BACK IN THE SADDLE
Event: ReVival 17
Event Date: 10/21/2022
BACK IN THE SADDLE
We cut to the backstage area, where we see Coral Avalon pacing around. Patchwork cloak and all. Not long from now, he’s about to enter the ring with a dangerous (dangereux?) French kid who subsists on anger and resentment.
So, you know, a lot on his mind.
In the background, fresh from catering, are Joe Fontaine and Sid Phillips. No popcorn this time.
Coral Avalon: Okay, listen. Guys. Hear me out.
Joe Fontaine: We’re listening.
Coral Avalon: After some careful deliberation, I’ve decided that you two can stay on Jabber. It’s fine. LT will get mad and threaten you with nocturnal predators and fines, that’s just what she does, but that’s just her way of being friendly. Sometimes.
Sid Phillips: Actually, I’ve been consulting with Miss Daniels on anti-owl measures lately, and I will soon have my own measures in place to deal with them.
Coral Avalon: You don’t need to tell me what those measures are. Not only do I know what they are, I don’t really care.
Sid Phillips: Come on, be reasonable. Have you ever tried powerbombing an owl? They’re hard to catch. You have to be patient, lie in wait. Maybe use some bait first, like the Anglo Luchador. And then, when they swoop in, that’s when you strike. And, well, I’m looking for a deterrent, not a means of hunting an owl. So I was thinking, like… I don’t know. Some sort of Time Lord repellant exclusive only to Miss Daniels. I’m sure she has those.
Coral Avalon gawks at Sid like he just said a bunch of nonsense. Because he did.
Coral Avalon: You know, I did say I didn’t really care, but… what?
Sid Phillips: What, you don’t think she has one? We could go ask. I’m sure she’s not busy.
Coral Avalon: She has a match against Nate Colton tonight. It’s after mine, actually.
Sid Phillips: Oh. So what you’re saying is that I have to visit the Hyperbolic Time Chamber where she dwells before she gets into gladiatorial, powerbomb-based combat, and consult with her there, then.
Coral Avalon: I’d really rather you didn’t. She probably wouldn’t be receptive. Also, you’d probably age like fifty years trying to get in there, and you can’t powerbomb very many people when you’re 70.
Sid Phillips: Fine.
Joe Fontaine: I get the impression that you’re trying to tell us something. And I mean, I get it. I told everyone the big secret on Jabber that they teach you about emergency cheese in wrestling school, or that Dr. Ned Reform isn’t actually a real person and that’s why physics broke so hard when GREAT SCOTT beat him. By the way, where’s that guy been lately?
Coral Avalon: Either he’s being tried for crimes against physics after that last show, or he’s been spending all of his time in HOW lately.
Joe Fontaine: What’s that?
Coral Avalon: It’s a place that exists.
Joe Fontaine: Unlike Dr. Reform.
Coral Avalon: No, he does exist. It’s his doctorate that doesn’t.
Joe Fontaine: Oh. Well, now I have egg on my face. You know, like Jiles does to people.
Coral places his palm on his forehead, as it finally dawns on him that that’s the whole reason Cancer Jiles spits “egg yolk” in people’s faces, and that he feels monumentally stupid for not realizing it sooner. Or maybe it’s just that Joe is an idiot. One of the two. You know, nine out of ten viewers of PRIME Wrestling believe that Joe’s an idiot. The missing one either didn’t bother turning in a ballot, wrote “butts” 3500 times in the ballot, or among an extremely small but dedicated number are members of Joe Fontaine’s fan club.
Coral Avalon: Alright, well. I’ll just say the other thing I’m gonna say, then. I need you guys to stay here while I wrestle FLAMBERGE.
This actually gets Joe and Sid to stop being doofuses for five seconds and look confused at Coral’s request.
Joe Fontaine & Sid Phillips: What?
Coral holds up his hands.
Coral Avalon: Just for tonight. I don’t have any real beef with the kid, but it’s my first night in PRIME in fifteen years. And, well… I don’t know how well it’s going to go. I’m not rusty at wrestling or anything, but… this is a bigger crowd than I’m used to performing in front of. Odds are good I’m gonna be anxious the whole time trying to get back in the saddle. So just for tonight, stay back here, enjoy the catering, and let me do what I do best without distractions.
Joe and Sid exchange glances.
Joe Fontaine: Not exactly a big fan of this, you know.
Sid Phillips: Yeah. Been a while since we’ve done, you know, nothing. I haven’t even done a powerbomb to someone since UltraViolence. I’m getting withdrawals, man.
Coral Avalon: I know, I know. It’s just for tonight.
Joe Fontaine: I mean, hard to run it back against those berries when you’re not even in the ring to get back into contention. We don’t really want to do what those Love Convoy douchecanoes have been up to.
Coral Avalon: Yeah, I’d prefer you didn’t. Don’t need you doing any war crimes to get title shots.
Sid Phillips: Right. I’d rather commit powerbomb crimes. Well, crimes for powerbombs, not crimes against powerbombs.
Coral Avalon: At least that’s within the realm of professional wrestling. Chocoboarding isn’t. If those idiots try something like that again, then I’m gonna step in.
Sid Phillips: So… just for tonight?
Coral Avalon: Just for tonight.
Once again, the other two members of the Winds of Change – because Coral is a member of the team, too – exchange glances.
Joe Fontaine: Alright. You do this, and then we figure out how to run it back.
Joe puts out his fist. Sid does, too. Coral pauses, and then adds his own fist to the mix.
Coral Avalon: Alright. Let’s get this show on the road.
Coral walks off, and we head back to the ring for some tag team action.