REVIVAL 33 NEWS AND NOTES

• • The Anglo Luchador was fined for his shock collar attack on Paxton Ray at ReVival 33. The total was officially given in 15,000…. yen. Coincidentally, the Luchador was reported as finding a crisp 100 dollar bill in the parking lot leaving the show. The two incidents are not related.

 

• • Ria Lockhart has been fined an undisclosed amount for property damage after her match at ReVival 33.

 

• • Official word out of Camp Bandit is that Bellerophon allowed his COOL cousin to borrow Pegasus for one night only. The terms of the arrangement were that Jiles could use the fabled creature for as long as he wanted just as long as he kept a low profile.

 

• • Dave Gibson has been fined and suspended for attacking Eddie Cross’s AV crew member John Caplan. He has also been ordered to replace a cellphone he damaged.

 

• • PRIME Management has confirmed that C. Mortgomery Byrnes has, in fact, wrestled his last match in PRIME. The decision has come more than two weeks after Mortgomery’s alleged assault on Myron Rightway, an employee of Arthur Pleasant’s attorney Arliss Peters.

The alleged assault occurred during Revival 32 when Rightway served Byrnes with a restraining order. While Byrnes remains adamant that Rightway slipped on a baseball bat, Rightway – who has suffered partial hearing loss – had been threatening a multi-million dollar lawsuit against PRIME unless Byrnes was terminated from employment.

PRIME’s own Matt Mills contacted Byrnes to confirm the details of the incident and the former Alias Champion had this to say:

“I hope that Myron prick chokes on a Santa sack of dicks. This lawsuit is a turd. However, I have been informed that it would be in my own best interest and the interest of all involved that I fuck off, so on said advice, I have made the decision to exit from PRIME.

I wish to thank Tony Gamble for his guidance and tutorage. Dom and Frank, Fake Dom and Fake Frank, it was real good knowing you. Arthur Pleasant, you sniveling shitstain, you might have me by the balls now, I might be on the shelf, but once this shit dies down in a month or three, I will come back AND FUCK YOUR LIFE!!! I WILL FUCK YOUR FUCKING LIFE YOU FRANKENSTEIN FUCK!!!”

As of this posting, Lindsay Troy has not responded to our request for comment regarding the departure of C. Mortgomery Byrnes.

 

• • Coral Avalon remains uncleared for action, and was mainly in attendance for ReVival 33 to speak with management about his situation and to try and get cleared.

When asked by reporters about his interactions with former PRIME Universal champion, current curtain jerker, and all-around crumb Cancer Jiles in recent weeks, Avalon had this to say, “Seriously! I’m not joining the Bandits!”

Avalon is expected to be at ReVival 34 as well, where he will more than likely continue to foolishly resist being pulled into Banditry, completely oblivious to the fact that becoming a Bandit has little to do with your choice in the matter. Also, he has friends in the area.

 

• • Joe Fontaine and Sid Phillips have apparently already made enemies with Bang! Pro Wrestling’s management! Following their narrow victory to keep their Bang! With Your Partner championships at the conclusion of the CDTL and the Infinite Anniversary shows in Bang! Pro Wrestling, the pair have declared that they will not be flying back to Japan for the rest of the year and are content to defend their newly won championships in the United States.

Speaking through a translator, Bang! Pro Wrestling’s self-styled “Warlord of Operations” and current owner Inoue Doi stated that Fontaine and Phillips *will* come back to Japan to defend their belts again or she will personally make their every living breath an agony until the day they die, on whichever day that she so chooses.

So, that’s probably not good for them.

 

• • Speaking of Fontaine and Phillips, the PRIME tag team stalwarts are currently advertised to appear on ReVival 34.

Talking with reporters bold enough to approach the Glueminati locker room and the powerbomb magnate helping to guard it from predators (or people trying to say more than two words to FLAMBERGE), Fontaine said, “Yeah, we really should deal with that whole ‘Kenny Freeman addresses his enemies’ fiasco from a couple of months ago, huh?”

We didn’t even prompt him to say anything. He just said that on his own and everything, and we’re supposed to deal with that information.

 

• • Surprisingly to seemingly EVERYONE, it is believed Nate Colton had a reasonably enjoyable experience spending Revival 33 in the LOVE CONVOY’s locker room.

“Since Nate didn’t end up having that big title match, he was less tense and we were able to smooth our problems over rather easily,” Vickie mentioned yesterday to a reporter not named Savannah Scandal. “We provided Nate The Great with buffalo wings, french fries and cherry cheesecake for dessert. Oh, it was so divine!”

Nate Colton was closed off to the general public for comment, at least that’s what Vickie said.

“Yes, Nate wanted to say LOVE CONVOY hospitality was ‘increds!’ He might even be willing to get into the hot tub fun next week after his big title victory! Who needs ice baths when you have hot tubs? [Giggle].” Vickie was indeed excited.

When asked to clarify what Vickie meant by “smoothing things over” she went on to say the following:

“Mostly the boys bonded,” Vickie continued. “I think Jonathan-Christopher has really taken to Nate. Nate is a strong wrestler and my honey bunch of oats could learn a lot from him! Nate has a wonderful win-loss record and it’s something to be cherished!”

However, when asked about Jonathan-Christopher’s win streak, Vickie gushed with delight!

“He’s been excellent, no? He’s really been The Best Boy for a while now. Gosh golly, you think he could go on and win the whole thing?”

Upon reflection, Vickie redirected back to Nate Colton.

“Nate’s going to be so good to my Jonathan-Christopher. This is the best friend Jonathan-Christopher has always wanted in his life! [Giggle] I think they both enjoyed the buffalo wings.”

Vickie went on to say she cannot wait for this ReVival and it might be “the best booked card” from top to bottom she has ever seen.

“That Lindsay Troy’s outdone herself this time,” Vickie said in closing. “She’s definitely made my life a recent Fruitopia!”

 

• • The day after ReVival 33, an irate Ivan Stanislav gave a spirited press conference from Moscow. He offered the following:

“Since Comrade Kenny Freeman has joined The Red Army, he has been undefeated and that streak should have continued! Everyone and their brother saw that he rolled Paxton Ray up for the win. This is the biggest theft since the West claimed that Hayes Hanlon ‘defeated’ me last year at UltraViolence!”

Stanislav then went on a thirty-minute tirade where he laid out the vast process in which he was, at first, declared the loser in said match, and then a forced audit (at his insistence) later revealed he had indeed won the match. We asked local Russians afterwards both who had won the match last year, and if Kenny Freeman had won this year.

To a person, they all believed both men were undefeated, and appeared willing to fight us if we thought otherwise.

 

• • Scott Hunter has filed a formal protest over his loss to C. Mortgomery Byrnes. He stated that, Friday August 11th being National Hip Hop Day, and his prior commitment to dance at the Greater Miami Pop Lock-a-thon, where he pulled a hamstring, he was not adequately prepared for the match. He requests an expungement of his loss from his record and the use of Lindsay Troy’s pool for a party he wants to throw next week.

His request was swiftly denied.

 

• • Paxton Ray was treated for burns and shocks after the show. He was released the next day and should be cleared for activity. Foster Nackedy was irate about the attack, believing that if he had not been barred from entering PPG Paints Arena, that Paxton Ray wouldn’t have been attacked. Nackedy is currently working with Chet Fleetwood at Fleetwood, Fleetwood, Harper and Fleetwood to see if he has a legal case against PRIME.

 

• • Shortly after ReVival 33 came to a close, a large black box was found lying on a table in the catering area. The box was addressed to Tom Battaglia and was opened. The contents of said box were a dozen white roses. It is unclear if Tom received said package or not, but viewers of our show will remember that Tom, otherwise known as The Anglo Luchador, received a package on ReVival 31. Is this package from Paxton Ray? Maybe some follow-up head games from Arthur Pleasant, who faced The Anglo Luchador at Tropical Turmoil? Or someone completely different?

 

• • We are hearing the PRIME Recruiting Team has taken a keen interest on a team that was recently announced for their first United States booking date in the Flynn Cup, Kinetic Innovation. The team has put on phenomenal matches in the United Kingdom over the past year and has apparently been training under a former PRIME superstar, though we have been unable to confirm who this person is. Needless to say, PRIME Recruiting have been keeping a close eye on them and have enjoyed what they’ve seen thus far on tape.

The upcoming Flynn Cup will be PRIME’s first opportunity to see them in person and there are murmurs that a contract is in the works, especially when considering the fact the team’s first round match is against current PRIME members. Who could that be? A number of teams in PRIME are in the Flynn Cup, such as Eminence, No Laughing Matter, and the Glue Man Group. Needless to say, if the team impresses or even is able to upset their opponents, we could be seeing them make their way to PRIME in short order. More to come at the end of the month!

 

• • Following his debut victory at ReVival 33, Daytona Diamonds was reportedly seen entering the Rivers Casino in Pittsburgh, PA with a woman on either arm and a huge smile across his face. When approached, Daytona claimed he was “luckier than a four leaf clover,” “going skinny dipping in the hotel pool,” and “about to bet it all on black.”

Thirty minutes later, Daytona Diamonds was reportedly seen leaving the Rivers Casino in Pittsburgh, PA completely alone and with tears in his eyes. When approached, Daytona claimed he’d “done messed up real good” and screamed various obscenities before kicking a garbage bin and blaming anyone else but himself.

 

• • RingDispatch.com posted an interview with the Scurvy Knaves, one of the teams participating in the Milo Flynn Cup. Maeva Chastain asked about their experience in Bang! Pro Wrestling, the extent of “Cap’n” Brianna Kincaid’s injury, and whether “Fancy” Dan Winthorpe would apply for the Belmont Classic at the end of the year.

Of particular note is the following excerpt, in which Maeva asked if the Knaves would drop out of the Flynn Cup.

Pete Yardley: It’s something we still have to…

Brianna Kincaid: Of course not. Pete’s taking my place.

MC: …seriously?

At this point, Kincaid lost her temper.

Brianna Kincaid: Of course! I know you all talk about Pete like he’s some kind of joke. You forget he’s been fighting all over the world for thirty years, or that he used to leave people bloody in that ring. He’s still the same stone-hearted, mean-minded bastard old salt he’s always been, and anyone who says his name without respect will learn to say it with fear. Savvy?

The interview ended shortly thereafter.

 

• • Despite rumblings of “a girl Kenny Freeman” hanging around backstage, we’ve been given the utmost assurance that the newest recruit to the Masters of the Moscowverse will NOT be competing actively in PRIME anytime soon.

“We just don’t have room in the budget for it,” stated Freeman when pressed like a panini on the matter. “If anything, Kendra will be shipped off–sorry, I mean flying in–for some wrestling training elsewhere. Assuming she even WANTS to be a wrestler. I don’t have a clue right now, my brain is still mush from getting beat up by Paxton Ray thank you very much.”

 

• • Nate Colton might be all over the dirt sheets these days, but he definitely isn’t all over Las Vegas.

For the past several weeks, there have been no reports or photos of him. Formerly a regular at the Asylum and Troy Combat Systems, he has not appeared at either facility in months. He has, however, taken bookings for smaller independent promotions in the area.

A representative of PURE (based in Salt Lake City) confirmed these reports. “He did our show in St. George last month. We booked him against one of our best; he wrestled the match and left before the pay was handed out.”

This lines up with reports from promoters in Las Vegas and Henderson, as well as one in Reno. The overall response to this behavior has been positive, with the events getting a boost from having a PRIME star on the card. Most promotions were more than willing to have him back, “especially if he wants to keep doing it for free.”

The representative from PURE was hesitant. “If the rumors about his personal life are true, we may have to reassess our working relationship.”

 

• • We have a medical update about Biff Bagwell of the Jimmy Bonafide Dancers, who had an altercation involving Zephram of the Troy Boys. The PRIME news desk reached out to the Bonafides for comment, and received the following from Misty:

“Yeah we call ‘im, like, Biff the Stiff cuz he don’t bend good, ‘n shit. Yo, that man’s knees is crazy. Dude be walkin’ like a robot like he just came outta the lab with a big ol’ Frankenstein. That’s Biff. Frankenbiff. Biffenstein. I don’t fuckin’ know.”

In addition to suffering an extended Koji Clutch, Biff also had the misfortune of getting caught in the middle of backstage chase between Jake Nguyen, known to PRIME as Chandler Tsonda’s body double, and the actual Chandler Tsonda. The encounter sent Biff to the floor where he remained for quite some time waiting for someone to pick him up. When asked about this, Misty had this to say:

“Tell Channy T. that if he wanna be seein’ double, triple, or if he just wanna have a straight-up religious experience and see God then he should get these digits.”

We’ll be sure to let you know if Tsonda does, in fact, get those digits. Meanwhile we here at the news desk wish Biff a speedy recovery from his latest arthritis flare-up.

[Editor’s note: Misty was insistent that we quote her accurately, else she “bust it down like they do up in Manch-Vegas.” And while we here at the news desk have no idea what that means, we thought it best to take her at her word.]

 

• • The revelation of Tony Gamble being the mastermind behind the Chandler Tsonda Doppelganger all along took many people by surprise. When asked how he was able to keep it a secret for so long, Tony replied…

“By not telling anyone.”

The veteran has clearly learned quite a bit over the years, because practically no one saw this coming.

 

• • Finally, earlier today, PRIME made what some are calling a major talent acquisition after announcing they had signed pure wrestling aficionado KERRY KUROYAMA to a two-year deal with the company.

A native Seattleite and a third-generation wrestler boasting over ten years of experience in the ring, Kuroyama comes to PRIME after competing in rival DEFIANCE Wrestling for the better part of the last seven years. Highlights of his time there include a run as the company’s Favoured Saints Champion, and being an esteemed member of the elite wrestling faction, Vae Victis.

The news is expected to generate a bit of speculation among circles of wrestling fans, as Kerry allowed his contract with DEFIANCE to run out rather than sign a new deal.

Kuroyama is currently bound to his standing commitments with a smattering of international promotions, but is expected to become a full-time competitor following the UltraViolence event. As part of the initiative to introduce PRIME’s newest signee to the fans, junior reporter SIMON TILLIER has been selected to conduct a sit-down interview with Kuroyama in the coming weeks. Said interview being tentatively scheduled to air during the ReVival 35 broadcast.