REVIVAL 38 NEWS AND NOTES

• • Sounds of partying and cheering were heard in the eGG Bandit locker room following the victories of Cancer Jiles and Coral Avalon on ReVival 38. Lunchbox Lancelot and Matt Mills were not invited.

 

• • After being postponed for over a month, the finals of the Battle for Grays tournament will take place later this week. The reason for the delay is mostly that the result doesn’t exactly matter for the fate of the gym: both Connor Nackedy and Theodore Boswell represent Jonathan Rhine, meaning regardless of the winner, Gray’s Academy will go back to being under his control. The winner was initially promised a PWA contract, but we have heard no news of any paperwork being filed in ancitipation.

Foster Nackedy, who suspended his last remaining fighter Paxton Ray from the gym for unknown reasons, had this comment when asked about the tournament: “This was probably a dumb idea. But maybe my son will win and I can finally be the proud dad I’ve always wanted to be.”

 

• • Following his loss at ReVival 38, Daytona Diamonds was reportedly seen pacing around backstage, swinging back and forth between anger and anxiety. He kept checking his phone, muttering “No, no, no” under his breath until he realized people were staring. After shouting at members of PRIME’s production crew and telling them to, quote, “Mind your own god dang business, you buncha fuckin’ vultures!”, he was seen rushing into The Diamond Mine and remained there for the rest of the night.

Interestingly enough, Lindsay Troy was later seen entering The Diamond Mine after the show went off the air with a hat in hand…

 

• • The Glue Man Group and the Masters of the Moscowverse were each fined $2,000 per person to cover the cost of the damaged vending machine and especially all of the bread inside. The vending machine’s wife and family of other vending machines were all horrified at the actions of the two tag teams, and were quoted as saying a series of whirring noises and the sounds of a Snickers bar being dropped down the chute.

Fontaine was fined an additional $1,000 for tampering with a fire extinguisher.

The Glues are rumored to have made their “intern” help cover their costs, thus plunging him into further student debt. Joe Fontaine was even overheard asking his compatriots in the Glueminati locker room, “That’s how that works, right?”

 

• • Yes, the rumors are true: The Anglo Luchador has reaffirmed his commitment to active competition in PRIME for another year. He made the call to Killean Sirrajin last week and the papers were signed at ReVival 38, shortly after his visit to the MEAT? Wagon. Although The Anglo Luchador has hit a rough patch in 2023 and openly questioned his place in the company, he will be active, especially for the first visit of the company to Philadelphia, his hometown, during the ReVival era.

TAL of course is on “retainer” for PRIME, a deal that was negotiated last year around this time. The agreement allows him opportunities to work for the company as long as he’s able to in any capacity. The option for active competition is renewed or declined during Colossus season. TAL has been working behind the scenes in limited capacity while not dealing with his on-camera and wrestler duties.

 

• • Despite his second round victory over Kenny Freeman in the Almasy tournament, Hayes Hanlon was in something of a sour mood at the closing of ReVival 38.

“We’re serious? Sykes and Jiles get top billing over me and Farthington at 39?” he queried with equal parts amusement and frustration. “Guess we stopped caring about ratings around here. Yeah, wouldn’t wanna see the two-time Uni champ square up with the current Five Star. That juuuust doesn’t cut it. Booking fail of the freakin’ millennium.”

Taking advantage of the segue, we asked for the Event Horizon’s thoughts on his meeting with fellow Glue Factory compatriot in the Almasy’s third round.

“Well, the good news is that either way, Glue moves on. I won’t lie, though, a big part of me wanted Youngblood to sneak through, but no one should be surprised that he got choked out. Necks for the Neck God.”

We followed up, asking if we should expect the Five-Star Champ to take the Event Horizon’s neck at ReVival 39. He replied with a snort:

“Beating Youngblood by submission is a real tall order. But that dude’s age is showing, and I’ve got over fifteen years on him in the other direction. Cecilworth is a killer, but I don’t think he’s strong enough to take my neck.”

 

• • The Model Citizen spoke briefly to an assemblage of press after ReV 38. With a visible wrap around his midsection, Tsonda offered praise across the Almasy field.

“The names of who’s left might as well be the Hall of Fame class of 2027. It’s like a fucked up deck of cards out here: eight aces.”

Asked for comment on Daytona Diamonds, the Numbers Don’t Lie champion offered, with a satisfied smile: “I’m not talking about anybody who ain’t in the Almasy. Last I checked, ol’ Daytona got his ass square danced and Runway Vaulted out of the tournament.”

But it was Tsonda’s final comment that drew the most attention. Asked if he sees any commonalities across the final eight PRIMEates vying to win the sport’s biggest tournament, the Model Citizen’s response raised some eyebrows. “Everybody else has somebody in their corner. The Glue dipshis roll deep and carry a lotta gold, plus they’ve got the powerbomb guy. Hall has his Convoy. Kuroyama has Vae Victis. Cancer has Coral, and vice versa, I guess? Bobby Dean is somewhere in there jerking off to Thanksgiving recipes. Sykes has a tag partner watching his back. Which leaves yours truly, solo dolo. But I’m not an idiot, and I’m not bringing a knife to a gunfight. I’m gonna…no, you know what, and make sure you tell Troy I’m doing free promo for her show..if you wanna know what I’m gonna do about it, tune in to ReV 39.”

 

• • Joe Fontaine had been taken to task in recent weeks over his inability to understand “what best represents FLAMBERGE,” and after the vending machine incident, has once again promised that he will get it right for ReVival 39.

When asked about this by reporters, his tag team partner and brother-in-law Sid Phillips remarked, “He does know that FLAMBERGE is back, now, right? We don’t need to have anything representing him any more.”

Sid went on to say, “I guess if Joe *insists* on still doing it, I’ll just bring the right thing myself.”

 

• • PRIME has confirmed that Dave Gibson has been admitted into the Atrium Hospital in Charlotte, North Carolina.

At the time of this posting, he was awake and responsive, but doctors state he is still in critical condition. Correspondence and gifts are “welcome according to Eddie Cross, but Mr. Gibson’s instructions are as follows: If any of you sumbitches’ sends me any flowers or anything, when I get out of here I’ll choke you out. But if you gotta’ do something, I’d really like one of them JJ’s red hots and a bottle of cheerwine. Oh and someone bring me a copy of Robocop or sumthin’. This place has a VCR!”

Eddie added, “Please send all cheery well wishes, xoxo laden cards, get well comedians dressed like clowns, singing troupes that only cover Creed and Nickelback, Dollar store mylar balloons of the Avengers except they aren’t QUITE right, 12 packs of O’Douls (for his health), and edible arrangements in the shape of wrestling rings to Room 216.”

 

• • While we don’t have an exact transcript of communications between Lindsay Troy and FLAMBERGE prior to his surprisingly early return to PRIME at ReVival 38, multiple sources have confirmed that the structure of the talks looked something like the following:

FLAMBERGE: My personal affairs are coming into order and I think I will be ready to return at ReVival 40 if you would like the Intense Championship defended soon.

LT: What if instead, we buy you a flight for Friday, put you in a vending machine, and give you an opportunity for the biggest box office match of your professional career.

FLAMBERGE: …yep.

No word yet on where he bought those pants.

• • With Brandon Youngblood’s exit from the 2023 Almasy Invitational, internal conversation has come to light for reporting purposes.

In the aftermath of UltraViolence, serious conversations were had throughout management about Youngblood’s status in regards to entering the vaunted tournament. While indicators pointed toward it being near impossible to not see him attempt to try and defend his 2022 Almasy crown, as well as a chance to compete for the Universal Championship, medical clearance and health concerns were at play. As further information became available, conversations began to take place about a suitable replacement.

An unnamed source had this to say. “The tournament has given a natural buffer for Stanislav in the wake of the UltraViolence Cage match. Despite what his camp would like everyone to believe, there’s a reason that, on the first possible situation for him to be booked to compete, he is not. Youngblood, though, if he was going to compete, wasn’t going to have that opportunity. Under the same circumstances, the same could be said about Stanislav.” Asked to elaborate further, they continued on. “The physical toll was immense. And the ramifications of losing, you could tell they both knew the cost would be dire.”

After his submission loss to Cecilworth Farthington, Youngblood tried to throw water on this narrative. “I went out there. I competed. I thought I had a strategy that would work against him. He was able to read and respond. I might not like the Gluemaniti, I might not like Farthington as a person, or any of the takeover bullshit that group wants to lay out. But as a competitor, a wrestler, and a fighter, I respect Cecilworth. He’s one of the greatest I’ve ever been in the ring with. And I’m not going to cop out and say he caught me or that it was because of injury. I’m not a hundred percent. Nobody here is a hundred percent. You fight and you battle. He earned it. All there is to it.”

 

• • Following their success in overseas markets, Max Kael?’s MEAT? products are finding their ways into Dollar Store and two bit gas stations near you! The wide spectrum of flavors means that there is a MEAT? product for everyone!

Fried Pickle in Whip Cream Texture!

Chocolate Banana Hotdog in Crunchy Texture!

Hot Chip in Moonblade Texture!

The MEAT? Wagon will have all these new, exotic flavors, plus more, when it rolls into the Bridgestone Arena for ReVival 39! As always it will be manned by the WON ACTION NEWS TEAM, don’t forget to stop by and grab a taste!

 

• • The family is getting together again…but not in PRIME. Or SHOOT Project. Or MVW.

Just two days ago, all active members of the Colton family–Nate, Benjamin, Jennifer, and Dennis–signed on to take part in Bang! Pro Wrestling’s January tour.

“We’re all really excited for this,” Nate Colton said in a follow-up interview. “This will be the first overseas tour for any of us, and the fact that we’re doing it as a family…well, that just makes it even more special. The chance to experience a new culture, perform in front of new fans, not to mention all the awesome talent in Bang! Pro Wrestling…let’s just say it was a short debate.”

“Dad was a little older than me and Denny when he did his first Japan tour,” Benjamin added. “And he talks about that trip all the time, so this was definitely something we wanted to do. Just think, a whole new country of butts to either kick or–“

“This will be a big deal for us,” Dennis continued after “accidentally” stepping on Benjamin’s foot. “We’ll be able to expand our brand and also pick up some experience that will help us when we come back to our home promotions.”

When asked if they were worried that the tour might affect their standing in their current promotions, Jennifer was dismissive. “Worst case, I have to give up the [MVW] Women’s Title; Benny and Denny have to give up the SHOOT Tag belts. We got no problem going back up the ladder to win ’em back. Coltons tore it up in 2023, and 2024 is gonna be even bigger.”

Their father (or, in Dennis’ case, uncle) Jake Colton worked a tour of Japan in 1996, alongside such names as Matt “Meat Hook” Robinson, Jerry “Hangman” Gallows, Carlos Talamantez, and the Four Aces. That tour was a huge turning point in Jake’s career, and helped earn him fame on an international level. Quite clearly, the next generation is hoping it can do the same for them.

 

• • As of November 1st, PRIME has officially severed ties with the Phoenix Wrestling Alliance. In a brief statement to Angelica Brooks, President and CEO, Lindsay Troy indicated that she’s spoken to SHOOT Project President and Owner Josh Johnson, MVW Owner Ray McAvay, and sVo Owner Jon Page about PRIME’s decision and that she would be open to working with them under the ACE Network banner should any opportunities arise.

SHOOT Project currently has a streaming deal in place with the ACE Network, so something may be happening sooner rather than later.

 

• • Also as of November 1st, the Las Vegas Athletic Commission has granted Cecilia Ryan’s appeal from an incident in June 2022 where the rookie PRIME wrestler tested positive for banned substances and was banned from competition for three years. The Commission’s findings, as well as failed drug tests from her father, “The Ego Buster” Dan Ryan, and statements from both the elder and younger Ryan, concluded that the fault over Cecilia’s positive tests fell with the former and not the latter. The Commission has reinstated Cecilia’s wrestling license, without prejudice, and has issued a statement of apology. She is now free to compete in the States once again, however that may not happen any time soon as it’s been rumored that the young prodigy has been wrestling in Japan since the spring.

 

• • Following the broadcast of ReVival 38, Almasy quarterfinalist Kerry Kuroyama briefly fielded questions from the media scrum…

(the term “scrum” is being used loosely; we all know it was really just Simon with a tape recorder)

The presser began was with Kerry voicing his overall feelings on the match itself.

“I’m feeling good after that win. Proud of my efforts. The goal tonight was to take the next step forward, and I accomplished that. A small step, but a necessary one. Now I’m focusing on what lies ahead, cause there’s more work to be done.”

When asked if his critical opinion of Rocky de Leon has changed in any way after competing with him, Kerry bristled slightly and gave his answer some heavy consideration.

“I’ll give Rocky this… he brought it tonight. He fought like somebody that has something to win, and without debasing himself by acting like a cartoon. Maybe there’s hope for him yet, and maybe he’ll have something to prove when next we meet in the ring. Provided his career doesn’t get swallowed up in the Arthur Pleasant quagmire. Best of luck to him on that front.”

At this point, the Emerald Apex was asked if he wanted to comment on recent rumors of steroid use. Kuroyama was vehement in his response.

“You got a little plastic cup on hand? Set it right between your feet, and I can whip it out and settle this now. Or, I can just tell you what I already know: I’m clean, thanks. I look this way because I put on mass in preparation for the top talent in this company. If I come off as aggressive, it’s because I’m a pissed-off motherfucker who fights for a living, and I hate having to address stupid rumors perpetrated by insecure, whiny-ass bottomfeeders. Next question…”

They moved onto the topic of Kuroyama’s upcoming quarterfinal opponent, Jonathan-Christopher Hall. Kerry was asked if he had an opportunity to watch Hall’s victory over the acclaimed Generalissimo, Garry Ray-Ray Bolamba.

“I was a bit predisposed with getting ready for my own fight, so no, I didn’t get a chance to see that match. From what I’ve heard, though, it sounds like it played out pretty much how I expected. Regardless, I can assure you that I’ll be closely analyzing the tape over the weekend.”

Kerry was the asked if the manner in which Hall claimed victory left him with any concerns going into their quarterfinal round match-up. He thought about his answer before finally responding.

“There’s plenty of reason to be concerned, knowing all my hard work and effort can be undone by the actions of a pair of people who don’t respect this sport enough to give their opponents the courtesy of a clean contest, free of distractions. But then, it can’t be helped; the Halls are people that operate within their own reality. However, I feel if anyone should be concerned, it should be the them. If they try any of the shit they pulled tonight here in two weeks, I can promise you there will be consequences.”

When asked if he could elaborate on the term “consequences,” Kerry cryptically smiled and excused himself from further questioning.

 

• • Don Winters has popped up on a few forums and message boards across the religious spectrum, putting out a call looking for new members to His Word and Light. He’s said to be targeting PRIMEates specifically, but anybody disillusioned with their religion, social status or themselves have been urged to seek out The Revelator for assistance and information.

Winters was unavailable for comment, still processing his failure to beat Jiles in the Almasy at Rev38.

 

• • And finally, Ivan Stanislav and his entourage were seen boarding a domestic airplane the day after ReVival 38. The major players were unwilling to speak to us, but Stanislav’s assistant, Arina Timofeyevna, did tell us that they were traveling to New York City for a planned promotional shoot related to the Colossus advertising campaign that has been “on books for many many months and is, under no circumstance, unplanned.”

We were able to obtain an early image from the shoot, which will be aired on ReVival 39 next Friday night.