- After the events of ReVival 39 and the intense meeting between Ivan Stanislav and FLAMBERGE, a six-man tag has been signed between the Red Army and the Glueminati for ReVival 40.
More importantly, though, this has greatly affected the fourth game of the Gentleman’s Games, which was originally meant to be a powerbomb contest where each team took turns powerbombing Terry, the world’s most powerbombable man. Instead, the powerbomb contest and fourth game is now set to be conducted within the six-man tag match itself – a match within a match, so to speak!
- Coral Avalon may have made it to the semi-finals of the Seymour Almasy Memorial Tournament, but word on the street is that he wasn’t allowed on board Bandit One after the show due to his inaction at the end of Cancer Jiles’ defeat at the hands of Jared Sykes. The Crownless King was seen boarding a commercial flight back home to Seattle, and it’s believed that he even had to fly coach like a crumb!
Avalon has controversially been an eGG Bandit since UltraViolence, but is the honeymoon already over ahead of his rematch with the man who took the 5-Star Championship from him, Cecilworth Farthington?
- Kerry Kuroyama was observed backstage by the medical team following his Almasy quarterfinal match to diagnose any lingering effects from the blow to the head from a production camera.
After a thorough examination, Kuroyama successfully passed the concussion test and is presumed to be medically cleared to compete by Colossus.
The Emerald Apex stayed backstage for the remainder of the show, but took no questions from reporters on the scene.
- Chaotic festivities were held on Sunday in Red Square for Ivan Stanislav while simultaneously demonizing FLAMBERGE.
Several items were available for sale, including “Say No to Lizards” pins, “My Brains are Full of Patriotism, not Lizards!” and commemorative lizard traps in case any anti-Russian lizards were infiltrating local homes.
Alexei Ruslan, along with Arina Timofeyevna and Maksim Stepanov, handed out copies of Think Red to the joyous Russians.
French cookbooks were also burned en masse, resulting in an enormous conflagration at one side of Red Square. Several drunk Russians then put out the fire with their own urine before promptly passing out.
A Russian version of a piñata was employed when a large flamberge-style sword was hoisted in the Square, and Russians used Russian Shashka swords to beat it into oblivion. One Russian was taken to the hospital after the battered sword fell and severed his toe. He returned with two bottles of vodka in his hands and danced and bled through the rest of the night.
Baguette Torches were used as the evening wore on, with many Russians complaining that “Эти французские мерзости воняют дерьмом!”
Plushy chinchillas and alpacas, complete with French mustaches, were blasted to smithereens by half-inebriated, gun-toting Russians. There was also a “grenade toss” where Russian attendees launched surplus ordinance at piles of the fuzzy stuffies for a chance to get a picture with Stanislav himself.
Vending machines were given the French treatment and were lined up in various stalls. The items inside, reportedly, were all of a French nature to include ones which held baguettes, macarons, croissants, French Onion soup, and miniature Napoleon Bonaparte action figures.
Raucous Russians from all over were allowed to swing sledgehammers, draw offensive phrases, and use other methods to destroy said vending machines in the name of Ivan Stanislav and The Russian Federation.
It reached a fever pitch when Stanislav himself used his original PKM (“Kalashnikov’s Machine-gun Modernised”) Machine Gun from Afghanistan to riddle a specific Frenchified vending machine with holes, upon which glue poured out much to the cheers of the crowd. Alexei Ruslan then rigged the machine with explosives and obliterated it, much to the awe of all in attendance. Reportedly, only sixteen Russians were hit with shrapnel. However, Olga Karishnikov, who was on the scene, reported that no Russians were maimed.
Stanislav gave a spirited speech afterwards (in which all in attendance were “compelled” to say thanks to nearby police forces), and they were required to clap as one until Stanislav raised his hand and told them to go and enjoy themselves.
Stanislav vowed to “destroy the Frenchmen under his boot-heel” and “continue to ensure legitimacy exists within PRIME.” He also decried the “one sided stipulations of his match at Colossus” in which “FLAMBERGE has nothing to lose and I (Stanislav) have everything to lose.” However, he then claimed he would “make sure FLAMBERGE loses everything when [Stanislav] was done with him!”
Stanislav then had a vending machine brought up next to him and promptly threw it off the stage to the delight of the crowd.
By the end of the night everyone left happy, save for twenty-six Russians who reportedly had French relatives. They were arrested and have not been seen since.
- Rob Williams was spotted with a suspected follower of His Lord and Light Ministries, the peculiar religious sect trailing PRIME like a bunch of weird Phish fans. When contacted by local news reporters for comment, Charlotte, Rob’s long time flame and manager, hung up before they could finish their sentence. What’s to come for “The Legend” and “The Revelator?” Will we see “The Legend” at ReVival 40? More to come.
- “FLAMBERGE the Flamethrower,” which Joe Fontaine brought with him on ReVival 39, was confiscated from him with extreme prejudice after it appeared in a segment with the Masters of the Moscowverse. It has been put in PRIME’s growing storage facility, next to the remaining pieces of the Dual Halo and the numerous smoke machines left behind by Dusk.
- A new application has been submitted for a managerial license through PRIME. It appears that Paxton Ray, who recently had Foster Nackedy as his manager, is getting another manager. Though we were unable to confirm the actual name of the manager, we hear from internal sources that, “No one is going to be happy about this. This guy might be the worst person alive.”
More as it develops.
- Word started circling after ReVival went off the air that Jared Sykes was once again spotted in the loading dock at the Bridgestone Arena, but he wasn’t alone. Multiple members of both the PRIME staff and the arena crew have verified that Sykes was seen talking to Paxton Ray. By all accounts the conversation was civil, though everyone we spoke to – a man – made sure to give Ray and Sykes their space, so the nature of their exchange is currently unknown.
“No one wanted to get near them,” said John Phillips, a member of the PRIME ring crew. “Probably figured a fight was going to break out. The guys backstage were making deals with each other to figure out which member of the crew would have to get the crates they were standing near. No idea what they said, but it never got hot.”
When reached for comment, Doug Tim, a newcomer to the PRIME staff, had this to say, “Paxton asked me for a vase earlier. Maybe he was giving Jared flowers.”
The PRIME news desk will continue to monitor these events, and will keep a watchful eye on this situation from a safe, safe distance.
- In a highly scientific poll, FLAMBERGE is polling significantly higher than Ivan Stanislav in the one-to-three month old target demo. Internal rumblings of a line of Lil’ Lizard Baby Glue products have begun as a result.
- Lots of news and rumors swirling around the recent announcement of the 2023 Belmont Classic lineup.
-Just like last year, there are multiple wrestlers with PRIME ties. Rose and Crash are members of the active roster, and Domingo Cruz is part of Tony Gamble’s entourage. Cruz is among the favorites to win the tournament, given his success this year in the Celestial Dragon Tag League and the Milo Flynn Cup. Singles wrestling is an entirely different animal than tag action, however Cruz brings a no-nonsense attitude and ruthless determination to the ring.
-SHOOT Project is also sending multiple representatives. Joey “Golden” Burkhalter and Izzy Sia come from the renowned Blackhawk Fight Gym, owned and operated by former SHOOT Project World Champion, Nate Robideau. Also attending are Moriton, the master of Bökh who turned heads at the Flynn Cup, and Gabriel “Baconator” Martinez.
-Drew Mitchell (not to be confused with Andrew “Can’t Miss” Mitchell, who made a deep run in 2020) trained under MVW’s Sunny O’Callahan, and has turned heads in his current promotions. He’s definitely one to watch out for.
-Many schools and trainers declared that they would no longer send students to the Belmont after last year’s event, however it looks like those bridges have been mended after Shweta Kallemullah stepped into her current role as president of the Belmont Foundation. Strangely unrepresented is Gray’s Academy; although two Belmont participants trained there, neither is carrying the school’s banner. Instead, Connor Nackedy is representing Jonathan Rhine, while Theodore Boswell represents MESSIAH.
-The Scandal Sheet reported Nackedy’s inclusion as a case of Kallemullah “playing favorites;” these rumors were quickly denied. Multiple sources confirmed that Kallemullah recused herself from the selection process.
-“The Rookie” Chet Reed has set a record for oldest Belmont participant, at a spry 64 years of age. Go get ’em, Chet!
-Several participants have backgrounds in physical sports and activities outside of wrestling. Trece Vickers played football at Eastern Michigan University, Myrtle Kombat spent her youth training in kung fu, “The Son of Liberty” Renjamin Brusch is a historical reenactor, and Hambone Parkinson works at a Waffle House.
- After a veiled threat in Jabber, Eddie Cross was overheard making a call to Vivica J. Valentine of TCS Boston.
One correspondent in the area was able to get word from the camp and the lead trainer’s mood is said to be “fucking hostile” toward anyone threatening her students.
- We can now confirm that Adam Ellis was not at Friday night’s show in Nashville. Adam was in Nevada, Missouri for the MVW show to keep a close eye on his wife Ginny Van Lear after she got into it with the Stevens Dynasty the week before. Adam mistakenly got the dates screwed up on where he was supposed to be and by the time he realized his mistake… as we all saw it play out on Jabber… it was clear there was no way he would get to the show on time. Hence, why Adam sent over at the last moment the taped promo he’d cut earlier in the week.
As for Ivan Stanislav’s involvement in this whole sordid mess, Adam said that he cleared his absence and promo with Lindsay Troy after he realized his gaffe and she was okay with it. Adam then added he reports to Lindsay Troy, he does not report to Ivan Stanislav.
- Something is going on with Daytona Diamonds.
Daytona reportedly spent the majority of ReVival 39 drinking himself into a stupor. This led to several less-than-good interactions with several PRIME staff members backstage, including a few of his fellow wrestlers. When asked, several backstage personnel mentioned that Daytona “didn’t seem like himself” and was acting “even more unhinged than usual.” After the show, we caught up with Daytona as he walked down Music Row. He had the following to say:
“Ya… Ya know, fer all the god dang bachelorette parties round here, you’d think it’d be easier for an ol’ cowpoke to find a place to put his pecker. I’ve been… ugh… I’ve been layin’ chum up and down this street and these ladies just ain’t bitin’! Buncha… buncha fuckin’ prudes. Ain’t they know I’m the best damn wrestler in PRIME? Ain’t they… ain’t they know I’m the dang Rhinestone Cowboy?! God dang, god dang.”
When asked about his behavior at ReVival 39, Daytona said:
“Since when was doin’ a lil drinkin’ on the job against the law?! You the fun police?! One of them Troys didn’t put you up to this, did they?! Lissen. I gots a lot on my mind, buddy. It ain’t all… lollishines and sunpops for ol’ Daytona, y’hear? Pardon me if I need a lil liquid remedy every once in a while.”
And finally, when asked about his upcoming match against Max Kael? at ReVival 40, Daytona said:
“Kale? Naw, I don’t eat it. Tastes like god dang ass, if you ask me. I like me some baby spinach.”
- Chandler Tsonda and Paxton Ray did not drink a beer together after the show, after the Bayou Butcher was in the Model Citizen’s corner for the latter’s loss against Coral avalon. Nor did they carpool back to the hotel. They did not speak on the phone for any amount of time following ReV 39, and they did not exchange texts. PRIME front office staff confirmed their locker rooms will remain exactly where they are, far away from one another, and distinctly without two cups on a string between them where they might say supportive things to one another.
- Scott Hunter is undefeated in November. It is a fact and if you disagree you can go to hell.
- There’s word of a confrontation in Nashville after ReVival 39 went off the air. A few people “in the know” report that as Rose was leaving the arena on Friday evening, she ran into Lindsay Troy, which prompted KING’s leader to share a few words with her boss and be separated from her by none other than Wade Elliott. Rose, who was blindsighted by the change in her contract, was none too pleased when she saw the Queen of the Ring and let her know what was on her mind.
What was said? PRIME news staff are actively trying to put that together, but needless to say the key players involved are not commenting at this time.