SCANDAL SHEET SPECIAL REPORT
The words fade out just as the picture comes in: Savannah Scandal herself, fully recovered from the Colossus press conference, seated in a modest studio. And boy oh boy, does she look happy to be here.
“Hello, loves! I’m back! The Queen of Questions, the Investigator of Innuendo, the vivacious, salacious, loquacious, bodacious Reporter of Raunch who’s always looking for the straight, hard, solid…truth, Savannah Scandal! I’ve got a story SO HOT that it can’t wait for the column, I had to jump on the stream and tell you all right now!”
“We can absolutely confirm that Nate Colton–incurable womanizer and pervert–was seen SHOWING HOG IN PUBLIC in Tokyo this morning! Not just that, he was showing it to former PRIME wrestler Kohime Mori! We all know she’s been after his hog for a long time, and now she’s finally getting her hands on it! I’m uploading the proof right now, it should be up on the screen any minute.”
“You know, I’ve always known there was something up with the Colton family. Sure, they love to put out that family-friendly, goody-two-shoes image, but I think we can finally put that to bed…just like Colton is trying to do here. The man is obviously a disgusting, lecherous, oversexed monster who preys on innocent young…”
“…just a moment.”
She turns away from the camera, and her face goes red as she shouts at someone off-screen.
“Jeremy! What the fuck is this?! You told me you had pictures of that self-righteous clown showing his hog!”
A muffled response from offscreen. It’s obviously not what Savannah wants to hear.
“That’s not the fucking point! Adorable doesn’t sell, you clod! We could have paid our bills for a year if he was actually hanging wang! I swear to God if you ever–”
Somewhere around here, Savannah remembers that she’s still on the air. She faces the camera again, putting on her biggest, brightest, fakest smile.
“We’re…experiencing some technical difficulties. We’ll be back in a moment.”
She presses a few keys, and just before the feed cuts out, her face goes red again.
“You complete fucking idiot! I’m going to–”