CHANDLER TSONDA VS. ANNA DANIELS
Nick Stuart: All right, coming up next is a match that should really set the ring on fire!
Richard Parker: Metaphorically speaking. We don’t want to be unclear.
Nick Stuart: Chandler Tsonda has been hitting his stride lately, winning the Alias Championship off of Tony Gamble. Meanwhile Anna Daniels is on a four match losing streak after winning the Intense Championship from Paxton Ray. Will Anna get back on track, or will Chandler Tsonda give them five losses in a row? Let’s find out!
“I said ‘kiss me, you’re beautiful’
These are truly the last days'”
The weathered voice from the beginning of Godspeed You! Black Emperor’s “Dead Flag Blues” fades into the short acoustic section that begins Coheed & Cambria’s “Welcome Home.” After twelve seconds, the guitars thunder in and start to kick ass, as gold and green pyro goes off in perfect timing with the power riffs.
As the PRIME*View displays the words “Model Citizen” in white over a black background, Tsonda swaggers out from behind the curtain. He soaks up the fan’s reaction at the top of the ramp, smirk painted across his face. And amidst the haze of pyro, smoke, and green & gold lights, he sprints to the ring, slides in under the bottom rope, and finally acknowledges his opponent. Tsonda bounces on his toes, mouthing something that’s inaudible to anyone but him.
Following him, “A Darkness in My Soul” by Solid Space plays, and Anna Daniels emerges. The Muse surveys the crowd before slowly walking towards the ring. As they near the apron, they look up at Chandler Tsonda, emotionlessly taking them in.
Daniels rolls under the ring ropes, bouncing up and pulling on the ropes. They walk around the ring, keeping their eyes on Tsonda. Finally, they settle near the middle of the ring.
Nick Stuart: Here we are in the penultimate Almasy tournament match of the night, and it should be a great one. Daniels, a former Intense Champion, trying to get a big win over the current Alias Champion Chandler Tsonda.
Daniels is first to go on the offensive, as she rushes in with a forearm, sending Tsonda back. He stands his ground and hits them back with a forearm of his own. They trade blows back and forth until the larger Tsonda takes control, leading Daniels into a turnbuckle and delivering an elbow to their face in the corner. Daniels is dazed, and even more so when the Model Citizen grabs Daniels’ head and slams it into the turnbuckle.
Nick Stuart: Brawling start for both competitors. Tsonda wants to weaken Daniels early on so he can apply his weight advantage, which is something he doesn’t typically have on his opponents.
Richard Parker: How much do you think the rest of the Multitudes weigh?
Nick Stuart: What?
Richard Parker: Well, if we count everyone that is inside of Anna Daniels, it’s not that much of a disadvantage. In fact I’d say they weigh much more than Tsonda.
Nick Stuart: That’s not how it works, I think.
Daniels stumbles out of the turnbuckle where Tsonda is waiting. He picks her up and dumps her onto the canvas in a body slam.
Richard Parker: OH MY GOD WHAT STRENGTH FROM TSONDA!
Nick Stuart: What are you talking about? Daniels is only – oh I get it.
Richard Parker: The most impressive feat I’ve ever seen!
Tsonda, oblivious to Parker snark, presses his advantage on Daniels, who rolls over in an attempt to push themselves to their feet. Tsonda grabs Daniels’ head and slams it back on the mat, then quickly rolls them over for a pinfall.
Nick Stuart: And a quick kickout from Anna.
Richard Parker: Well yeah, hard to keep all that weight down for three seconds.
Nick Stuart: I understand the joke you’re going for, but you’re getting dangerously close to saying something offensive.
Richard Parker: Heaven forbid!
Tsonda rolls Daniels to their feet and leans them against the ropes, then Irish whips them into the other side. Daniels comes back and ducks under a clothesline attempt, then hits the other ropes and rushes back at Tsonda. The Model Citizen is ready and leaps into the air over Daniels, then turns around just in time to bend over and send Daniels into the air for a back body drop.
Or at least that was the intention. Daniels lands on their feet, then turns around. Tsonda turns around to meet their gaze, and the fans cheer in response to the spectacle.
Nick Stuart: What a great display of athleticism! Both competitors trying to get an advantage, but here we are, back to square one!
Richard Parker: Both are probably a little winded after that display, though.
If they are, there is no sign of it, as they once again approach each other. Daniels goes for a kick, but Tsonda dodges and sends his own kick to Daniels’ knee. The Muse attempts another kick but the process repeats, once and then twice. Daniels appears to learn their lesson, as they send one more kick, but feign at the last second, moving in the same direction as Tsonda does and delivering an elbow to his face.
Nick Stuart: Daniels fighting Tsonda back here, and you have to think they are really motivated by the bounty aspect of this match. If they win, not only do they move on in the Almasy, but they also get a title shot for the Alias Title!
Tsonda covers his beautiful face and stumbles backward, trying to check for loose or missing teeth. Daniels sees an opportunity and grabs Tsonda’s head and slams him back in a reverse DDT. They don’t immediately go for the cover. They look down for a second before running towards the corner and climbing up, then springing back in a corkscrew shooting star press, landing with an elbow drop.
Nick Stuart: Cake or death! What a move, and there’s the cover!
Tsonda kicks out.
Nick Stuart: Wow, kickout there but Daniels is going for the big hitters early! They really want this win and this bounty!
Richard Parker: Uh huh, and? You think Tsonda’s just like “welp, I don’t really want to win”?
Nick Stuart: That’s not what I…
Richard Parker: “Hello, I’m Chandler Tsonda, PRIME wrestler and pretty face. I am in the most competitive federation in the world, but I actually would prefer to smooch myself in a mirror than win wrestling matches.” Is that what you think he’s saying?
Nick Stuart: …what?
Daniels, all of the momentum on their side, decides to remain in a seated position. They scoot over to the fallen Tsonda and grab their neck, wrenching on them in a side headlock. Tsonda groans in pain, but quickly braces his legs so that he can stand, taking Daniels with him. Tsonda slaps Daniels on the back to try and release the hold, but The Time Lord does not comply. They wrench on the hold for a bit longer. Tsonda walks towards the corner, then leans against the ropes there and tries to run. The problem is that it’s hard to run without your head, so he only gets a few steps before bending over as Daniels continues to apply the headlock.
Nick Stuart: The Muse won’t let go!
Richard Parker: Well, Tsonda sort of brought this on himself with his new stipulation. He wants to set random time limits on defenses? He’s basically asking who the best wrestler is, and I think his opponents will see that as a challenge!
Nick Stuart: That was an incredibly astute observation, Richard.
Richard Parker: Also this headlock has to hurt, that’s like 10000 pounds of force on his neck!
Nick Stuart: There it is.
Tsonda is getting a little desperate here. Not only does he need his head to run, but he needs it to do a lot of other things too. In fact, there is likely only a 2% chance he wins this match without his head. So now he begins to fling his arms wildly, connecting with Daniels’ torso in an attempt to get them to loosen their grip. It works, at least somewhat: Daniels dips their elbow slightly to try and block the swings. And this is when Tsonda uses his weight to roll, causing both competitors to fall to the ground. Tsonda rolls through, breaking the lock and getting to his feet. He then immediately sends a sliding dropkick to Daniels’ face.
Nick Stuart: Fantastic move by Tsonda! He worked to found an opening and it ended with a beautiful dropkick!
Richard Parker: Looks like the damage may have been done, though. He’s favoring his neck!
Indeed, Tsonda stands up, grabbing his neck, and the pain is enough to get him to fall to one knee. This allows Daniels to start to get to their feet. They both turn and see each other at the same time and think the same thought, as they both rush in for a double clothesline. Both connect with the move, leaving Tsonda and Daniels on the ground.
Nick Stuart: They both had the same idea, and now both are knocked down!
Richard Parker: Wait, if they had the same idea, does that mean Chandler Tsonda is part of the Multitudes too? Is she going to assimilate him?
Nick Stuart: What are you talking about?
Richard Parker: I don’t like the handsome cocky prick, but I don’t want him getting absorbed into Anna! Go Chandler! Fight back the Borg!
Anna Daniels and Chandler Tsonda begin to stir, but neither seems ready to get to their feet. Timo Bolamba looks down on both, then begins to make the count.
Nick Stuart: This is when you find out who really wants this, Richard. A spot in the next round on the line, a future shot at the Alias title for Daniels if they win. Each person here needs to dig deep and find something in themselves to pull themselves to victory.
Richard Parker: Luckily for Daniels, they have a lot of someones in themselves, so that will give them the advantage.
Chandler rolls to his stomach, then immediately grabs his neck with one hand and his back with the other. Daniels is on their knees now, head still on the canvas.
Nick Stuart: Tsonda looks gassed now! It’s easy to forget but he’s 47 years old, and sometimes the body doesn’t hold up in grueling matches like this!
Richard Parker: And? Ivan is a hundred years old and is our Universal Champion! Age is just a number, tough it out model boy!
Finally, both wrestlers start to move a little. Tsonda grabs the ropes and tugs on them, trying to get to his feet. Daniels gets their feet under them and starts to stand slowly.
Timo calls off the count as Daniels stands up, working out their neck, and Tsonda leans against the ropes, staring at Daniels. Both of them share a look and nod. The fans pick up on this mutual respect and begin to cheer.
Nick Stuart: These two have given everything so far! Both need this victory! And here we are, everything on the line! Let’s go!
Again the two approach each other, albeit this time much slower. Daniels is the first to get their hands up, and those hands go directly into Tsonda’s face. Two quick punches stagger him, and a third cause him to stumble back. His back is to them, and The Muse walks towards him, and folks, this is where the fun stuff happens.
Nick Stuart: Daniels has Tsonda from behind, looking for the Blue Tardis Bomb! He’s lifted up…no! He flips and lands behind Daniels! Daniels turns around to a boot from Tsonda, and now he’s lifting them up…is this the Narcissist’s Noose? No!
Richard Parker: Holy quick counters, Batman!
Nick Stuart: Daniels slips free! They sweep Tsonda down! Tsonda trying to get up, but Daniels is there! They’re looking for the curb stomp–NO!
Tsonda stands up and elbows Daniels, then grabs their head and runs to the turnbuckle.
Nick Stuart: Tsonda has Daniels! This looks like the Runway Vault! He runs up the turnbuckle – WOAH!
Nick Stuart: Daniels just used Tsonda’s momentum to send him crashing into the ring! He’s down and he looks hurt! And Daniels looks ready to deliver the punt heard round the world!
After all that countering and an actual move being landed (thrown?), Daniels sizes up the Model Citizen as he tries to get to his feet. They gear back and deliver the Brazilian kick that has laid waste to many an opponent.
Nick Stuart: Here it comes! Interroban–NO!
Richard Parker: More like Inter-NO-bang, am I right?
Nick Stuart: Not now, Richard! Tsonda delivers another kick, and he’s going for the Runway Vault again!
If you were a blind man, you’d hear the same noise you heard before:
And you would think the same result happened. That Daniels tossed Tsonda in the ring again. But instead, you hear a little extra cheer behind it, and if you really needed more clue, here comes Nick to explain.
Nick Stuart: HE HIT IT! RUNWAY VAULT! He’s got some energy now, he leaps to the top…THE MODEL CITIZEN! HE CONNECTS! TIMO IS DOWN FOR THE PINFALL!
DING DING DING!
Vince Howard: Your winner, and moving on in the Almasy Tournament…CHAAAAANDLEEERRRRR TSSOOOOOOOOOONDA!
Nick Stuart: Well, Anna Daniels was game tonight, and really took it to The Model Citizen, but the former Universal Champion gave it everything he had to come out on top.
Richard Parker: Very impressive for Tsonda to win what was essentially a 1000 vs 1 handicap match.
Nick Stuart: (sighing) Let’s go backstage.