BRO, WHY ARE YOU WEARING PINK WHEN IT’S NOT EVEN VVEDNESDAY, YOU BIMCH?!
The broadcast moves on from the absurd agony that was that last “segment” into something more classy and dignified. Something like a nice, basic backstage interview. The kind where a professional employee picks the brain of a talent right before he steps into the ring, to build interest and intrigue in the battle to come.
In this instance, the camera follows junior interviewer Simon Tillier making his way through the hallways backstage on his way to the Argyle position. Ahead of him, he notices a terse exchange of words between two men.
Scott Hunter: …and besides, there is a high possibility of shenanigans. You don’t want shenanigans, do you??
Kerry Kuroyama: I acknowledge your concerns, Scott. But my mind is made up on the matter.
The Vae Victis tandem of Kerry Kuroyama and Scott Hunter are standing there, facing one another. Kerry is dressed up for action and Scott is dressed down to party.
Scott Hunter: Just take into consideration this. I’m not saying I should find your opponent, place him in a burlap bag and beat him with sugar cane reeds. I only do that on special occasions, like… Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. But if SHE tries anything, I could be right there to stop her!
Kerry Kuroyama: Your heart is in the right place, Scott. I admire the dedication. Really. But the answer is still no.
Simon clears his throat on his approach to gain their attention.
Simon Tillier: Sorry if I’m interrupting, but what seems to be the issue, gentlemen?
Scott Hunter: Hello, I’m Scott Hunter.
Simon Tillier: (sighing) I know who you are, Scott.
Scott Hunter: Oh, right. Okay good, Simon, you are a person who seems to be around us a lot who I have always treated with the utmost respect and kindness. Would you please tell my friend here that Vickie Hall is a crazy goblin jezebel troll faced psycho woman who readily condones nutshots? I have offered my services as his wingman, but he is turning down my offer.
Kerry Kuroyama: I’ll agree that Miss Pancake Ass is not to be taken lightly. But Scott, you don’t negate a distraction with another distraction. Two weeks ago, that Bolamba bastard came out with an entire “army”, yet still fell victim to their bullshit.
Hunter huffs. It’s clear that he’s still in disagreement, but he’s also realizing it’s an unwinnable situation for him. The interviewer does his best to act as mediator.
Simon Tillier: You have admit though, Kerry, your associate Mr. Hunter raises an interesting point of concern, given Vickie Hall’s notorious habit of interfering on the behalf of her “Amazing Life Partner”…
The Emerald Apex nods, conceding to Simon’s point.
Kerry Kuroyama: Believe me, I’m well aware of the risks, Simon. I’m also aware that all of the hard work and effort I’ve put into making it this far can easily be undone by a single, solitary action. All it takes is the ref looking away for one or two seconds. Be as it may, tonight, a precedent needs to be set on how we in Vae Victis operate here in PRIME…
He finds Scott’s eyes, and does his best to get the point across.
Kerry Kuroyama: We fight our own battles. That’s what separates us from the other drek in this company, like the validation-seeking circle jerk that is the Love Convoy. That’s what separates a talent like me from that discount Ryan Gosling, Johnny-Topher. We don’t bring back-up with us to the ring because, quite frankly, we don’t need it. It would be an insult to our collective talent to suggest that any one of us can be bested by the bottom-feeders who rely on shortcuts to get ahead. Bottom-feeders, like the Halls. You feel me, Scott?
The gears grind beneath Hunter’s big, bold, and beautiful mullet of auburn hair. Then, he smiles.
Scott Hunter: You are so wise. You’re like those guys who write the prophecies that end up in fortune cookies. And I didn’t even have to buy dinner first. I got one for free!
Simon Tillier: (ignoring Scott) Still, should either one of the Halls succeed in–
Seattle’s BEAST redirects his burning gaze back upon the interviewer and swiftly interrupts him before he can entertain any more notions of either one of those lowlifes “succeeding” in anything.
Kerry Kuroyama: Let me ask you, Simon… if the Halls advance to the semis tonight, will anyone legitimately believe that they belong there? Anyone at all, outside of themselves?
Simon mulls over the question for a moment before Kerry answers for him with a sharp shake of the head.
Kerry Kuroyama: No. Because their shit is tired and overplayed, as much as a gif of Robert Redford smiling and nodding in approval. Which is why it’s common knowledge that Vickie doesn’t have the confidence that her boy can do the job himself.
The storm in his eyes finds the camera once again.
Kerry Kuroyama: On the other hand, consider me… the Paragon of Professional Wrestling Excellence. If I advance into the final four, joining a collection of champions both past and present, then there will be no disputing where I truly stand in this company. Because for all the shade certain people want to throw at me about being the benefactor of “favoritism” from the front office, I can still say I made it here on my own merits. And wherever I go from here will be no different.
Kerry’s face begins to darken, his sneer widening as his rage escalates.
Kerry Kuroyama: I know that pussy-whipped disgrace to the color pink has me written off as “boring”, along with a litany of other assholes out there with the attention span of eight-year-olds. But when it comes to this sport, I don’t need to entertain anyone to drop a codependent motherfucker on his head until he stops getting up.
Kuroyama draws in a deep breath. You can practically hear the thunder rumbling from within when he lets it out.
Kerry Kuroyama: All I need to be… is LEGIT.
Before leaving the scene, he clasps Scott on the shoulder and gives his understudy a nod to acknowledge his loyalty. Then he steps through the curtain. Alone.
Simon Tillier: Well, Kerry, we’ll leave you to it then. As for you, Scott… any parting words?
Scott Hunter: (thinking) Hmmm… Oh, yes… Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
Simon stares at him for a moment, then turns back to the camera.
Simon Tillier: Well… um… I suppose with that, let’s take things back to Nick and Richard at ringside and see how this unfolds!