AND I SAID
From the PRIMEporium, we’re now backstage in front of a PRIME-branded backdrop. Ever the professional. Angelica Brooks has a microphone at the ready.
Angelica Brooks: Ladies and gentlemen, my guest at this time is-
A hand grabs Angelica’s microphone aggressively and pulls it towards his face.
FLAMBERGE: Oh wow, alors, it is 11 of the goddamn months that have gone by, and at the long last I finally get to have another interview with the PRIME’s greatest reporter, Angelica Brooks! So very good to SEEEEEE you. I was just watching the match between the Tyler Adrian Best and the Kenny Freeman…very interesting, non?
Releasing the microphone, FLAMBO is just wiling out at this point. Teal jacket, off-white turtleneck sweater, gold chain, cheap yellow plastic sunglasses…it’s a lot of distinct choices all at once that seem to be jostling for the title of The Apex Of Pettiness. Brooks is taken aback and clearly does not care for the Frenchman’s tone, yet he persists.
FLAMBERGE: So listen, before you begin with your nonsense…I have realized the true role I have in the PRIME, Angelica Brooks, are you ready for the findings? Can you remove the biscuits from the ears so you can understand? Good, bon – I am the ghost story of PRIME. Nobody talks about me when they consider the true faces of the PRIME of today. Nobody looks at me in the eyes in the locker room for the companionship. I am apparently the persona non grata, the man no one wishes to face, the man who uproots and upends the poor souls Lindsay Troy decides to have deserved such treatment, and I have a theory – it is because the locker room seems to finally register that it has been longer than the seven months since I have been personally defeated here, and to face me, to face the Buzzsaw of the Glue Factory, the creepy crawly that comes in the night, Mister Spooky Scary, the Protagonist of PRIME, means to-
Angelica Brooks: -yes, you have been on a remarkable streak of success ever since you were last pinned by Nate Colton at ULTRAVIOLENCE 2022…
The daggers, whoo. Yikes.
Angelica Brooks: One question on everyone’s mind, however, has to do with the recent emergence of one Cecilworth Farthington, a man with whom you have some shared history as part of the Glue Factory. Have you two been able to touch base? Are the Glue Boys back in action?
FLAMBERGE lowers his convenience-store-ass shades. It’s a hot hot intense heat of anger.
FLAMBERGE: Next question.
Angelica Brooks: Right…let’s talk about the Intense Title. By eliminating Paxton Ray in the Culture Shock Battle Royal, you have guaranteed yourself an opportunity at challenging for the Intense Title which is currently held by a man who some consider to be the archnemesis of PRIME as a whole, Paxton Ray. Word on the street is that Ray defends the Intense Title next ReVival, and you get to cash in your shot against the winner of that match – do you want Paxton to hold onto the championship, or would you prefer a different opponent?
FLAMBERGE: Let me make it clear at this moment, Angelica Brooks. I do not give the shit about what happened tonight with his match against the Rezin – if Paxton Ray finds himself on the losing end of the Intense Championship match next ReVival, that does not mean he is free and has escaped from the FLAMBERGE. PRIME, she is the conquerable, the Intense Title, she is conquerable…and Paxton Ray does not yet know how it feels to be beaten by someone who is truly his better. Et oui, you may look at the FLAMBERGE and point out the 23 years old, or the personal follies you imagine mean to be worth the damn…bon. It is no bother. The Paxton, he has his reasons for acting out as he does. And guess what, Angelica Brooks?
Angelica Brooks: …what?
FLAMBERGE: Fucking so do I. And I plan to eat, and devour, and destroy, and thresh. I will consume this roster, one Future-Glue at a time, until I have had my fill.
The Kid fakes like he’s leaving, before turning back and leaning into the microphone once more.
Angelica Brooks: -Back to you.