CECILWORTH FARTHINGTON and JOE FONTAINE vs. BRANDON YOUNGBLOOD and JUSTINE CALVIN

We return from commercial.

You know things are about to get real when you hear the opening refrain of one song in particular: I DON’T KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME’s “Choke”.

It gets realer when the PRIMEview displays a single name on it.

GLUEMINATI.

The first man that bursts through the curtain isn’t the Financier of the Glueminati, but his new understudy. Joe Fontaine walks out with his hands held out like a T-pose, likely to assert dominance. Behind him is Sid Phillips, man of powerbombs, dressed in an immaculately tailored black suit and sunglasses that gives a very “secret agent” look to him.

As they stand side-by-side, Cecilworth Farthington saunters out with a spring in his step and a song in his heart. Probably “Choke”, the song where he’s happy to watch someone suffocate to death. His enemies, probably. Anyhoodle, after Cecilworth passes by Joe and Sid with slaps on their shoulders, the three of them head towards the ring.

Vince Howard: Ladies and gentlemen, this tag team match is your main event of the evening! Introducing first… accompanied by Sid Phillips… they weigh in tonight at a total combined weight of three-hundred and seventy-two pounds… they represent the GLUEMINATI! THE TEAM OF JOE FONTAINE AND CECILWOOOOOOOOORTH! FARTHINGTOOOOOOOOONNNN!!!

Richard Parker: They’re here, Nick!

Fans in attendance don’t take very kindly to the presence of the Glueminati trio as they make their way down the aisle at a pace best described as “leisurely”. If the threat of their opponents tonight is bothering them, they’re not exactly showing it by their actions. Cecilworth rolls underneath the bottom rope to get into the ring, but Joe and Sid walk around the ring. Joe is soaking up the scorn of the crowd like a sponge, while Sid seems much more ambivalent about all of it. 

Joe enters the ring from the opposite end, jumping up onto the apron and slingshotting himself inside. Sid remains on the outside, pacing back and forth, clearly unsure of what to do with himself in a situation where he’s not in there teaming with Joe.

Nick Stuart: It’s astonishing to me that Joe Fontaine and Sid Phillips can even show their faces around here after the stunt they pulled on the last ReVival.

Richard Parker: What do you mean? They did what anyone in their situation would do. They listened to the beautiful words of Cecilworth Farthington, and they bought their stock in glue futures.

The arena lights darken save for a purple spotlight over the entrance.

Oh, misty eye of the mountain below

The first droning words of Jonathan Young’s cover of “I See Fire” hit the speakers as the PRIMEview flashes to life. The image it shows looks like old parchment. Line by line the silhouettes of vanquished teams appear, not unlike an ancient wood carving or ole time wanted poster. Fighting For Nora. The Winds of Change. The Masters of the Multiverse. The Love Convoy. The Dangerous Mix. Each sketched onto the surface before the paper catches fire and a name is revealed.

EMINENCE

From out of frame a wind blows the ashes away revealing a second line beneath.

Kings of the ever after

Vince Howard: From Boston, Massachusetts and weighing in tonight at one hundred and twenty-three pounds…

Flanked by her partner, Justine Calvin steps out onto the stage. Hard eyes and a single loose strand of hair peek out beneath her hood as she makes her way to the ring. Both hands are taped white, though a single line of black adorns her left ring finger. A long, sleeveless ring jacket drifts behind her in her wake.

Vince Howard: She is one half of THE undefeated “forever tag team champions”…

Suck it, Joe Fontaine. Suck it from the back.

Vince Howard: She is “High Caliber” JUSTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE CAL-VIIIIIIIIIIIN!!

She steps into the ring and removes her entrance gear, revealing her half of the now-defunct Tag Team championships beneath. It’s a move designed to get a reaction from one very specific person.

Nick Stuart: We’ve already seen both Calvin and Sykes get a bit of revenge against Ivan Stanislav earlier this evening, and we know that there’s a long-standing friendship there with Coral Avalon, so you have to assume she has another debt to settle tonight.

Richard Parker: Revenge, huh? That’s an interesting way of saying “attempted fork-hicular manslaughter.” These two should both be arrested for crimes and indicted. For crimes. Also I’m pretty sure neither of them have their OSHA cert yet. That might also be a crime.

Nick Stuart: Let’s be real, RIchard, if we started arresting people for things that happen here then none of us would have jobs.

Richard Parker: Huh. Good point. Well, in that case, maybe then can run over Joe Fontaine. I’ve had conversations with that man, so I’m not saying I’d approve of it, but I would understand.

There’s a brief exchange between Sykes and Calvin before the former slides his hands into the pockets of his sweatshirt and leans against the ringpost on the arena floor. The Arena darkens again. The shift in ambiance has the fans rise to their feet, the sound rising. And then, cutting through it all, The Battlecry.

BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD

SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE

LET THE GALAXY BURN

From the very start of Bloodsport (World Domination) by HEALTH, Brandon Youngblood surges from the curtain and into the well of sound filling the arena. Through the blinding blue and white strobing light cutting through the darkness, the Tower of Babel powerwalks, his eyes trained forward, an oppressive scowl of intensity a hallmark painting his face.

Richard Parker: I hope Farthington eats him alive.  

Nick Stuart: Eats him? 

Richard Parker: Just like Phil did, kick him in the face, and choke him out. 

His shoulders sway with the bravado of his BMF walk, a spotlight lighting his path. The 2022 Wrestler of the Year is quick down the ramp, his gait swinging him around the arena floor, to the ring steps. There is no slowdown as his feet pound the steel, stepping between the ropes and exploding upright. Once inside, he begins pacing around the outside perimeter of the ring, his eyes locking toward the curtain, all as Vince Howard makes his announcement.

Vince Howard: Introducing last…hailing from Bandera, Texas by way of Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada… weighing in at 265 pounds… he is…THE DIIIIIIAMOND! OF THE REVIVAL! THE UNIVERSAL CHAMPION! BRAAAAAAAANDON! YOUNGBLOOOOOOOOOD!

The lights return, and as they do, the Suplex Daddy readies himself in an amateur stance, his hands on his thighs, a snarl of disdain curling his lips. If looks could kill, the next person out is already dead.

Nick Stuart: What a main event we have for you here on ReVival 30! 

DING DING

Nick Stuart: And here we go! 

Youngblood and Calvin confer, while Joe and Farthington do the same. Sid Phillips is included in the huddle between the three men, the same for Jared as Sykes is in the huddle between Calvin and Youngblood. 

Richard Parker: Get Sykes out of here! What’s he have to do with any of this! 

Nick Stuart: You could say the same for Sid. 

Richard Parker: Sid would struggle tying his shoes without Joe around, Nick. All he does is Powerbomb. Joe has to make sure he’s alright. 

Calvin steps away from the group, as does Cecilworth Farthington. He looks across the ring and grins as Justine readies herself into a boxing stance. The two square off, Calvin takes a swing with a straight left, but Fontaine ducks out of the way and goes in for a leg. Calvin swings downwards with a right hand, while trying to hop on her back leg. 

Richard Parker: Look, Farthington has talked so much sense into Fontaine he stopped letting Calvin punch him in the face. 

Justine Calvin then punches Joe Fontaine in the face. 

Richard Parker: I spoke too soon. 

Joe grimaces, but keeps the single leg and drives Calvin into the ropes. Jimmy Turnbull steps in between the two, and backs Joe away. Justine goes to step away from the rope, and Sid Phillips holds onto her leg. Justine, shocked, turns towards Sid and kicks him away, but turns around into a big roaring elbow from Joe Fontaine. 

Nick Stuart: What was that!?

Richard Parker: What are you even talking about? 

Nick Stuart: Sid Phillips grabbed Justine’s leg. 

Richard Parker: She entered the powerbomb range, that was just a reaction. Totally innocent. 

Calvin is floored, and Joe Fontaine goes after Justine, but Calvin lunges over and tags in The Universal Champion.

Richard Parker: Oh shit. 

Joe Fontaine says the exact same thing. It actually kinda looked like Richard Parker’s voice was coming out of Joe Fontaine’s stupid mouth. The Universal Champion charges forward and picks Fontaine up around the waist, and drives him to the canvas with a shoulder tackle. Fontaine is frantically scrambling away from Youngblood, and turns towards his corner. Cecilworth Farthington looks down at Joe Fontaine’s outstretched hand, Farthington tags in and takes a huge swing for Youngblood’s face. 

Nick Stuart: Woah! 

Richard Parker: GET HIM! 

Youngblood ducks under the penalty kick attempt and turns around, snarling at Farthington. On the outside of the ring, Jared Sykes has started to shout at Sid Phillips. Repeatedly pointing his left arm at Sid and yelling. Phillips begins to walk towards him. 

Nick Stuart: A lot going on here. 

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Richard Parker: YES! 

FLAMBERGE has arrived. 

The young frenchman stands at the top of the ramp, smirking down towards the ring. He begins his slow march down, finally Youngblood see’s FLAMBERGE out of the corner of his eye. Calvin blocks off the side of the ring to the Neck Collector, but FLAMBERGE begins to stalk Jared Sykes outside the ring. Pinning him between Sid Phillips, the crowd, and himself. Inside the ring Farthington takes a swipe at Youngblood’s leg, but Youngblood manages to see it just in time and backs away. 

Nick Stuart: What is FLAMBERGE doing out here? 

Richard Parker: Stopping Sykes from interfering. CLEARLY! 

Nick Stuart: Where’s the other rat? Where’s Best’s kid? He’s around here somewhere. 

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~! 

Richard Parker: WHAT’S HE DOING HERE!?

Coral Avalon steps from the back and the arena explodes. He comes jogging down to ringside, and starts walking towards Sid Phillips. Avalon begins pointing towards Sid and shouting at Joe Fontaine. 

Nick Stuart: Coral Avalon is telling those kids they have officially made a BIG mistake! 

Youngblood ignores the chaos outside the ring. Farthington and Youngblood, the two men stare each other down. Youngblood charges in, Farthington spins away effortlessly, Youngblood left snarling while Farthington grins. Farthington holds his hand out, and taunts Youngblood in. 

Richard Parker: GO TO HIM BRANDON! 

Youngblood charges forward again, Farthington ducks and Youngblood winds up in the corner. Joe Fontaine starts smashing Youngblood with forearms in the corner, while Turnbull comes over trying to get some control. Farthington stands back, smiling while Fontaine smashes Youngblood with another elbow. 

Nick Stuart: BIG MISTAKE! 

Youngblood reaches out and grabs Joe Fontaine by the throat. He shoves Fontaine away, leaving Fontaine swinging his arms into the colossal arm of Brandon Youngblood. Tyler Adrian Best makes his appearance at the top of the entrance ramp. 

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Richard Parker: Finally! His Dad must have been giving him some great advice on how to handle this situation. Or Farthington. Or Troy. Or even Dan Ryan. Maybe it was all of them. Maybe all of them gave this man the advice. 

Tyler Adrian Best jogs his way down the ramp. Brandon Youngblood knows. He shoves Fontaine off the apron. Joe falls and lands on Jared Sykes as Youngblood takes off like a missile, sliding under the far ropes. Jimmy Turnbull immediately calls for the bell. 

DING DING DING 

Nick Stuart: This needs to come to an end. Right now. Turnbull is right. 

Youngblood and TAB collide at the base of the ramp. Right hands and left hands, back and forth. Fontaine lands on Sykes, who immediately starts swinging. Justine Calvin dives into the fray, spearing Joe Fontaine out of the way of Sykes’ right hand, and crashes into Sid Phillips. Sid staggers backwards, and Coral spins Sid around and starts unloading. Farthington slides through the ropes and smashes Coral into the guard rail. 

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! 

Ivan Stanislav steps over the guard rail from the crowd, behind Jared Sykes. Sykes backs away from the fray and directly into the massive Russian’s chest. Sykes’ eyes get very, very, very large. 

DING DING DING 

Ivan Stanislav: DYAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA~! 

Stanislav throws Sykes forward into the ring apron. 

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!! 

Hayes Hanlon comes roaring down to ringside at a breakneck pace, followed by Nate Colton. Hanlon beelines to Youngblood and TAB, while Colton heads for FLAMBERGE who has started to pull Justine Calvin off of the Winds of Change. 

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! 

DING DING DING 

Richard Parker: Oh. My. God. 

Nick Stuart: HA! HAHAHAAHAHA! 

Cancer Jiles appears at the top of the ramp. With a birthday hat on. He shrugs and just simply watches the chaos. 

DING DING DING 

Richard Parker: Jesus, I thought he was going to pick a side or something. 

Nick Stuart: Yeah, right. 

Richard Parker: I almost had to cheer for him Nick. I almost had to. I don’t know what I’d do if I had to like Jiles. 

Nick Stuart: I’m… I don’t… I don’t… I don’t know what to say Richard. 

DING DING DING 

TAB manages to fight his way down to ringside. Finally, Brandon Youngblood manages to wrap his arms around TAB, and lifts him, spinning him over with a huge spinebuster on the arena floor. But from behind, FLAMBERGE smashes into him with a kick to the back of the head, sending him down. Hayes Hanlon starts throwing right hands at FLAMBERGE while TAB and Youngblood take their time getting up. 

Richard Parker: Oh, I think Sykes just got yeeted from the floor to the ring. 

DING DING DING 

Stanislav stomps towards Calvin, when finally Wade, Dam, and The Enemigos swarm ringside. An entire swarm of security follows them down after, and immediately surrounds Ivan Stanislav. The GLUEMINATI regroups, while Colton, Hanlon, Youngblood, Sykes, Calvin, and Avalon do the same on the other side of the ring. 

Nick Stuart: Well, that’s all the time we have for this evening! Tune in, two weeks! Tropical Turmoil!