AIRHORN? OM NOM NOM
Scene: a dark room. So dark, you can’t see a thing until a bare bulb overhead clicks revealing you, the audience, struggling in the clutches of two unknown figures. They are both seemingly wearing black robes and their faces are…nothing. Absolutely nothing. They have none. No facial features, no hair, nothing to denote that they are in any way human. The heads are a true blank slate. You hear footsteps approaching! Maybe somebody’s coming to help you?
No. Worse. It’s Anna Daniels. Something in her looks at you with disdain.
Anna Daniels: You didn’t buy the shirts.
There’s a certain horror in the way she said it as you begin to whimper. She’s disappointed.
Anna Daniels: Unfortunately for you, we’re not in a punting mood.
You would relax except for the part where she said unfortunately.
Anna Daniels: You can eat this one.
Then just as quickly as she entered, she leaves you with the other two. You are absolutely baffled. You look at one of the figures in their non-face and you’re certain that it is looking back at you even without eyes. Finally, something form onto the blank canvas. It starts as a line, small and squiggly. Is that a smile? Then it begins to grow bigger and open up…
Rows and rows of shark-like teeth. You shriek just before it comes chomping down on your head sending you back into darkness, this time eternal.
Buy the shirt, you fucking cowards.
AND BUY THE NEW BRANDON YOUNGBLOOD IS A WRESTLING HIPSTER SHIRT. BECAUSE YOU KNOW IT’S TRUE.
(No people were actually harmed during the making of this commercial. We think. Don’t quote me on it.)