- Following Adam Ellis’s recent disappointing loss to “The Revelator” Don Winters, it appears he has parted ways amicably with trainer (and owner of Texas Championship Wrestling) Charlie Blackwell. There have been rumors that Blackwell is planning a comeback to the wrestling ring himself and has not been working very much with Adam the past few weeks.
Ellis also appears to be heading back to Missouri Valley Wrestling and competing part-time at Texas Championship Wrestling for the first four months of 2024. Adam feels he’s hit a plateau and more time in-ring wrestling competitive matches might help his development.
Fear not, Alexi Ruslan. Adam isn’t leaving PRIME any time soon and will still be fulfilling his obligations.
- Rumor has it that Arthur Pleasant has a wolf inside him, and we’re all very certain he needs to see a wolf doctor now because that’s not where wolves belong.
(Ed. Note: Gary, those are called veterinarians.)
(Gary Note: No, those are for the care of pets. These are wolf doctors, who are raised in the wilds by other wolf doctors until they get out of wolf grad school with a wolf doctorate.)
(Ed. Note 2: Did… did you actually reply to an editorial note, Gary?)
- The masked man known as the Fabulous Gold Mask recently applied for a manager’s license in PRIME. Despite not much being known about his true name, his origin, or why he’s suddenly aligned himself with the Glue Man Group, it’s believed that the paperwork could be completed in time for Colossus.
When asked about the man, Joe Fontaine coyly responded, “Fabby’s our intern, this is all part of his internship so he can find gainful employment in his chosen vocation. Which I think is wolf doctor, not gonna lie.”
- It’s the end of the year, and you know what means…time to mill on some rumors about contracts!
The Masters of the Multiv–sorry, Moscowverse–have been notably working without proper PRIME contracts during much of the year, and at some point in the autumn the, uh, other contracts they WERE under have reportedly since expired.
Which, naturally, begs the question going into their final Gentlemen’s Game against the Glue Man Group at Colossus…will they put pen to paper on new PRIME deals for the new year?
And if so, will that ink be red?
- Doomsayers the world over are heralding the coming of the eGGpocalypse.
Leading wolf doctors from around the world have long warned about the return of the COOLYMPIAN eGG Wolf, long thought extinct. With the second seal broken following the victory of Bobby Dean on ReVival 40, these vicious predators have once again been set loose upon society.
Hide your children, your goat children, and your eggs.
- According to a well-placed source, there is no truth to the rumor that Chandler Tsonda will make his Colossus entrance riding in on a wheeled replica of Henry Kissinger’s coffin. PRIME was issued the following, pointed quote: “Though it would be entirely deserved for the closest thing to Satan who has lived in modern times to deface his grace in effigy and metaphorically hock loogies upon his vile corpse, Chandler is more interested in honoring the Southeast Asian communities of his ancestors than giving one more second of airtime to that big dead bitch. You get all that? He was very specific.”
We did, and he was.
- Members of the His Word and Light congregation were allegedly approached by local authorities over whether or not any of them had a degree in wolf doctoring, due to an alleged increase of wolf-related incidents specifically amongst “cult members.” Each and every one of them firmly reminded said authorities that they are NOT a cult, how dare they.
Also, none of them knew anything about wolf doctoring, and that was disappointing. Will no one be able to help Arthur Pleasant!? He has a wolf inside of him!
- Oinkers McGoo has been vocally worried about the sudden influx of wolves and the doctors thereof, which says something because I’m pretty sure he’s just a stuffed pig and not actually capable of being vocally worried about anything.
(Ed. Note: Guys, I think Gary has lost it. He’s been scrawling “wolf doctors” and “doctors without wolves” and other similar babble on the walls of his cubicle for the better part of a week. That’s not normal, right?)
- Ivan Stanislav celebrated his sixty-first birthday last week and reportedly had a tremendous celebration at the Luzhniki Stadium in Moscow, Russia. Video footage was not readily available, but leaked audio clearly reveals Stanislav working the crowd into a frenzy while declaring victory at Colossus.
Images of a fiery Stanislav, bellowing in front of eighty-thousand Russians, along with his staff and The Red Army behind him, were shown all over Russian State TV and on banners periodically shown through Moscow.
So what’s the rumor?
Stanislav, reportedly, turned sixty-one last year and yet he is said to have turned sixty-one this year. How old (or young) is The Russian Bear?
We reached out to Alexei Ruslan, who simply said, “Age is a number. Just like most people.”
Universal Champion Ivan Stanislav is set to defend his title against FLAMBERGE this Saturday at Colossus 2023.
- The following list has been sent to the Rumor Mills desk written in crayon:
– 30,000 pounds of chicken breast
– several new A-shirts
– my friend Dan Dragon back… wait a second
GARY, DID YOU JUST SUBMIT CHICK GRILLBREAST’S LETTER TO SANTA? GOD, YOU’RE GOING ON A PIP.
- wolves wolves wolves wolves wolves wolves wolves wol
(Ed. Note: How did *this* get by me?)
- Rumor has it that Scott Hunter has no rumors to contribute right now.
- Word on the streets is Rob Williams has been seen at multiple liquor stores in recent weeks. Has he fallen off the wagon? More confusing yet, rumors have been swirling around unhoused communities across the south about a giant man trying to recruit followers. He claims to commune with “The Father” and is on the hunt for a “false prophet.”
- Rumor has it that Daytona Diamonds has requested a brief “sabbatical” after Colossus 2023. While the nature of this apparent absence has been kept incredibly hush hush, especially considering how much Mr. Diamonds likes to talk, there have been recent conversations between The Rhinestone Cowboy and PRIME management about his volatile nature and tendency to overindulge in his vices during company time.
We reached out to Daytona, but his phone was answered by a woman who identified herself as Bambi Sinclair. Bambi had this to say: “Daytona’s fine. He just… needs a little break to reassess his life. Have you ever heard of a spirit quest before? It’s a lot like that. He’ll still be at Colossus and he’ll be back next year before you know it.”
Throughout this entire conversation, Daytona could be heard in the background singing “Cocaine” by Eric Clapton very loudly. Rumor has it that Daytona is a great singer. We can confirm this rumor is false.
- According to our sources, PRIME junior official Ashley Barlow has been chosen to lead the referee crew at the Belmont Classic. She will be joined by Rolento Sheng of REIGN, Ron Martin of MVW, and indie ref extraordinaire Masked Justice. (It even says that on his business cards.)
Barlow comes in with an excellent track record in PRIME as well as a lot of recommendations, although we can’t help but wonder if this isn’t a way to recover her reputation. She was the target of some slanderous rumors over the summer, and while all parties involved have fervently denied those rumors, the Scandal Sheet has yet to print a retraction.
- While it is true that Dave Gibson’s passing is no rumor, the demands in his will have been speculated upon after Timo Bolamba revealed he would be executing the will with Power of Attorney.
Already known is that Ivan Stanislav is to be “punched in the nose” but others speculate that Dave may have other less obvious requests. One of which Timo revealed would be a sizable donation to the North Carolina LGBTQ+ organization from Durham.
- A team of TikTok pranksters from eastern France have started the #EmotionalSupportFLAMBO challenge, where they try their best to find ways to bring a bearded dragon into public places that don’t normally allow animals. Successful Emotional Support FLAMBO Challenges have seen these lizards allowed inside a hotel, a McDonald’s, and a church, and there are rumors that their ultimate goal is to try to have one board a first class seat on a plane to America.
The #EmotionalSupportIvan challenge didn’t take off quite as successfully, what with how it involved bears. Seven were hospitalized.
- Word from Leningrad is men over 6’3” have taken to wearing fake PRIME Universal title belts to bars to pick up women. They call the practice “Bear Hunting.” The hope is that while the ladies may not be able to discern tall from really goddamn tall. Also, this relies on them to not watch the wrestling or the news, but hope they’ll have heard of the people’s fighter, Starshy Praporschik Stanislav, and may recognize the universal championship logo on a big shiny hunk of not actual metal because they got it from Temu. 2% of the time this works every time.
- Word is that periodicals Inked and Tattoo Life are currently interested in doing separate stories on Kerry Kuroyama as it relates to his famed backpiece. Both features are due to hit magazine stands by early 2024.
- Lastly, not a rumor but a breaking news item straight from the Boss’s office: the Universal Title match between Ivan Stanislav and FLAMBERGE has now been named a No Disqualification match.
Good luck to both the Bear and the Lizard Boi.