COGNITIVE DISSONANCE

Foster Nackedy is standing in front of a camera, but this isn’t a normal backstage segment where he’s being caught in some action. No, instead he is staring right into the camera. His posture is impeccable, his disco helmet strapped tight. It’s promo cutting time!

Foster Nackedy: I tried to get a meeting with Lindsay Troy tonight, but she was a little too busy for me. Makes sense. She was too busy last show to tell me I wasn’t allowed in the building. Had to send her security oaf to do it. 

Foster looks over his shoulder, because as mad as he is, he isn’t dumb and he knows that Dam could be lurking. When he is satisfied that he won’t be thrown against a wall for his comments, he continues. 

Foster Nackedy: Listen, I know that we do this song and dance, right? The obnoxious manager to the Murder Man that everyone hates is going to naturally say things to make people mad, pretending to have cognitive dissonance and ignoring that I am in fact a shitbird who might deserve the things that happen to me and my client. And Troy will snort a lot and make pithy comments and everyone will eat it up like…I was going to list a regional food but we’re in Cleveland, so they’re going to eat it up like literal shit. 

A few fans boo, and Foster has the presence of mind to not smile at his attempt for cheap heat.

Foster Nackedy: But what I’m saying right now is not one of those dance numbers. Kicking me out of last show was big, and it wasn’t okay. It allowed that piece of shit Anglo to jump my guy and shock him with thousands of volts. And for everything I said before, the real cognitive dissonance is Lindsay Troy pretending that what happened to Paxton Ray is fine just because he may have done a few bad things in the past. 

Someone is surely yelling at the tv about Paxton paralyzing a man, but Foster cannot hear that person and so he rambles on. 

Foster Nackedy: I get it. Lindsay Troy loved Jonathan Rhine. And she probably likes Tom too, although for the life of me I can’t see why. And she hates me and Pax, and we’ve definitely earned that hate. So all of that means she will basically laugh at the notion that keeping me out of ReV 33 was unfair and dangerous to one of her employees. And all of that is fine. Do you know why?

He smiles, leaning closer to the camera. 

Foster Nackedy: Because I do not have cognitive dissonance. I am a bad man. The man I represent is worse. So if you want to ignore us, if you want to put us in bad positions that endanger us, fine. Just remember that you did it. Remember it for whatever comes next. 

Foster turns and walks off camera as the announcers interject. 

Nick Stuart: That sounded ominous, Richard. 

Richard Parker: Sure, but what is he going to do? He can’t hurt anyone because of his weird concussion helmet, and Paxton Ray isn’t even at the show tonight! Just sounds like blustering from a sore loser. 

We then cut… elsewhere.