2 Impulse vs. 15 Darin Zion
We pan around the capacity crowd, scanning each row for fans aimlessly tossing popcorn into their mouths. Or some of the younger PRIMEate generation scooping up Dippin’ Dots like there’s no tomorrow. Or better yet, some of the dudes who already tailgated out in the parking lot of the MGM Grand and are 2.9999 sheets to the wind with a plastic cup of beer in their hands.
You can feel these people enjoying the show just by their presence and as they anxiously await the next match-up.
There’s a row of older gentlemen all wearing a white shirt, each representing a letter of PRIME. Unfortunately for them, two are standing incorrectly and it spells out “PRIEM”.
Whipping around to another row in some other random part of the arena, we see a guy wearing a Token Weed shirt and a girl standing next to him wearing a Ria Nightshade hoodie. Once they realize they’re on camera, they start whirling around blue-colored PRIME glowsticks.
Finally, before we head to ringside, there’s a younger millennial looking couple looking like a couple deer in the headlights. They’re just wearing boring Under Armour© clothing. Once they realize they’re on the PRIMEView, they immediately start kissing, thinking they’re on some kind of kiss cam.
Nick Stuart: Alright, PRIMEates. After a fine set of first round match-ups, we have another one in store for you.
Richard Parker: You said it, Nick. Continuing with the Rolo side of the brackets, we have IMPULSE Vs Darin Zion.
“Happy Song” by Bring Me The Horizon blasts over the PA System as Darin Zion, adorned in a black leather jacket, makes his way down to the ring accompanied by none other than Meredith.
Nick Stuart: Ohh. I think I hear some boos already coming from the PRIMEates! Looks like they don’t take kindly to Darin’s somewhat annoying Jabber behavior. Speaking of which, are you on Jabber, Rich?
Richard Parker: Firstly, I am, but I’m not revealing my JabID to you or anyone else on live TV because I don’t want to awkwardly block you for just being you or create any potential stalker scenarios.. Secondly, I don’t know why anybody would be judging this guy so quickly. He hasn’t even had a match yet! For all we know, Darin Zion could be the toughest opponent in this entire Almassy tournament!
Nick spits out a mouthful of water he was sipping.
Nick Stuart: Sure. You double down on that if you need to.
Vince Howard: Making his way to the ring first… from Crown Point, Indiana… weighing in at 220lbs… DARIN ZION!
Zion heads down the ramp and slaps some of the fans’ hands who have their arms outstretched. He even goes in for a hug with a couple of people, who, very awkwardly, don’t know what to do with themselves. One particular fan shouts at him, but Zion makes it look like he’s going to slap his hand anyway. The booing man extends his hand only for Zion to pull his hand back and slick his hair along with it!
Nick Stuart: Something inside me feels compelled to let out an egregious “Wooo!”, and I don’t really know why.
Richard Parker: Yeah I think I’ve seen that whole “sucker the fan in and then deny him” somewhere before.
The Man Who Loves Everybody climbs the turnbuckle and sticks his hands out, receiving a chorus of boos to his obvious nonchalant, annoying behavior.
Once Zion steps between the ropes…
“Cannonball” by SIRSY cues up and the crowd roars with excitement!
Nick Stuart: All right, we’re about to get our first look at Impulse in over ten years, Richard! What do you expect to see from this veteran of the mat?
Richard Parker: Very little, Stuart. Here’s a guy who couldn’t hack it in the sport, and now we’re expected to believe he can survive in PRIME five years older, without those five years of experience?
Nick Stuart: That’s certainly something to think about, but he’s got a number two seed for a reason!
Richard Parker: Yep. Luck of the draw.
Just as the song hits the crescendo, the fans’ cheers intensify as Impulse steps through into the arena, followed half a step behind by Calico Rose.
Vince Howard: Making his way to the ring first… from New York, New York… weighing in at 191lbs… he is the Marathon Man! This… is… IMPULSE!
Impulse looks around, nodding appreciatively, while Cally stops at the top of the aisle and takes an exaggerated bow. They look at each other and give a fist bump before making their way to the ring, slapping an occasional hand here and there.
PRIME official Ashley Barlow asks if Zion is ready.
Then asks Impulse.
When both competitors nod, Barlow calls for the bell.
DING DING
Circling each other for a moment, Zion actually shoots in for a double-leg takedown, but Impulse sidesteps the attempt. Nodding his head in approval of this attempt, Impulse rotates his shoulders and cranks his neck to further loosen himself up. Zion, meanwhile, is back to his feet, hunched over, and ready to take Impulse down.
Impulse leads another circle around the ring, causing Zion to follow him, only to turn around without warning and blast him with a knife-edge chop to the chest. Impulse follows it up with some snug rights and lefts, drawing excitement from the crowd.
Leaning into the ropes, Impulse sends Zion to the opposite side. On the rebound, Zion gains some momentum and ducks a clothesline attempt. Impulse shows great speed in his own right and after rebounding a second time, he leaps with an arm outstretched and nails Zion with a vertical leaping back-elbow shot that sends Zion down to the canvas.
Nick Stuart: Both of these competitors are extremely fast, but I would have to give the edge to Impulse with the speed factor.
Richard Parker: Seeing that Impulse is thirty-four pounds lighter than Darin Zion, I don’t think it’s that difficult to deduce who’s faster here, ole Nicky buddy.
Rather than going for an early pin attempt, Impulse kips up to the delight of the crowd, doing his best to play up to the fans he’s sorely missed. In no time at all, it becomes clear that the feeling is mutual.
YOU STILL GOT IT!!
CLAP, CLAP, CLAPCLAPCLAP
Nick Stuart: After ten-years, I’d say so.
Richard Parker: You kidding me?! He just kipped up after an elbow shot. Whoopty friggin’ doo.
Playing to the crowd is the only distraction Zion needs as he is already up and waiting for Impulse to turn around. Checking his jaw after that elbow shot, Zion looks furious.
Once Impulse turns around, Zion is there with a dropkick that sends Impulse into the turnbuckles. Before the Marathon Man can even recover, Zion is behind him with the go-behind.
Wrapping his arms up in a double-chicken wing, Zion lifts Impulse up and snaps back down to the mat with a vicious tiger suplex. The fans shriek at the bad landing Impulse took on his neck as the PRIMEView shows the replay for everyone in Vegas and all the people watching on their devices at home.
Nick Stuart: Holy MOTHER. A… tiger suplex?! This early?! He’s going for the cover and Impulse looks to be in a bad way here!
ONE
TWO
THR- Impulse kicks out and Zion looks crestfallen.
Richard Parker: That was a close one. I’ll take Impulse, you, all of these people, and the idiots on Jabber shouldn’t have underestimated him for 500, Alex. May the G.O.A.T. of gameshow hosts rest in peace.
Guiding Impulse back to his feet, Zion sets him up for a suplex on the harder side of the ring. Lifting him up and back down with lightning speed, Zion connects with the snap suplex!
Impulse instinctively rolls to the outside. Zion, however, is patient and does not follow him outside. Instead, he waits for Impulse to get up. Once Impulse does, Zion runs into the ropes facing the PRIMEView. Gaining momentum, Zion dives through the ropes…
Nick Stuart: RICH, LOOK OUT!!
…but crashes over the announce table as Impulse realizes what was about to happen at the last moment! Zion’s head crashes into the guardrail behind the commentary team, as the rest of him lands in an awkward heap between Parker and Stuart who had the wherewithal to move out of the way from the failed suicide dive.
HOLY SHIT!!
HOLY SHIT!!
Richard Parker: (re-adjusting headset) Well, that didn’t work out so well. Crash and buuuuuuuuurn!!
Realizing this could be his moment, Impulse frantically climbs over the announce table and grabs Zion. Barlow’s at one with the outside count. Ripping him up from the mat, Impulse drags him across the announce table, spilling pens and pencils and Parker’s water everywhere. Barlow’s at two.
With Zion’s upper torso hanging over the edge of the table, Impulse hunches down and sets him up for a suplex. Barlow’s at two. Showing great strength, Impulse dead lifts Zion from his vulnerable state on the table down onto the outside mat!
THUD.
By this time, Barlow’s at seven. Picking Zion up from the outside mat, Impulse rolls him into the ring and follows in order to beat the count. Impulse waits against the turnbuckles for Zion to get up on his own.
SMAAAAAACK!
The impact from Impulse’s superkick nailing Zion right in the jaw echoes throughout the MGM Grand.
Nick Stuart: Sudden Impact!!
Richard Parker: Goodnight Zion. That’s gotta be it.
Impulse hooks a leg.
ONE
TWO
THREE
Barlow calls for the bell!
DING DING DING
RAAAAAAAAAAH
Vince Howard: The winner of this match via pinfall and advancing to the next round of the Almasy Invitational… IMPULSE!
Nick Stuart: Well that one unexpectedly got out of hand! That missed suicide dive was brutal. I hope Darin’s okay after that!
Richard Parker: Darin Zion definitely took the risk vs reward gamble with that dive tonight. He had Impulse dead to rights and if he had actually hit that dive, I think we’d be seeing a very different outcome tonight.
Nick Stuart: I don’t know about “dead to rights” but he was definitely on a momentum roll. In the end, Impulse used his ring savviness to outwit and beat his opponent. Congratulations to Impulse for not only his first match in a decade, but his first win as well!
Ashley Barlow checks on Darin Zion while Impulse stands on the middle turnbuckle, playing up his victory to the crowd at hand.