ARTHUR PLEASANT VS. C. MORTGOMERY BYRNES

Nick Stuart: This is an interesting match, taking place between Arthur Pleasant and someone who may or may not be a rooke in his first PRIME match.

Richard Parker: Clearly he is new. I have never seen him before!

The opening riffs of “You’re Nobody Til Somebody Loves You” by Dean Martin begins and the masked man with a mustache emerges from the curtain as the lights dim and the spotlights shine on the ramp. 

Nick Stuart: He uses the same music as Mort…

Richard Parker: Dean Martin is an American icon, and clearly more than one person can see that!

Mister PPV begins making his way down the ramp. He slides into the ring under the bottom rope, steps up to the middle turnbuckle and raises his hands in the air as the spotlight shines upon him. He hops off the turnbuckle and readies himself for the match as the music fades.

“Slum Planet” by 3Teeth and Mick Gordon starts to play, and Arthur Pleasant appears, grinning from ear to ear. He stares at Mister PPV and shakes his head, then makes his way to the ring.

Nick Stuart: You can tell that Arthur doesn’t think this is a new wrestler.

Indeed, as Pleasant gets into the ring, he points at his opponent and says “I know it’s you, Mort!” a few times before moving to his corner and waiting for the bell.

DING DING

Nick Stuart: This has certainly been an interesting rivalry developing between these two men…

Richard Parker: What are you talking about? This is Mister PPV, Poor Pissback…Vasectomy.

Nick Stuart: We will attempt to indulge the man tonight, as Poe Princent Valsenaam attempts to get revenge on Arthur Pleasant for effectively booting him from PRIME.

Richard Parker: It wasn’t very effective. He’s here! In a ring!

Arthur is the first to make a move, rushing in to grab a hold of PPV. He feints going for a grapple, then immediately tries to grab PPV’s face.

Nick Stuart: Arthur wants that mustache off! He wants to prove it is C. Mortgomery Byrnes!

Poe slaps Arthur’s hands away and punches him twice, then throws him into the far ropes. Arthur comes back and ducks under a clothesline, then grabs Poe’s waist in a waistlock. He attempts a suplex, but doesn’t quite get him up enough, and Poe lands back on his feet, then reverses into his own waistlock. He releases the waistlock and slaps Arthur on the back of the head.

Nick Stuart: Poe is playing with Arthur early on here.

Arthur definitely doesn’t enjoy it, swinging wildly at Mister PPV, who ducks under him and clotheslines the back of his head, sending him to the ground. PPV drops down and slaps on a headlock, wrenching at Pleasant’s neck.

Nick Stuart: Mister PPV’s suspected identity is Byrnes, and he has had a wild few months with Pleasant. He attacked Arthur at Tropical Turmoil, leading to a lawsuit that caused Tony Gamble to boot Byrnes from the Gamble Adoration Society and for all intents and purposes remove him from PRIME. However, this man in the ring claims to be someone else despite being the same height and weight as Mort.

Richard Parker: Stranger things have happened, Nick. Remember when Buster Gloves was 152 pounds one week and 252 the next? How do you gain 100 pounds in two weeks?

Nick Stuart: I actually don’t.

Richard Parker: That’s a lot of bourbon glazed chickens!

Pleasant stretches his leg out and gets his toe to touch the rope, causing Elvis Nixon to step in and do his job. He taps PPV’s shoulder, but the mustached man has no intent on releasing the hold. After a few more seconds of Elvis yelling and Poe ignoring, Nixon starts to count.

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

Finally Poe releases the hold, then stands up and does a double stomp on Pleasant’s head.

Richard Parker: Ouch!

Nick Stuart: Mister PPV looks fired up here! He rolls him up for the cover!

ONE!

TWO!

Pleasant rolls out of the pinfall, getting to his feet and hitting Poe with two right hands. He traps him in the corner, then starts to attack him with kicks to the midsection until Poe slumps down in the corner. Pleasant takes a few steps back, then runs in and smashes him with a knee against the turnbuckle. 

Nick Stuart: Arthur Pleasant has been up and down for the past few months, coming out of a Tropical Turmoil loss to The Anglo Luchador, who suits up tonight in a No Holds Barred match against Paxton Ray. Pleasant then beat Darin Zion, lost to Adam Ellis, and picked up a nice win against Scott Hunter heading into this show. 

Richard Parker: Which probably means PPV wins this match, because of the pattern.

Nick Stuart: But a win against a man who is probably the former Alias Champion would do some great things for Pleasant, both in confidence and in the rankings. 

Richard Parker: Something tells me a guy like Pleasant will not have his confidence affected by a loss. 

Pleasant continues to take control of the match, lifting Poe to his feet and then lifting him up before dropping him on the ropes neck first. As PPV bounces off, clutching at his throat, Pleasant grabs the back of his head and slams him down in a reverse DDT before covering him.

ONE!

TWO!

TH…

Nick Stuart: Poe kicks out after an incredible move by Arthur Pleasant, who is showing some motivation tonight!

Richard Parker: Well if we abandon the illusion that Poe is not Mort, Pleasant has every reason to be motivated. The man took his tooth!

Nick Stuart: I can’t keep track of which of us thinks Poe is Poe and which of us thinks he’s actually C. Mortgomery Byrnes.

Richard Parker: Me either, which is why changing your name and identity is really inconsiderate for the people calling your match. TONY GAMBLE IS ALWAYS TONY GAMBLE! BRANDON YOUNGBLOOD IS ALWAYS BRANDON YOUNGBLOOD! EDDIE CROSS IS ALWAYS A WHINY BABY!

Poe crawls towards the ropes, but Pleasant doesn’t let him get too far before stomping on his back, then bending down and starting to bite at his head, causing Poe’s skin to open up on his cheek.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Nick Stuart: What an animal Pleasant is!

Richard Parker: He just wanted to show Poe that even with one tooth missing he can still do everything he used to do with his teeth!

Elvis Nixon is very unhappy with the recent events and starts to yell at Pleasant, who despite having blood on his mouth raises his hands as if he did not do anything wrong. After a verbal warning from Nixon, Pleasant moves him aside and reaches down to Poe, who grabs him and rolls him up in a small package.

ONE!

T…

Pleasant is able to kick out quickly, but Poe is back on his feet and hits Pleasant with a Mongolian chop. Pleasant recovers, then hits Poe with a punch. The two begin to trade punches, with the fans cheering when Poe gets a shot in and booing when Pleasant gets a shot in. Finally, after a few more punches, Pleasant grabs Poe and sends a knee into his stomach, causing the fans to boo louder. He then grabs Poe’s face again.

Nick Stuart: He’s going for the mustache again! He’s trying to prove this is actually Mort!

Richard Parker: What did Mort use to keep that thing on, crazy glue?

Indeed, the mustache is not coming off. Pleasant pulls, rips, claws at it, but the mustache is still fast onto Poe’s face and somehow perfectly coiffed. Were one to have a mustache contest in PRIME, Poe may even rival Hayes Hanlon with how well his is groomed.

Pleasant finally lets go of the mustache and takes a step back, confused.

Nick Stuart: It’s not a fake mustache! Is this actually a new wrestler? 

Richard Parker: It can’t be! He talks just as stupid as Mort does!

Mort/Poe/whoever he is takes advantage of this confusion and reaches out quickly to grab Pleasant’s arm, twist it around his neck, and drop to the ground in a neckbreaker. 

Nick Stuart: Bust Out! It is him!

Richard Parker: And he’s going for the cover!

ONE!

TWO!

TH…

Nick Stuart: Pleasant kicked out! But we’ve seen that arm trap neckbreaker before several times, so despite the mustache, that has to be C. Mortgomery Byrnes!

Richard Parker: With new mustache growing powers!

The fans have truly found themselves behind Mort. Not that he’s a good guy, and maybe just because Pleasant is his opponent. But all the same, he notices these fans, the same ones who once called him Dickweed Bastard Gremlin, cheering for him, and he smiles, then cuts his arm across his neck.

Nick Stuart: Mort is ready to end it! 

He lifts Pleasant up and hooks both arms, but then Arthur swings his head up ferociously.

Nick Stuart: Low blow!

Richard Parker: And a weird one at that!

With his arms still hooked, Arthur stands up and adjusts his arms, grabbing Mort/PPV and standing in a fireman’s carry.

Nick Stuart: Pleasant has him, could this be the end?

The impact is loud and unpleasant as Mort is flipped over from the fireman’s carry into a codebreaker. He slumps down as Pleasant rolls on top of him.

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

DING DING DING!

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Vince Howard: YOUR WINNER…ARTHURRRRRR PLEEEEEAASAAAAAANT!

Nick Stuart: Well Poe, Mort, whatever you like to call him, he was a fighter tonight, and he almost got the win but for an opportune head butt into his…

Richard Parker: Into his PPVs! His Pulsating Private…Vivacious!

We then cut to commercial.