ALIAS TITLE TOURNAMENT FINALS: KOHIME MORI VS. MORTIMER KNIGHTINGALE
Nick Stuart: And here it is, folks. The culmination of weeks of tournament matches. Tonight we have Kohime Mori taking on Mortimer Knightingale in a match that will crown a new Alias Champion, but is also about much more.
Richard Parker: It’s a classic tale of boy likes girl, girl likes boy, boy hits girl in the mouth to protect her from his weird mafia ties.
The opening riffs of “You’re Nobody Til Somebody Loves You” by Dean Martin begins and the masked man emerges from the curtain as the lights dim and the spotlights shine on the ramp. The fans immediately start booing.
Mortimer Kjedelig begins making his way down the ramp, pointing to the fans in attendance. He is clearly bothered by the boos and random chants as he shouts during his walk down.
Vince Howard: Making his way to the ring, from Horace, North Dakota…weighing in at 248 pounds…MOOOORTIIIMEEEEERRRRR KNIIIIIIGHTIIIIIINNNNGAAAAAAALLLLE!!!
He slides into the ring under the bottom rope, step up to the middle turnbuckle and raise his hands in the air as the spotlight shines upon him. He hops off the turnbuckle and readies himself for the match as the music fades.
The rocking vibe of Little V Mills cover of “Precious Heart” spreads throughout the arena. Kohime Mori enters quickly after the opponent interlude, gazing around the arena while standing in place. Her ring gear is white with purple trim tonight. A big smile on her face, Mori gives a double fist pump and an enthusiastic yell before making her way down the isle. As she bounces her way to the ring, she leans left and right to slap hands with the fans.
Vince Howard: And her opponent, from Okayama, Japan…weighing in at 170 pounds…KOOOHIIIIIIIIMEEEEE MOOOOOOOOOOOORIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!
Once ringside, Kohime quickly traverses the stairs and enters the ring in between the middle and top rope. She makes her way to middle of ring. Once there, she lowers her head and makes a V with her index and middle fingers on her right hand, arm center mast. She raises her arm in a crescent motion until the V is above her head. Mori swings her arm down in front of her after a brief pause, a beaming smile on her face. That is, until she notices her opponent.
Nick Stuart: And here we go. Interest was already running high on this match, Richard, because it will crown the first Alias champion of the ReVival era, but Mortimer Knightingale has really driven interest up with his awful actions at ReVival 24.
Richard Parker: I think he did Kohime a favor, Nick. She can’t be this cute innocent girl forever. The real world is tough. Get a helmet.
Kohime charges in and hits Mortimer with a running elbow strike, causing him to hit his back hard. He pops back up only to get hit with another elbow strike. Again he pops up, but this time as Kohime nears him he reaches out his hand and shoves her down, then rolls out of the ring.
Nick Stuart: Mortimer wants no part in this angry woman he created! He is trying to escape her wrath!
Richard Parker: He’s just taking a short break.
Nick Stuart: Well I don’t think she’s going to let him!
Indeed, Kohime takes a second to look down at Mortimer before running to the opposite side, then careening off the ropes and heading towards him…
Nick Stuart: Elbow suicida! She just leveled Mortimer, and it’s clear that Kohime is here to fight!
Richard Parker: Hell hath no fury like an outdated cliché, am I right Nick?
Nick Stuart: Um. Okay.
Mortimer slowly gets to the barricade, using it to lift himself up to his knees. But as he turns his head to find his attacker, he doesn’t see her. He turns the other way just in time to see Kohime coming in for a shoulder tackle, leveling him again.
Nick Stuart: This young woman out of Okayama is a good woman, a pure woman. A harsher person may even say naive. She believes in doing things the right way, and ordinarily I don’t think you’d see her so willing to muck it up on the outside. But tonight is different, Richard. Mortimer hurt her – I’d say he hurt all of us. And now he has unleashed The Moé Monster!
The Moé Monster is still laser focused as she looks down on Mortimer Knightingale. Timo Bolamba, who has spent the past few minutes asking Kohime to get back into the ring, starts his count.
Kohime sees Mortimer try to get himself back up and shakes her head, then walks back a few steps, readying herself for another shoulder tackle.
Nick Stuart: Here she comes again!
Richard Parker: Uh oh!
Nick Stuart: She misses!
Mortimer dives out of the way and Kohime crashes into the barricade. Timo continues the count.
Mortimer grabs Kohime and carries her. It’s almost gentle the way he scoops her into his arms and walks towards the ring. The fans boo as Mortimer slides her under the ropes, enters the ring, and rolls her up.
Nick Stuart: Kickout!
Before Kohime can try to recover, Mortimer lifts her up and in one fluid motion slams her with a suplex and immediately covers her again.
Nick Stuart: Another kickout!
Kohime lays on the ground as Mortimer stands up, delivers a standing elbow drop, and once again goes for a cover.
Nick Stuart: Kohime kicks out once more! Mortimer Knightingale is trying hard to put this away early, but it doesn’t seem like he’s trying to hurt her too badly.
Richard Parker: Think he’s still sweet on her?
Mortimer looks down at Kohime and shakes his head, saying “Come on, just give up” to her. Though only those at ringside can hear him, they can hear desperation in his voice.
Speaking of voices, the crowd is making themselves known in the form of an interesting chant.
DICK-WEED BAS-TARD! BAS-TARD GREM-LIN!
DICK-WEED BAS-TARD! BAS-TARD GREM-LIN!
Richard Parker: Some creative licensing from the crowd on that chant, but I’ll allow it.
Mortimer starts losing it, running at the ropes and screaming out at the crowd. Of course, this causes them to do it louder.
DICK-WEED BAS-TARD! BAS-TARD GREM-LIN!
DICK-WEED BAS-TARD! BAS-TARD GREM-LIN!
Mortimer finally tries to move past it, so he shoves his hands across his body in the universal signal for “whatever” and turns around…
Where he runs directly into Kohime Mori.
Nick Stuart: Kohime is back on her feet, shaking her head! She won’t give up this easily! Look, she just shoved Mortimer’s shoulder back! And another! Mortimer is trying to talk her down but this isn’t the place to do it!
After a few more shoves, Mortimer shakes his head, then delivers a punch – that Kohime ducks under. When he turns around, she grabs him and hits a half hatch suplex, staying on top for the cover.
Mortimer kicks out. As he gets to his feet, Kohime grabs him and takes him over with a headlock, then keeps the hold. Mortimer immediately tries to reach for the ropes, but is a few inches away.
Nick Stuart: This has been all Kohime here early on, and maybe it’s just me but it seems that Mortimer Knightingale is not interested in fighting her.
Richard Parker: He better get over that feeling quickly, Nick, because a title is on the line!
Mortimer reaches forward for the ropes, but at the last moment Kohime pulls back. The problem with that is that she puts too much strength into the motion, causing both her and Mortimer to fall backward. Knightingale lands on top of her, covering her shoulders. Timo is quick to his knees for the count.
Nick Stuart: That was close! Kohime almost lost because she wouldn’t let go of the headlock!
Richard Parker: She’s letting her anger for Morty blind her to the real prize here, the Alias Title!
Both competitors get to their feet only for Mortimer to lift her up and slam her back down. She pops back up to her feet and swings for him. He ducks, then sends a kick to her stomach and flattens her with a DDT. He looks like he’s going to drop for a cover again, but in the middle of the motion he thinks better of it. He then walks towards the turnbuckle.
Richard Parker: You weren’t lying about him wanting to put this one away!
Nick Stuart: Well I also thought he didn’t want to hurt Kohime, but if he hits an elbow off the top rope, that will prove my argument wrong.
Mortimer climbs the top rope and looks down at Kohime. Because he is wearing a mask, his emotions aren’t readable, but the hesitancy in his motion is. He heaves one big sigh, then leaps…
And falls at least five feet short.
Nick Stuart: He missed!
Richard Parker: He didn’t just miss, Nick. He whiffed. That was…I’ve never seen a miss that big before.
Indeed, it’s almost like Mortimer was trying to hit someone else. But as there are no ghosts in the ring as far as we can tell, he landed on his elbow and rolled over, grabbing it in pain. Kohime slowly rolls over and looks over at Mortimer, trying to piece together what happened. But after a moment she realizes her opportunity, and in a flash she scales the turnbuckle.
Richard Parker: One dumb risk deserves another, I suppose.
But this one pays off.
Nick Stuart: Leg drop from the middle rope connects! And Kohime has the leg hooked!
Nick Stuart: Oh and Mortimer just kicked out! Timo Bolamba’s hand was inches off the mat!
Richard Parker: Whatever old masky has stuck in his head, he better unstick it soon. Kohime’s come to play, and for whatever reason he isn’t!
Kohime sees Mortimer starting to recover, then nods and goes to the other side of the ring. She raises her hands, beckoning him to stand up.
Nick Stuart: I think Kohime is going for Kawaiiat!
Mortimer stands, Kohime runs…
Richard Parker: Wow!
Nick Stuart: He ducks! She turns, he grabs her…BUST OUT! And both competitors are down!
It seems launching into the arm trap neckbreaker has taken out the last of Mortimer’s stamina. Both he and Kohime are stuck to the mat. Timo checks on both, then raises both hands and begins his count.
Nick Stuart: Looks like maybe he’s ready to start playing.
Richard Parker: Then he needs to take advantage, Nick! He looks out of it!
Mort rolls over onto his chest. Kohime tries to sit up but ends up flopping onto her chest as well.
Mort grabs the ropes and pulls himself up. Kohime tries to do the same. Mort grabs her from behind.
Nick Stuart: Lifts her up for a backdrop suplex…she flips and lands on her feet! Now she grabs him…Ouchies!
Richard Parker: Did you get a papercut?
Nick Stuart: No, it’s the name of the…whatever! Kohime trying to go for the cover! But…what the heck is this?
Tony Gamble walks down the aisle, smiling at Kohime. She sees him and pulls herself up, then leans against the ropes, pointing at him.
Richard Parker: Tony Gamble coming to make sure Morty gets his head in the game!
Nick Stuart: Or more than that.
Kohime Mori is not the only person in the ring who notices the Permascar Superstar. Head referee Timo Bolamba sees him, and he’s not happy. As Gamble gets up on the apron, Bolamba meets him, shouting and pointing at him. Gamble holds his hands up in the air, then points behind Bolamba. Timo doesn’t bite, not really, but he moves his head just a little, enough for Gamble to toss his arm out towards Mortimer.
Nick Stuart: What did he just throw to Mortimer?
Richard Parker: I didn’t see. But it looks like Timo did!
Indeed, Bolamba shouts at Gamble again and immediately turns to run to Mortimer. He grabs him and begins to search him for the foreign object Tony just threw to him as Kohime turns around to watch.
There’s only one problem, though.
Tony didn’t throw anything to Mortimer.
While Bolamba hounds Knightingale, Gamble reaches into his pants, puts on some brass knuckles, and pops Kohime in the back of the head. She slumps forward, and Tony drops off of the apron.
Nick Stuart: Well I saw that! What a low move by Gamble! How disgusting!
Richard Parker: Also pretty clever, got to give him that.
Mortimer finally tires of Bolamba’s hounding and moves past him. He reaches forward, looks at Kohime sadly for a moment, then grabs her arms.
Nick Stuart: Come on! Double arm DDT, and now here comes the cover!
DING DING DING!
Vince Howard: Your winner, and NEWWWWWWWWWWW AAAALIAAAASSS CHAAAAAMPIIIOOOONNNN…MOOOOORTIMERRRRRR KNIGHTINGAAAAAAAAALE!
Nick Stuart: What a travesty! Kohime Mori was in control for most of this match! And because of Mortimer’s connections to that snake Tony Gamble, she was denied her championship!
Richard Parker: It’s how the world works. The assholes win the match, win the title, win the girl.
Nick Stuart: Not this time, Richard.
Mortimer looks down at Kohime for a moment before holding his title high.