ALIAS TITLE TOURNAMENT: KOHIME MORE vs. ROCKY DE LEON vs. MIKE MCGEE

Nick Stuart: Welcome back ladies and gentlemen, we have the second match of the Alias Title Tournament coming at you next. This will be a Triple Threat involving two newcomers and Mike McGee.

Richard Parker: I saw one of these two new prospects, Rocky DeLeon, first hand at PWA1 and let me tell you, he is green as grass and his manager is a real nerd.

Nick Stuart: Be that as it may, today he is fighting for a shot at a new title! Looks like the competitors are ready to enter the arena.

The rocking vibe of Little V Mills cover of “Precious Heart” spreads throughout the arena. Kohime Mori enters quickly after the interlude, gazing around the arena while standing in place. A big smile on her face, Mori gives a double fist pump and an enthusiastic yell before making her way down the aisle. As she bounces her way to the ring, she leans left and right to slap hands with the fans.

Vince Howard: Introducing first… FROM OKAYAMA, JAPAN… KOOOOOOHIIIIIMEEEE MOOOOORIIIII!

Once ringside, Kohime quickly traverses the stairs and enters the ring in between the middle and top rope. She makes her way to the middle of the ring. Once there, she lowers her head and makes a V with her index and middle fingers on her right hand, arm center mast. She raises her arm in a crescent motion until the V is above her head. Mori swings her arm down in front of her after a brief pause, a beaming smile on her face.

Nick Stuart: Here’s a bright young talent that is trained by one of the more hardnose members of SHOOT Project, but it doesn’t seem to affect her disposition. 

Richard Parker: She is so innocent it makes me wonder what she is hiding? Maybe I should contact Praporschik Stanislav to begin an inquiry.

“Me and Julio Down by The Schoolyard” by Streetlight Manifesto hits the PA and the lights shine down on Rocky De Leon who is standing with his back to the ring. When the trumpets play, both his arms go up, and he does a standing backflip right as the verse is about to start. Stu Weiler follows after him with his laptop in hand.

*The mama pajama rolled out of bed

And she ran to the police station

When the papa found out he began to shout

And he started the investigation*

Vince Howard: Introducing… FROM LAREDO, TEXAS… ROOOOOOCKYYYYY DEEE LEEEEEOOOOOON!

Rocky smiles and begins to work the crowd as he starts walking down the ramp to the ring. He runs up the ring steps quickly and wipes his feet on the apron before nimbly hopping over the ropes and waving to the crowd. Stu sets up in his corner and begins to furiously enter data into a spreadsheet. 

Richard Parker: See Nick, it’s that damned Stu Weiler! I told you he was a nerd!

Nick Stuart: Take it easy, Stan Gable.  

“Bright Future in Sales” by Fountains of Wayne plays and the PRIMEView shows a lot of different spreadsheets with formulas and TPS forms. 

Vince Howard: aaaaaand finally… FROM MAPLEWOOD, NEW JERSEY… MIIIIIKE MCGEEEEE!

McGee walks to the ring in a “business casual” singlet – double hooked and made to look like a collared shirt and slacks. He sneers at fans and gives out warnings. He slides into the ring and Senior Officiant Timo Bolamba signals for the bell. 

DING DING

The two rookies and Mike look at one another and begin to point at one another like the now infamous Spiderman meme. Finally, Mike produces a pamphlet from his pocket and extols the virtues of dental insurance to his opponents before Rocky and Kohime ironically both sock him in the jaw at the same time. 

The Moé Monster wastes no time in grabbing Mike in a whip and sending him into the ropes. Rocky and Kohime work together again, grabbing hands and knocking Mike off his feet with a clothesline as he bounces back.

Nick Stuart: Early teamwork by the rookies. It seems that they do not like Mike McGee’s dental rates. 

Richard Parker: I think, if anything, they are mad about the 2% match on 401K. 4% is considered minimum for many companies these days. 

As Mike lays on the ground, Mori and Rocky suddenly realize they are opponents and lock into a collar and elbow. Rocky transitions into a go-behind, and Mori spins out into a hammerlock. Rocky flips away from the pressure and again forward, reversing the tension on his arm into his own arm crank. Mori rolls out and runs up the corner turnbuckles, then jumps off, dragging Rocky with and tossing him across the ring.

RAAAAAAA!

Rocky spins up to a knee and nods, clapping his hands. He points at Mori and she makes a “chomping” motion with her hand.

Nick Stuart: What a budding young rivalry we have here! Mori reminds Rocky about her words that he scares and possibly eats babies.

Richard Parker: If anyone here eats babies, it’s that damned Stu Weiler! I just know it!

Stu has been uncharacteristically quiet during this match, preferring to let Rocky stand on his own this time. Mike finally makes it back to his feet and as he approaches Mori from behind with bad intentions, Rocky yells “Look out!” and then with a mighty SKREE! leaps over a ducking Kohime with a cross body block to Mike McGee. 

Nick Stuart: I guess sportsmanship isn’t dead after all?

Richard Parker: There’s no room for that in this industry. Look at the greats, they all do what has to be done to get the W. 

Rocky hooks the leg and goes for a pin and Timo is spot on for the count.

ONE!

As Timo’s hand goes up for the second count, Mori grabs Rocky’s leg and pulls him off of Mcgee. The two rookies are quickly face to face jaw jacking and De Leon begins pointing at Mike on the ground. Mori rolls her eyes and pushes him back, then begins laying into him with solid lefts and rights.

Nick Stuart: It looks like the mutual respect is over!

Richard Parker: Hey Lewis Skolnick, do you have a spreadsheet for that?

Stu rolls his eyes while Mori backs Rocky up to the ropes and knocks him up and over with a series of strong style strikes. DeLeon tumbles out and lays flat on the ground. Mori turns her attention to Mike Mcgee and grabs him into a front facelock that quickly transitions into a standing guillotine. As Mike is fighting to get free, Mori jumps up and locks her legs around him.

Mike stumbles and tries to get free but is soon down on one knee. Timo is forced to check in with McGee by asking “GIVE UP?” in a gruff tone. Just as Mike is about to tap out, there is a flash in the ring as a Pterodactyl SKREEEEEE’s past Mori and Mike, leaps to the second rope, and bounds off, delivering a flying cross body forearm strike to Mori’s jaw!

Nick Stuart: They call that The Flying Squirrel!

Richard Parker: Why isn’t it called The Pteranodon or something? At least that would be kinda badass.

Nick Stuart: I don’t know, but Mori and Mike are in dire straits!

Rocky checks with Stu Weiler and the manager gives him an approving nod. Rocky picks up speed and begins to bound all over the ring like a cocaine fueled rodent. He cartwheels into a shoulder strike that plants Mike in the corner on the turnbuckles. He then bounds off and performs the same move to knock Mori into the opposite corner. Rocky De Leon flaps his wings and runs full speed toward Mike McGee’s corner and delivers a massive splash into his cornered opponent!

McGee falls to the ground and Rocky bolts toward Kohime. As he launches to deliver another splash, she dives out of the way and Rocky hits the corner hard. Taking advantage of the error, Mori grabs Rocky and throws him out of the ring and up the ramp a few feet where he lands with a hard thud.

Nick Stuart: Kohime Mori has cleared her only real competition from the ring and is preparing to strike!

Richard Parker: Go Mori! That damn Stu Weiler can’t win!

Nick Stuart: Are you cheering Mori? I thought you were a Mike McGee guy?

Richard Parker: I mean, sometimes you have to make exceptions to get what you want, and in this case as long as that Excel humping nerd doesn’t succeed I am all for it!

Mike slowly gets to his feet as Kohime picks up speed. She bounds off the ropes and…

WHAM!

She turns McGee inside out with a falling lariat! 

Nick Stuart: KAWAIIAT!!!

Richard Parker: Gesundheit! 

Mori stands up and quickly checks to make sure Rocky is still outside the ring, but he hasn’t moved. She grabs McGee in a belly to belly grip and lifts him over her shoulder, dropping him like an explosion onto the mat.

Nick Stuart: WITH SPRINKLES FOR EMPHASIS! SHE ISN’T TAKING ANY CHANCES!

Richard Parker: I don’t understand what is going on right now?! Are we getting ice cream?

Rocky is starting to get to his feet so she rushes back to Mike McGee and kneels down, hooking the leg. Timo is whip crack quick sliding in for the pin…

ONE!

TWO!

Rocky De Leon leaps for the pin break-up!

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THREE!

DING DING DING!

Vince Howard: Your winner… KOOOOOOHIIIIIIMEEEE MOOOOOORIIIIII!!!

Nick Stuart: What a match! Rocky was so close to the pin break but it just wasn’t in time. 

Richard Parker: And that means that Booger and his Jurassic Park reject lose! Uwehehehe!

An obviously dejected Rocky De Leon nods and claps for Kohime before offering his hand. She looks confused before smiling and hugging him instead. They both roll out of the ring as Precious Heart by Little V Mills plays in the background. 

Rocky stops to Skree! For a baby that looks absolutely terrified. The Luchador beats a hasty exit up the ramp while the baby bawls and Kohime celebrates her win with her fingers in a V above her head as she makes her way back up the ramp. 

We then fade into our first commercial of the evening.