Cracking News

For immediate release:

Through some luck we here at Cracking News were able to procure an updated version of the poster Ivan and the rest of the Red Army have been hanging at recent ReVivals.

(see feature image above)

It’s being rumored that the first 1000 PRIMEates in attendance for ReVival 38 will receive a special autographed edition of the updated poster. No word on if the special promotion is really a ploy to ensure the house is full for when Cancer Jiles opens the show.

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Other notes:

-Bobby Dean is alive. Doctors say the blubber replacing his pectoral muscles saved his life.

-Immediately after his match Brandon Youngblood was randomly drug tested. He tested positive for rheumatoid arthritis and herpes softplex 97. Ironically, the latter also happens to be the name of the new suplex he’s been experimenting with.

-After his impressive first round victory Coral Avalon was given the nickname of Hard Boiled by his Bandit brethren.