4 Doozer vs. 13 Garbage Bag Johnny
Event: ReVival 1
Event Date: 01/21/2022
4 Doozer vs. 13 Garbage Bag Johnny
The crowd is still buzzing from the previous backstage action when the show cuts to the announcers table where the team is ready to get the next match underway.
Nick Stuart: What a night as we continue the first episode of ReVival! It looks like Timo Bolamba and Vince Howard are in the ring ready to keep the action rolling!
Richard Parker: The last time I saw Timo in a ring, he still had a goatee and ponytail. I guess the 90’s called and took them back.
Nick Stuart: That’s not all I wish they would take back.
“Doozy” by Token bumps into the PA system and the PRIME Faithful begin to react as Doozer makes his way out from back and the PRIMEview lights up with his entrance graphics.
Nick Stuart: And here we go!
Vince Howard: Ladies and Gentlemen, introducing the next competitor! Standing at Six feet Three inches and weighing in at Two-Hundred and Seventy-Three pounds, he is The Old Bull…DOOOOOZEEER!!!
Doozer walks down the ramp with a purpose; he checks the tape on his wrist and rolls under the bottom rope deftly before popping up in the ring.
Nick Stuart: Doozer looks to be in a fighting mood, folks.
Richard Parker: Well he better be, because he is in for a scrap tonight. My brother from a dumpster is coming up next.
“Garbage Bag Johnny Will Win Zero 2 Hero” by Garbage Bag Johnny (who apparently has a record deal) erupts on the PA and The Man known as GBJ steps out of the back surrounded by a cloud of smoke from the effects crew.
Vince Howard: And his opponent, standing at Six feet One inch and weighing in at Two-Hundred and Thirty-Five pounds, he is…GARBAGE…BAAAAAAAG…JOHNNY!!!
The Bag’ saunters down the ramp with purpose while the PRIMEview plays his entrance package. He stops for a moment before stepping up to the mat and crossing into the ring through the ropes.
Nick Stuart: It looks like Timo has checked over the competitors and we are underway!
The bell rings and both men circle around to the right. Doozer attempts to initiate a collar and elbow, but GBJ side steps and throws a stiff shot to the midsection that draws admonition from the referee for using a closed fist.
Nick Stuart: This could get chippy quickly folks.
Richard Parker: Speaking of chippy, I heard Bolamba is working this gig because his ex-wife took him to the cleaner.
Nick Stuart: I heard he made billions in crypto-currency, Richard.
Richard Parker: Bolamba Bucks are not recognized by Elon Musk yet, but when they are, I will cash in!
In the ring Doozer tries to tie up and is met with another thudding body blow. He is clearly frustrated by the smaller man choosing not to match strength and tries a move that pays immediate dividends as he reaches out once more and as GBJ tries to counter, he grabs the smaller wrestler’s arm and swings a lariat that takes Johnny off his feet.
GBJ shakes his head and gets to his knees. As Doozer steps forward to press his advantage, Johnny takes his own advantage and uses a line of sight barrier between himself and the ref to launch a punch directly to the salmon eggs of Capistrano, which brings Dooze down in a hurry. The bigger man looks shaken and finds himself on the receiving end of an Irish whip into the corner, but as he hits, he comes out of the corner obviously favoring his lower back. Timo steps in to check on Doozer, and he gets shooed away in a hurry.
Nick Stuart: I guess the years make those turnbuckle shots hurt a little more than they used to.
Richard Parker: Either that or he is faking an injury to lure his opponent into a trap!
GBJ slinks up behind Doozer and grabs for his waistband. He quickly drops to his knees, skinning the pants off Doozer like a butcher skins the hide off a steer.
Richard jumps to his feet.
Richard Parker: “WEDNESDAY” UNDERWEAR?! BUT IT’S FRIDAY!
When Doozer reaches down to grab his pants, Johnny runs forward, bounds off the ropes and back toward his opponent. He leaps through the air and drops Dooze with a Bulldog.
Nick Stuart: That’s the “Legendary De-pants Combo!”
Doozer rolls over and GBJ helps him to his feet. Johnny slings him into the ropes and lets his opponent come to him as he bends over and hoists Doozer several feet in the air with a back body drop. When Doozer hits the ground, he screams in agony and flails his feet out while grasping his back once again.
Richard Parker: Doozer’s back looks like I feel after a night of crapulence.
Johnny senses the end is near as he circles to his opponents feet and tries to lock in a Dan Flashes Sharpshooter. He is clearly confused which leg to start the hold with and eventually settles on trying to twist both legs in an ungainly fashion before turning Doozer over and leaning down on his lower back whilst balancing on one leg.
Doozer bellows and slams his palm on the mat which causes Timo to call for the bell. The Bag’ releases the hold and awkwardly removes his twisted leg from between Doozers before stepping out and celebrating. Timo kneels down next to Dooze and checks the fallen big man. Years of experience results in a quick reaction as Timo throws up his arms in an “X” pattern and the medic team quickly rushes to the ring with a stretcher.
Nick Stuart: You hate to see this, folks.
Richard Parker: I guess he isn’t faking the injury. But someone should really tell him it isn’t Wednesday.
Nick Stuart: Doozer has bigger problems right now.
After several tense minutes and an unnaturally quiet crowd, Doozer waves off the stretcher, and the med crew slowly helps Doozer to his feet. They hold him under the arms as he plods to the edge of the ring and gingerly steps between the ropes and heads up the ramp. The crowd, sensing he is able to walk off under his own power, but clearly too hurt to continue in his current condition, slowly applaud the injured warrior as he vanishes behind the curtains.
Vince Howard: And the winner…GARBAGE…BAAAAAAG…JOHNNY!!!
Garbage Bag Johnny’s music hits and he makes his way up the ramp and exits after producing a small white rolled up paper from behind his ear and putting it in his mouth.
Nick Stuart: Did he just…
Richard Parker: It’s medicinal! Besides, he never exhaled.