Think Red #17- UV Night 1 Predictions! Jabber Responses! MORE!

Think Red 17
UltraViolence 2023 Night 1

Yes, comrades, here I am once more, Alexei Ruslan, giving you another riveting edition of Think Red!

I thought it might be nice to give you a snapshot into my life at this moment, as so many of you are curious, right? I’m sitting here in Praporshchik Stanislav’s office. He is busy looking at his schedule. A man of his stature and importance is very busy indeed. From social meetings to official events, and not to mention time in between when he takes long walks and meets with your everyday Muscovite, just mingling with the people.

One has to wonder how Ivan manages to also work at PRIME and have so much success, but your wondering does not need to last for very long. Looking at his record and all he has done in but one years’ time, it’s easy to understand.

But oh, we have to move towards UltraViolence. I regret that I have no “hot button” issues for you to talk about, per se. I have plenty to write, on top of my other duties, so I feel it is best to just jump right into some predictions.

UltraViolence Night 1 Predictions

ALIAS TITLE MATCH: TONY GAMBLE (C) VS. CHANDLER TSONDA
Winner: Tony Gamble

These two seem to have a lot of history together, don’t they? And while I may believe that Chandler Tsonda has a stronger wrestling background, may be in better shape, and perhaps has a stronger drive and will to win, I have to root for Tony Gamble.

Know why?

Because, in case you didn’t know, Chandler Tsonda jumped ahead of Ivan Stanislav at the Culture Shock Battle Royal when he shouldn’t have, and that entire contest should have been void, to include that ham and egger crybaby loser who ended up “winning” the thing!!

I’ll never forget, Chandler Tsonda.

Never.

ROCKY DE LEON VS. KENNADE STARR
Winner: Rocky

I’m giving the win here to Rocky. I don’t understand how Ms. Starr has this lummox of hers to fight for her, is that even legal? Then again, does Lindsay Troy ever care about legality?

Doubtful.

Still, I saw Praporshchik’s conversation with Rocky, and we are slated to have Russian tacos out in Siberia. Rocky, it is going to be great. Do not eat for the rest of the week.

So yes, I give Rocky the win. Not just because I think he is the better wrestler, but because I also don’t want him bleeding out on the train to the camp where the taco establishment is.

ARTHUR PLEASANT VS. C. MORTGOMERY BYRNES
Winner: Arthur Pleasant

Did you know that Ivan Stanislav absolutely manhandled Monty at last years’ Colossus? He did, and he’s never recovered.

Not sure I ever mentioned it…

But beyond that, Pleasant is the better wrestler, and he’s got the better focus, and he’s not a complete moronic imbecile like Monty who probably still has a brain bleed from Colossus 2022.

Go Arthur Pleasant! I heard a rumor that Byrnes wants to immolate your anus from the inside out. Let’s not have that happen. Like I have always said: “If someone wishes to immolate your anus, immolate theirs first!”

NO HOLDS BARRED: THE ANGLO LUCHADOR VS. PAXTON RAY
Winner: Paxton Ray

I call this the “Management Hates the Anglo Luchador and Wants Him Dead” match.

I know, everyone, we’re all tired of him. Luchador says this. Luchador says that. Luchador cries because his brother got hurt. Luchador whines because he got nuked by Ivan and Paxton.

I know how tiring it is.

But whoever thought of, and signed this match, really hates the Luchador. Maybe he wanted it to happen? Maybe he requested it? But whoever decided it was a good idea? You are my new best friend. Can you let me know? I’ll send you a fruit basket!

I cannot see any reason why Paxton Ray will not leave victorious. I mean, The Luchador will piss and moan and complain, and make innumerable excuses to deflect from his failings as wrestler and human being, but really, does anyone think Paxton Ray isn’t tailor made for this carnage?

Oh I can’t wait!

CECILWORTH FARTHINGTON/FLAMBERGE VS. JARED SYKES/HAYES HANLON
Winner: Farthington and FLAMBERGE

The Dump Trucks, yes, that’s their name. But we already knew they were walking asses, didn’t we?

I wonder how much ass it takes to make a gallon of glue?

Honestly, who put together this team of Sykes and Hanlon? Let’s put the two biggest, shiftiest wastes of space in the main event. Not only that, but they’re losers. However, do know how Americans love to coddle their pathetic failures.

I guess it’ll be entertaining just to watch Farthington and FLAMBERGE absolutely rip them to pieces. I foresee necks and limbs flying!

It will be glorious!

On Jabber

There are sinister forces at work behind the scenes in PRIME. We have always known them. Counter-revolutionary, one might say, or perhaps just counter-productive. It matters not, really.

The fact is that each and every day, Ivan Stanislav and his Red Army root out these forces and destroy them at the source. They’re fearful, you see. Fearful of the truth. Fearful of being challenged. Fearful of anyone who may challenge “their” status quo.

Many in PRIME are afraid to stand up against these forces. They lack the fortitude to weather such storms.

They lack courage.

But do you know who doesn’t?

I know you know.

Praporshchik Stanislav, that’s who!

Still, he wages the war, but we still have to be patient. I know most are aware of my unwarranted censoring on Jabber. But don’t think I haven’t been watching in my own way. And while I would like to comment on most anything, you know, to spread the truth and promote harmony, I cannot.

Until now.

I decided to take some choice messages and give my opinions and responses, because I know so many of my dear, fine readers have been wanting to know my take on things.

So please, look below, and enjoy!

Words Which Will Not Be Silenced!

@TrashSavage I failed you Angel. I failed you. I failed you failed you failed you failed you failed you failed you failed you failed you failed you kill me. Sopmeone FUCKING KILL ME PLEASE I’M FUCKING BEGGING YOU FUCKING I DON’T CARE I DON’T FUCKING CARE ANYMORE ABOUT ANYTHING ANYMORE FUCK EVERYTHING AND FUCK ME I FUCKING SHOULD HAVE GRABBED HER I SHOULD HAVE GRABBED HER AND PROTECTED HER WHAT KIND OF SISTER AM I SHE MIGHT BE DYIN G AND THERE’S NOTHING IC AN DO ABOUT IT BECAUSE IM A FUCKING LOSER

This may come as a shock to this poor trashy savage, but wrestling is physical sport, and injuries happen. Yes, I see how this poor moron wallows in their self-pity, but from what I understand your partner slipped, fell, and busted their skull. Sounds fairly straightforward to me.

Oh and yes, you are a loser.

—

09/09/2023 8:15 AM
Moderator has unbanned @russianbear
Moderator has unbanned @alexrusogpunkvdkgb
Moderator has banned @alexrusogpunkvdkgb

I just want to say how happy I am that Ivan was brought back onto Jabber. We both were removed without merit, but at least he has returned. And if I remain unjustly silenced, it is a small price to pay.

Still, you can see the blatant immaturity on display here. It is pathetic.

—

09/09/2023 8:22 AM
@LT: I’ll get right on that
@LT: Nope, no error

This was in response to Praporshchik Stanislav’s spirited request to review my re-banning. Lindsay Troy, you do yourself a terrible disservice when you put your childishness on such blatant display. You are the owner of a major company.

Sad!

—

09/09/2023 8:27 AM
@russianbear @FosterHelmetMan You as well. Send Paxton and your students my regards. Alexei enjoyed watching the match from ringside. Admittedly, he was still a little loopy from the unwarranted attack upon him earlier. Have you ever considered Paxton participating in tag team full time?

This “loopy” line from Praporshchik Stanislav was due to the cowardly attack by Brandon Youngblood earlier. Of course, dear Brandon is going to get his soon enough. It was a fantastic match, to see Ivan and Paxton destroy Brandon and Tommy boy.

I do think Paxton would do quite well in a tag team. Not that team he was in before, the truth is from all the footage I’ve watched, Paxton carried that entire team on his own. But a true, equal tag team? He might be unstoppable.

I just want to say that everyone who paints Paxton Ray with such a wicked brush should be ashamed of themselves. I found him to be a consummate professional.

—

09/09/2023 7:18 PM
@HotBerryDaddy: i dont wanna answer the dump truck questions

09/09/2023 7:55 PM
@HotBerryDaddy: i had no hand in the name someone from markteing put that together i hate it

Yes, dear readers, I did not later what Jared Sykes wrote. He is that stupid.

Also, rest assured, Sykes, we all hate you too.

—

09/11/2023 11:57 PM
@russianbear Just received good news @FosterHelmetMan! Anytime you wish for yourself, your students, or Paxton Ray to come visit Russia, you are more than welcome! I give you all great tour of Moscow. If you ever feel like it, why, you could stay here forever. You are all considered close friends of Russian people! Something nice to rest upon in evening over there in Western Hemisphere!

I simply wish to echo this sentiment. I understand Nackedy is taking some time off, which might be for the best, but the welcoming arms of The Russian Federation are always open for our dear friends!

—

09/12/2023 12:10 AM
@Ami: @russianbear I’d tag him (Alexei) but he’s still banned

You, my dear, are a childish coward and I will have nothing more to say about it!

—

09/12/2023 9:04 PM
@TAL his name is Michael Vincenzo Battaglia. put respect on his name.

No.

—

09/13/2023 10:56 AM
@russianbear @LT Lindsay Troy! Is there -anyone- at your office answering phones? If I did not know better, I would think you are on vacation!!

09/13/2023 11:15 AM
@LT: Every day that I don’t hear from you @russianbear is a vacation

My understanding is that they have untrained monkeys working at PRIME headquarters. However, you can also see just how thoughtless Lindsay Troy is! We have an entire national hanging upon every word of Ivan Sergeiovich Stanislav, and you think his lack of words are a vacation?

Oh you silly, silly woman.

—

09/13/2023 2:26 PM
@LoversInADangerousPRIME gosh golly thank you!!!!11111 NATE WAS UNGRATEFUL AND YES WE WANT MORALE HIGHHHHHH

I appreciate any thanks given our way, and while Vickie Hall may be a little eccentric, I appreciate the kind words. I hope you give Nate Colton what he has coming to him. After all, the little shit has done nothing but wrongly judge people since his over-inflated ego told him he might actually win matches!
—

09/15/2023 9:33 AM
@pontiffofprime you’re inspectors better bring some Green to grease the union if you want it done right. Welcome to my town.

Are you threatening us?!

—

09/15/2023 11:33 AM
@russianbear I prefer not to talk about our private dealings @LT, but I will consider your words. But yes, Alexei is very talented. He has much insight he has, and can, share with rest of PRIME. Even in realm of electricity.

You ALL would be amazed at my breadth of education and life experience. Thank you for the compliment, Praporshchik!

—

09/15/2023 1:09 PM
@russianbear @Ami do not fret, dear one. It is like old Russian saying “Boot that falls over waterfall sometimes sinks before splashing.”

Oh I do love that saying. Well done Vanya!

—

09/15/2023 1:10 PM
@russianbear @Rockysaur Is popular Russian saying. You learn it after interrogation.

Interrogation, in Russian, can also mean “gentle and even minded talk.”

—

9/14/2023 at 11:09 AM
@russianbear My dear friends here in PRIME, since Alexei cannot post himself due to technical difficulties on PRIME’s IT side of things, he asks that I bring you an important question, and your feedback is most appreciated! Would you prefer:

1- Two separate Think Red articles, for each night of UltraViolence?
2- One single Think Red article for all of UltraViolence?
3- A singular, epic yet unbiased article about how much better Post-UltraViolence PRIME will be once I am Universal Champion and the theft of such an honor at Culture Shock is rectified?

We look forward to your honest and -constructive- answers. Please, no need to offer any words. Just 1, 2, and 3 can do.

I just want to say how appreciative I am of Ivan, taking his time out to try to help me and to also offer to let the rest of PRIME have a say.

I was also, unfortunately, unsurprised at the completely debacle that was the PRIME roster trying to fire up their brain cells and choose an option between 1 and 3. So much for that!

—

Today at 11:53 AM
@HotBerryDaddy: i have to go back to writing my boss mandated thinking red article now

Today at 11:57 AM
@russianbear @HotBerryDaddy Oh Jared, thinking, really? There truly is first and last time for everything. How lucky we all are you never procreated, as we discuss young people in world. Could you imagine? For record, Alexei is flabbergasted at thought.

As a matter of fact, I am STILL flabbergasted!
—

Closing

Well, my dear friends, I believe this has gone on long enough. I am so happy that I was able to have my voice heard, but moreso, we march towards a very promising time for PRIME! Night 1 appears to be quite the jam-packed affair, does it not? Even without any Red Army representation (which is tantamount to a crime!).

I will have Night 2 published soon!

In the meantime, think about how Ivan and myself tirelessly work to enhance your lives! Think about how PRIME, this struggling and chaotic company, will soon have someone even-keeled and just at the helm! But, my dear friends, always, always Think Red!