THE PINNACLE OF ALL NECKS
We return from backstage to Rocket Mortgage Fieldhouse.
Nick Stuart: And now…all that’s left…
Richard Parker: The Intense Title is on the line, as are a couple of all-time PRIME milestones in the form of a winning streak and a career win total.
Nick Stuart: But first…before the collision, the pageantry, and all that this coming bout represents.
The fans are buzzing in anticipation, knowing what is next. Suddenly, the stadium lights dim, a loud cheer erupting from the crowd. Out of the blackness, the PRIMEview comes alive, the PRIME logo displayed prominently. It fades, the opening tones of Neck (LSU Tigers Anthem) [Explicit Audio] by Jay Da Wizard beginning to play. With a lashing strike of blue, words fill the screen.
FLAMBERGE, THE PRIME INTENSE CHAMPION
THE PINNACLE OF ALL NECKS
Descending, a lone spotlight shines upon a table of velvet. Stood up for prominence is the PRIME Intense Championship belt, (very very very) polished and shined. As the music continues, its contours and plates are scanned with care. Every detail is magnificent. The tension of sound rises, and with it, the camera pulls away from the majestic championship. The scene abruptly cuts to black.
And with the rising horrible lyrics about tiger dick, the still shots. Subtle movements slowly focusing upon the enlarged wrestler portraits cropped between chin and collarbone as they appear for a few moments, their achievement marked in text in convenient spaces.
The inaugural neck after the switch flipped inside FLAMBERGE’s mind. The bridge between the Glue Man Group and the Neck Collector, cemented at ReVival 17. His neck stands an enigma, burdened to support an egregiously sized forehead, but what he has in forehead he doubles that in heart. One neck for the mantle. We don’t see his, or anyone’s eyes, but we can assume based on the angle of this neck that they are steely.
1st Neck
CORAL AVALON
A Goat Bastard with a tremendous beard and smell. He beat FLAMBERGE in the before-times and that was not a welcome event. It was non-title, anyway. An anti-hero, a Dopesmoker. Some say the loss of his neck started the ball rolling down the hill that eventually led to his departure from PRIME…for now. Oh, and FLAMBERGE won the 5 Star as well, which is almost as a neck.
2nd Neck
REZIN
Let’s skip over the BS where Brandon Youngblood had the audacity to hold onto FLAMBERGE’s waist which prevented him from breaking up a pin and cost him the 5 Star he had just won and instead focus on the grizzly legend of a neck on screen because wow. That’s a legendary neck right there, come on.
3rd Neck
NOVA
In the before-times before he began properly dedicating his life to Neck Collection, FLAMBERGE had already claimed the neck of this man’s partner, Darin Zion. The Love Convoy couldn’t leave well enough alone, and for that, the second neck was collected from the trio. Cleansing it of all of Vickie Hall’s saliva proved a difficult task.
4th Neck
JONATHAN CHRISTOPHER-HALL
The man loves masks and the man loves Aztecs, but more egregiously, the man held his own title belt in a hallway once, which was enough spark to start a months-long fire culminating in the main event of ReVival 25. It was here that some of the lizard speculation began, which is very weird and you are very weird for perpetuating it. Anyway, he’s been thrown bodily from the top of the mountain.
5th Neck
THE ANGLUE GLUECHADOR
Teefers.
6th Neck
ARTHUR PLEASANT
The obvious conclusion to make when seeing this booking is that someone from the Love Convoy must have peed in the Cheerios of someone very important within PRIME. Two out of three necks are nice, but the real prize is the full set. FLAMBO likes real prizes, and so he had to collect.
7th Neck
TRISTAN-CRISPIN GLADHAPPY
Yo, this dude handsome AF. I know you can only see his neck but CHRIST that’s the sexiest neck we’ve seen so far, are you kidding me?? AND he’s a former Universal Champion. GOD the Frenchman wanted this one. Glistening. Look at it.
8th Neck
HOYT WILLIAMS
Possible contact was made with a race of frogliens that may either be venomous or felt. While the neck was in fact collected, tremendous loss was felt as the 3rd or 4th coolest vehicle in the ReVival era, the FLAMBOrghini, was not amphibious. We’re concerned she’s going to murder someone for real now, but that may just be a video game. As a bonus for collecting this hazardous of a neck, Le Protagoniste was awarded the Intense Title as well.
9th Neck
ANNA DANIELS
Familiar, but different. A neck that was collected in a different form at ReVival 8 gets collected again at ReVival 31. It also tied the record for the longest singles win streak in the history of PRIME and temporarily (rightfully) pushed FLAMBERGE’s ranking to #1. The Intense Title has become a nest of eggs that must be polished and protected at all times. There was a car funeral. Everything is perfectly fine. No neck holds a higher value among collectors than the Frenchman, now.
10th Neck
C. MORTGOMERY BYRNES
With the final image of thirsty necks fading away and the song having been full of college marching band and weirdly aggressive lyrics about college football mascots, a final shot of the Intense Championship upon its velvet table is shown. And then, we cut to black.
A rich history of neckness.
Will the Neck Collector collect his zaddyest neck yet?