ADAM ELLIS vs. BOBBY DEAN
Nick Stuart: Coming up now is a match between a returning star with a so-far up-and-down debut and a wrestler who has been up and down since joining PRIME last year. Bobby Dean has won and lost since returning and now faces Adam Ellis, who is 4-4 in his time here.
Richard Parker: Maybe they’ll both lose!
Nick Stuart: We’ll certainly see.
Garrett Biggs’ “Mama Didn’t Raise No…” plays over the sound system and on the video screen, a video plays showing a series of wrestling trophies on a dresser next to an old high school football uniform that has ‘Ellis’ on the back.
An acoustic guitar plays and the vocals begin.
“Mama didn’t raise no… quitter- guaranteed to get the job done.”
Adam Ellis and Ginny Van Lear walk out from the back hand in hand and stand on the stage.
“She didn’t raise no SOB who that can’t back himself up – been known to throw a good punch.”
The video screen shows a series of action shots of Ellis from his various matches
“And this ol’ boy gets going when the going gets tough- sundown to sun up.”
Dressed in a t-shirt, jeans, and her feet wrapped in tape the former MMA prodigy nods her head causing her bright red hair to flip, and raises her left hand…
“Need a man with a helping hand – he’s always got one to lend.”
…and then brings it down as the chorus and full instrumentation hits- complete with pyro.
“Oh, I might be a little rough around the edges”
Adam’s wearing a pair of plain blue wrestling shorts. He starts forward down the ramp towards the ring followed by Van Lear.
Vince Howard: Making his way to the ring first, from Warrensburg, Missouri…he weighs in at 226 pounds…AAAADAAAMMMM EEEELLLIIIIIIIIISSSSSSS!
“From the outside lookin’ in it might seem helpless.”
The couple reaches the ring. Adam holds the rope open so Ginny can slide through.
“I’ve been blessed with a strong backbone – I never coulda made it on my own”
Adam joins her in the ring.
“But if there’s one thing that I know – Momma didn’t raise no…”
Adam climbs up the top turnbuckle and holds up his arms.
Suddenly, “You’re the Best Around” plays by Joe Esposito. Bobby Dean appears and immediately starts dancing.
Richard Parker: I think I’m going to be sick.
Nick Stuart: Be nice.
Richard Parker: I will not.
Bobby begins to make his way down, waving his arms and gyrating. It’s unpleasant.
Vince Howard: And his opponent! From Houston, Texas, and weighing in at 369 pounds…BOBBY! DEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNN!
Bobby enters the ring and raises his hands in the air before going to his corner and getting ready.
Nick Stuart: All right, here we go. This is an interesting matchup, pitting Adam Ellis’s mat wrestling prowess against Bobby Dean’s impressive size and strength.
Richard Parker: I love how generous you are with these descriptions. Just say he’s fat.
Nick Stuart: I will not.
True to their styles, Bobby charges in and Adam Ellis cautiously evades the larger man, rolling to the side while trying to grab at his legs. Bobby kicks away, then moves back before charging in again. Adam Ellis sweeps for his leg, getting his arms around it but unable to get Bobby to topple. Bobby once again kicks at Adam, who drops the leg and rolls. He finds himself behind Bobby, and he locks on a headlock. Bobby Dean backs towards the ropes and uses the leverage to break free of the headlock, sending Ellis onto the other side. Ellis comes back and hits Bobby, chest to chest. They both stumble backwards a few steps, but neither falls.
Nick Stuart: Both men trying to get an advantage, but it seems that neither is able to effectively use their own style to strike blood here early on.
Resetting his posture, Adam Ellis once again dives down deep at Bobby’s legs. You know the saying, if at first you don’t succeed, get grabbed by the waist and lifted up into a bear hug.
Wait, that’s not a saying where you’re from?
Nick Stuart: And here we go! Bobby Dean grabbed Ellis and is trying to squeeze the life out of him! Ellis is struggling but he’s got that hold locked in tight!
Richard Parker: Get the gun, Ginny! Your man is in trouble!
She does not grab her gun. Instead, she bangs her hands on the apron to motivate her man. Of course, it’s only a minute in the match, so it’s not like he needs that much motivation. He just needs the ropes.
Nick Stuart: Adam Ellis reaching over Bobby’s shoulder to grab the ropes. Here comes Ashley Barlow to break it up – woah!
Bobby Dean did not let go of Adam Ellis when asked to – in fact, he took two steps forward and slammed Ellis in the middle of the ring, then draped himself on top.
Adam kicks out.
Nick Stuart: You have to imagine that this the way Bobby Dean wants it – a slow, ground down pace where he can set the tone and weaken Adam Ellis.
Richard Parker: No, what he really wants is some food!
Nick Stuart: Come on.
Richard Parker: Because he’s fat.
Nick Stuart: I didn’t want to have to do this, Richard, but you’ve left me with no choice.
Richard Parker: What are you talking about?
There is a ruffling sound as Bobby Dean lifts Adam Ellis in the air and slams him in a body slam.
Richard Parker: Wait, what are you doing? What is this? Stop! What did this person put around my neck?
Nick Stuart: Doug here just put a shock collar on your neck. Ever since Bobby has come back, you have been unable to talk about his matches without talking about his weight. So every time you make a fat joke, Doug is going to push this button to give you an electric shock.
Richard Parker: No! You wouldn’t!
Doug: (overheard on Nick’s mic) I would. I love pushing buttons.
Adam is trying to get his bearings, crawling towards the ropes. Bobby follows him, grabbing onto his leg. Adam uses the ropes to turn around, then shoves Bobby back with a kick. This gives Adam enough time to get to his feet and duck as a charging Bobby Dean sails over his head, going through the ropes and landing on the outside.
Nick Stuart: And Adam Ellis moves just in time! Bobby landed hard on his shoulder on the outside!
Richard Parker: Bobby just rushed at Adam Ellis like he was a…
Nick Stuart: Choose your words carefully, Richard.
Richard Parker: …like he was an opponent he wanted to attack. Ugh, this sucks.
Adam Ellis drops to the canvas and rolls out, stalking the big man. Bobby crawls to the ring, using the apron to stand up. But before he can, Ellis grabs his head and slams it into the apron, causing him to slump back down.
Bobby tries to turn around but ends up leaning against the steel steps and the corner of the ring. Ellis looks behind him, walks back about ten steps, then launches himself with a flying knee that crushes Bobby’s head against the steps.
Nick Stuart: Wow! Adam Ellis is taking advantage now, using the harsh environment outside to cause punishment to Bobby Dean!
Bobby falls forward. Ashley Barlow is a patient woman, an understanding woman, a fair woman – but she is done asking the two men politely to get back in the ring. She begins her count.
Ellis looks up at her and nods, then grabs Bobby and lifts him up. Or, should I say, tries to. His body is sort of dead weight at the moment, and Ellis uses his shoulder to drive him up against the apron.
Richard Parker: He’s going to need a forklift for this!
Doug: (overheard on Nick’s mic) That counts, right?
Nick Stuart: It does.
Richard Parker: Wait! No! It was a Sykes jo–OW! OW!
As Richard screams, Bobby groggily sends a punch at Ellis, knocking him back. Barlow continues her count.
Bobby hoists himself up on the apron to a sitting position. He briefly looks up to grab the ropes, but when he looks back down he sees Adam Ellis running towards him, hitting him with a shoulder tackle. Both men spill inside the ring, and Ellis is up first to cover Bobby.
Nick Stuart: Kickout from Bobby Dean, and so far we’re getting a nice back and forth affair. A lot of action to sink our teeth into, don’t you think so, Richard?
Richard Parker: You’re trying to get me to make a fat joke, and I don’t appreciate it.
Nick Stuart: You’re right. I should be the bigger man here.
Richard Parker: Speaking of bigger men, Bobby is getting to his – OW OW OW! You set me up!
Bobby Dean gets to a knee, where Ellis meets him with a stiff kick. It gets Bobby to his feet, trapping him in the corner. Ellis runs towards him to splash in the corner, but Bobby gets a boot up, hitting Ellis in the face. Bobby grabs Ellis and forces him in the corner, then squashes him with his back to Ellis.
Nick Stuart: Bobby Dean is crushing Ellis in the corner, just using his mass to squash him!
Richard Parker: Ugh…
Nick Stuart: Ellis wants to escape but just can’t get beyond that large frame of Bobby Dean!
Richard Parker: You are a bad person.
Bobby sends one last butt bump into Ellis and he slumps onto the ground. Bobby climbs up to the first rope and then drops off of it, his butt landing squarely on Ellis’s chest. Barlow slides in for the count.
Nick Stuart: Adam Ellis barely gets a shoulder up! Again, this has been a great back and forth contest, both men really showing guts here. A lot of guts.
Richard Parker: It’s not the physical torture that gets me. It’s the mental torture.
Bobby Dean grabs Ellis’s arm and drags him towards the middle of the ring. He stomps on Ellis to make sure he isn’t moving, then slowly walks towards the ropes. Leaning against them, he lumbers towards Ellis’s body.
Richard Parker: Oh no, this is going to hurt!
Doug: (overheard on Nick’s mic) Why?
Richard Parker: What?
Doug: (overheard on Nick’s mic) Is it because he’s fat? Can I press the button?
Richard Parker: No, stop! I’d say that about anyone! Nick, save me!
Nick Stuart: I can let that one slide.
Doug: (overheard on Nick’s mic) Ah beans.
Nick Stuart: Here comes Bobby with a big splash!
Nick Stuart: He connects! Now he’s going for the…wait, what?
Instead of covering Adam, Bobby stands over Ellis and starts dancing over him, grinding his hips.
Richard Parker: What the hell is he doing?
Nick Stuart: I don’t know.
Richard Parker: And why the hell are people enjoying it?
That’s a great question, Richard. But there are people at ringside who are cheering. Whether it’s ironically or not, that doesn’t really matter to Bobby. He hears cheers, and he is energized. He goes to the other ropes and comes back for another splash.
Nick Stuart: Another big splash! Adam Ellis looks out of it!
Richard Parker: Come on Bob! Pin him so I can get this damn collar off!
But Bobby does not. The fans near ringside start to chant “DANCE! DANCE! DANCE” at him. And once again, Bobby obliges, gyrating his body in the most grotesque way imaginable.
Richard Parker: This might be worse than the electric shocks.
Nick Parker: The more important thing is that he’s giving Ellis time to recover! I get wanting to have fun and giving the people what they want, but if you ignore your opponent and just dance, your chances of winning will be the opposite of Bobby Dean, which is to say slim.
Richard Parker: Wait did you make a fat joke?
Nick Stuart: I…I guess I did.
Richard Parker: Ha! Go ahead Doug! Push the button!
Doug: (overheard on Nick’s mic) Gladly.
Richard Parker: Wait! No! OWWWWWW!!!
Bobby is still dancing. He’s really getting into it. The thrusts, the belly rubbing, the butt slaps. He’s so into it that he doesn’t realize that Adam Ellis is getting to his feet. Adam grabs Bobby from behind.
Nick Stuart: Adam has him! Trying to lift Bobby will be no easy task, but he’s trying!
Nick Stuart: He got him over! Big German suplex!
Bobby tries to get up and almost does, but he is met with Adam cocking back and leveling him with a Superman Punch!
Nick Stuart: Superman punch! Clark Kent’s in the building!
Richard Parker: So is the Blob! OWWWWWWWW!
Doug: (overheard on Nick’s mic) They’re not even from the same comics company.
Richard Parker: OWWW I KNOW IT WAS STILL WORTH IT!
Nick Stuart: Bobby is in trouble! Adam is grabbing his legs! Elevated Boston Crab! It’s locked in! Bobby is fighting it! He’s fighting it! Adam wrenching the hold…it’s over! Bobby tapped out!
DING DING DING
Vince Howard: Your winner…ADAAAAMMMMMM ELLLLIIIIIISSSSSSSS!
Nick Stuart: Well it was a close match, but Adam Ellis was able to overcome the size difference to score a big win!
Richard Parker: Great. Can I take this collar off now?
Nick Stuart: Yes. Go ahead, Doug.
Doug: (overheard on Nick’s mic) We can’t leave it on all night?
Nick Stuart: No.
Doug: (overheard on Nick’s mic) Ah beans.
We then cut to commercial.