ALIAS TITLE MATCH: C. MORTGOMERY BYRNES (c) VS. ROCKY DE LEON
The lights dim and “Me And Julio Down By The Schoolyard” by Streetlight Manifesto begins blaring as green lasers flash around ‘The Pit’ in Albuquerque, New Mexico.
The mama pajama rolled out of bed
And she ran to the police station
When the papa found out he began to shout
And he started the investigation
Vince Howard: Making his way to the ring, the challenger… weighing in at two-hundred and fifteen pounds… THE LION OF LAREDO… ROOOOOOOCKY DEEE LEEEEEOOOOOON!
Nick Stewart: Rocky looks like he’s ready to go for this one.
Richard Parker: I got one of these lasers in my eyes! ONE OF THESE LASERS ARE IN MY EYES ROCKY! I’M SUING!
Rocky comes out from the back in his full costume. He flaps his arms on the ramp and lets out a mighty SKREE~! The crowd SKREE~!’s back. Yeah, the exclamation point gets the apostrophe. Fuck off.
Nick Stewart: Wouldn’t you be suing PRIME?
Richard Parker: I hate you.
Nick Stewart: Isn’t that like suing Cecilworth Farthington via proxy?
Richard Parker: Nick, I swear to all that is holy, I will toss you over the barricade and let these New Mexican pukes feast on your liver.
Nick Stewart: They aren’t zombies…
Richard Parker: Could have fooled me…
Vince Howard: AAAAAAAAND HIS OPPONENT! The Alias Champion C. MORT-GOMERY BYRRRRRRRRRNEEEEEEESSSSS!
The lights stay dimmed, but the spotlights switch to a teal instead of a green. “You’re Nobody Till Somebody Loves You” by Dean Martin hits over the public address system and the crowd explodes with boos as C. Mortgomery Byrnes steps out onto the entrance ramp with the Alias Championship raised into the sky.
Richard Parker: Listen to that reaction! IT’S BEAUTIFUL!
Nick Stewart: I’m sure it’s music to your ears.
Richard Parker: THEY ARE SAYING BEAU!!!! FOR BEAUTIFUL!
- Mortgomery Byrnes walks to the ring, and slides in. He slips the title over to Vince Howard, Mort grabs Howard and gives him explicit instructions. Mort turns towards Jimmy Turnbull who checks him over.
Nick Stewart: And were off, Alias Championship! Semi-Main Event of ReVival 29!
Mort comes across the ring in a hurry and clatters into Rocky. Mort cocks back and throws a right hand, then a left hand, then a right hand. TFP reels backwards into the corner as Mort follows him in with a kick to the midsection, and a vicious shove into the turnbuckle. Mort backs up a few steps and runs in with a head full of steam.
Nick Stewart: Fast start by Mort— OH!
Richard Parker: STAY ON HIM!
Mort crashes into the turnbuckle as Rocky slips out of the way at the last second. Rocky jumps up with a leaping spinning heel kick and smashes him across the nose. The very Pterodactyl like man takes his turn from halfway across the ring and takes a page out of Jared Sykes’ playbook and leaps at him, ass first. He lets out a mighty SKREE~! and he crashes into him, and immediately rolls forward.
Nick Stewart: After that fast start Mort is in big trouble here!
Richard Parker: C’MON!
Mort stumbles forward out of the corner, his brain a myriad of cockroaches and cobwebs. Rocky throws a right hand, but Mort shrugs it off and throws a haymaker of his own. Rocky manages to dodge out of the way of most of the blast, but the big man’s glancing blow is still enough to push him backwards. Rocky comes back with another right hand, but Mort is able to get his arm up to block, and fires a thumb into Rocky’s eyes.
Richard Parker: Great move.
Nick Stewart: Illegal move.
Rocky stumbles around the ring, and Mort grabs the younger masked man and whips him across the ring and into the turnbuckle. Mort once again roars in, and this time connects with a big splash. He smashes a forearm into Rocky’s face, then another before setting him up on the second rope. C. Mortgomery Byrnes climbs up onto the second rope and tries to lift Rocky up for a middle rope superplex. Rocky fires off an elbow to the midsection, followed by another. Mort lets the grip go, and Rocky puts both of his legs into Mort’s chest and shoves him off. Mort stumbles backwards, and Rocky comes off the middle rope with a double ax handle smash. Mort hits the mat hard.
Nick Stewart: Big move there for Rocky!
Richard Parker: Someone call Gamble, get the boys out here. Hoyt damnit.
Rocky is right back to the ropes and jumps up onto the top rope.
Rocky De Leon: SKREEEEEEEEE~!
Rocky leaps off looking for the diving elbow drop. He hangs in the air, elbow is loaded and poised to strike. Mort gets his knees up just in time and Rocky crashes down on them in a heap. Mort rolls away holding his knees, while Rocky lays on the ground, kicking his leg off of the mat while he holds onto his ribs.
Richard Parker: That geriatric fan club of his probably lost half of it’s members.
Nick Stewart: That’s very insensitive Richard. My mother is a member.
Richard Parker: Oh, fucking great. Now we have a biased commentator. Someone get me Troy on the line.
Mort is the first to his feet. Rocky is slowly crawling across the ring, and has finally made it to the bottom rope. Mort thunders across the ring, and begins kicking at Rocky’s midsection. One kick to the ribs causes Rocky to shout in pain, he rolls over onto his stomach and Mort begins rapidly stomping on De Leon’s ribs. Mort reaches down and grabs Rocky by the mask, and yanks him up to his feet. Rocky throws a right hand, and Mort responds by jabbing Rocky in the eye again.
Nick Stewart: Turnbull has to see it.
Richard Parker: He does not, and he will not.
Mort grabs Rocky and whips him over his head with a snap suplex. Mort jumps right back up to his feet and drags Rocky up again, and this time he smashes him to the canvas with a scoop slam. Mort drops down and locks in a reverse chinlock on Rocky. Rocky struggles with the chin lock, as Morty cranks it on. The crowd begins to clap and stomp.
Richard Parker: SHUT UP YOU IDIOTS! MORTY IS AT WORK!
Nick Stewart: The crowd is really getting behind Rocky here.
Rocky struggles in the chin lock, he tries a hip escape, but Morty is able to stay on top of him. He contorts Rocky’s body, and drives his face into the canvas. The crowd falls silent, but only for a moment as Rocky manages to move back to a sitting position.
Richard Parker: MEH! SHUT UP!
Rocky slowly begins to make his way to his feet, and the fans keep cheering him on. Rocky finally makes his way to standing, and starts firing off elbows into Morty’s ribs. One, then another, then another. Morty’s grip starts to loosen and Rocky tries to take off towards the ropes, but Mort manages to stay with him and drives Rocky’s face back into the canvas with a bulldog.
Richard Parker: Morty’s been chasing jerk offs like that his entire life!
Nick Stewart: Yeah, he’s normally after their wallet.
Morty hooks a leg and Jimmy Turnbull slides in for the count.
Nick Stewart: Big kick out.
Richard Parker: Should have stayed down.
Rocky throws his shoulder into the air. Morty smiles and brings Rocky up to his feet. He whips him into the ropes, Rocky comes back off of the ropes and Morty tries for a powerslam, but Rocky manages to whip himself around Morty, and finish with a flying headscissors. Morty flies across the ring, and looks absolutely shocked, while Rocky stays down on the canvas. Morty slowly gets to his feet, but Rocky manages to meet him there. Morty cocks back with a right hand and lets it fly, but Rocky manages to duck under it and hit the ropes again.
Nick Stewart: Rocky is starting to get going again here.
Richard Parker: I hope he chokes on his second wind.
Rocky springboards off the ropes, and flies at Morty with a splash. He connects, and Morty is sent sprawling to the canvas. Rocky jumps to his feet, flexing, and screaming.
Nick Stewart: He’s feeling himself!
Richard Parker: I’m sure your mother is feeling him too.
Rocky waits for Mort to start to get to his feet, and runs to the ropes. He springboards off the ropes again, this time nailing him with a springboard hurricanrana.
Nick Stewart: Pterricanrana! PTERRICANRANA!
Rocky hits the mat, and reaches back, grabbing both of Morty’s legs. Morty is frantically trying to kick out, but Rocky leans forward as far as he can as Jimmy slides in to count the pinfall.
Richard Parker: YES! PRAISE HOYT!
Nick Stewart: He was so close! He just needs to keep it up!
Rocky looks at Mort and waits again. Rocky runs a little ways to the ropes and explodes. Middle rope, to the top rope, he springs as hard as he’s ever sprung and flings himself into the air. Rocky falls from so high, while Mort… Mort smiles. He steps back from the flying daredevil, and pounces as he falls. Realizing he’s coming up short, Rocky tries to get his feet under him, but can’t and Mort smashes him to the mat with the double arm DDT!
Richard Parker: GOODNIGHT! SEND THE NURSING HOME TO BED!
Nick Stewart: Oh my word.
The ring shakes as the two men collide to the canvas, Morty flips Rocky over onto his back and hooks the leg. Jimmy Turnbull slides in for the cover.
Rocky manages to kick out by throwing his shoulder up just after Turnbull’s hand hits the mat for the three count. Jimmy calls for the bell.
DING DING DING
Richard Parker: YEEEEEEESSSSS!
C. Mortgomery Byrnes holds his head as Vince Howard steps through the ropes carrying the Alias Championship. He passes it over to Turnbull as he raises the microphone.
Vince Howard: Your winner by pinfall. C. MOOOOOOOOOOOORTGOOOOMERY BYYYYYYYYYRRRRRRRRNNNNNEEEEESSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!