2 Impulse vs. 10 Rezin
Nick Stuart: Coming up next, we have more Round Two tournament action, and this should be a good one, partner!
Richard Parker: No doubt, Nick – Impulse is one of the most accomplished wrestlers on the PRIME roster, full stop, but there’s no way to prepare for the slippery Escape Artist. Rezin is too punk rock!
Nick Stuart: I still need confirmation from you on whether or not you know what “punk rock” is.
“Apocalyptic Havoc” by Goatwhore blares through the arena to a chorus of boos. A wall of smoke shoots across the entryway as PRIMEview flashes upsetting images of nuclear bomb tests, armies marching, shouting protestors getting maced, and literal car crashes during the brutalizing thrash metal. Rezin pops through the smoke with a sinister grin, laughing maniacally to himself as he soaks in the jeers from the crowd.
Richard Parker: I do know, Nick! THAT’S punk rock!!
Rezin mocks the fans SCREAMING at him from ringside with some classic boo-hoo eye-rubbing. He comes across a woman who appears to be in her 70s who is giving him an emphatic thumbs down and offers up his cheek to her, pointing at it. She gives a valiant effort at a punch, all things considered, but Rezin easily backs away and laughs at her before popping into the ring.
Vince Howard: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, from Indianapolis, Indiana and weighing in at two hundred and five pounds… RRRRREEEEZZZIIIIIN!!
When he reaches the ring, he slides in, pops to his feet, locks his arms between the ropes, and leans back to suspend himself in the air in an inverted cross pose for a few moments before lowering himself back to the canvas and going to his corner.
Nick Stuart: We found out what Rezin is all about in his first round matchup against Solomon Richards – he’s never afraid to take a shortcut, ANY shortcut, to pick up the W. We’ll find that it’s in sharp contrast to…
Nick is interrupted by the opening guitar riff to “Cannonball” by Sirsy. Purple and blue lights strobe around the arena, and as the crowd chants along to “HEY, HEY!”, Impulse and Calico step out onto the entry ramp. Impulse, stoic as ever, gives his nodding approval as Calico gives a deep bow.
Nick Stuart: …like I was saying, this is a man who takes ZERO shortcuts in the ring!
Richard Parker: Ha! All that means is that he’s not willing to do everything it takes to succeed in this business. A man with a code is a man with a liability, partner! Do we have a bookie nearby? Can I put a bet on Rezin to win this thing? Maybe this whole TOURNAMENT, Nicky!
Vince Howard: And his opponent, from New York, New York, weighing one hundred ninety one pounds… IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMPULSE!!
The crowd roars its approval as Impulse makes his way down the ramp, high fiving and fist-bumping the fans at ringside. He makes a particular point to make his way over to that woman in her 70s from earlier and give her a side hug, which leaves her beaming. We can faintly hear him say “I got this, don’t worry!” to the lady before he and Cally make their way to the ring, each letting each other through the ropes with almost a nauseating amount of chivalry if they weren’t so darn wholesome.
Richard Parker: Let’s go!
DING DING
Impulse raises his hands to initiate a classic pro graps collar-and-elbow tie-up, which Rezin laughs at. Impulse, unflinching, takes some impactful steps forward and Rezin backs his torso through the middle and top ropes, still cackling. Impulse needs no cue from the referee to back up and give Rezin time to disengage from the ropes. Impulse beckons Rezin to “come on!” and engage, to which Rezin responds with a mocking version of the collar-and-elbow tie-up motion, before he cackles again and points at Impulse.
Richard Parker: I friggin’ love this man, Nick.
Nick Stuart: I had a feeling you might, Richard.
Impulse doesn’t need to be told twice that he’s being disrespected and charges forward with a swingling lariat, which Rezin ducks! As Impulse stops his momentum and turns, Rezin peppers him with some sharp calf kicks before Impulse FINALLY initiates lock-up, only for Rezin to duck through, go behind, and drop Impulse with a Russian leg sweep! The cameras pick up on some cheeky audio as Rezin pops to his feet.
Rezin: Hey Impulse! I can wrestle TOOOOOOOOOOO! HAHAHAHAHA!
Richard Parker: Look at this glorious man!
Nick Stuart: I’ll give him this, he hasn’t cheated, YET…
Impulse gets to his feet, closes his eyes, and pops his neck, collecting himself. As he opens his eyes, he gives Rezin a cold stare and locks up, HARD, pushing him into the corner. After a few forearm shots to the face, Impulse gains arm control and launches Rezin with a picture-perfect hip toss, then another! He goes for a third, but Rezin slips out and hits a hard Enzuigiri that sends Impulse stumbling into the ropes! Impulse rebounds and hits a big dropkick to Rezin that sends HIM into the ropes! Rezin is staggered, but he rebounds and somehow gets the momentum to flip forward and connect with a neckbreaker to Impulse! Both men are down, and the crowd roars its appreciation!
Nick Stuart: What an exchange between these two warriors!
Richard Parker: Yeah, and way too CLEAN of an exchange, for my taste…but hey! Let it be known, for those of you who believe in the legend of this Impulse character…he ain’t invincible!
Nick Stuart: It has to be said, Rezin has wrestled cleanly up to this point, you have to wonder if he’s saving some sort of trick up his slippery sleeve…
As the referee begins a ten-count, both men begin the slow painful process of getting to their feet. Impulse, digging deep, gets to his feet first and presses this tiny advantage immediately. He barrels forward into Rezin, hooks and arm, and gives him a DEEP arm drag without releasing the hold! He’s got the arm locked in full extension and has transitioned into a full arm bar!
Nick Stuart: First submission attempt of the match! Can the Escape Artist escape this one?
Rezin frantically kicks his legs, doing everything he can to make the hold as unstable as possible. It seems to loosen Impulse’s grip enough where he is no longer satisfied that this will be a match-ender, so Impulse releases and gets to his feet. Rezin throws one chop that connects, then a second that gets caught to an audible “OOOH!” from the crowd. Rezin frantically shakes his head “no, NO!”, as Impulse nods a recalcitrant “YES!”, maintaining arm control as he leaps in the air and nails a headscissors take down! Another! Rezin scrambles and rolls into the corner as Impulse pumps up the crowd!
Nick Stuart: It looks like the Marathon Man has gained control in this one!
Richard Parker: Yes, OKAY NICK, thank you, this is FINE! Rezin is still in this thing!
Impulse looks to press his advantage, but at this point Rezin is fully splayed beneath the bottom ropes in the corner. Impulse looks to bring him in forcefully by the feet, but Rezin has an iron grip on the ropes! The referee starts counting to five and Impulse relinquishes a bit after 3. Impulse goes for the feet again, but Rezin’s stuck to the bottom ropes like his life depends on it! This time it takes to the count of 4 before Impulse releases, and the referee forcefully admonishes Impulse, who rightfully points out that he released before the five count. As the referee continues his unnecessary lecturing, we see Rezin reaching deep beneath the bottom turnbuckle.
Nick Stuart: What would you say Rezin is doing there, partner?
Richard Parker: I’m not totally sure, but it looks like a totally legitimate idea to me, whatever it is!
After a few moments, Rezin’s plan comes to full light – the bottom turnbuckle is now untied and the steel has been exposed! Cally sees it immediately and tries calling the referee’s attention to it, but he’s too busy inflating his own ego by busting Impulse’s balls to pay any mind. Finally, the referee gets out of Impulse’s face, only for that very face to be met by the flying boots of a Rezin dropkick that stuns Impulse! Rezin looks to press the advantage with some raining clubbing haymakers, but Impulse withstands the barrage and sends Rezin flying with an exploding shoulder tackle! Then a drop toe hold, followed by an ankle lock!
Nick Stuart: Rezin is in a real bind here! Another submission attempt by Impulse!
Richard Parker: Come on, you Goat Bastard! Escape!!
Rezin frantically crawls towards the corner with the exposed bottom turnbuckle and with all his might lunges his torso around in an effort to send Impulse face-first into the steel – but Impulse catches himself on the middle ropes before disaster strikes! As Impulse collects himself in the corner, he turns straight into a Cloven Hoof Kick from Rezin! A cover!
ONE
TWO
NO!!
Nick Stuart: Impulse escapes that pinning predicament!
Rezin scrambles to the top rope, measures his man, and flies…
Richard Parker: REZINSAULT! MY MAN!!
ONE
TWO
NOOOOOOO!
Impulse kicks out once again, this time a hair’s breadth away from the pinfall! Rezin slaps the mat in frustration, yelling an expletive or two at the referee in demanding a faster count. Rezin’s eyes are ablaze by this point, and he lifts Impulse up by the scruff in an attempt to just sloppy-toss him face first into the exposed bottom turnbuckle, but Impulse powers up and halts the momentum! They struggle back and forth repeatedly, Rezin constantly trying to get his man into his trap, Impulse resisting every step of the way. Cally is FURIOUS that the referee hasn’t attempted to fix this buckle at all.
Nick Stuart: Oh come on, now, the referee needs to perform some due diligence here!
Richard Parker: He’s letting these two fight! No one wants to see the referee insert himself in a tournament match, Nicky!
Finally, some separation. Impulse finds himself in the corner with the exposed bottom turnbuckle with Rezin standing in the opposite corner. Both men charge at each other with full earnest – until Impulse sprawls to the floor! Rezin trips on Impulse–
Rezin: BLEARGH!!~~
–AND CRASHES FACE FIRST INTO THE EXPOSED BUCKLE! A trickle of blood appears on his forehead as he stumbles to his feet in a daze…
Nick Stuart: SUDDEN IMPACT!!
Impulse hits his trademark superkick to the jaw and goes for the cover!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
DING DING DING!
“Cannonball” by Sirsy blares through the crowd to raucous applause. No one on the planet Earth is happier than the older woman in the front row of the entry ramp.
Vince Howard: Here is your winner, advancing to the quarterfinals…IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMPULSE!
Impulse soaks in the adulation from the crowd, hand aloft, as Cally climbs into the ring and gives him a big ol’ kiss on the cheek.
Nick Stuart: What a match! Back and forth action, and it has to be said that Rezin really acquitted himself well in this one.
Richard Parker: NO! Don’t “what a match” this, Nick! I’m CRESTFALLEN! The Escape Artist was my dark horse candidate to win this whole thing! Who am I going to root for now??
Nick Stuart: I can’t help you there, partner – Rezin certainly held his own when he stuck to the rules, but it turned out that his affinity for rule-bending was his own undoing! Impulse advances, and he’s clearly a major player in the rest of this tournament field going forward. Let’s take a quick break!