsukino

 

Night 12, B Block (8/1)

• New World Trash [10] def. “The Godslayer” Akira Hanazawa & MAGNUS DESTRUCTO [6] @ 8:44 by countout after Hanazawa and DESTRUCTO have a disagreement outside and don’t realize they’re being counted out
• The Scurvy Knaves (“Cap’n” Brianna Kincaid & “Fancy” Dan Winthorpe) [2] def. Los Cangrejos (Rey Cangrejo & El Cangrejo Asombroso) [6] @ 14:22 by pinfall after the Dead Man’s Chest (Shatter Machine) from Kincaid/Winthorpe to Asombroso
• The Beasts of Tokyo (Seiko Serizawa & HAMAYUMI) [2] def. The Sound and the Fury (Ian Nackedy & Gildenstern) [8] @ 20:21 by pinfall after the Dragon’s Breath (spin kick) from HAMAYUMI to Nackedy
• No Laughing Matter (Frank Pastore & Domingo Cruz) [8] def. No Quarter (Bracken Krueger & Daryn Thompson) [6] @ 23:45 by pinfall after a superplex and top rope splash from Pastore and Cruz to Krueger

 

Night 13, Block Finals (8/3)

• The Ironhearts (“Giant Tekkai” Bando Ichikawa & “Iron Idol” Riko Tsukino) [6] def. The Monster Menagerie (Lord Kurosame-sama & a mysterious birdman) [2] @ 13:06 by pinfall after the Sunspark (single knee facebuster) from Tsukino to Kurosame-sama
• The Beasts of Tokyo (Seiko Serizawa & HAMAYUMI) [3] and The Scurvy Knaves (“Cap’n” Brianna Kincaid & “Fancy” Dan Winthorpe) [3] ends in a no contest @ 3:08 due to ref stoppage after Kincaid injures her shoulder following a dive to the outside
• Intelligent Design (“Stunning” Sam Smart & “Thick Walls” Wally Wallace) [4] def. The Kazuyagumi (“Ace of Hearts” Kazuya Fukumaru & Pom Shinjoku) [6] @ 11:07 by pinfall after the Cosmic Debunking (throwing crucifix powerbomb into neckbreaker) from Smart/Wallace to Fukumaru
• No Quarter (Bracken Krueger & Daryn Thompson) [7] draws “The Godslayer” Akira Hanazawa & MAGNUS DESTRUCTO [7] @ 10:08 by countout after both teams brawl too long on the outside
• DESTROY IT ALL (“Grim Face” Ichiro Kuwayama & EIJI) [13] def. Roosevelt Black & Tani Albright [4] @ 14:08 by pinfall after the Grim Dawn (GTS) from Kuwayama to Albright
• Los Cangrejos (Rey Cangrejo & El Cangrejo Asombroso) [8] def. The Sound and the Fury (Ian Nackedy & Gildenstern) [8] @ 15:09 by pinfall after an inside cradle from Asombroso to Nackedy
• The Crownless Kingdom (Powerslam Anubis & Ignacio el Jaguar) [8] def. The Glue Man Group (Joe Fontaine & Sid Phillips) [11] @ 21:09 by pinfall after the Twin Helix (phoenix splash) from Jaguar to Phillips to give A Block to DESTROY IT ALL!
• No Laughing Matter (Frank Pastore & Domingo Cruz) [10] def. New World Trash [10] @ 26:09 by pinfall after the Harsh Intent (burning hammer) from Pastore to Savage to win B Block!

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The Finals
DESTROY IT ALL’s rebellious nature and No Laughing Matter’s shady machinations collided in the finals, as the A Block and B Block winners met to decide who wins the tag league!

While both teams are relatively new, they happened to be very evenly matched. Between Kuwayama and Cruz matching speedy technical maneuvers and both EIJI and Pastore bringing their power, it looked a lot like the match that D.I.A. had with the Glue Man Group earlier in the tag league. Chaos ensued and neither team really cared that much about the rules, leading to an all-out brawl between both teams midway into the match!

Towards the end of the match, all four men traded finishing blows on one another, but nothing could put down the other team. When D.I.A. looked to seal things with Kuwayama landing Grim Dawn on Cruz and leaving him vulnerable to EIJI’s Oblivion Sickle, Pastore pulled referee “Soft Hands” Tsukuji out of the ring and took out EIJI with a steel chair! Kuwayama managed to stun and lift the big man up for another Grim Dawn, but Pastore proved too big and powerful, and one Harsh Intent later sealed the match for No Laughing Matter, who wins the Celestial Dragon Tag League for the first time!

It’s a very brief turnaround, but Pastore and Cruz have a date with the Glue Man Group in just three days’ time for the Bang! With Your Partner championships! Can Tony Gamble’s understudies defeat the Glues, or will they be in a sticky situation?