ANNA DANIELS vs. REZIN
Nick Stuart: Well, after that debacle of a stump speech from The Anglo Luchador, I believe we are ready for our next match.
Richard Parker: You know, I almost feel sorry for him.
Nick Stuart: I don’t buy it for one second.
The opening licks of “Apocalyptic Havoc” by Goatwhore speed out of the arena speakers as the chaotic footage of society gone anarchic starts playing on the PRIMEview. Rezin charges out from the Argyle position, snorting out of his nose like a bull that has just seen a red cape.
Nick Stuart: The Escape Artist is looking primed and focused this week ahead of this HUGE challenge before his Five-Star Championship match at Great American Nightmare.
Richard Parker: Well, all I can say is it’s about time. This Anna Daniels gives me the creeps with all this talk about time shifting. But with all the recreational lubricants Rezin does, maybe he’s best equipped to handle her?
The Goat Bastard stalks to the ring, his reactions with the fans at the barrier more intense and a little meaner than before. Rezin pops into the ring and hangs like St. Peter, arms entangled in the ropes, before leaping down and yelling something that vaguely sounds like profanity to the crowd at large.
The hard-charging thrash metal of Goatwhore dies down, and the lights go down. The spacey acoustic noodles of “A Darkness in My Soul” by Solid Space start to fill the arena. A spotlight appears at the top of the ramp, and Anna Daniels emerges from the entryway, holding a rolled up black t-shirt. She surveys the Grand Garden Arena before walking down with singular focus towards the ring.
Nick Stuart: Anna Daniels seems focused on Rezin this week, but how much of her mind is elsewhere?
Richard Parker: Do you mean figuratively, or is this another Time Lord reference?
Nick Stuart: No, I meant is Mortimer Kej, Kedejil, uh…
Richard Parker: Smith. Mortimer Smith. That’s how he pronounces it. Weren’t you paying attention during ReVival 6?
Nick Stuart: Touché.
The Muse slips into the ring and finds her corner to pose before her music dies down and the house lights come up. Vince Howard is in the middle of the ring ready to introduce both competitors.
Vince Howard: Introducing first, weighing in at 205 pounds and hailing from Indianapolis, Indiana, he is the Escape Artist, the Goat Bastard, and the number one contender to the Five Star Championship… REZINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!
Rezin moves to the middle of the ring, arms raised under a hail of boos as he continues to provoke the crowd.
Vince Howard: And now, weighing in at 135 pounds from Mount Perdition on the far-off planet of Gallifrey, she is the Muse, the Time Lord, Anna DAAAAAAAAAANIEEEEELLLLLLLLLLSSSS!
Daniels hops quickly off the ropes and pegs Rezin in the back of the head with the rolled up black t-shirt. While the Goat Bastard is disoriented, Daniels swoops in and picks up the shirt, which she unfurls to reveal as one of the new Rezin “TOO PUNK ROCK FOR PRO WRESTLING” shirt available at the merch stand and on Big Cartel, but NOT on the PRIME website.
Nick Stuart: Anna Daniels playing some mind games early on here.
Richard Parker: Yeah, but on the other hand, she actually put money in Rezin’s pocket to do it. I just don’t understand what goes on in her head sometimes.
The Goat Bastard is PISSED OFF at this turn and charges at Daniels, who deftly sidesteps, pulling a white shirt out of the back of her gear and forcibly putting it on Rezin. He stands up straight to find that he has been against his will dressed in an Anna Daniels New Era shirt.
Richard Parker: Wow, you can’t buy advertising as good as that!
Rezin rips off the shirt while the Muse points and laughs like she was a grown-up, feminine-formed version of Nelson Muntz. Having had enough, the Goat Bastard charges in with a lariat, nearly taking Daniels’ head off.
Nick Stuart: It’s not often Rezin has such a weight advantage in a match. That clothesline looked DEADLY!
Richard Parker: I don’t know if I’m using this terminology correctly, but I think Anna Daniels has to regenerate after that one.
Rezin goes right to the canvas and starts gouging Daniels’ eyes. Barlow quickly starts her five count, and the Goat Bastard breaks the illegal maneuver right at five. As the junior referee admonishes him, he sticks his tongue out at her.
Nick Stuart: Disqualification or not, I’m not sure a loss heading into Great American Nightmare would be wise to court for the Escape Artist here.
Richard Parker: I think Hoyt might have a point about the refs here being incompetent to be honest. Daniels is a literal Time Lord! Rezin should be allowed to attack their eyes and ears and possibly bite them if he wants.
Rezin starts putting the boots to Daniels before grabbing to bring her to her feet. He attempts a one-handed bulldog, but the Muse shoves him before he can bring her head to the canvas. Rezin lands square on his coccyx, upon which he howls like a wolf at the moon while bringing his hands to his rear to hold it.
The Time Lord wastes no time moving in, hitting Rezin with a sliding forearm to the back of his neck. While he’s still disoriented, she grabs him in a roll-up pin but does not follow through. Instead, she tumbles him around the canvas, a move she picked up in another universe from a strange deity known only as “Manami Toyota.” The tumble ends with the first near-fall of the match.
But the Escape Artist, well, escapes.
Daniels keeps him on the canvas with a PK kick to the face before climbing the corner turnbuckle. She leaps in a gorgeous corkscrew backflip with a million flashbulbs going off to catch them in her graceful leap…
Nick Stuart: Cake or Death?
…but at the last second, the Escape Artist escapes again, leaving the Muse to jam her pointed elbow into nothing but canvas.
Richard Parker: I think that was Death, mainly her own.
A dazed Anna Daniels staggers to her feet, only to be met with a charging Rezin, nailing her with a flipping neckbreaker. After taunting the crowd, the Goat Bastard drags the Muse to their feet and whips her off the ropes. On the rebound, Rezin hits a flawless-looking Blue Thunder Bomb, segueing into his first pin attempt of the match.
But the Time Lord kicks out.
Rezin scampers over to the corner and climbs to the top, waiting for a staggered Time Lord to get to her feet. He leaps and hits a picture-perfect missile dropkick, then times her getting to her feet again for a Cloven Hoof Kick.
Nick Stuart: Rezin is firing it up here!
Richard Parker: You have to specify literal or figurative with him. I would not be surprised if he sparked up a spliff mid-match the way things go around here.
Nick Stuart: You know, Teddy Palmer got suspended for using drugs.
Richard Parker: Yeah, but pot is legal in Nevada now. Get with the times, you goody two-shoes!
Rezin feels the match in his grasp as he bounces off the ropes to attempt his Into the Void finisher. However, as he’s at the peak of rotation around Daniels’ head, the Time Lord violently uses his own momentum against him and throws him to the canvas.
Nick Stuart: There’s still fight left in the Time Lord!
Richard Parker: She must have regenerated, like I said she should! Always listen to me, the smartest man in PRIME.
Rezin staggers to his feet, only to be greeted with a charging Time Lord coming from the ropes, grabbing his head with her legs, and revolving at least five times before ending this round of Anna to the Infinite Power with a pristine hurricanrana takeover. Disoriented, the Goat Bastard rises again, only to walk right into a spike hurricanrana from the Time Lord. She grabs his legs after the initial impact and hold in place for a pinning attempt…
But the Escape Artist, again, escapes.
Nick Stuart: Anna Daniels is feeling it now! Can she pull off the upset victory?
Daniels waits for her prey to get to his feet before grabbing him, sending him off the ropes, and hitting him with her own picture-perfect Blue Thunder Bomb and pin combination…
Rezin again kicks out at the last minute.
Nick Stuart: I’m struck with a bit of déjà vu here with that.
Richard Parker: That’s what happens when two people claim the same move. They gotta hash it out in the ring and see whose is better, but I can’t tell at this point.
Nick Stuart: Calling it as he sees it. Richard Parker IS capable of growth!
Richard Parker: Hey, I’m a man who can admit when his mind is changed. Just don’t go trying to convert me from Hoytism.
Nick Stuart: I would never mess with a man’s religion, even if it is… dubious.
Before Rezin can get up, Daniels drops to the mat, tucks his right arm under their legs, and grabs his left hand at the wrist.
Nick Stuart: Daniels has wrist control, Rich.
Richard Parker: That can only mean one thing… it’s tribute time.
The Muse grabs the Goat Bastard’s middle finger and snaps it back, garnering some admonishment from Barlow for the digital manipulation. Rezin hops to his feet, holds his left hand, and runs in circles in the ring until Daniels catches him with a boot to the midsection. She underhooks both of Rezin’s arms.
Nick Stuart: I think it’s time for an Oncoming Storm…
However, Rezin blocks the attempt, barely budging from his doubled-over position. Daniels tries to lift him again, but again, he stays steadfast. Third attempt at the move, and the Escape Artist escapes with a back body drop.
Nick Stuart: Rezin continuing to find a way to stay alive!
Richard Parker: That’s what he does, much to the chagrin of the management here at the MGM Grand.
Daniels rises to her feet, but they’re met immediately with a Rezinsault that takes her back down to the canvas. He gets to his feet and makes the “touch ‘em all” sign with his hand over his head before climbing to the ropes.
Daniels rises to her feet but hits the deck IMMEDIATELY upon seeing Rezin doing a somersault flip in the air.
Nick Stuart: The Rezinrana misses its mark!
Richard Parker: I think he’s going to self-medicate a little more tonight after that one. Yeesh.
Daniels rises to her feet one more time, swiftly wrangles the Goat Bastard in a double underhook, and then…
Nick Stuart: ONCOMING STORM!
Richard Parker: Goodnight, nurse!
She covers, shooting the half and hooking the leg…
Vince Howard: Here is your winner by pinfall, Anna DANIELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLSSSSS!
Barlow raises the Time Lord’s hand in victory as the Escape Artist holds his head in the background, having used up all his escapes before the end of the match.
Nick Stuart: Tough break for Rezin here. What does this mean for his momentum going into Great American Nightmare?
Richard Parker: I don’t know, but I still think he can claim disability here. There’s no way wrestling a Time Lord should be considered a fair fight.
Nick Stuart: Well, that’s debatable, but what’s not up for question is paying the bills. We’ll be back after this commercial break!