RUMOR MILLS: AUGUST 10TH EDITION

• • Renewed negotiations with the ACE Network regarding “Mega Job and the Ten True Fruits” have apparently finally gained traction after nearly a year of back-and-forth trips to the table.

Long thought to be a shoe-in for the ACE Network due to its many connections with PRIME, things hit a snag when the Phoenix Wrestling Alliance was announced last year. However, recent events have gradually allowed the two sides to speaking to one another again.

The popular web cartoon is a product of multiple former and current PRIME alumni, such as Connor and Miranda O’Reilly, Simon Knox, Soren “Captain Justice” Knox, and current PRIME star Coral Avalon. In addition to the rights to the show’s first four seasons, a fifth season is rumored to be part of the negotiations.

 

• • Speaking of Mega Job, a tabletop game based on “Mega Job and the Ten True Fruits” was recently announced. Now, you can join in the misadventures of Beef, El Janito, and Steve from the comforts of your home! Collect the Strawberry of Time from the wreckage of the derelict space Whalebago of Jason, Herald of Party Demons! Snatch the Seeing-Eye Apple from the evil crime golem, Kellencade! Snip the Banana of Fertility from the clutches of the cursed Great VILLAM! There are also ten exciting character classes, including Funkmaster, Questionably British Gentleman, and Greg! Preorders will be out soon!

(Ed. Note: …Gary, is this a rumor or an advertisement?)

 

• • Joe Fontaine has threatened to pee on someone after barely missing the finals of the Celestial Dragon Tag League in Japan. Pray it is not you.

 

• • Nate Colton has risen to the rank of PRIME Public Enemy #1 after his involvement in ReV 32’s Savannah Scandal fiasco. According to our unnamed source backstage, the Next Diamond generated “a metric shitload of heat” with the locker room, the announcers, and especially the referees.

Timo Bolamba and his team are said to be “furious” over the comments made by Savannah Scandal about junior official Ashley Barlow. Our source went on to say that Barlow has considered sitting out the ReV 33 main event in protest.

Nate Colton himself continues to be unavailable for comment.

 

• • Chandler Tsonda ceased texting Coral Avalon stupid shit for 8 hours early Saturday morning. It was thought that perhaps Tsonda’s bottomless barrage of bestie behavior had finally hit a stumbling block. The best-sourced intel suggests that one of the Tsuperstar Enterprises interns had a little too much to drink, a LOT too much karaoke of the hits of Carly Rae Jepsen, and missed a shift at the helm of the Model Citizen’s prized iPhone. Discipline will be handled in-house. Non-stop texting has resumed as normal.

 

• • The 2023 Milo Flynn Cup is already off to an incredible start, with tickets selling out within days of the lineup announcement.

“It’s a great problem to have,” board member Scott Jamison told the press. “If we had a little more time, we might have looked into a larger venue.” The board has discussed setting up official “watch parties” at smaller venues, with the possibility of celebrity meet & greets in multiple locations.

The record-setting sales can be mostly attributed to the star power in attendance, specifically Vae Victis (DEFIANCE) and Eminence (PRIME).

In related news, there has been some push to replace the Scurvy Knaves in the event, after “Cap’n” Brianna Kincaid’s injury during the Celestial Dragon Tag League. In their final match, Kincaid collided with the guard rail on a dive to the outside and suffered a separated shoulder; she is expected to miss several months of action. That injury also may have cost the Knaves a spot at Bang!’s 8/8 Infinite Anniversary show, as management seemed wholly uninterested with the team’s third member, “Salty” Pete Yardley.

 

• • As the time for his deal renewal draws closer, there are rumblings from the PRIME front office about what to do regarding Sage Pontiff. Sources indicate that while management is high on the wrestler, his prior legal troubles and unapologetic, frequent, and heroic drug use have not made him any friends in management. The sentiment seems to be that Pontiff might not be “worth the trouble,” but these reports are also contradicted with a desire to not lose his talent to a competitor. We will keep you updated on any further rumors regarding the status of the Bodhisattva.

 

• • Rumors swirled that La Llorona, the rattlesnake reluctantly taken in as a pet by the Anglo Luchador, got loose in Malvern. The snake allegedly hissed at a local child, and that it shook its rattle tail at a baby who had a rattler. Staunch denials came from the Luchador household, namely in the form of TAL’s wife, Tamara Mooney-Battaglia, yelling at me to stop using her kids as sources. Will I stop? Probably not. It’s the only entertainment I get around here anymore.

(Ed. Note: Gary, you’ll have nobody to blame but yourself when it’s time for your performance review…)

 

• • A source within the PRIME offices all but confirmed that someone filed a PWA talent transfer request for one night only, in Las Vegas. If you put two and two together and see that one Miranda DC and a mystery partner have a date with Felix Mullen and his new heavy Moriton at the SHOOT Project pay-per-view Eternal, then you might know who it is and who put the application in.

The request was approved, by the by.

 

• • Despite countless efforts, it appears Phil Atken has yet to take any of Tiny Gamble’s calls. The former Universal champion does not seem to have any interest in becoming a part of Gamble’s little circus act. On the other end of the spectrum, Jon Rhine only responds to Tony’s calls or texts with a two words answer: “Hello Tony.”

If anything new develops, we’ll have the news first.

SO STAY TUNED!

 

• • Nothing has been confirmed, but there have been talks about Tony Gamble being stopped and questioned while driving through a part of town rich with women that have a particular way of providing income for themselves off the main strip. Apparently he was in a white van asking women walking along the sidewalk if they wanted to earn some cash plucking his feathers.

“I don’t know who that guy with the creepy smile was, but I’m a legitimate business woman,” one of the women questioned said when asked about the interaction. “Plucking feathers…I’m not one to kink shame, but why can’t he be like most of the guys out here that just want you to stick a couple fingers up their ***?”

 

• • Big rumors buzzing around the physical, mental, and emotional well-being of one Kenny Freeman, who has been dealing with concerns of whether recent events have taken a toll on his psyche.

Now that we got all the big words out of the way, we can say with gusto that Kenny Freeman may or may not just be “tired” going into his match against Paxton Ray. So very, very tired.

How tired? Well, Kenny was seen writing “Number ZZZ by Definition” all over the walls at a public restroom in the vicinity.

 

• • Word around the water cooler is that The Troy Boys may be backstage at ReVival 33! While details around them have thus far been hard to come by, we’ve heard that locker room accommodations have been negotiated for the six-pack, as space was set aside for six men named Lance, Ian, Nevin, Devin, Zephram, and Taylor. If true, we here at Rumor Mills hope that the rest of the group has been able to calm Zephram’s desire to Koji Clutch everything he can see.

 

• • There’s been a lot of speculation around what sort of punishment could befall Nate Colton for the access he granted Savannah Scandal at ReVival 33, but it’s possible the harshest could come from within the Colton family home! While we’ve thus far been unable to verify this, all the hot goss’ points to a phone call that Justine Calvin made sometime after the last show went off the air. Even though Jake Colton has a presence on the company’s internal Jabber platform, all signs indicate that it wasn’t the patriarch of the Colton clan that Justine was looking to reach, but rather Nate’s mother Mallory! Remember, Justine, no one likes a tattle-tale.

We’ll be sure to keep you up to date once we learn if the eldest of the Colton kids was sent to bed without supper.

[Ed. Note: Gary, I know that nobody’s happy that we had to deal with Scandal, but if Nate Colton tries to suplex you I’m going to let him. Or if anyone else tries to suplex you for that matter.]

 

• • More news from the geneticists who previously discovered Ivan is part bear! It turns out, he is part black bear, which means… Ivan Stanislav is part American. 😮

 

• • We’ve been asked not to include content from the Scandal Sheet for the foreseeable future. If you want to know more about Hayes Hanlon’s drug problem, Randall Schwartz’s foot fetish, Vince Howard’s gnome figurine collection, or Nate Colton’s masturbating habits, you’ll have to look elsewhere.