COMMERCIAL: CECILWORTH FARTHINGTON WAR GAMES TEAM
We find ourselves in an undisclosed location in the Keybank Arena. The location is undisclosed due to uncertainty issues of the location rather than some form of security protocol.
In it we find the master of running it up, the current PRIME Five Star Champion, Cecilworth Farthington. The shot is a simple affair of Cecilworth standing afront a black curtain, but also for some reason there’s a wheelchair to his side. The wheelchair is empty, but due to the lack of deep Scottish gurgles and screams of agony, it is safe to assume that we have not found ourselves in another one of those forking situations that the kids are up to these days.
To make it clear why we found ourselves in Cecilworth’s company, he is wearing a “Captain” armband on his left arm.
Also another one on his right arm.
Just to make it clear from both directions.
Cecilworth Farthington: Hello sharks, thank you for affording me the time today to share with you my great new idea, a War Games team that wheely is the best! I have put together a team of some real wheelchair fetishists and sickos, and that is the exact kind of unhinged lunacy that I know from experience is required for War Games glory. Or at least a good showing!
Cecilworth looks down at the chair and back to the camera.
Cecilworth Farthington: The chair is here as… a metaphor? Sure, that’s it. It provides the kind of edge that my team needs.
Cecilworth claps his hands together and refocuses to the camera.
Cecilworth Farthington: Anyhoo, here’s the sweet deets on the team that can’t be beat! In one case, literally. That’s right, I got my good close personal friend, the Universal Champion, the man whose brain is controlled by some sort of Phil Atken lizard… meaning he’s got a wheelchair lizard in his brain… it’s FLAMBERGE!
Cecilworth pauses for the applause and roars of the crowd he anticipates even though this is clearly, clearly pre-recorded.
Cecilworth Farthington: Well, exactly, I agree with you! Joining myself, a man who stabbed a fork into a wheelyman, and the one that has him in the brain, is none other than my other very close personal friend, the best mustache in the history of PRIME, a former Universal champion in his own right, twice over… HAYES HANLON! His connection to wheelchairs is… well… I guess Phil covers that too. Maybe I didn’t think this all the way through.
Cecilworth stops for a second to consider rethinking his bit, but decides it’s best not to back down, much better to double down.
Cecilworth Farthington: Alongside my sticky brethren on Team Name To Be Confirmed, I have selected someone who probably had a version of themselves that existed in a wheelchair at some point now or in the future, and then likely solved or will solve mysteries… Anna Daniels!
Cecilworth mutters “or was that the Burger King Kids Club?” to himself.
Cecilworth Farthington: Okay, circling back to making this whole pitch totally work, I have a man who knows what it’s like to confine their enemies to spinny medical devices, a man who has forced another human to live a life on immense agony, and that’s why he’s a gem… it’s Paxton Ray!
Cecilworth stops for a second, and considers that he may live to regret that choice but he’s not going to let those negative nancies in his brain skull dissuade him from such an excellent idea.
Cecilworth Farthington: Finally, to complete this beautiful ensemble, I looked to a man who cares so little for his body, he’s bound to be bonded to a wheels-like structure within the next five years, a man that I know will relish the opportunity to inflict as much pain onto eighteen others as he can manage, a wildcard that I mercifully don’t have to worry about… probably… SAGE PONTIFF!
Cecilworth starts to celebrate and applaud his own picks.
Cecilworth Farthington: Truly wonderful stuff! Not a hinged person amongst them.
Cecilworth looks down at the wheelchair one last time, and then returns to face the camera, his aloof smug face has been replaced with more of a scowl.
Cecilworth Farthington: The rest of you are all going to die, if we’re merciful.
The scowl immediately returns to the generally smuggins demeanor of the Five Star Champion.
Cecilworth Farthington: I think we can all agree I done did a great job. Now back to the show, because I think this was a commercial?
The camera cuts to ringside.