5 The Anglo Luchador vs. 12 Alexander Redding
Vince Howard: The following match is one fall and is a first-round match in the Almasy Invitational!
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Nick Stuart: We’re one match down and so many more to go! Up next it’s going to be The Anglo Luchador making his illustrious comeback against another staple in the industry, Alexander Redding, who has competed in GCW and jOlt!
Richard Parker: Wait, what? Where are the PRIME legends? Where’s Chandler Tsonda? Jason Snow? Tyler Nelson?
Nick Stuart: Well, there aren’t any in this match, but you never know, one of these two could wind up being thought of in their same company!
Richard Parker: Pssh, yeah right.
Vince Howard: Introducing first! Weighing in at two-hundred-and-eleven pounds and standing at six feet tall, he hails from Philadelphia, PA… THE! ANGLO! LUCHADOR!
‘Eat the Rich’ by Fozzy rips through the MGM Grand as from the back emerges The Anglo Luchador to cheers from the crowd. He makes his way down the ramp and walks up the stairs before entering the ring.
Nick Stuart: Great to see The Anglo Luchador back!
Richard Parker: I’m withholding my opinion.
Nick Stuart: That’s something new for you.
Richard Parker: I’ve been practicing zen you dipshit.
Nick Stuart: Yeah, working out well for you.
Vince Howard: And his opponent, weighing in at two-hundred-and-thirty-three pounds and standing at six feet and two inches tall, he hails from Kitchener, Ontario, Canada… ALEXANDER! REDDING!
As ‘Eat the Rich’ dies down, the slick and sleazy opening riff of ‘Love Spreads’ by the Stone Roses hits the PA. Those in attendance at the MGM Grand Garden give a modest reaction. We’re well into the open, and damn near the lyrics before a confident Grady Patrick, dressed impeccably and under his trademark bowler’s cap, strides forth. He walks forward a-ways before pointing to the stage. Alexander Redding saunters forward, offering only a slide-glance to the paying public. The garish grin of the Joker splashed on the left leg of his MMA long shorts catches the eye before panning up to the latest release of the Red & Ted tee, the odd one spotted through the crowd. A few steps in and he’s calling Grady in for a conference.
Nick Stuart: A last minute strategy session here?
Conference adjourned, Grady shrugs his shoulders and heads back through the curtain. A confident grin stays plastered on Redding’s mug as he continues forward.
Nick Stuart: Apparently Redding is telling his manager to stay in the back. We might get a fair fight after all.
Richard Parker: Throw away your one advantage, sure. Idiot.
Reaching ringside, Red takes a lap around, mostly ignoring the outreached hands, then slides in. He’s immediately to the referee for a short conversation. Taking his place in the friendly corner opposite the Anglo Luchador, he lifts the tee off and tosses it into the crowd for a mild pop. He rolls his neck, looking ready for this fight.
DING DING
Both men circle the ring before moving into a collar-and-elbow tie-up. Redding, the larger of the two men, puts TAL into a side headlock. TAL hoists Redding up into a side suplex, but Redding slips out and lands on his feet. TAL turns around, is met with a boot to the midsection from Redding, and Redding bounces off the ropes, connecting with a boot to the side of TAL’s skull. TAL drops to both knees from the shot while Redding hoists him up and connects with a snap suplex.
Nick Stuart: Alexander Redding getting off to the hot start here.
Richard Parker: Yeah, sure, wake me up when the match is over.
Nick Stuart: The match just started and you’re already bored?!
Richard Parker: Zzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Nick Stuart: What a jerk.
TAL slowly moves to his feet and is met with a rolling heel kick, sending TAL back down to the mat. Redding then bounces off the ropes, leaps into the air as he reaches TAL’s body, and drops a knee across his face.
Nick Stuart: And TAL finds himself behind the eight ball in the early parts of this match already!
Richard Parker: Wh-huh?! Someone say eight ball?
Nick Stuart: Nice of you to wake up.
Richard Parker: I was having a lovely dream and you interrupted it.
Nick Stuart: Well good, because you should be watching the match! That’s what you get paid to do.
Richard Parker: And you clearly get paid to suck.
Redding drags TAL up to his feet only for TAL to catch him with a hip toss. Redding lands hard on his lower back and rushes back to his feet only to be met with another hip toss from TAL. TAL then bounces off the ropes as Redding begins to make his way up to his feet and connects with a dropkick on his opponent.
Richard Parker: Oh look at The Anglo Luchador. He decided to wake up as well and start competing.
Nick Stuart: I really wish they’d replaced you with an actual professional.
Richard Parker: And I wish they’d replaced you with an attractive woman, but we can’t all get what we want.
Nick Stuart: We’ll see about that.
The shot takes Redding down to the mat, but not for long as he hops back up and TAL connects with ear-ringing knife-edge chop that causes Redding to double over from the pain. With Redding doubled over, TAL connects with a butterfly suplex and then goes for the pin.
ONE
TWO
NOOOOOOOOOOO
Nick Stuart: And The Anglo Luchador almost gets the victory there.
Richard Parker: You ask me, this new ref over here, she might need some more training classes.
Nick Stuart: Ashley Barlow’s a second generation industry professional out of Chicago, Richard. I’m more than confident she knows what she’s doing in the ring.
TAL watches as Redding makes his way up to his feet and tags him with a right jab, left jab, and right cross combo! Redding stumbles backwards and TAL uses this as an opening to rush at Redding only for Redding to lift him up and connect with a stun gun! TAL bounces off the top rope hard and stumbles around as Redding catches TAL in an old-school spine buster that causes TAL to arch his back in pain.
Nick Stuart: The Anglo Luchador and Alexander Redding just trading blows at this stage of the match. Luchador with a beautiful jab and cross combo there that caught Redding by surprise while Redding managed to get a stun gun and link that together with a beautiful spine buster!
Richard Parker: You know, this Redding kid might have something. Any relation to Otis Redding?
Nick Stuart: What?!
Richard Parker: It’s a question Nick, have you ever heard of one?!
Nick Stuart: Do you ever listen to the words that come out of your mouth? Seriously.
Redding catches TAL with a few stomps across the face before bending over to pick him up. TAL catches Redding by surprise with a monkey flip that sends Redding flying across the ring. TAL slowly makes his way up to his feet, taking a moment to catch his breathe before walking up to Redding and whipping him across the ring into the opposite ring corner. TAL then runs full speed, connecting with a running back elbow!
Nick Stuart: And you can see the ring rust starting to fall off The Anglo Luchador as he nails that beautiful corner running back elbow! Still though, this match could go either way!
Richard Parker: Go to communications school for that, Nick? Go to DePaul to learn all about that?
Nick Stuart: What are you talking about?!
Richard Parker: Look at The Anglo Luchador go with such a beautiful monkey flip.
Nick Stuart: Are you mocking me?!
Richard Parker: Damn straight!
TAL watches as Redding stumbles coming out of the corner and bounces off the ropes, looking for a hurricanrana on Redding only for Redding to counter with a sit-out power bomb on TAL.
ONE
TWO
NOOOOOOOOO
Nick Stuart: And a near pinfall for Redding there! He caught The Anglo Luchador by surprise with that sit-out powerbomb.
Richard Parker: That’s why you don’t try to do that flippy-floppy stuff in the ring. Leaves you open to opportunities.
Nick Stuart: Ugh, are you back on this horse again?!
Richard Parker: I never got off of it!
Redding is slow to his feet, using the ropes to his advantage, while TAL rolls around in pain from the shot. Redding walks over to TAL, taking a moment to catch his breathe, before he begins to pull TAL up to his feet and connects with a Hammerlock Discus Lariat, flipping TAL inside out. Redding goes for the cover again.
ONE
TWO
TH—NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Redding slowly makes his way up to his feet, dragging TAL with him only for TAL to counter with a no-counter enzuigiri.
CRACK!
Nick Stuart: These two are giving it everything they have in this first round matchup here in the Rolo bracket, trying to make it to the next round and for their chance at the Universal Championship.
Richard Parker: That’s not going to happen.
Nick Stuart: You have no idea what might happen! We’re seeing some great action here, as Redding connected with a MEH SHADDAP and then we saw the no-counter enzuigiri from The Anglo Luchador.
Richard Parker: I rest my case.
Nick Stuart: You’re not in a courtroom!
Both men are slow to their feet, catching air where they can as they stumble to their feet. TAL catches Redding with another knife-edge chop and Redding grabs his chest in pain before slamming his right fist across the jaw of TAL. TAL stumbles into the ropes before he fires back with a jab of his own that causes Redding to stumble backwards. He then rushes forward, slamming his forearm across the face of TAL, sending both men crashing to the mat.
Richard Parker: These two look tired. Exhausted. Spent.
Nick Stuart: Well, aren’t you observant.
Richard Parker: See?! I do what you want and you make fun of me!
Nick Stuart: Because you sound like you’re phoning it in!
Richard Parker: You think I could do that? Do my job from home via phone? I’ll need to talk to Lindsay about that.
Redding begins to make his way up to his feet, grabbing the ropes for support, before he climbs up the nearby turnbuckle and begins to walk across the top rope while TAL begins to stir, looking for the rope-walk cutter. Redding lies in wait, but TAL makes it up to his feet, gets dizzy, and stumbles backwards into the ropes that Redding is standing on, leaving Redding straddling the top rope in obvious pain. TAL looks over at his opponent and sees an opening as he yanks Redding off the rope and connects with a Japanese Ocean Cyclone Suplex.
ONE
TWO
THREE
DING DING DING
Vince Howard: Your winner… and advancing to the second round of the Almasy Invitational… THE! ANGLO! LUCHADOR!
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Nick Stuart: And the Anglo Luchador manages to pull it off.
Richard Parker: That was the very definition of lucky.
Nick Stuart: Both men laid it all out on the line here tonight. No need for Redding to feel disappointed in the least bit. Both men were shaking off the cobwebs, getting their wind back in their lungs, but only one man could walk out the victor and that man is The Anglo Luchador.
Richard Parker: Great, let’s get to the next match.
Nick Stuart: You are insufferable.
The Anglo Luchador rolls out of the ring, catching his breath from the hellacious match he just endured, and looks in the ring at Alexander Redding who is slowly sitting up. The two men lock eyes, nodding their heads at one another in a sign of respect, and then The Anglo Luchador throws his fists into the air as he celebrates his victory with the crowd firmly behind him.