ALEX STEEL vs. NED REFORM
Lights. Pyro. PRIMEates. Signs!
TAL IS JACK LEMMON AND IVAN IS WALTER MATTHAU
“STOP IT, HE’S ALREADY DEAD” – ABSOLUTELY NO ONE WHILE KING BLUEBERRY WAS TAGGING OFF ON PAXTON
OH SO YOU OWN A CHERRY RED KIA SORENTO? I ALSO WAS A VIRGIN ONCE
MIKE MCGEE PARKS ACROSS TWO SPACES
SONNY SILVER IS A ZADDY
DEAR DR. REFORM
WILL THIS BE COVERED BY MY INSURANCE?
BIG BAD VOODOO ZADDY
HOW MANY CHAIR SHOTS DOES IT TAKE TO GET TO THE CENTER OF PAXTON RAY’S SKULL?
ONE, A-TWO, A-THREE. CRONCH A-THREE!
REZIN’S PUPPET SHOW HAD A BETTER ENDING THAN GAME OF THRONES
WOW NOVA IS BUSY AT COLOSSUS DOES HE EVEN KNOW HOW MUCH HE’S GOT TO DO
BREAKING: TROY ANNOUNCES NOVA WILL BE RUNNING CHURCH YARD SALE AND BOOK-OF-THE-MONTH CLUB
VICKIE HALL SHOPS AT THE BLOUSE BARN
GET ALL YOUR BAGGAGE NEEDS AT ART’S SAKS EMPORIUM
MIKE MCGEE SHOPS AT RENT-A-CENTER, DEB WARENSTEIN SAID SO
MIKE MCGEE HAS BAD CREDIT
A MALE KAREN IS CALLED A MIKE MCGEE
MIKE MCGEE’S DEGREE IS FROM TRUMP UNIVERSITY
MIKE MCGEE GETS AN ALLOWANCE FROM HIS PARENTS
GIRL PASTOR IS MY FAVORITE SGRNR SONG
NO ONE TELL SID ABOUT THE COCAINE BEAR
PAXTON RAY SMELLS LIKE SEWER CRAWFISH
“Got Each Other” by The Interrupters cues up as Alex steps into the entrance area amid the lights kicking up behind her. She stops to look at the crowd, does some quick stretches, then runs down the ramp. Alex slides into the ring, does a run into the ropes, before sliding out on the rebound to give her baseball cap and T-shirt to a young fan in the audience. She then slides back into the ring and waits for her opponent.
The very familiar opening chords of Beethoven’s “Fur Elise” echo throughout the arena as the lights take on a purple hue and the fans begin to jeer in earnest.
The piano transitions into a rock version of the classic – a modern rock version by Cole Rolland – as the man himself, Ned Reform, appears through the curtain. He’s dressed for action: purple and white singlet, white boots, and arrogant smirk. One hand is tucked behind his back as he scans the people, completely no-selling the rude gestures and boos. Behind Reform lurks his muscle, the uber athletic and no-nonsense TA Cole.
Reform begins to walk to the ring, waving and smiling to his “adoring” fans.
He hops onto the ring apron, gives his feet a good wipe or two, and then steps through the ropes and into the ring. He makes his way to the turnbuckle, bracing his hands on the top rope and leaning back to test its integrity. While he’s doing this, he catches sight of the hard cam and gives it a little wink before the music fades out.
Alex Steel darts forward quickly, causing Ned Reform to throw up his hands and backpedal into the safety of the ropes. Jimmy Turnbull steps in before Alex can touch Reform. Turnbull tries to verbally back off Steel, who insists on pleading her case. Their back and forth is cut short when Ned rushes in and blindsides Steel with a forearm, knocking her to the ground!
Nick Stuart: A cheap shot by Ned Reform! I wish that kind of conduct surprised me.
Richard Parker: Oh come on, Nick! You really want to talk about conduct after what Alex Steel’s done?!
Nick Stuart: You mean defend her country’s honor after Ned’s slander?
Richard Parker: Slander?! It’s not slander if it’s true! The Good Doctor would never lie!
Nick Stuart: Oh for crying out loud…
Ned begins stomping away, putting a bit more malice on the strikes than usual. Steel labors to the ropes to stop the onslaught. Jimmy Turnbull tries to back Reform off, but Ned aggressively pushes past him. The Warrior Poet grabs the left arm of the recovering Alex, sending a knee into her shoulder joint!
Steel clutches at her shoulder, but Ned gives her little reprieve. He grabs her by left wrist with his left hand before raining down clubbing blows with the right! Alex gets a foot on the ropes to again force the break. While Ned debates with Jimmy on the referee’s intelligence level, Awesome Alex slips out of the ring and onto the arena floor. Reform picks up on this quickly, slithering out of the ring and behind the convalescing Steel.
Nick Stuart: Ned’s really been targeting that shoulder. I think he’s got some evil intentions in mind here.
Richard Parker: That’s an unfair accusation! Maybe he’s just going to check on her injury. He’s a doctor, after all!
Nick Stuart: There’s a litany of problems with what you just said…
Richard Parker: Name one!
Nick Stuart: Can we just get back to the match, please?!
Ned stalks Steel for a just a moment before he charges forward… plowing Alex shoulder first into the ring post! She bounces off it, clutching her appendage while howling in pain. A malicious grin spreads over the mug of Dr. Ned. With his opponent in a compromised position, Reform takes a moment to pander to the crowd. Unsurprisingly, they shower him in jeers.
Ned grabs Alex and tugs her to her feet by the waistband of her trunks. He callously tosses her back into the ring, clearly relishing the way the bout’s going. Reform methodically climbs into the ring before doing a jaunty little strut and proclaiming his greatness to the fans. More vitriol is harped upon Ned from the PRIMEates. He drags Steel up and towards the corner, roughly shoving her into place.
Reform drapes the left arm of Steel over the top rope, wrenching on in vicious fashion. Turnbull admonishes the Doctor before restoring to a five count. Ned breaks on four, gleefully cackling beforehand. He backs up a few strides, raising a bent arm and slapping his elbow. Reform barrels forward, looking to drive his elbow into the damaged shoulder! At the last second, whether due to the beating she’s endured or ring savvy, Alex drops and Ned crashes into the turnbuckles!
Nick Stuart: A miscalculation by Reform! This could be the opening Alex Steel needs!
Richard Parker: She better take advantage! You’re not going to get many mistakes out of a man with Dr. Reform’s intelligence!
Alex struggles to her feet, her left arm hanging limp. She smacks it three times with little improvement. She shakes her head in disgust, but lets out a loud war cry, dashing towards the corner. Steel plows into Ned’s midsection with a spear using her right shoulder! Reform stumbles out of the corner, clutching at his waist. Alex hits the ropes, planting the Sage of the Stage downward with a facebuster! She does her best to get him rolled over, hooking the far leg with her good right arm!
Steel slaps the mat in frustration. She grabs Reform by the beard to tug him to his feet! However, as they rise, Ned deftly grabs the left arm and drops to his butt, driving it across his shoulder! He staggers to his feet while Jimmy checks on Alex, whose doubled over in pain. Ned politely taps the referee on the shoulder. After gaining Turnbull’s attention, Ned complains of a loose turnbuckle in the corner he was speared into. Jimmy reluctantly goes to check the pads.
With the ref distracted and Alex still reeling, Ned slips out of the ring and hastily grabs a chair from underneath. Reform scrambles back inside and drives the chair pointedly into the injured shoulder of Steel! He then chucks the chair haphazardly up the ramp just moments before the referee turns around. The Good Doctor yanks the waylaid Aussie to her feet and quickly clamps on the Ad Hominem! Ned savagely jerks the smaller Steel back and forth in the tortuous hold! Alex hangs on momentarily… But can’t break free, tapping to give Ned the win!
DING DING DING