ALIAS TITLE MATCH: C. MORTGOMERY BYRNES vs. EDDIE CROSS
Nick Stuart: Welcome back to our first title match of the night. We have C. Montgomery Byrnes with a new name and a new title, and he’s going to be defending it against Eddie Cross.
Richard Parker: Eddie is a great young fighter, but can he beat Byrnes and the GAS? We’ll see.
Green Screen.
Match Start in 10…9…8…7…6…5…4…
3…
2…
1…
– Eliminate Other Players –
ISIS (ADHD) by Joyner Lucas (feat Logic) begins, and the arena lights focus on the entry.
One time for them prayin’ on my downfall (Yeah)
Two times for the homies in the chow hall (Whoa)
Three times for them hoes on the internet
Shittin’ on me when they really should get out more
Four times for the days I would hold back (Woo!)
Five times for the bitches who ain’t called back (Yeah)
Six times for the kids like me who got ADHD just to (Brap, brap, brap)
As Joyner Lucas rhymes Eddie “n1ghtcraw1er” Cross steps out of the back. He adjusts his custom gaming glasses before walking down the ramp focused on the ring. He pauses at the ring steps, taking off his backpack, unzipping the main compartment, and placing it in the corner of the ring. He looks a little nervous, because tonight is a big night. He waits for the transition between verses before psyching himself up. Vince Howard is waiting.
Vince Howard: The following match is for the Alias Championship…introducing the challenger. From Charlotte, NC by way of Orlando, Florida, standing six feet four inches and weighing in at 225 lbs, EDDIE “N1GHTCRAW1ER” CROSS!!!
Eddie folds his glasses and puts them in the corner by his backpack. He then runs up the ring steps, wipes his feet on the apron, and enters the ring.
Eddie rolls his neck and prepares for the match.
The opening riffs of “You’re Nobody Til Somebody Loves You” by Dean Martin begins and the masked man emerges from the curtain as the lights dim and the spotlights shine on the ramp. C. Montgomery Byrnes begins making his way down the ramp, title on his waist, pointing to the fans in attendance.
Vince Howard: And his opponent! Hailing from Horace, North Dakota, weighing in at 248 pounds. He is the Alias Champion…C! MONTGOMMEEERRYYYYYY BYYYYYYYYYRRRRRNESSSSSSSSS!
As he walks by, he pays no attention to the fans, he’s there to a job and his gait shows it. He slides into the ring under the bottom rope, steps up to the middle turnbuckle and raises his hands in the air as the spotlight shines upon him. He hops off the turnbuckle and readies himself for the match as the music fades.
DING DING!
Both men circle each other for a moment, trying to figure out how to approach each other. The two men lock up, with Byrnes using his slight weight advantage to power Cross into a headlock. Cross has been training for long enough to know this counter, and he immediately grabs Byrne’s arm and frees himself, wrenching the arm behind Montgomery and pulling upwards. The Alias champion sends an elbow to Cross’s neck, then once again grabs him and locks him in a headlock.
Nick Stuart: Quick exchanges from both men early on, this is C. Montgomery Byrnes’ first title defense, so we’ll have to see what both men bring to this exchange.
Richard Parker: Well Byrnes is bringing a new name. What’s up with that, anyway?
Nick Stuart: I think it’s best if we don’t think about it.
Cross leans against the ropes and uses his momentum to send Byrnes running to the other side. Byrnes comes back and goes for a clothesline but Cross ducks and immediately grabs him in a sleeper hold. Byrnes is caught by surprise and starts wildly flailing his arms before sending a mule kick backwards that hits Eddie in the…
Richard Parker: Groin shot!
Nick Stuart: Turnbull was out of position, he saw Cross go backward, but not what propelled him there!
Richard Parker: And what propelled him there was a groin shot!
Cross staggers back as Byrnes works his neck out, then turns around and grabs Cross, sending him over in a suplex. He covers him, and Jimmy Turnbull slides in position.
ONE!
T…
Nick Stuart: Quick kickout by Cross, and the Alias Champion is working hard to insure that Eddie joins Kohime Mori in the list of wrestlers who cannot challenge for the belt again as long as Byrnes is champion.
Richard Parker: It’s a great stipulation for the belt. You get one chance and if you don’t get it, you’re done! It’s over! Back of the line!
Nick Stuart: Weren’t you just saying a few weeks ago that Ivan Stanislav needed a rematch for the Universal Title?
Richard Parker: That’s different! It’s Ivan!
Montgomery Byrnes barks at Jimmy Turnbull about a slow count, to which Turnbull replies “Dude, he kicked out before two.” Byrnes stands up and lifts Cross, guiding him towards the turnbuckle. He hits Cross in the chest with a huge slap, then throws Cross into the turnbuckle on the other side. Byrnes follows him, leveling him with a clothesline that causes him to slump in the turnbuckle. Dave Gibson shakes his head and shouts encouragement as Byrnes smirks at Mr. Old School. He sends an elbow to Cross’s throat, then grabs his arm to whip him into the other turnbuckle.
Nick Stuart: Cross with the reversal, and now it’s his turn to follow Byrnes into the corner…no, Byrnes with an elbow to Cross!
Richard Parker: I think it’s time we talk about something.
Nick Stuart: Something tells me this isn’t going to be good.
Cross bounces off, holding his throat. Byrnes lifts him up and drops him face first on the turnbuckle.
Richard Parker: So we start off as Mortimer Kjedelig, right? Whatever, weird name, but no one cares.
Nick Stuart: As I recall you made fun of his name on every show.
Richard Parker: And then after a few months we’re now calling him Mortimer Knightingale, right? Interesting, but I guess we can roll with it. He still has the K, so my monogrammed sweat towels for him don’t need to be changed.
Nick Stuart: Your monogrammed what…?
Cross is out of it as Byrnes grabs Cross from behind. He attempts a German suplex, but Cross uses his momentum to land on his feet. The crowd pops as Cross rushes behind Byrnes and clubs him in the back of the head.
Richard Parker: But now…now? What do we have now?
Nick Stuart: C. Montgomer…
Richard Parker: C. MONTGOMERY BYRNES! IT’S RIDICULOUS!
Cross has taken the momentum. He kicks at Byrnes’ knees, then grabs Byrnes by the arm and rolls him to the ground, then locks in an armbar.
Nick Stuart: Cross has an armbar locked in now, the tide may be turning!
Richard Parker: We’ve all watched the Simpsons! We know what he’s trying to do!
Byrnes starts waving his arm wildly, trying to escape the hold as Cross wrenches on the arm. After several kicks and slaps, Byrnes realizes the rope is close by and he reaches for it, but it’s just a few inches out of his grasp.
Richard Parker: What is he even evoking here? That he’s as frail as a 100 year old man? That he’s actually rich despite us knowing nothing about him?
Nick Stuart: Right now he’s trying to grab the ropes, but they’re just out of reach! Is it going to be over?
Richard Parker: Wait…does this mean Tony Gamble is Smithers?
With one last effort, Monty is able to use his legs to move himself over and he grabs the ropes. Jimmy Turnbull tells Cross to break the hold, but E.C. won’t release. After a moment of chastizing, Turnbull begins to count.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
FOUR!
Cross finally breaks the hold and Byrnes rolls out of the ring, wrenching his arms.
Nick Stuart: Eddie Cross was trying to break the Alias Champion’s arm! And he was almost willing to lose his shot at the belt to do it!
Richard Parker: That’s the training from Dave Gibson, Nick. Dave is a hard nosed guy and wants Eddie to do as much damage as possible.
Nick Stuart: Gibson also a former fellow commentator, spending years in SCCW.
Richard Parker: Who knew after all that time that he was more like me than like you.
Nick Stuart: Who knew indeed.
Eddie Cross is not the plancha type, so don’t worry, he only slides out of the ring and walks after Byrnes. He grabs his arm and uses it to wrench Byrnes into the ring post. Dave Gibson claps nearby and says a few choice words to Byrnes.
Nick Stuart: Eddie Cross, the son of Timo Bolamba, focuses on joint attacks. Not very flashy, but it gets the job done, Richard.
Richard Parker: So far it’s been hit or miss on the roster, but he still has a great opportunity here to win the Alias Championship. So, what stip do you think he’ll make if he wins?
Nick Stuart: That’s a great question.
Richard Parker: He should call it the Donkey Kong title.
Nick Stuart: Well.
Cross lifts Byrnes up and rushes him into the apron, then sends him over in a snap suplex onto the ground. Byrnes lifts his back up in pain, but Cross is already on top of him. N1ghtcrawler starts to lay in on him with stomps as Jimmy Turnbull finally starts his count.
ONE!
TWO!
Richard Parker: They can go to an arcade in whatever city we’re in, and just play Donkey Kong all night, and the winner keeps the title.
Nick Stuart: Do you think there are that many arcades anymore?
Richard Parker: Probably.
Nick Stuart: Isn’t Donkey Kong a single player game?
Richard Parker: Don’t ask me all the questions, it’s Eddie’s rule!
THREE!
FOUR!
FIVE!
Cross finally looks over his shoulder at the referee and smirks, then lifts Byrnes up and guides him towards the ring. But Byrnes suddenly grabs him and gives him an eye rake, then Irish whips Cross into the steel steps.
Nick Stuart: What a reversal! And the count continues!
SIX!
SEVEN!
EI…
Turnbull stops his count as Byrnes rolls under the ropes, then rolls back out.
Nick Stuart: Interesting decision by Byrnes here, he had the easy countout victory if he wanted it.
Richard Parker: He’s GAS, Nick! GAS don’t take the easy way out!
Nick Stuart: Well that’s just completely inaccurate.
Cross is still slumped over the steps as Byrnes comes from behind and lifts him up, then sets him down in an atomic drop. Cross falls forward into the barricade, and Byrnes angrily gestures for fans to move. But that serves as enough distraction for Cross to pop up with an elbow, sending Byrnes back. Before he can recover, Cross comes in with a flying knee strike.
Nick Stuart: Trigger Warning! Byrnes looks like he may be out of it!
Cross sees his chance and quickly runs over to grab Byrnes, then rolls him under the ropes. He slides in and covers.
ONE!
TWO!
Nick Stuart: C. Montgomery with the kickout! But Cross has all the momentum now!
Well, Nick, you just did it.
You said the words. You lit the GAS symbol.
Dave Gibson is standing by the ring, his hands on the aprons, yelling encouragement to his charge. He doesn’t notice a small man come out of the crowd, jump over the barricade, and hit him in the back with a clothesline.
Nick Stuart: What the hell!
Richard Parker: Hahahahaha!
Gibson recovers and turns around to see Tony Gamble lay into him with punches. Gibson begins to fight back, and they trade punches at ringside, moving towards the ring. Eddie looks up and sees them and starts pointing to the referee. Jimmy Turnbull walks over and starts yelling at them.
Eddie turns back to his downed opponent. Only one problem: his opponent isn’t downed anymore.
Nick Stuart: Oh no! Byrnes is up and taking advantage of the distraction! Kick to the gut!
WHAMMM!!
Nick Stuart: Double arm DDT!
Gamble shouts at Turnbull to pay attention to the ring, and after a stern word he does.He sees Cross covered and makes the count.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
DING DING DING!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Vince Howard: Your winner, and STILL Alias Champion…C. MOOOONTGOOOMEERRYYYYYY BYYYYYYYRNEESSSSSSSSSS!
Nick Stuart: This is disgusting, Richard. How many times have we seen Tony Gamble protect Byrnes and cost someone else a match?
Richard Parker: Well it won’t happen to Cross again. He’s not allowed to fight for this title again as long as Byrnes is champ!
Gamble temporarily downed Gibson with a low blow, so he joins in on the ring and starts to stomp on Cross, causing the bell to ring more.
DING DING DING DING DING DING!
Byrnes joins in too, and they get a few more stomps in before Dave Gibson slides under the ropes with a steel chair. Both members of GAS scurry away as Gibson checks on Cross.
Nick Stuart: You may be right about that, partner, but I don’t think Cross and Gamble are done by a longshot.
We then cut backstage… where nothing good ever happens.